Name: JRE MMA Show #74 with Brendan Schaub
Uploaded: 2019-08-08T04:01:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'JRE MMA Show #74 with Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-08-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'JRE MMA Show #74 with Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-08-08. Transcript available.

JRE MMA Show #74 with Brendan Schaub

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, no whiskey, bro.
Do you want some?
Yeah, hell yeah.
Do you want a drink?
Yeah.
Really?
Why not, bro?
You've had a long day.
Okay, let's day drink.
Yeah, let's get a little.
Okay.
Why not?
No, you guys talk, I'll get it.
Okay, Jamie's going to get the booze.
Look at that.
Jamie leaves the salon to get the booze.
Thank you, Jamie.
Real pro.
Get some ice, too.
Beautiful.
So, a lot of fucking shit going on, man.
A lot of shit going on.
How about that Colby Covington fella, huh?
Bro.
Dude, everybody better shut the fuck up now.
He's for real.
He's for real.
Anybody who didn't think he was for real after that Robbie Lawler fight, you
got to go, wow.
Well, the problem is, is he talks so much shit, which I find hilarious.
And it's, you're tuning in to watch him lose.
Yeah.
Which is, he's doing it right.
Because, in all honesty, we like him because we're balls deep in UFC and MMA.
But, like, my brother, who's not that big of a fan, is like, this is all he
does?
I'm like, I know.
You got to understand, though.
What he's doing to this guy is amazing.
And he's going to do it for five rounds for 25 minutes.
To me, it's fascinating.
It is fascinating.
But it's not entertaining for a general fan, typically.
He's not knocking dudes out.
Not a lot of submissions.
I see what you're saying.
You know what I'm saying?
So, for the general fan, like, oh, and this guy talks all this shit, but he's
doing it right.
Because he's talking all that shit.
You're like, dude, I want to see this guy get fucked up.
Even Jon Jones posted, you let everyone down.
You know, like, Robbie Lawler let everybody down.
You know what I'm saying?
Because he wants, everybody wants Colby to lose.
Right.
Colby's doing exact, everyone's playing into his game plan.
I love it.
Well, that's how Floyd Mayweather became so rich.
Floyd Mayweather did not become so rich because his fights are so exciting.
His fights in his early career were way more exciting.
He was a savage early on.
He could go forward.
Put himself at risk.
But he broke his hands a bunch of times.
Correct.
And, you know, and also realized, like, this is not the way to have a long
career and walk
out of it with all your brains intact.
Well, think how good Jon Fitch was.
Oh, yeah.
He was a monster.
Sure.
Nice guy.
True professional.
Beat some of the very best.
Was tough to beat.
Didn't talk shit, though.
So no one really cared.
So as soon as he had some issues, remember he was like, hey, I don't like the
way my face
looks in that video game.
UFC was like, cool, you're cut.
Like, what the fuck?
I'm 20-0, man.
Yeah, I think they cut him just because of.
But either one of those is good.
This is all we have in this room.
We have a bunch of that.
What's the Buffalo Trace?
Do we have Buffalo Trace in the back?
I don't trust skinny bottles.
Yeah, it seems weird, right?
Yeah.
It's for girls.
Don't trust skinny girls or skinny bottles, bro.
Canadian whiskey and maple syrup.
No, can't do maple.
I'm keto, bro.
Are you really?
Straight keto.
Are you?
When did that happen?
I sent you and Brian a text.
Your boy was up to 273.
Dude, you got to 273?
What were you eating?
Road live, Doug.
Road dog.
Road live.
Because when I get into towns and there's all this, you know, if you're in
Nashville or in Philly, there's great food.
So I was just eating and drinking at night.
And no one said anything to me.
I hear you.
No one said anything?
No.
And then I remember I went to Hawaii.
I went to Hawaii.
I was looking at the other dads.
I'm like, damn, these dads are in shape.
I look like shit.
And my girl's like, no, you look fine.
Everyone was lying, man.
Now you got on the scale.
It's not fine.
