Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1462 - Kurt Metzger
Uploaded: 2020-04-23T19:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1462 - Kurt Metzger' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1462 - Kurt Metzger' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-23. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1462 - Kurt Metzger

and we're live hey look at you smoking a blunt i know i've this is your celebratory
blunt
holy dude i i'm still a little bit that felt like getting an aids test
but you're clean you're good i know it's but you knew you were healthy you feel
good yeah i haven't
felt like i had something so you were worried you were one of the asymptomatic
people yeah they said
as many 60 to 70 percent could be asymptomatic right so i was like i don't want
to i don't have
it but then i gotta drive all the way that's why it's such a creepy disease
like there was a
anderson cooper thing i was we were talking about earlier where the mayor of
las vegas was on with
anderson cooper oh yeah and uh he was describing to her how one asymptomatic
people person can go to a
restaurant and it showed this chart of all the people that infected got
infected by this one so he's
trying to say it to her just the air just the air yeah so he's trying to tell
this is completely
theoretical first of all i don't know the the the people that are saying this
from china i mean i mean
maybe they touched the same things maybe there was a bunch of different factors
i don't know i'm
guessing it was just because of the air but i don't trust a goddamn thing they're
saying that's coming
from china yeah anything they said if they're saying something it's been
approved by the government
right you know what i mean it's not like what's that paper uh the epic times
there's like a paper
that i think yeah epoch times what is that it's like they'll be critical of
china but i think the
guy that owns it is a falon gong guy oh so i've seen criticism difference well
falon gong's that that
persecuted tai chi uh religion in in china oh really china's crazy epoch times
is a multi-language
newspaper was founded in 2000 by john tang and a group of chinese americans
associated with the
fallon gang spiritual movement so who is he again uh i don't know who john tang
is no no no falon gang
fallon gong it's like it's like tai chi but i guess china considers it a cult
what so they crack down
on them like they're uyghurs and uh oh no yeah and it's uh yeah it's just like
meditation
and qigong exercises with a moral philosophy centered on tenets of truthfulness
compassion and
forbearance holy i might have to join i know i've been looking for a good cult
the epic times
guys get on i've been saying this for years i want a good cult like come up
with a good one yeah that
doesn't try to me doesn't take all my money and it's not like they're all you
know gets to bang
everybody's wife that's okay stop buying your wife i'm gonna bang your wife
they always play out like
that that's they do that gorilla that classic chimpanzee right right dominance
thing where you
lose face and balls and then yeah well i would say jehovah's witnesses was a
good cult if if i stack
because i'm not really bitter at jehovah's witnesses well let's tell everybody
who doesn't know
because people might not be aware of your background you you grew up as a jehovah's
witness you're one of
my friends that has like the most rock solid rules on not tolerating horse and
because when people
start bullshitting and saying nonsense you you're you're always the guy that's
like i know where this
goes yeah for something like that i i'm hyper i am very like hyper sensitive to
culty yeah i just don't
want to go along with the thing because you have to go along with it right and
like come on we're doing
this that attitude is important well i i just that's the reason i left jove's
witnesses of course i didn't
want to have that then when i got out in the world that you can't escape it
like the people all these
people that claim to be secular that that jump down your throat like online or
something like
say it's all the same but they just let got rid of the they got rid of the love
of jesus christ they
just got rid of that and it's a pattern it's a pattern yeah like i guess a set
of habits yeah it's
comforting a comforting routine i guess but it's i mean the thing when when
people do it to people
like it's it's almost like whether they're doing it because you're not a
believer in jesus or you're
doing it because you're not a vegan or you're doing it because uh you don't
support gender pronoun
freedom right whatever it is like the that hardcore sort of you can sort of fit
that mind into a bunch
of different slots yeah there's a this is what i do believe from religious
people there is a human need
for what religion fails and it's like you know hey great you got rid of saddam
but now who's taking over
i'm not so gung-ho on uh the like we all we need to get rid of like the bill moore
level of atheism
where he's like grow up or die that like i think he's not understanding you
know people some people
need that and and it it's not nothing to do with smart or stupid it's a just a
very deep feeling of
belonging and if you don't get it from god there's going to be you know there's
worse to get it from
yes yes there's some moral tenants if you like you really adopt christianity
some of my favorite
people are christians and pretty hardcore christians people that are really
like well like here's one oh
good chris listen if you ever met a christian they're delightful just they're
like unicorns there's
probably like three of them the rest of people are on a football team you know
who's a real christian
like in like a an admirable sense of the word is chris pratt guardians of the
galaxy guy yeah i've heard
that i've never met him he's one of the nicest guys i've ever met he's so nice
and genuine and right
there with everyone right he's very religious but i'll tell you what man if if
that's what it is
it's like if if following those tenants the way that guy does it turns you into
that kind of a person
he's an admirable that's how you're supposed to it's not supposed to be you
