Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1440 - Fortune Feimster
Uploaded: 2020-03-12T19:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1440 - Fortune Feimster' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1440 - Fortune Feimster' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-12. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1440 - Fortune Feimster

three two one fortune what's up good to see you what's happening this is
exciting it's exciting
for me too oh our first date do you have a special coming out or something it
just came out like a
month ago oh it's out already yeah i didn't even know well there's a lot of
specials coming out
right now is this the craziest time ever for specials yeah it's like one after
another after
another it really is like i can't remember ever in the history of comedy that's
been this many
specials released no and like just killers every week yeah speaking special
pull up the um the video
of tom segura's new special there's a uh it's on netflix is a joke on uh
instagram has a copy of it
oh because he's doing english and spanish right yeah uh this one's just english
okay he's gonna
do one in spanish he gotta yeah people don't know that tom segura is fluent in
espanol he had his mom
yes and that was in spanish yeah yeah it's amazing yeah it's funny because he
looks so white he looks
like a white bro i know sometimes mexicans talk around him and and he'll just
look at them and
then say something in spanish and they're like oh no oh that's the best to have
that secret weapon
especially in l.a play there's a video of it lipstick that's what i was gonna
say thank you
play the video i love you tom play the video they him he let some lady put make
i never let them put
makeup on me never and they always bring someone and this is why this is why
they they made him out
and by the way they color corrected it because it was way worse than that
before oh really he told
me it was way worse than that i go what the bro he's like i know i go dude you
can't let them do
that to you it looks like he kissed christina and then went out to do the show
he looks like a clown
he looks like a clown from the 1930s like one of them black and white movies
like look at that
that's crazy they put lipstick on him they put lipstick on him and they put
white makeup all over his face
i had that happen once where because you really can't tell when they're putting
it on
someone made me look like a the marionette doll with the big red rosy cheeks
and i it was i was
hosting an award show and the whole speech is online it's so crazy because you
let someone
dictate what your image is going to be someone that really has no business
doing that they just
do makeup and when someone does makeup they want to do makeup they want to do
you but like like
that this i mean he just need to put some chapstick on that's ridiculous that's
it look that's what he
looks like this is what i always say like these i'm the only one in the ufc
broadcast that doesn't
put makeup on too yeah and i'm like we're getting we're we're talking to people
that are getting their
heads punched in okay literally joanna yun jay check who's the former strawweight
champion she had a
fight with this woman uh zhang weili who is the strawweight champion from china
this crazy epic
like one of the best fights in history at the end of it joanna's head i saw
that was so like a
frankenstein forehead yeah imagine crazy yeah look at her forehead now imagine
me with makeup on
standing next to her that would be ridiculous right i refuse you're like look
at my foundation
they're like well we're just gonna cut down the shine who gives a if i'm shiny
literally no one
cares yeah she's got a double forehead now it's a double triple forehead is it
back is it back down
have you i don't know she hasn't follow up she hasn't taken that's what she
looks like normally
beautiful lady she's so tough yeah that lady is as tough as human beings can
possibly be oh my gosh
because she like never even flinched her forehead's twice the size of normal
she didn't even flinch
kept throwing bombs it was amazing yeah epic how long did it go five rounds
five rounds 25 whole
minutes of chaos like and it was even the whole fight the whole fight was like
back and forth and
back and forth and back and forth it was amazing rp are you guys super bummed
out when people like
throw one punch and the person falls down no that's exciting too yeah it's
exciting yeah the sport is
crazy you know it can happen that way where like there was a recent fight where
donald cerrone
fought conor mcgregor and conor in the clinch conor mcgregor slammed his
shoulder yeah into
donald's nose and broke his nose so they came out of the clinch like seconds
into the fight his nose
is bleeding and then he got head kicked and he got pummeled and and that was it
stopped the fight in 40
seconds oh my gosh yeah and everybody was bummed out because it was this huge
pay-per-view event this big
deal but that's part of what's crazy about this sport is that it's the fighting
in either boxing kickboxing or
mma is the only sport where you can end it early right like football goes the
distance yeah
you're in for three and a half yeah four hours yeah you baseball goes all the
innings it's like
that's just how it goes yeah but fighting can end in 10 seconds we've had
fights that have ended
i think who's got the record now it was duane ludwig but masvidal took it i
think right that's right
masvidal it was like eight seconds but it was like it's not really i don't even
think they gave
it eight i think they said it's five but i think it's three what do you do at
the live event everyone's
just like all right well there's 12 fights oh gotcha so that was just one fight
out of many many many
many fights i clearly know a lot about yeah have you ever watched one live yeah
not live but on tv
you should go i'll get you tickets crazy yeah it's pretty wild it's it looks so
fun yeah it's pretty
fun no one's ever invited me and i'm not you know proactive enough to be like
let me get invited now you've
been invited bring bring your boy tom papa i will yeah yeah he needs to go too
yeah bring his bread
has he i wonder if he's been to one i don't think he has we're like i think so
we're like hey guys
we're here to see a fight has tom ever been to one i don't think so probably
not
maybe jamie it seems like maybe maybe he showed up with hannibal one time a
long time ago but i
can't remember oh yeah maybe tom's always up for anything hannibal goes a lot
he's gone don't do
hannibal's gundall oh really a gang of them yeah think about it yeah so um so
you do that morning
show with tom i do you enjoy it i love it except for the 5 30 wake up yeah that's
horseshit i mean
why do you guys have to do it that way every comic that comes to the show is
like why are you waking
up this early because we're all doing spots so late yeah well it's this is the
new world you don't
have to do that anymore yeah but just a whole idea of like it has to be on at 8
a.m ready go
i don't know that's just how they set it up you know seven to nine every
morning monday through
thursday we're doing it for netflix that's cool they have a new sirius xm
channel that's very 93.
