Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1354 - The Black Keys
Uploaded: 2019-09-20T01:00:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1354 - The Black Keys' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1354 - The Black Keys' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-09-20. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1354 - The Black Keys

boom and we're we're moving moving gentlemen all right good to see you moving
thanks for being here
thanks for having us i'm a gigantic fan you already know that but now i get to
tell you in
person i'm a big fan of yours man well thanks you've become my we were just
saying on the way
here you've become my uh my late night television i don't watch i don't watch
like uh you know
jimmy fallon or anything i put on your podcast on youtube i just watch it just
blue as fucking
mine look at it thank you but you're also like my you're also like my oprah and
i was thinking
like you need a whole cast you need like a gail king and i do i'm willing to be
your dr phil
oh yeah i need a science advisor i definitely need a real on on staff scientist
to check things
like dr uh oz no he's not real and that's what i'm saying you need you need no
i need a real one
okay like dr oz he got in trouble for selling horse shit right didn't he get
brought in front
of congress i assumed all these people were kind of unqualified for their well
dr phil's actually
a really good guy yeah he's actually a real good guy i like one of those uh tv
judge bailiff um
cops that stands in front of the judge just got arrested for murder no yeah
really yeah dude that's
my favorite of all the kind of reality shows it's like the judge judy bailiff
character
like the guy's like that's right judge that's right judge you have do you think
he's like a dea
agent that eventually wants to try coke what the bailiff yeah like he's just
around i mean he's probably
a real bailiff right so he's probably around so many goddamn criminals man i
don't think that
they're real bailiffs i haven't i haven't got that he's a fake bailiff i just
assumed it's hollywood
man i don't know true it's like the same outfit from night court it's not a
complicated gig you
could just hire an actual cop that way you're doubly protected you have a real
cop that's standing
there yeah really yeah really doing it and then i'm sure they can do that gig
just find a guy who's
nice that's i think that's a much higher paying gig than a cop yeah and with
you know give a cop a
break well with that type of money comes corruption and you know that's true
that's right that's where
it gets ugly all the other cops get mad at him they set him up yeah they plant
plant a gun on him
plant some drugs that's what happened to this dude put some messages you're
talking about set up this
dude got set up all the cops like this motherfucker got a 150 grand a year job
put the fucking gun on
him have you guys been paying attention to oj on twitter no i mean what's he
doing it's one of the
strangest things ever he's just talking on twitter just talk about like
football and politics and the
comments are just the most ridiculous shit everything you would expect i'm sure
he can't read them the
comments are just filled with just murder jokes yeah really oh yeah no not his
comments you know his
comments like under his like his his thing he says this thing then under his
all the people that
comment on his post it's all just murder jokes as long as he's not making
murder jokes i guess
no my friend has the largest oj simpson t-shirt collection of like the free oj
juices loose in the
in the world and he had an exhibit here in la a couple a year ago at a museum
like 150 shirts pretty
pretty amazing but you know who i like to follow on twitter which i we were
talking about earlier i don't
really look at twitter that much but i do like jose canseco a lot on do you
yeah what does he talk
about it's just like crazy it's just extra crazy and he he was offering like a
for two thousand
dollars you could go like spend the night and like in a tent with him and like
look for big
oh my god yeah
it started with him when he shot his finger off and then it fell off you know
he's tweeting about that
that that's what piqued my interest when i was 19 years old i worked at a place
called the
boston athletic club and jose canseco and some other baseball players walked in
it's amazing how big he was he was huge like a huge person huge like a just
gigantic man
you know it's so handsome look like a professional wrestler looked like a fake
person yeah it really
didn't even look like a real person just a giant handsome super athlete came
into lift weights i'm
like huh how fucking weird you know like he's one he's one of only four people
i think that has 40
home runs and 40 steals jesus in a season i mean he was on steroids i think oh
he's looking for bigfoot
he really is he said i am a bigfoot expert and the most famous bigfoot picture
or video ever taken
was a costume the individual wearing the costume was none other than andre the
giant check it out
i don't think that's true i think that's pre-andre the giant's career in fact
that picture was from
the 60s that's the patterson gimlin footage well andre well i mean i was alive
though are you saying
jose canseco doesn't know what he's talking about i'm i'm gonna go out on a
limb he's incorrect here
have you seen what andre the giant could drink in an average oh yeah it's
incredible yeah we had jake
the snake on jake the snake used to drive i mean he had amazing stories about
driving on jake was
your designated yeah he would drink like 24 literally 24 beers in like a half
hour oh the way his hands
were so enormous that the beer they didn't even look real they looked like mini
bar beers you know his
hand just covers everything he was so huge but i saw a guy like jose canseco i'm
like well there's no
fairness in this world there's no fairness how are me and that guy the same
species there's no fairness
in this world well good interesting you learned early yeah it's a good lesson
to learn it's a good
lesson yeah it's like the first time you really get dunked on pretty hard you
need to know that can
