Name: JRE MMA Show #95 with Brendan Schaub
Uploaded: 2020-05-08T19:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'JRE MMA Show #95 with Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'JRE MMA Show #95 with Brendan Schaub' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-08. Transcript available.

JRE MMA Show #95 with Brendan Schaub

fight week it's here dude it's here we're just a couple days away here we are
thursday we got
friday and then saturday's fights and i gotta go i'm gonna be in jacksonville
florida i'm gonna
be doing commentary in an empty arena no one's gonna be near me everybody has
to be really far
away from each other we're gonna be on separate corners of the octagon which is
which fucking
sucks you dc and anic and anic because when things go crazy dc and i always
grab each other you guys
vibe off of each other can't do that everybody's a pussy but we're all tested
that's what doesn't
make any that's what i'm saying if you all agree like yeah we'll risk it man we're
all we're all
healthy we're all fine well not only we're all healthy and fine we're tested we're
for clean we
don't have it it's like we don't have to be far apart from each other i got
tested yesterday i got
the results back from my nose swab that's negative and then two days before
that i took an antibody
test that's negative too i'm 100 negative so whose idea is this it's fucking
the state the state just
has real rigid guidelines apparently they just want to make sure that everybody's
safe cam haynes
wanted to come with me he couldn't come you can't have anybody else nope nope
do you know what cam
due to covid it doesn't have a chance not a chance some of that kind of cardio
god come on man listen
i had elon on the podcast yesterday and we talked about what the actual death
rate is versus what
everyone thought it was going to be is he good at reading stats i don't know he
said it's a magnitude
of 10 to 50 percent 10 to 50 times less deadly than they thought it was going
to be
it's pretty big that's huge especially when they start getting to things like i
don't know if you've
seen the um um there's a prison where they tested these prisoners 98 of them
had it and had no idea
asymptomatic yeah everybody was fine yeah they're finding that in a lot of
places a lot of people
are asymptomatic and elon goes hard in the paint too yeah he goes hard in the
paint which i love he
said yesterday if you got bit by a shark and died and you had covid they would
count it as a covid death
yeah 100 i mean he's probably making a joke he is but he's not yeah but he's
not yeah yeah he's not
yeah it's so it's so ridiculous man did we find out whether or not that's true
about the heart attacks
the heart disease because someone else brought it up to me today someone else
who's a pretty smart
person in new york i looked like i couldn't even find the numbers so i don't
know where they got those
numbers see if there's an article i looked hard i looked hard is is the podcast
is the podcast out i
looked hard sorry is the podcast out yeah yeah yeah it's out does he mention
how isn't it weird that the the death
rate went down once the flu season's over did he talk about that how they're
counting flu as covid too
yeah that's the thing if you have flu and covid they count it as covid yeah and
then the flu
you know look covid's not good but it's not what we were worried about it's not
what we thought it was going to be
should not shut down the economy no i don't think so i think shutting it down
for a couple weeks is not
a bad idea to get a sense of it but once the numbers are back i mean i think
right now it needs
to restart people need to be precautious they need to follow social distancing
guidelines wear masks if
possible especially until we get it all wrapped up and figure out what it is in
terms of like what the
treatment like they they have what is that stuff called again remdevere remdesivir
remdesivir this
new uh antiviral treatment that they say is supposed to work working really
well with it i think you
have underlying health conditions yes and you're over 60 put on a mask if you
don't it should be up to
me if i want to wear it did you know that the average age of covid death user
people who get covid and die
is higher than the average age of death that's nuts that's nuts i'm so glad elon
came on is that a
crazy just dropped some fucking knowledge that's a crazy number you know it's
weird and there's this
weird like toxic culture who wants it to be bad so when elon spits these facts
i'm sure your podcast
comes out people like no and they start throwing other facts like no dude these
are the stats yeah it's
tough to argue with these hard cold facts people are so scared well elon's not
a doctor again save it
dude yeah we're looking at stats yeah i think you can read stats yeah the dude's
gonna get us to the
fucking to mars he's gonna build a fucking planet you know i think we i think
we're gonna be all right
he can read those i'm gonna listen to that guy yeah it's not what we thought it
was gonna be
that's what it is everybody was scared two months ago everybody was like holy
shit the plague's coming
and it's not that it's not that we got lucky it's a bad cold it's really bad
kills some people
it fucks people up with the respiratory disease it's really bad for people that
are obese it's
really bad for old people everything's bad for old people and obese people
though everything's bad
that's that's reality that's getting shape man god damn it say it say it get
the fucking shape
join the big boys bike club man get your fat ass in there bro how many fucking
rattlesnakes are in
your neighborhood every day you're sending me a video of a new rattlesnake that's
ridiculous and that
that's that's like that dirt mahalin road and the topanga canyon like that's
those dirt roads
and they're everywhere do they go on the road they go on the road they go in
the sun oh and now i'm
just i don't know accustomed to i used to be so scared to buy in the morning my
god here we go i'd
be so scared but now it's like they're not gonna bother me i mean if i if i
step on one it's you know
