Name: Moxie's Harrowing Story of Almost Drowning
Uploaded: 2020-12-01T20:22:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Moxie's Harrowing Story of Almost Drowning' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Moxie's Harrowing Story of Almost Drowning' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-01. Transcript available.

the Joe Rogan experience so how did you learn how to do all this stuff was it
trial by fire where you're learning how to use all this I mean I don't call
ancient equipment but mechanical equipment oh yeah yeah secret is to
begin to start yeah I mean so sextant where the fuck does one learn how to
operate a sextant and then navigate in the ocean yeah just I would you know I
started you know me and some friends got a boat and we started fixing it up and
making a lot of mistakes and then you know started taking some trips and then
getting lost yeah I got lost a bunch I took a solo trip from San Francisco to
Mexico and back on a little 27-foot boat with no engine and whoa that's what I
did that take a few months and the way you did it did you stay close I can see
though there's the shore so if everything fucks up I can kind of swim yeah well
no
you can't swim I learned that lesson to know why it's I mean the closest I ever
came to death in my life was just in the bay in the San Francisco Bay I was on
a
boat that capsized and I was probably 2,000 yards away from shore and I almost
drowned and I I mean I didn't make it to shore and yeah it's just the water so
cold you know you didn't make it to shore no yeah it's a long story I was like
I a
friend of mine was living in San Francisco and he wanted to learn how to sail
and I
was like you know what you should do is you should get like a little boat like
a
little sailing thing you know and then you can just anchor it like off the
shore in
this area that no one cares about and you know you can just sort of experiment
with
this little boat and so he started looking on Craigslist and he found this
boat is for sale for 500 bucks up in up in the North Bay and every time we
called the
phone number we got an answering machine that was like hello you've reached Dr.
Ken Thompson honorary I'm unable to take your call you know and we were like
what is
that like honorary like a fake doctor is he like a judge you know like what is
it
you know and so finally we got in touch with this guy we go up there and it's
this the kind of situation where like we pull up and there's like the trailer
that
the boat supposed to go on and it's just full of scrap metal oh boy and you
know
and you know this guy comes out he's like oh yeah this is the trailer um we
were
gonna do a metal run but if you want the boat you know we'll take the the metal
off
you know and we're like okay you know and he's like taking us around he's like
okay the
mask is over here and it's like under some leaves and you know it's like and
then you know the the hole is in the water here and and it's he has like a
dock behind his house and the tide is all the way out so the boat's just
sitting in
the mud you know and I'm like well how do we get this out of here he's like oh
you'd
have to come back at a different time uh you know and then you take it over
there
and we're like you told us to come now like at this time you know what anyway
so we
go through all this thing you know and any and you know my friend who knows
nothing about boats is like all right Moxie like what do you think you know
should I get this and I was like okay oh and we were like so what's it you know
doctor of what he's like oh self-declared you know okay he's a
self-declared doctor honor honorary self-declared doctor you can do that I
guess why not mmm it's just an answer Jamie yes yes I think we should become
doctors just became one I tried that for a while actually yeah did you really
yeah I
don't know I mean I never went to college so did Hunter S Thompson ever get an
honorary degree or did he just call himself dr. Hunter S Thompson because he
was
called himself doctor same trick same trick Edward Bernays do this legally well
Bill Cosby became a doctor for a little bit they took it back though that's you
know you fucked up yeah yeah they take back your fake doctor degree yeah yeah
so
this guy was like you know my friends like what do you think Maxie and I'm like
all right dr. Ken I would have to consider I'm not sure that I would do it but
I
would consider taking this boat for free I'd have to think about it but I would
consider that you know and he's like I might be amenable to that you know so
we've gone from like you know five hundred dollars to free and so we got this
boat you know and it was so we had to deal with the metal and also if we got
the
boat and we were just trying to do like a little we're just trying to anchor it
did
you bring life vests yeah I was wearing a uh a pfd yeah uh type type 2 pfd and
um uh we took it we took
it to this boat ramp and it was the end of the day and the wind was blowing
kind of hard and the
