Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1491 - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2020-06-12T19:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1491 - Bill Burr' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1491 - Bill Burr' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-12. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1491 - Bill Burr

hello family man hello sir good to see you brother good to see you too
we were just talking about uh like you have two kids now you have a real family
you got to get an
suv yeah oh yeah we had something but just once you get the two car seats in
the back and then
you know with all the for the kids and then all the your wife has all of a
sudden it's
just like oh i now understand remember the suburban yeah which was a long like
blazer
and you look at that thing like who the needs all of that unless you're like
homeless and that's
where you live but then you're like oh i get it again if you have three four
kids yeah you
definitely need one you definitely need one they always bring a bunch of with
them too they want
to bring stuff so yeah you have to have yeah you have to have room for a toy or
this or that those
tesla ones you were talking about those are great the x with the crazy doors
yeah the lambo doors
yeah those are dope have you ever seen them dance no tiffany haddish had one
she was in the back of
the comedy store i heard that and she uh set it to dance and she puts music on
it and the wings start
going up and the car starts like turning left and right it's actually pretty
badass it's fun she's
one of the most fun people i've ever hung out with so i i wish i was i wish i
was there for that
she had the covid she had it she got it over she kicked it i'm surprised more
comics didn't get
it the way we're shaking hands and meeting people after shows um yeah i saw my
i got my wife had the
kids we had to get tested so i was i said yeah big j okerson got it he had it
and he's clean it feels
weird to be talking about people that have it yeah i know a lot of people that
caught it yeah i know
about nine you're like naming names like joe mccarthy over there oh they're
fine now well i like people
who've had it now because they have the antibodies they think they can like
walk on fire it's like dude
this thing is a brand new thing i don't know if you want to be testing you know
i got a buddy of mine uh
ended up getting it and then he was just like well they i got tested i got the
antibodies so now i think
he feels like he's bulletproof so they don't even know if you can catch it
again they don't they
really have no idea well people are going to find out yeah we're going to find
out yeah because when
i was driving over here i actually got into a moderate level of traffic on the
highway like i've noticed
it's just at some point i mean considering people are just kind of doing what
they want to do
and a lot of people were after two weeks everyone just sort of depending on
where your ego was like
you're not gonna tell me this is all a fucking something i'm gonna go outside
those people
they just kept it going so now i just feel like well you can't have 60 percent
of the population go
broke because less than one percent has something yeah so i don't know i think
we're just gonna
just go back i think we're just gonna go back and if you get it you get it and
if you die you die and if you don't you don't and then
eventually they're gonna get they're gonna get something that'll slow it down
or stop it or
something like that here's what slows it down your immune system they don't
tell you a goddamn
thing about that they don't tell you how to take care of your immune system
there's no
word about that it's put a mask on wash your hands no one's telling you sleep
more drink water
take vitamins there's none of that yeah and i know this one guy who brought up
vitamin d on his
big podcast and then you couldn't find it anymore dude you're like fucking oprah
when she attacked
the meat industry i just saw a clip oh this guy on rogan and of course i didn't
even research
the guy was it was just like take vitamin d a woman how much i pay attention
and i go i go to the
fucking health food store it's all gone and there was something this bootleg
vitamin d was like
vitamin d plus i'm like what what is that what is that i know that that that's
probably gonna make
me catch it so i just take vitamin c and i try to get eight hours sleep and i i've
been i've been
doing a pretty good job of uh i'm pretty anti-social like a lot of comics so i
haven't had a problem
keep it away from everybody yeah my wife i i quarantine in my house like my
wife so you guys
sit down and have dinner with us i'm always over in the corner if i'm alone no
one can hurt me
just leftover childhood just coming from a family of loners so do you feel
weird not doing stand-up
what has that been like um i did not miss it at all and but i think that
whenever there's something
like painful in my life i think that that's what i do is i just go i don't care
i don't give a
fuck it's all i i really learned a lot more about myself during this quiet time
of not running
around and going to airports and kind of sitting with myself and being like wow
i thought i was
way further down the road working on myself than i was but i have a lot of
fucking childhood issues
left over i got a lot like i really started like all these puzzle pieces just
started coming in and
i was able to look all the way back where i was to where where i am now and how
i got here and these
little things that happened to me you know good things and bad that just sort
of just knocked me
down this road that i'm on it was just sitting alone with alone time yeah well
you know my wife was
going through you know the third trimester you know when you know when they're
just over it and you're
like oh god there's six weeks to go i'm ready to have it no he's like oh no um
you know i finally
you know get my daughter to bed get her to bed everything was good made sure
all the doors were
locked and then i was just sort of like why you know all these years of doing
stand-up i'm just up at