happen to you too bitch you know i think it's important to kind of be reminded
of like your position
in society in the world when i was when i was a 10 or 11 i was listening to the
i was getting driven
home from a little league game by my dad who's one of the sweetest guys ever
right and we're listening
to the indians game and uh this new this new shortstop who at the time was
terrible named jay bell
like dropped the ball and i was like dad i bet you i'm a better shortstop than
jay bell and my dad
stopped the car
patrick i love you so much but you're 11 and there's no possible way there's
only like 50 professional
shortstops and there's there's no way and then that's it i just was like oh my
god but i realized
at that moment i was like man my dad's never gonna me that's kind of cool that's
very cool yeah that's
very cool yeah you don't need to be bullshitted people that's the problem that's
the problem with a
lot of kids today they've been bullshitted their whole life they're like oh
yeah you're the best you're
the best son you are better than him like you just need to go and take that job
yeah it's yours well
there's a lot of wacky people too that are living through their kids you know
they're they're like
all their expectations of success have now been turned on their progeny oh yeah
you know they have
this thing they just want their kids to kick ass go out there and kick ass you
know it's like oh slow
down yeah it's hard fine line yeah how do we get oh jose canseco's twitter it's
crazy huh it's crazy
it's a wild dude wild man i mean it's cool that a guy that i mean his life
story is incredible if
you haven't had him on i'm guessing no you should have him on oh my god that
would be great bash
brothers yeah i haven't just told exclusively bash brothers stories man people
are always going to be
mad at him forever because the steroids thing right because he told on those
other guys that well his
other bash brother was found out right mark mcguire mm-hmm i don't know man i i
don't know much about
the the the i mean i know the difference between doping and the steroids or
whatever but i kind of
feel like if you're i don't know about steroids necessarily but if you're if
you're riding a bike
across france and like i don't know i just like feel like you should dope a
little bit
i'm not doing it someone needs to do it well doctors have actually said it's
probably physically
safer to take the steroids if you're going to do something like tour de france
because it's so
insanely grueling on your body that you want to be able to recover but we have
this weird thing it's
like there's a thing that makes your body work better but you're not supposed
to take it if you take it
we get mad at you but we want you to do good we want you to do your best but we
don't want you to
take this thing you could drink yourself to death oh yeah we're never going to
stop that but we don't
want you taking steroids because then you'd be too big and you hit too many
balls like what what how
can you do everybody everybody or nobody yeah it's the cheating thing the thing
is it it affects kids
that's where it gets dangerous is because you if you find out oh my god these
guys just openly do
steroids and they tell you what they do yeah then middle schoolers will be
doing it yes
that's the real that's the real fear the real fear it's a and because that's
that that would happen
because there's middle schoolers that are professionally like competitive sure
all over
this country kids in high school do steroids yeah i mean like i mean also you
do you do a bunch i
know somebody did a bunch of steroids and he was describing to me the process
of that he literally was
doing he wanted to get big you know and uh i was like so what do you do what do
you do when you're
big he's like yeah well you got to start taking these estrogen blockers and yikes
all this stuff
i was like what the he's like yeah if you don't if you don't take your body
stops making testosterone and
i was like what the i was like well that's i mean like this is probably a
controversial statement but i
like well bruce jenner said that he like um like did steroids for breakfast i
mean did that you think that
like depleted his testosterone production they don't i don't i don't think they
believe that
there's a connection between gender identity and testosterone levels i think
they think it's a
wiring issue for lack of a better term but there is always a thing that happens
to people if you take
steroids that your body has this inability to make its natural hormones and so
you get depressed it's like
a depression time and it could be really funky for a lot of athletes is that
where like jose can say
goes out there looking for bigfoot is it because he just needs to clear his
head could be he also
had some mma fights he might have got his brains knocked loose like he uh he
had one mma fight against
this big giant dude what was his name that was early early mma no it was it was
after his whole career
thing had gone he he got it he had a fight with the was it hungman choy it was
hungman choy hungman choy
is huge so him just accept this fight is crazy let me talk about a guy that's
like yeah hungman choy
is like literally seven feet tall jose can sickle's an enormous guy i recognize
him from movies he's not
enormous compared to hungman choy and hungman choy was a professional mma
fighter he fought some really
really tough guys in japan so it was a total complete mismatch but he needed
whoa he needed the cheddar so
he stepped in look at the size of choy that looks like when you have like a
real gi joe guy and then
like the generic gi joe guy it looks like he found bigfoot and even though like
canseco is still a
gorilla i mean he's a stout man super powerful gigantic man but that just shows
you how big hungman choy is
did he get he got pummeled yeah i think he blew his knee out if i if i remember
correctly i think he
threw a kick and he blew his knee out and then hungman choy pounded him and
then danny bonaduce too
yeah it was it just oh no did he really i just saw a picture of them standing
together oh my god he's
so much bigger than danny bonaduce he's a really huge 