conditions weren't that good but I was like oh we're just doing this little
thing this little
maneuver and we were in two boats I built this little wooden uh rowing boat uh
and my friend
was going to go out in that with one anchor and I was going to sail out the
built it yeah out of uh
plywood stitching glue uh but yeah uh and but it you know not the sturdiest
vessel so uh and so you
know he's going to go out in this little rowboat and I was going to sail out
this uh this little
catamaran and we had two anchors and we're anchoring and we're going to get in
the rowboat and row back
and um it seemed a little windy and you know I got in the boat first and I got
out around this pier
and was hit by the full force of the wind and realized that it was blowing like
20 knots it was
way way too much for what we were trying to do but I had misrigged part of the
boat so it took me a
while to get it turned around um and by the time I got it turned around my
friend had rowed out
um around the pier and he got hit by the force of the wind and just got blown
out into the bay
so he's rowing directly into the wind and moving backwards oh shit and I was
like
and I'm on this little hobby cat and it was moving so fast like it was way too
windy to be sailing this
thing I've got just my clothes on I don't have a wetsuit on or anything like
that I have a life
jacket and just my clothes and we don't have a radio you know we're unprepared
oh it's starting to get
dark we don't have a light um and I'm sailing back and forth trying to like
help my friend uh and
it got to the point where I was like all right I'm just gonna tack over I'm
gonna sail up uh to this
boat that was called the sea louse sail up to the sea louse I'm gonna get my
friend off of it we're
just gonna abandon it and then we're gonna sail this hobie cat back uh if we
can and so I go to
turn around and right as I'm turning around a gust of wind hit the boat and
capsized it before I could
even know that it was happening you know just it's just like you just it's one
moment you're on the
boat and the next moment you're in the water you know and the water is like 50
degrees um like super uh it
like is a shock you know it hits you and the boat was a little messed up in a
way where it I couldn't
write it uh it had capsized and then the whole it capsized all the way and then
sank and so it was
floating like shit like you know three feet underwater basically um and so I'm
in the water but I'm like
still I'm like a little bit out of the water but like in the water and you know
I had a cell phone
that just immediately was busted um and I look at my friend and he's a ways
away now and he didn't see
me and I was you know yelling as loud as I could but the wind is blowing 20
knots and it just you
know you can't hear each other you know just takes your takes your voice away
and um he just I mean I
was screaming I was waving he wasn't wearing his glasses uh and he just very
slowly rode away
oh my god and so then I was just like floating there I was starting to get dark
um you know
he rode away did he notice that your boat had capsized no he didn't even see me
he thought that
I had just sailed somewhere else you know because in his mind he was I was the
person with the experience
do you still talk to this dude yeah all the time yeah I feel like you
motherfucker
I don't blame him in his mind he was the person that was in trouble right you
know and I understand
and he thought I just sailed somewhere else but that's crazy yeah sailed out of
vision
yeah and then you know it basically got dark I could see the shore it wasn't
far away there's
nobody on shore there's nobody around and um the wind was blowing directly
offshore so you have to
swim you know swim into the wind uh and into the wind wave and all that stuff
and um eventually I
tried swimming and I swam you know directly upwind and I was because I was I
was like okay like if I
get separated from this boat and I don't make it to shore then I'm definitely
dead you know like
there's just no saving me uh so I was trying to go directly upwind so that if I
felt like I couldn't
make it I would float back down when and hit the boat again and so I tried you
know I swam for
probably like 20 minutes upwind and made no progress it didn't feel like any
progress you know my you
know in 50 degrees you have 30 to 60 minutes before you black out my arms were
just you know
it's like I consider myself a strong swimmer like I free dive you know all this
stuff and
I just you know it's like you read these stories about uh how people die you
know of just like
they succumb to hypothermia on a local hike or they drown in the bay you know
and the story is
always like well Timmy was a strong swimmer but he and you're like really was
Timmy really a strong
swimmer because he drowned in the bay you know and like floating there you know
it just all came to
me I'm like wow this is how this happens you know you just make a series of
pretty dumb small decisions