that hour right so i was just sort of you know sitting kind of by myself like i
i i don't know
i haven't been watching tv like the news you just brought up three things you
see he's going on seattle
with the fcc whatever he says i don't know what i don't even know what it is
what is tifa antifa
they call themselves anti-fascists and they're they wear masks and they carry
sticks and helmets and
shit and they intimidate people exactly to stop fascism they use fascism to
stop fascism yeah
and they blocked off i think six blocks of seattle and they declared it a
police-free zone this is
occupied by the people of seattle and you you can't use money in that police-free
zone you know joe i'm
going to go out on a limb and say that's not going to end well it's not going
to end well at all that's
the only thing that's going to keep it from ending badly is that seattle is
kind of a fucked up city
they tolerate a lot of homelessness seattle's got a lot of weird laws like it's
a it's a um i forget
the way it's described i think it's a mutual combat state that's what it's
described so like if you're
in front of a cop say if uh say if i'm a cop and you and jamie decide to duke
it out you can just say
you want to fight motherfucker and he'll go yeah i want to fight and the cops
will let you fight because
it's some wild west mining shit from like the fucking 1600s settle it like men
on the books yeah no
lawsuits i like it you can duke it out in the middle of the street it's very
dangerous though
people getting knocked out on the street is fucking terrifying because they
fall and they hit their
head and they go unconscious and there's no refs to stop those last nine hammer
fists i think the
cops are supposed to do that the cops are supposed to act as a referee too but
this there's videos of
guys getting into street fights in seattle and cops just standing around
watching
yeah it's real weird in fact i don't have a problem if two people are willing
to do it and they
they're uh they know the risks you know if you get hit you're gonna fall and
crack your head on the
back of the the curb there i mean a lot of them are drunk though they don't
know the risks there was
one of them this is this kid uh i think his last name is fodor uh i think carlos
fodor he was a
mma fighter and he would dress up like a superhero what see see if you can find
out what do you remember
his name anyway he actually knew how to fight and he was dressed like a
superhero so he's kind of
baiting people to fuck with him and he's walking on the street and these guys
fuck with them and they
hilarious they decide to go at it and then you know he's bouncing around like a
real pro fighter and
starts slamming leg kicks in on this guy you see this guy's face like oh my god
what the
fuck have i signed up for he's just some drunk asshole and some dude dressed
like a superhero well i
i don't have any sympathy for those people i think he called himself phoenix jones
if i saw a guy
walking around dressed like a superhero i'd be like that guy's out of his mind
and i would give him a
wide berth yes hoping he was on his way to his place of solitude whatever that
maybe he's on his way
home to his ice house he's on his way to the bat cave or some cosplay but if i
was younger uh yeah
i might have you know if i was standing in a crowd yeah i probably would have
done some yeah punk
shit like that couple of whiskeys in yeah oh yeah get my orange wig slapped off
yeah probably
so seattle is on it's run by a warlord some one dude apparently according to my
friend who's a
seal was running this entire seven block or six block area of seattle they
spray painted all the
windows on this yeah you know okay talk to me in three days it's been going on
a lot longer than
that it'll be fun you think so what is going to happen do you think there's war
loads what he's
going to have 10 blocks and then 11 and then he's going to take over all of washington
i mean he's
going to run out of men they have guns okay that's the problem the problem is
they're openly carrying
rifles inside this six block i know but they need to eat okay and then no
supplies are going to get
in that seven blocks they're just going to wait them out or they're going to
come in with superior
firepower and it's not going to end well joe i don't think it's going to end
well i'm just i don't know
how it's going to end all right let's let's let's guess the scenario okay all
right how many bodies
what's the over under four people die how many are there how many of them are
there thousands i think
thousands and you're only going with four that's a good number that's like a vegas
number where you're
like they always pick the perfect do i go over or i go under this the price is
right i don't know how
many people are in there but the photos that i saw the place is packed filled
with people like like
they're just getting out of a chapelle show look at this these are the people
they took city hall oh
they took city hall they own city oh now now most of them are white so i don't
see the staying power
of this wait what did you just say they opened the door for them yeah they gave
them city hall so this is
city hall they're walking into right now yeah this is yeah well this is going
to be funny now when
they get in and they don't know what to do let me hear some volume on this jamie
i want to hear what
the fuck they're yelling
something about jamie masada jamie's got to go yeah the laugh factory in long
beach got looted last night
oh god i can't imagine how many puppets they took
is there puppets in the laugh factory giant creepy fucking mannequins i that
place is oh it's you
know i love that place i love performing there but some of the jamie's decor i
love my favorite
things to do in this business is on jamie masada he knows i love him buddy bill
burr black lives
matter body don't burn down my club yes please buddy this business has always
been weird like that
there's always no that's why you're the king dude because you got outside of it
but you're totally in
it and they can't they can't get you they can't get you i i you know i'm piling
up some stories here
being in the matrix i won't get into them but it's the same it's just the same
ol