Your boy's been keto for 14 days.
I feel great.
14 days.
14 days.
Strict, bro.
This is going to knock you out of keto anyway, though.
This is whiskey.
There's no sugar in whiskey.
There's not?
Nope.
It's alcohol.
But there's no sugar in it.
But alcohol doesn't convert to...
Cheers, my brother.
Cheers, brother.
Good to see you, man.
Good to see you, too.
Alcohol doesn't convert into sugar?
I don't think so.
Especially whiskey.
Because whiskey and vodka are safe on ketogenic diet.
Oh.
Woo.
Yeah, it's two in the afternoon, bro.
Yeah.
Two in the afternoon.
Bonafide alcoholic now.
Day drinking.
I'm like a super shitty rumite.
It's fun to drink a little bit before a show, right?
Ah, nothing better, man.
You started me on it.
I'm like, I feel good up here.
I'm messing around.
Yeah, you get loose.
Yeah.
You don't want to be tight.
Definitely don't want to be tight.
No, you don't want to drink your problem either.
The Kobe Covington thing is, look, what he did, if you want to put it in
perspective for a regular person,
Robbie Lawler is one of the biggest fucking savages to ever compete in a sport.
He's an animal.
And Kobe shut him down.
He shut everything down.
He shut his entire game down.
And he did it with an unprecedented work rate.
He made, he was punching one punch every two seconds.
Nuts.
Which is nuts.
I mean, that is, to do that over five fucking rounds against one of the
greatest welterweights of all time,
Robbie Lawler, and win every single fucking round.
Some 10-8 rounds, I thought.
Yeah, for sure.
I was like, oh, this isn't even close.
Yeah, I mean, not even close.
I mean, Robbie occasionally would swing and connect, and then Kobe would
immediately hit him three or four times more,
and then take him down or clinch with him and beat him up.
And it was amazing.
Kobe striking is not terrible either.
It's very good.
He looked pretty damn good.
It's very technical, and the volume is incredible.
But here's my thing.
If I'm fighting Kobe, like if I'm Carmelo Usman, if I'm fighting Kobe, I'm
getting a guy like Cam Haynes.
If I see my opponent running with Cam Haynes, I'm reaching out to another ultramarathoner,
figuring it out.
Well, Kamaru can't run.
That's right.
He can't do road work.
His knees are fucked up.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
It's not getting any better.
His knees are mangled.
But he's doing something, right?
Well, his cardio is off the charts, too, but it's just he does different things.
You can do a lot of different things to work your cardio.
Swimming and stuff?
Sure.
Swimming.
You can do a lot of-
The row.
Yeah.
The assault bike.
You know, that echo bike that Rogue makes.
That is as good as fucking anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, that peloton.
I feel like it's lying to me.
I work out every morning on that thing.
I've never been thicker.
Yeah, but you're eating like an animal.
Still, it says I burned 1,000 calories.
You probably ate 4,000.
Dude, I don't think so, man.
I'm telling you, I think it's a little shit.
I see those food truck diaries.
You need to stop lying.
Dude, no.
Those food truck diaries.
You're going hard in those food truck diaries.
I'm going hard in the-
And I'm the only one eating, if you notice.
Yeah, because the guest is talking.
So, tell me how you got started.
Lobster fucking sandwiches and shit.
He eats a non-stop.
Yeah, you're going hard.
Yeah, you're going hard.
Yeah, no shit right here.
You're 270.
Yeah, that's what happens, man.
I can't find a heavyweight right now, man.
That's what happens.
You're going hard.
But if I'm a Camaro, obviously, cardio is not a problem for him.
But, man, Colby, have you ever seen him tired?
Ever?
No.
No.
No.
I mean, he had that one loss in the UFC, but that was particularly because he
came into
the fight injured, took the fight on short notice.
But he's got an amazing style.
That style of wrestling and striking.
And as a person who's fascinated by tactics, right?
Yeah.
Like, his tactics are incredible.
Because he's got great discipline to never, he never bites down his mouthpiece
and throws
as hard as he can.
