Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1384 - Ari Shaffir
Uploaded: 2019-11-14T20:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1384 - Ari Shaffir' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1384 - Ari Shaffir' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-14. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1384 - Ari Shaffir

the matter but yeah well that one that got repeated in podcast history well we
fucked that up
we thought we were recording we were saying how bert is the only person we know
who's both funny
and a great promoter like usually you get one or the other you get someone who's
really funny but
we're talking about bert's uh we thought all this is being recorded oh it would
have been so much
better if they got that audio is being recorded oh just that video so i can
leave that in the mp3
everybody can download that beginning oh okay all right give us one of those
cartoonists to make
them make the video for everybody the audio we're going to stop now we're going
to double repeat
ourselves so a bunch of people bird used to have a show called burt hurt burt
and that one disturbed
me the most because i don't remember this one at all burt he would do a bunch
of stupid and get
injured but he's really getting hurt he's doing jujitsu with some kid and some
uh red belt kid
who's with uh helson ohory and gracie he really that when he was that young he
really reminds me
that frat guy yeah that he was i can't really see it now but this is him like
four years removed from
that this guy keeps arm barring him he doesn't know what to do here kid is 108
pounds i think part
of it he's also going along with it enjoying he's got to take the offensive
fuck that wow this kid
will never see it he's played duck twice or possum twice how about that video
that i showed you that
bridget phetasy showed me it's a video of this guy who's on a school bus and it's
just it starts with a
bus driver throwing a little kid a little kid off the school bus screaming at
him and then a bunch
of people like what the are you doing man you can't chase him back onto the bus
the bus driver gets
back on the bus and then they check the little kid are you okay and they
realize this little kid with
like a lunchbox and everything is actually a grown midget and he's pretending
that he's a little kid
hanging out with these little kids and the bus driver found it dude the look at
everybody's face
with like when they say wait he's not a kid and they're all like oh i was mad
so he's got the
lunch box he throws out his lunch box and he grabs him he throws him yeah it's
crazy because he's got
a little kid's backpack people are ready to beat his ass beat the bus driver's
ass they saw him chuck
off a little kid that's a five-year-old's body people ready to call the cops
yeah and then they get to
him to see hey are you okay now watch this they go
that's a grown ass man dude was pretending to be everybody's confused look how
confused they all are
like i don't i was mad before i don't know what to think now that's crazy they
look like they just
saw david blaine that's crazy why did we bring that up why were we talking
about that that's a great
question that has nothing to do with something to do with burt but i don't know
what that was
what does it have to do with it's what else we were talking no no no no the kid
the kid was beating up
burt in jujitsu i don't remember welcome to november yeah this is uh not sober
november no remember
november and i definitely don't remember what the we're talking about dude you're
uh you're on an iphone
now tell me what that's been like okay it's been pretty interesting yeah so i've
set myself in october
to see if i can do it again you told me about that app that's on the thing
limits your screen time limits your screen time yeah you have that for your
kids yeah
um yeah that's what i was looking for like five six years ago there was nothing
it would just give
you alarms and you could not good enough yeah yeah you know it's sort of like
remember when we had
to do those 15 yoga classes like you had to do it so because you had to do it
you just knew you were
going to do it the wishy-washiness was gone of what the wishy-washiness i don't
have to do this i could
back off i just i'm kind of tired anyway let me take the day off that all that
was gone you couldn't
do that yeah that's sort of the same thing with that app because you could
always say i'm not gonna
use my phone much fuck that what does that mean dude i'm an observer of the
other people on their
phones everyone who says that is on all the time yeah it's so easy to be on and
you could with me i
found myself just reading google news stories for no reason just looking up and
a lot of them aren't
even like interesting it's like oh this car sold for this much money or oh you
know you're just like
yeah wasting time wasting time time you're gonna be bored i'm lying to myself
because i'm always
thinking that i'm gonna oh but there's material in this i'm gonna find a story
that's really funny
yeah but you those kind of you find out anyway you know what i'm saying like
you people they force
you know really good ones like the that guy getting thrown off the bus yeah
that one's gonna get to
you the way that the horse thing would have got to you you know years before
the internet yes the
horse one got to us well the internet was around but it was years before social
media what was your
joke i went you've done that on special right no no that's no that was never in
a special what
yeah why um comedy central said it was too rough it's pretty rough but i wouldn't
say too but maybe i can
revive it oh my god revive it you just couch it the early days of the internet
were like this yeah yeah
well it was a true story too yeah i did have a friend of mine that i go back
and forth with he
was so fucking he was one of those dudes that just knows everything that's
fucked up like he can find
all the video the bud dwyer video you know he was one of those guys and he
would send me this videos
like batters up and uh i would like batter up what the is this i open up the
email and it's uh that
