Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1396 - Michelle Wolf
Uploaded: 2019-12-10T02:30:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1396 - Michelle Wolf' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1396 - Michelle Wolf' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-10. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1396 - Michelle Wolf

hmm yes how many lame wolf jokes have you had to endure in your life you know
what i like them
do you yeah that's the worst bring them on joe list constantly tries to get the
nickname wolf
of wall street started every time i see him he's like wolf of wall street why
it's gonna catch on
he says it to no one it's gonna catch on it's gonna catch on you were saying
that you like the
turmeric coffee but you don't like to admit that you like that stuff yeah i
like recently got into
like all this like kind of like you know there's like new agey health stuff and
and crystals you
got any crystals i mean a little bit i'm on the fringe of the crystal you know
might be wearing
a little rose quartz and uh what do you like what's the thought behind being
into crystals i honestly
think it's a lot of it's like just in your 30s at some point okay as a woman i
think you get
into crystals yeah if you don't get a kid or a dog yeah you kind of just like
you're just like
you know what maybe i can bring some energy from somewhere it's like it's like
why not start burning
sage yeah yeah i don't think it'll last forever i just think i'm in a little
bit of a a little bit
of a crystal phase like a spiritual phase kind of yeah i was like thinking
about oh my god this is so
embarrassing why am i starting so embarrassing i was thinking about maybe
looking up like shamans in new
york you know to be like maybe i can get like just explore the spiritual
universe a little bit
i think it means i'm lonely it probably means you're lonely but like shamans
like do you want to do
drugs oh i mean i'd be i i'd love to do ayahuasca yeah so that's if they're not
going to be listed
you're going to have to find something you can't just like google them some
some narc can just kind of
google google ayahuasca you could get away with it legally right now in oakland
if you go to oakland
oh yeah yeah oakland they stepped up they decriminalized everything yeah
mushrooms everything
yeah everything they're like it do it yeah yeah which is what we need slowly
but surely that's going
to be the whole country i mushrooms are i love mushrooms wanna do some right
now uh and i have
too many other things to do today although i recently did them and i all of a
sudden i didn't realize
this had happened on mushrooms i got so giggly like oh yeah if you take the
right amount you get super
giggly like just giggled for hours i was like oh this is the best this is i was
i'm sure i was annoying
to everyone around me which is also pretty normal but like you know i'm giggling
non-stop at anything
well a lot of people are micro dosing now and what they're doing is they're
taking a level of they're
taking like enough psilocybin so that you don't quite feel it it's like it's
like knocking on the door
feeling it like almost there but they report this amazing alleviation of
anxiety they feel super
creative and really friendly and all these like powerful positive vibes but
they're basically sober
yeah i don't know does it affect you long like if you actually wanted to take
oh to blast off yeah
would you have to take like an extraordinary amount you can always blast off
you're gonna be able to
blast off every single time yeah i couldn't imagine that somehow or another it
would get in the way
the the feeling that happens when you take a large dose where it's like you
just feel the tingling and
you get scared yeah like that's coming i always have to put my hand here for
hours just like on my
heart like i'm just at the uh beginning of the the the gulf war like right
after 9 11 stanhope and i
got up on mushrooms like the day of the war and we were watching tv and they
were like
we all gotta serve our country some way that's how we do it we get high and
watch tv and we were
watching tv and said war coverage begins today at five and he goes holy there's
a kickoff for the war
i don't have the the whole that war that war be like the invasion of iraq the
more most recent one
not desert storm but the most recent one that is forever cemented in my head by
mushrooms and him
saying holy there's a kickoff there's a coin toss
it was so weird that would make war more fun yeah if they were like they
broadcast it like a game
it would right yeah they're like flag on the play there's some ieds it might be
it might be the future
like when when you have uh robot wars because in the future i don't think
people are gonna be fighting
people robots scare me they should so much i don't know why we're making them i
don't i was doing a
gig at mit recently and i spent like the first 10 minutes yelling at them to
stop making robots
they make these cheetahs why are you making robot cheetahs what is the point of
that well that's boston
dynamics that's not that's not mit oh yeah but they like they uh but there's
all the same people
they're all working together lex works at mit yeah he's a professor at mit lex
friedman who's
a specialist in ai he's been on this podcast a couple times before yeah these
they're a little
bit too blasé about it yeah no i don't like it i'm not a fan i won't even have
an alexa in my home
oh don't fuck that they're listening yeah they're listening i also feel like
that like like 10 years
from now people are going to be like uh do you remember she said she didn't
want to have an alexa
in her home yeah like that's like gonna be the new racist you hate robots yeah
they're gonna put a
mark in your door i'll never be senator now yeah they'll put a black x on your
door doesn't like
robots i hate them hate them never be senator you don't want to be you're not
going to run for
shit right no never never never i'm having too much fun yeah why would you want
to stop having fun
but did you think about like when when trump was giving you a hard time did you
did you think hey
