Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1534 - Ron White
Uploaded: 2020-09-09T18:09:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1534 - Ron White' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1534 - Ron White' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-09. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1534 - Ron White

Joe Rogan podcast check it out the Joe Rogan experience train by day Joe Rogan
podcast by night
all day you look good oh thank you you did you you you look like uh you you're
well rested like
the the covid lockdown has done you well thank you you know I during this thing
I came up with
a program uh called the dial it back a little bit program and it's like AA
except there's only six
steps but you don't get completely sober so it's going to be very popular I
think and uh the first
step was uh Ron why don't you quit drinking so fucking much and what is so
fucking much what's
the numbers ah you know it's a half a bottle of tequila a night or something
like that maybe a
little more uh wound back to a third by the way these little cigars are the
shit these are really
good Romeo and Julieta tiny cigars yeah that's the uh the mini cigarrillo so
there's one that's a little
bit bigger than that and it's called a cigarrillo and these are the minis and I
started like I was
saying it when I was playing golf you know I just whenever it's time for me to
hit I just throw it
away and light another one you know there's 20 of them for 15 bucks so you know
as opposed to a 15
dollar cigar which is what I usually smoke something like that and uh but it's
good tobacco yeah it's
really good it's the same thing it's in their big old premium cigars just wrote
about rolled by the
junior rollers that's how they learn and you look like you're smoking a blunt
but we're clearly not
clearly and uh in Austin we were saying about the rules it's like what you
could have as much as a
quarter of a pound before they arrest you uh yeah a quarter of a pound is that
right yeah uh and that
and if you just say it's CBD CDB whatever nugs then uh they would have to test
it and they don't want to
notice that they got other things to do so they have CBD stores out here folks
it's it's very strange they
have stores that sell CBD joints but marijuana is illegal right so I don't know
you know my my son
is in that business and uh it is confusing the the uh and I think that's what
helps you know yeah is uh
they got dizzy trying to figure it out but I was going through LAX on the way
out here a week early
and uh because we set this up for uh we were talking on Friday and you said
next Tuesday the 8th
well I don't even know what month it is much less what day of the month it is
and so I just thought
it's the next Tuesday coming up which was only three days away and I was a
little mad at you and I was
like going wow it seems like you'd have given me more than three days notice
and I gotta find a way to
get to LA and I'm looking at flights there's nothing good I'm thinking about
bringing my plane down uh
which it turns out has a problem so we couldn't bring it down and and uh and I
get down here and
he's like the 8th is uh a week from today and I was like god I'm so stupid man
we made it work yeah we
made it work so they just plugged in the stuff a few days early and here I am
so you're not from here
but you've been here for how long now like two years how long you I've said you
know I started
coming to Austin when I was 15 years old uh my my buddy uh his brother taught
economics at UT and had
a house on fourth street which at that time was just little bitty low-end cracker
box houses
but that mostly teachers lived in and he would let us stay in his yard and uh
so we would tell my
parents that we were going camping at lake Sutherland and my buddy Ricky Bellows
when he turned 16 had the
littlest new Honda but he had one that was wrecked and he rebuilt it and we put
all our camping gear in
it and come straight to Austin and uh set up in my uh brother's uh my buddy uh
Mickey McMillan his brother
Scott McMillan we'd set up in his yard his backyard and then we'd walk two
blocks to 6th street
and it was probably 71 or 72 and Austin was tripping balls I mean it was people
on unicycles in clown suits juggling
backwards music pumping out of every window Stevie Ray Vaughan coming out of
this with Stevie Ray Vaughan
on one end of the guitar and we're playing live live right just out the window
now we didn't have any
money and we couldn't get in any club so we had we were completely broke and
but we were standing there
listening to this music watching this scene of 6th street and 71 I guess it was
about 71 or two when
I've been 15 71 and uh and even then there were people going it's over you
should have seen it
in 67. I'm like still still still still looks pretty good to me man that's just
what people always do
though oh yeah I missed it man just the other day somebody was like oh yeah it's
just not what it used
to be and I'm like when did you get here like Thursday I'm like dude really it's
taking a dive since
Thursday all these Californians moving in yeah they really hate that yeah I
talked to uh this guy's
doing uh IT work he's like we're being invaded right relax well you know it's a
I get it it's a great
state and and uh but it's uh it's just a liberal stronghold in the middle of a
very republican state and
you know I was born and raised here and you know if people ask me if I'm a Texan
I tell them I'm a
Texan you know this is where I'm from and and uh the state is uh slowly
changing and and becoming more
palatable for everybody and uh but there's still a pretty hard right wing you
know faction that runs
it all out of uh out of Dallas where all the money is in Houston and well that's
what keeps it from going
haywire right right that's what keeps it from going straight Portland right
yeah that's that's it you
need that man they're those people are ridiculous you need that you need you
need law and order you
do I don't I don't give a what anybody says yeah that's uh my old joke was uh
if you come to Texas
and kill somebody we will kill you back and uh go somewhere else and kill