know you're preaching at
people yeah your behavior is supposed to be the witness right and so people
come into it a lot of times
that's why they do they go well i saw this guy i'm like if that's what that is
i want to be that you
know what's like it's like they gotta abandon the goofy stories if they just
came out and said listen
it's our belief that living in this way uh with this belief in a higher power
and that holds you to a
higher standard of behavior if all that along with these tenants you know
loving thy neighbor and treating
each other as brothers and sisters as if we were all one if just all that you
just got to stop saying
someone came back from the dead you got to stop saying even those stories even
those goofy stories
which i i always would say that was saying that but you know when i left but a
lot of them work is
still work as metaphors you know yes um the ones that there's people at all
levels of smarts
and they all need a thing to get on board so some people need a goofy story to
get on board
like i said i i don't think that's the linchpin that's harming it i think it's
just i don't i don't
believe that it transforms people's hearts like there's people that i saw when
i was in my in
jove's witnesses that they had a fucked up life that they turned around right
right but i don't
think that that it fundamentally changed anything but their behavior they were
just who they were
and this gave them a window to be you know like a good person it's just a
scaffolding you just need
something to sort of build on a structure hold on to a lot of people never had
a structure right right
so so you know but if you're a psychopath it's not going to change you into a
not a psychopath right
it's going to make it's going to be horrible because you're going to apply your
psychopathic
tendencies to the religion well and you see that right i mean the the worst of
the evangelists that's
what you're saying right you're seeing a con man who's found uh a tool that's
beyond reproach
well some of them are just like you know they're like uh almost like same as
marilyn manson when he
you know he had his thing that he did marilyn manson but he was ultimately like
a guy
that's going to play golf like alice cooper like he's hey man i'm doing a show
here that's what
those guys you know steve martin made that movie uh what is it called where he's
leap of faith he
plays like a tv preacher and and he because he saw this documentary about a
real guy named marjo who uh
copied mc jagger so he would go to these churches and do like moves like jagger
for these old ladies and
and he would talk about it and he was just openly saying how it was a scam
anything you're making
money off of like that it doesn't go together for you know that's how you know
automatically the guy's
full of shit because he's making a ton of money off it if they're a preacher
yeah you're not supposed
to get rich like how come jesus didn't get rich right and and especially when
you get like arena rich
like you're buying arenas yeah right like what's that guy's name rich enough
that guy yeah joel olstein
yeah see these guys come out of nowhere he's trying to do the least harm
singers they're like pop
i don't know about them until they get so huge that they break through the
public vernacular like
it's like pops like i just learned who billy eilish was i didn't know this
whole time yeah she doesn't
know who van my sister had to inform me about adele she goes you know that song
hello i go no i don't
know that song you never had heard it just like no no i've been fortunate to
dodge a lot of her not
in a bad way against i think she's got an amazing voice don't get me wrong but
you just haven't seen
a lot of horse i just dude i'm old you know very talented i'm an old white guy
who likes rap music
and classic rock hey i'm just an old one i like my classic rock i like uh led
zeppelin i'd like uh oh yeah
like so you knew who van halen was not like billy eilish oh yeah of course dude
van halen but it's
just like at a certain point in time it's like i'm taking in too much music i
don't have time for
all this new stuff yeah well there's an age where i was like weren't we just
talking about a different
yeah something i didn't care about like well you know what's interesting about
music is like our
lifetimes and our parents lifetimes are like the first times in human history
where people had music
collected where they could listen to it over and over and over again right our
grandparents were like
probably the first like my grandparents came over uh from italy and from ireland
in the early 1900s
so when they were coming over here i guess they had record players but how
prevalent were they
and what kind of music did they have and like you know i thought they had to
like stand around the
window of a rich person's house like somebody a slave cranks the handle but
like where was the
recordings you know i'm saying like they weren't that prevalent if there were
right there certainly
were some you know they had recorded music before then but it's not like it was
on your phone didn't
we send you know that that gold record we sent into space that has like a
picture of like man a
transphobic picture of a man and a woman does it have a dress does a woman have
a dress the woman
has a dress and there's just those two doesn't she just have breasts but she's
she's do you know what
the image looks like see if you get oh dude it's hilarious and then uh the
music oh like some blues
guy like old old catfish willy or you know like some old timey yeah yeah so
just got some cool to
make us look interesting it's a very old drawing yeah it's on gold this is what
we're into dude they
sent it on a gold plate you know it was like a gold plate and then uh but the
drawings made me laugh
because they are like stick figures like i watched that movie contact the other
night with jody foster
yeah it's amazing dude i forgot how good it was holy is that a good movie a lot
of it's good but you
weren't in the way that the aliens are like we're going to look like your dead
father because you
couldn't handle no i can handle seeing aliens um is it is tha