porn star with a baseball bat upper ass belladonna yes it was her and i was
like jesus christ
and then you know and then i we would go back and forth i would send him
something
up he would send me something up the baseball bat was surprising battered
nowhere batter up i was like
what is this i'm like oh my god how how that poor girl's must be a wreck dude
interesting fact about
belladonna that first storytelling show we ever did at the improv 12 people
were there and she was
one of them oh wow well she used to go to the comedy store no she was cool yeah
um yeah it was crazy
they offered me some gaping porn they had some uh dvds they were giving them
away i'm like i'm good man
thanks the guy's like why didn't you take it i was like hey man it's not a
disrespectful thing
it's just uh it's not my thing i'm not into your art also i'm afraid i'm gonna
go down this
the line oh her husband this when like gaping porn is the weirdest ever because
it's people
want to look inside people's bodies you want to look in the hole they want the
hole to be gaping
yeah it's like a that's a style of porn gaping and why the drip out you ever
see the drip out
at the end like why is this still recording and they shake the close-up you
know what i'm talking about
close-up they close up vagina and wait for the jizz to come out yeah i agree
with that face yeah
it's not for me i don't know why it's still on the video like it people like
weird shit right people
like feet they like they like everything and someone likes everything what's
really weird is that
some things that some people would hate other people love yeah with food too
and movies and
shit like that like an intelligent intelligent well-respected woman i won't i
won't break up her
name was on stage talking about how she likes taking loads in the face now she
might have been saying
this as a joke but it might have been true some people just like love it like
some girls like that
right that's why it's or is it guys like it and that's why it's a thing or
girls pretend they like
it so the guys do it but for some girls would be like that get that away from
me other people would
love it that's what's weird about humans yeah right there's so many people that
are into such weird
shit i spit on a vagina once you well it's whatever and uh and the girl she
didn't like it she was like
did you spit on my vagina yeah sometimes with that accent it's even worse she
goes well i didn't like
that i'm like all right well i won't do it again wow i don't know and she goes
all right but a guy
would get mad if a girl spit on his dick i don't think so no they might be like
whoa they just shift
away but maybe if you were like having a really hard time staying hard anyway
because she's you know
she's intimidating you yeah and you barely hang it in there and then she spits
on your dick you're
like hey what the hell you might lose your boner what if it's like real yeah a
full gagger right
away yeah you're kissing and then jesus is the next step and you're like whoa
slow down slow the
down was this type of porn inevitable or like yeah if larry flint never did the
hustler stuff and never
went through all the court cases would it's a human thing man would have
happened in a hundred yeah those
larry flint guys are important that they help move the needle for sure no doubt
i mean that guy took
a bullet for the freedom of expression whether you like porn or not we've all
jerked off to it and if
you say you didn't you're a hypocrite i mean no way just liar not listening
where he like crossed the
line that was that existed yes he certainly did but my point is i think that
there was a they were
like they had already done deep throat before hustler right wasn't deep throat
when was deep throat
deep throat was a porn film that people went to see like a regular film
it was like a movie it was x same time wasn't it also a nickname like a code
name for for someone
like yes but that's like no no that's post that's during watergate well that
was one of the insiders
in watergate and their nickname was deep throat but that was because the movie
had already been out 72.
they named one of the nixon watergate people deep throat yes yes yes yeah deep
throat was the person
who was fun yeah yeah for sure the look man those cia people or whoever the was
involved
with all that stuff fbi yeah they're they're a lot of them are bros yeah do you
think one
guy's like intelligent bros and the next guy's like oh really because i went to
someone who's running for
president and i broke into that office dude right yeah like what i'm sure i'm
sure there's some of
that some of that there's there a lot of i mean they're like cops yeah like uh
military people you
know they're like a lot of them are just men guys guys men they probably watch
porn they probably know
deep throat is you know if you're working for like one of the biggest police i
mean it's essentially a
police organization none of them majored in english with a focus on shakespeare
fbi's law enforcement
right yeah i mean that's what it is they're jokes yeah they're bros a lot of
them are not not
disrespecting it at all but that's why they would call it deep throat like if
it's a group group of
women that are you know from um university of uh massachusetts amherst yeah
they're called uh
fucking yarning they're definitely not going to call it deep throat yeah that
would be uh contributing
to the patriarchy manic panic but that movie was in 72 so uh when did hustler
start hustler was around
75 76 are you a fishing i don't remember this because of that i told you about
the first one
that i had a collection kevin smith is you remember like that said larry flint
started it in columbus
that first oh that's right that's right that's right that's right yeah man um i
had to go to the
hustler office once yeah to review porn there was like an article that they
were doing where you
review porn it was so weird it was like the weirdest thing they i i forget is
like early in the days of
the internet right like more than 20 plus years like trying to figure anything
out yeah they were just
trying to figure things out and try things out so you watched the porno over
there i don't rem