people you'll be better off
you know go to California you know it's just I just feel like you know people
want to throw away
everything that's there they just want to break it all down and deconstruct
society but they don't
really I mean their plan once they do that like you saw what happened with uh
that six block chunk of
Seattle that they took over of course yeah it deteriorated almost instantly and
became a terribly run
country right they had borders they had people beating people up for filming
things I mean they
had murders they're thinking about walls yes they took over too not only that
they appropriated all
the buildings they didn't build those buildings they just took it over the
problem with that kind of
thinking is even if you think you're right you what you're doing now someone
can do that to you
because you've already shown that it can be done you've already shown that you
could just by force
you can light the mayor of Portland's apartment building on fire and stand out
and chant well they could do
that to your house too right you got to understand like what you're doing is
not nice it's not civilized
it's not polite this is a civilized society and if you decide you're going to
do things that are not
civilized and you're going to justify it people can do things that are not
civilized to you like the
founding fathers as crazy as it is in the 1700s figured this out in advance
they had a whole series
of checks and balances to keep things from going sideways they really had some
good ideas it's really
amazing when you stop and think about their great insight into human nature and
how it could apply
and where it might go right they were right they were right yeah now you know
when we were having
protests and uh in vandalism and whatever in beverly hills and they were saying
that uh the next uh
you know they're coming to tear your part town apart you know i really didn't
think they would but
i still had a uh retired navy seal standing in front of my house uh with a gun
and uh his message was
why don't you go up the house next door to ron and uh and leave ron's place
alone of course it's just
these young people with these idealistic ideas about people that are successful
that somehow or another
you've stolen it from other people and that you need to give it back to
everyone else we needed to have
a communist society and it's like how right where's the money coming from where
who's gonna work what
are you gonna do have you thought this through right you know i'd always chosen
the path of least
resistance in my life and it just ended up here you know in joe rogan's studio
at 63 years old this is
the path of least resistance this is where i ended up it is but it isn't you
know you say that but you
you were a grinder you were out there on the road doing the hard gigs that's
not least least resistance
no it was you know it was so much fun i couldn't stand it you know i would tap
my foot when i was at
home i wanted to get back out to the path of least resistance you know because
you know me i love
stand-up comedy and i love being on stage like you do and uh and uh and touring
never bothered me
you know it got softer and softer it started out it was 800 miles in a in a nissan
truck with a bench
vinyl seat that would bend you over the steering wheel after 50 miles and you
had 800 miles to go to
atlanta that who shows and i didn't care you know i felt like i found it yeah
and uh and i didn't even
know what it was until i found it the first time i was on stage i was like oh i'm
a comedian that's
what i am if you just look at the most of society at least i did when i looked
at most of society most
of what people were doing was so unappealing to me it just didn't resonate with
my mind the way i grew
up it just didn't work but as soon as i started doing comedy and going on the
road i was like oh my god
i found this thing yeah i found a thing that just works it just fits into my dna
it just it just makes
sense that's the same with me and i never ever thought that my career would get
as big as it did
ever we were talking about divorce outside you're talking about how you've been
over and i said if
i could just go back in time when you were broke and i said ron in the year
2020 you will have been
out of millions of dollars in divorce yeah and you'd be like well man how much
did i make
how'd i get all that money where'd it come from do i have any left after this
how am i doing
so yeah and it was it was two women and uh and all together with lawyers and
all in for 10 probably 10
million bucks and ouch and uh after tax money you know that's 20 million in
real world dollars it's uh
something like that uh well you know if you're if you're making dollars at the
box office you know
you're you're really only putting about 28 cents out of every dollar in a bank
account that you could
spend and so you got a big chunk going to taxes and managers and agents and
travel and all that stuff
and you're trying to have fun and trying to have a good time hey you're not squirreling
money away
for divorce well it turns out it was i thought it was retirement but uh now it
turns out you know
i i really i really believe that i'm retired i believe i'm done really you're
done with stand-up
i think so listen man we're gonna open up a club here in austin oh i'll do that
i'm gonna drag you in
you're gonna crush you're gonna get that the feeling down to your toes that
tingle
whoo i haven't even thought about a set in a half a year you know they they
tapped on my bus and uh
the parking lot of a venue uh in uh springfield uh illinois and uh the parking
lot was half full
you know i'd flown out from l.a got on my tour bus in uh in st louis my crew's
with me the crowd
showing up they knock on the door and said it's over wow the government just uh
the governor just
pulled the plug on this date and then they plugged it on the next day and i'm
like there's not gonna
be any shows till may i bet and boy was i wrong it's right now we're in september
yeah it is september
and there's no shows in sight well you can go some places uh houston's doing
shows san antonio's doing
shows nashville's doing shows kansas c