um so they give you numbers they tell you how many people are listening they
give you no information
what you have no idea we have no idea we only know that people are listening
because they call in
that's the only way we know so you have you're you know just talking to mics
you hope yeah you
hope there's an audience it's kind of fun though that way it would be kind of
fun to do a show where
no one could record it and you know it just goes out live and there's no
recording it at all like
that's what radio used to be right radio used to be i mean that's one of the
fun things about the
howard stern show back in the day because it was so crazy for radio but it was
you were hearing this and
this is the only time you were ever going to hear it oh yeah i remember when
his show was on the e
channel that's right i was like him and anna nicole smith show i was like yeah
that's right i forgot
she had a show yeah rest in peace poor anna she was one of the first like i
mean if instagram was
around she would have been one of the first insta hoes like a reality celebrity
yes everyone was
following her life and her lawyer right yeah howard his name's j howard marshall
stern oh no no different
guy yeah i think it is howard stern yeah yeah different howard stern so they
had two howard sterns
yeah and that was post divorce after her husband well not divorce the old guy
yeah yeah that was the best
cash-in ever her with him it was the best cash-in ever yeah he was like 95
years old in a wheelchair
and she was a bombshell she's like love of my life oh look at that did she get
money oh hell yeah
because i know her his kids were like fighting yeah they were trying to keep
the money from her but
look a deal's a deal that's always a bummer though if you were the kid of that
guy well i had a whole bit
about it yeah they're like oh he doesn't know what's i go he's a billionaire he's
like 95 years old he
made a billion dollars from scratch and my joke was you know like don't you
think he's a tad crafty
i don't think he knows what's going on he doesn't give a he doesn't have any
time left but like hit
two kids or however many kids he has they don't need a billion dollars the size
of his ears that's one
weird thing that happens to old people their ears keep growing yeah i'm looking
forward to a giant
ass shrink yeah i think i'm gonna get my ears reduced when i hit 150. oh really
yeah 150. that's
what my plan is my plan's about 150 160. i'm gonna die on the operating table
getting my ears reduced
i'm just trying to i'm just trying to make it to 50. 50 that's it that's all
you want i want more i want
more dude this you know we had a guy on yesterday talking about the coronavirus
man i heard it's not
good i heard that he was in here it's nerve-wracking yeah it's not good well
because you
you know you don't really know what's coming yeah well here's the thing there
there's a whole bunch of
other diseases that we discussed too like chronic wasting disease and there's a
lot of that's
on the the table that could happen to people there's all these pandemics that
are
possible well aren't there like uh because certain things are melting certain
diseases that are sort of
like being uncovered from yeah that's a theory yeah yeah i don't know yeah
there's a theory that the
permafrost is going to release when when it gets melted it's going to release
some ancient bacteria
that we don't have an immune immunity to oh man it's possible it's all possible
you know there's
something that happens with any any time you have overpopulation and one of the
things that happens
is nature starts to try to course correct yeah nature's like there's too many
there's too many
let's do something and it happens with animals they get diseases and a bunch of
them die off and it you
know it happens with people as well i mean it's not a coincidence that this
disease came out of china
which is heavily overpopulated which has these he was uh talking to us in depth
about these wet markets
that they have in china where they have all these animals all right yeah they're
all just laying around
what is he he said there was like chickens and what was above the chickens was
civets
any chickens were over those they were like dropping their on them or something
and it was civets
below right yeah there's some weird combination with that right he was saying
like with crossover
diseases that's like a test tube like you're literally doing experiments right
but he's like the
perfect test tube perfect environment for creating a new disease yeah as we've
seen this wasn't this started
from bats yes some people are eating bats over there bro bro i'm a sweet and
sour chicken gal myself
sweet and sour chicken sounds good right now yeah sweet and sour bat bats is
what you eat when you're
starving to death i mean yeah that's true yeah slim pickings in certain places
well china again has a
billion people and when you see the stuff that they're eating over there there
was a salamander that they had
that was like i mean like the size of your thigh bone yeah it was huge enormous
salamander they're
holding it down with a meat clea