it's gonna be trouble yeah but um i'd still rather get well i'd rather get coven
than get bit by a
rattlesnake tell you that right now 100 100 100 but they look like these big
logs that mike posner
guy he got bit by rouse yeah it was a baby one yeah so they had stronger venom
i guess no that's a
myth apparently yeah all right well they all suck it didn't do you see the one
i seen today how about
that bad he was a little aggressive too a little big he's a little aggressive
and then he started
heading my way oh dude come on so i'm trying to make noise i'm like come on
dude go that way man
every morning i see them every morning do you know their venom apparently it's
like it digests
the the animal so like if they kill a rabbit with their venom it actually helps
digest the rabbit
it breaks down the tissue so when people get bit by it it makes your skin rot
it makes your meat rot
so it allow like so if it was going to swallow you it allows it to digest you
easier i think my
big ass would be okay i think i'll be all right but it's gonna be such a
nightmare man you can get
fucked up by rattlesnake such a nightmare i watched this horrible fucking
website where they had a series
of photographs of this guy that got bit on the arm and they had a med vacuum
out of there and they had
to do a bunch of procedures and skin grafts and all kinds of shit and his arm
was fucked up it was like
it rotted a hole through his arm did you watch that thing i sent you about alex
smith that quarterback
did you see it i started watching i couldn't it was gross it's insane he got he
got some
flesh-eating bacteria in his leg once a compound fractured when he's playing
for the redskins
did take muscle from his left leg and put in the right leg it's just a
nightmare i probably would
have amputated it what he wants to he's still under contract he's he's gonna
try to play again but i
i mean i don't know how can it was so bad where they're like you're not going
to have motion in
your foot and most the the when we see these kind of um injuries it's usually
soldiers from stepping on
ids or whatever so most time they just amputated because your legs never gonna
be the same otherwise
you're looking at 18 months you know you're in this cast with braces and screws
into the muscle and the
bone you're looking at that long layover and even after then you're probably
like a motion in your foot
i'm like you just take it off give me that cool robocop carbon fiber one toss
some specialized
stickers on that get sponsored but this thing is they're changing like every
year they're
changing what they can and can't do in terms of like biologicals like stem
cells and different
treatments they come up with you know they can fix acls now without uh using
anything other than your acl
oh damn yeah dr roddy mcgee was showing me these videos this guy who they did
it to and then he went
into the olympics four months after surgery that's pretty gangster it's crazy
they're blowing out their acl
right the acl snaps which was game over back in the day yeah well it used to be
they had to replace
it either with a patella tendon graft hamstring graft or a cadaver yeah i've
had a patella tendon graft on
the left and a cadaver on my right but this thing now they're taking the actual
acl that exists and
they have some new way of suturing it and they squirt some stem cells up in
there and it heals up you're
good to go yeah it heals up jesus christ yeah it's pretty crazy so my thought
is that they're always
coming up with new ways so don't cut your leg off don't cut your leg off just
for stickers
just to get a sponsor no my thing is is robotics are coming along too so you
might become some
badass with this robot leg my worry is one day artificial legs going to be so
good people going
to get their good legs removed so they can get an artificial leg makes sense it's
going to happen
yeah it's going to feel like a regular leg and you just run forever it's like
an e-bike jump over
buildings yeah be sick i mean become a superhero yeah six million dollar man
remember that yeah
except it's going to be way more than six million bucks a lot more but alex smith
can afford it
that's what's going to happen in the future probably yeah don't cut the leg off
don't listen
to me alex if you're listening don't listen don't get your leg off did you have
you watched the
countdown show for this this weekend's event i watched it did you see the
trailer that i posted
no i did not what'd you post i got emotional watching it well dana posted it
and someone
sent it to me i'm like oh i go to i go to post it dana has me blocked so i can't
click on his profile
and see it i'm like what the yeah i'm like oh we're we're blocking people now
we're throwing spinning
i don't know probably probably when we got into that whole scuffle on instagram
but that was his
doing not mine was that at least two years ago that's his doing not mine i
tried so hard to mend that
bridge i've had so many sit downs i don't get the hate man i don't get it but i
love who's a bigger
so it's a problem you know it's like i don't get it but it's so strange like
when you when you
look at a list of people like who's a bigger advocate for the ufc nobody nobody
nobody but i
mean but you yeah and you work for yeah i don't receive a dime off of them i
know yeah but i i shot
from the rooftop well you know some people they dig their heels in yeah he's
like michael jordan he just
doesn't let let anything go oh is this the thing that talks about i did see
this yeah yeah it's
great dude yeah it might be the best promo they've ever made it's very good the
countdown show begins
with this it's so good it makes me so proud to be part of the ufc the countdown
show is so good man
the countdown show is so good and you see justin first of all justin how
hilarious is justin gaethje he
goes i hope he breaks my nose so i can get it fixed crazy because you hear him
talk he's talking
he's talking like this yeah you know his nose is useless his nose is useless it's
smashed i mean his
style is so face forward he's so such a brawler in a good way i i think yeah
don't call him a brawler
i mean look i'm a giant fan of that guy me too i'm a fan of his h