motherfucker if i ran against you i could really fuck you up did you ever think
about that no second
while he was he was tweeting against you and all the all the craziness that was
going there never
i'm like first it didn't even occur to me but also i'm i'm still 34 so i couldn't
even run if i
wanted to how old do you have to be 36 35 35 that's the only qualification for
president 35 and born
here yeah right isn't that crazy it should be born there's important one here's
super important yeah
because you don't want anybody sneaking in and just ruining the entire country
on the sneak tip
although if i was like i'd be like a long game terrorist you know like be like
yeah they were born
here but they were incels the whole time yeah yeah yeah half the kids over here
this is three
generations of americans yeah they plan in advance they they do they do plan
some terrorists and some
organizations do plan things way way way in advance yeah that's like the thing
they say about china
that china plans things like hundreds of years out yeah they're good at it yeah
yeah they're really
we underestimate china well how about that wall how long did that take to make
i don't know
probably like six days knowing how hard they work i think it took hundreds of
years they were just like
no we got this don't worry they were just getting tired of being invaded they i
mean that that country
is like i mean they invented everything everything and they've been around
forever they've been around
forever and like and we just were like no no reason to be scared of them they've
been china forever forever
forever yeah yeah yeah i mean america's a baby a little tiny baby we're a
little yeah we're a little
baby we're a little baby it's not even they have bombs they have the best
electronics they steal
everything yeah all the intellectual property like you they don't have any
rules yeah no no we copy
i used to work at this tech company and like we had a lot of chinese people
that work it was a
computational biochemistry research lab so of course we had a lot of chinese
people that worked there
because they were trying to say very smart and qualified that sounds racist and
that's my favorite
thing is like when you're like you're racist i just said you were smart yeah we
said you're amazing
is it racist that you guys are amazing well then people they get they're like
not all chinese people
are doing well and i'm like yeah i'm sure there's chinese people that aren't
doing well but you know
their parents never talk about them well there's a lot of chinese people when
you say not all chinese
people are doing well there's a billion of them yeah i mean there's plenty that
aren't doing well but the
ones that are doing well are doing really well yeah you're concentrating on the
glass is half empty
yeah i mean really but a billion people the chinese people that worked at this
uh tech company if they
were chinese nationals they were only allowed to have access to certain parts
like there were certain
parts they had to keep separate from them and they couldn't know about did they
come over and stare at your
computer i had one guy who worked there hey what are you working on me i'm just
like i'm just recruiting
new people to work here you're not going to get anything from me i don't
understand what we're doing
here but the one guy who worked there he came over didn't know any english and
he learned english by
watching seinfeld so i kid you not he had this seinfeld cadence that he spoke
with
and he'd enter rooms a little bit like kramer no i swear not the full thing but
every time he'd come
into the office he'd be like whoa no really i swear whoa that's weird i wonder
if there's an
equivalent show in china where if you went over there and try to learn mandarin
from a television
show like what would you concentrate on yeah it's like like a way to hold your
i'm gonna get too racist
hold on chopsticks don't say it don't say it chopsticks is racist no it's
racial you
fucks there's a difference between racial and racist yeah exactly i enjoy
chopsticks yeah it's
a great way to eat salad by the way it's a great way to eat slower yeah well
yeah if you want to eat
rice yeah it's real slow yeah but if you want to eat salad it's like the best
way to eat salad i eat
salad with chopsticks yeah yeah because you ever try to like get a fork in a
tomato it's hard yeah
but you can grab a lot of lettuce with them chopsticks you know i'm gonna try
that next
time like forks with sushi get the out of here you have to use chopsticks yeah
or your
hands i use my hands a lot you're an animal yeah yeah savage like a wolf oh let's
see how many we can
get in this podcast we can get a couple i got some photos of wolves did you see
those wolves out there
oh i saw those wolves crazy right i have wolf paw tattoo on my side do you
really yeah how much do
you regret that a lot or really a lot i love them but people are always like
they're like are those cat
paws and i'm like yeah whatever that fits too yeah whatever that's a weird one
the dog paw tattoo that's
a common weird one yeah is it yeah yeah yeah it's like barbed wire oh yeah i
love it i love a good
barbed wire tattoo you got any barbed wire no i got two sleeves though yeah
yeah these both these
arms are sleeved yeah but it's all traditional well it's not really traditional
japanese stuff but it's
like um japanese new style american stuff yeah no pause no pause not that i
wouldn't have got one
i'm lucky i didn't get a tattoo until i was like 25 and i didn't get sleeved
until i was in my 30s
yeah because i would have made some choices that should be a 30s decision oh
god i see these kids
today they're 18 they got face tattoos like bro yeah slow down it's such a fun
decision to make
for your whole life like post malone that kid's talented as really talented
yeah but always tired
you tattooed always tired on your face i every time i see a picture of him i
get angry
i just want to be like i i spend i don't spend a ton of time in hair and makeup
but anytime i have
something there's at least a little hair and makeup and i'm looking at this guy
and i'm like
why can't we just be that like well i think what he's doing and what a lot of