Never.
Everything is, like, calculated, the output is all the same.
It's just constant, constant.
Bang, bang, bang, kick, bang, bang, bang, punch, bang, bang, bang, bang.
He doesn't even really fire power shots.
Like, he's like, oh, no, this is a marathon.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, I'm going to weird your ass out.
Everything is just, it's all the same pace.
It's all, he's just constantly hitting you, constantly moving forward, constant
volume.
And it seemed like Robbie was waiting for him to pause in front of him.
Or get a little tired so he could fire shots off.
And the bobbin' and weavin' that Robbie was doing, like, what was all that
about?
He had to be tired.
I mean, I guess so.
Doing all that bobbin' and weavin' like, tiresome.
I was like, damn.
That's rough on the core.
Yeah, man.
That's rough on the core.
Try bobbin' and weavin' for a minute.
If you're at home, just try doing this for a minute.
Just a minute.
Just a minute.
You're going to get real tired.
And Robbie's just trying to avoid getting beat up.
I mean, this punch is just keep coming.
It's relentless.
They never end.
And what's funny, too, about Colby, is love him or hate him, is he doubles down
because
he got on the mic and his line about Matt Hughes.
Oh, my God.
Dude, I was watching in, where was I?
I was in, oh, Nashville.
I was watching in the room with Derek Post and Ahsan Ahmad, my openers.
And when they said that, they were aware of Matt Hughes, and they go, that's
ridiculous.
I'm like, that's fantastic.
It's, A, because it is messed up, but that's his character, man.
Right.
He's a heel, and he just doubled down so hard.
So hard.
Because Matt Hughes is really close with Robbie Lawler, and he said, you think,
what he said
for those that didn't want to fight, he goes, you think Robbie Lawler would
take a lesson
from his boy, Matt Hughes, and get off the train tracks when a train is coming?
He's just saying the most controversial, ruthless shit that he could say.
And here's what else, so we're impressed by his tactics, right?
You know what's even more impressive as a former fighter?
It's stressful enough fighting another grown man you're under wearing in a
steel cage, especially
when they're really good.
It's fucking stressful.
Now, imagine talking all that shit, and you've got to deal with the
consequences.
People hate you.
And he's a good dude.
Talk to Cam Haynes.
Colby's a different guy.
Great guy.
Yeah.
So he's a normal dude outside, but he has to deal with all that pressure and
still perform,
then get on the mic.
I wonder if he's ever just in bed just like, god damn, dude.
Let me tell you something.
These death threats are getting real old.
After that fight, he has a real shot at being a world champion.
A real shot.
I know he was already the interim world champion.
Those don't count, though, do they?
After that fight, they don't count.
No.
Well, you know how you know they don't count?
They stripped him, and he didn't even lose.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
How does that make any sense?
They stripped him because he didn't want to fight again quickly after a five-round
fucking
war with RDA.
And he needed surgery.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
But also, they don't count either because your contract doesn't, you don't get,
when you're
a champ, your contract, you get bumped up to higher pay.
Interim champs don't get bumped up.
Right.
What was the surgery for?
It was something, I feel like, in his face.
Oh, in the sinus?
Yeah, something major.
Yeah, something like a deviated septum.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's a fucking, he's a phenomenal fighter.
But now think about this.
You take his style, he doesn't go backwards, wrestling, cardio.
Kamaru Usman doesn't go backwards, wrestling, cardio.
Yeah.
The only thing I see, I would imagine Kamaru's going to be a slight favorite
because of his
power.
Yes.
The one kind of distinguishing kind of factor is Kamaru has a lot more power.
Right.
Kamaru.
Where he can knock you out.
Kamaru.
Kamaru's a knockout artist.
Right.
Kamaru can knock people out, though.
It's not his trait.
It's not what he does.
But Colby probably can knock people out, too.
But his approach is to throw everything at like 50, 60 percent.
He was slaying in some early in that first round against Robbie.
They were exchanging.
If he would have connected