until you find yourself like floating in the dark in the bay there's no one
around oh shit and it's
a really slow process too you know it's like it's not like you know you just
come to terms with the
idea that like you're not gonna make it and it's not it's not sudden it's not
like someone shot you
or you got hit by a bus or something like that it's like this hour-long thing
that you're getting
dragged through all alone and you realize like no one will ever even know what
this was you know how
that's happened and you think about all the people like Joshua Slocum Jim Gray
people who are lost at sea and you realize they all had this
thing that they went through you know this hour-long ordeal of just floating
alone and no one will even ever know what that was or what that was like you
know
and uh eventually I realized I wasn't gonna make it to shore I look back the
boat was like way far away from me I started you know drifting back towards it
I was still trying to swim
I realized at some point that I wasn't gonna hit it I wasn't gonna hit the boat
on the way back downwind
and I had to just give it all that I had to try to connect with the boat you
know to stop myself from getting blown past
it and in that moment too you realize that like uncertainty is the most unendurable
condition you know that like you imagine yourself making
it to shore and relaxing you know just knowing that it's resolved right and in
that moment of like I might not make it back to this boat you're you're like
tempted to give up because it's the same resolution you know it's the feeling
of just knowing you know the uncertainties have been resolved you know and you
have to really remind yourself that it's not the same you know that like you
have to give it everything you have in order to survive you know and that that
feeling that you're sort of longing for is not actually the feeling that you
want you know uh and I just barely got the the
make it back to this boat, you're like tempted to give up because it's the same
resolution.
You know, it's the feeling of just knowing, you know, that the uncertainties
have been
resolved, you know, and you have to really remind yourself that it's not the
same, you
know, that like you have to give it everything you have in order to survive,
you know, and
that that feeling that you're sort of longing for is not actually the feeling
that you want,
you know, and I just barely got the end of a rope that was trailing off the
back of the
hole, pull myself back on it, almost threw up. Then I had to, then I was just
floating
there with the, with the hole, you know, three feet underwater. I tied myself
to it. I started
to get tunnel vision. And really at the last minute, I, a tugboat started
coming through
the area and it was coming straight at me actually. And I, I realized that it
probably just wouldn't
even see me. It would just run me over and not even know that I had been there,
you know,
it's totally possible. Um, and I was just, you know, I was trying to like wave.
I could barely
lift my arm. I was trying to scream. I could barely make any noise. And somehow
they saw
me and, uh, they, they like, it took them like 15 minutes to like get a rope
around me and
they started pulling me up the side of the boat. And it was like lining every
tugboat is, um,
tires, like tires usually, um, as like a fender, you know, and I got like wedged
in the tires
as they were like pulling me up and I knew what was happening, you know, and I
was like,
all I have to do is stick my leg out and push against the hull of the boat, you
know, to like
go around the tires. And I couldn't do it. Uh, and I knew, and I could barely
see and they
like swung me around it eventually pulled me up. They like put me in, uh, next
to the engines
in the engine room. I couldn't, you know, I couldn't even feel the heat. Uh,
and they called
the coast guard and the coast guard came and got me. It was like really
embarrassing.
And the coast guard, like, you know, the coast guard guys, like, you know, he's
like, got
all these blankets over me. And he's like trying to like talk to me to like
keep me like alert,
you know? And, uh, and, you know, he's like, so is this, is this your first
time sailing?
And I like a commercial, like, like a 250 ton, like master's license, you know,
like, it's
like, you need 600 days at sea to get this license, you know? Uh, and I was
like, no,
I have a master's license. You know, he was like, what? He's like, you're a
fucking idiot,
man. You know, like everything changed. The tone totally changed, you know?
Oh my God, dude. That's insane.
Catch new episodes of the Joe Rogan Experience for free only on Spotify. Watch
back catalog JRE videos on Spotify, including clips easily seamlessly switch
between video
and audio experience. On Spotify, you can listen to the JRE in the background
while using other apps
and can download episodes to save on data costs all for free. Spotify is
absolutely free. You don't
have to have a premium account to watch new JRE episodes. You just need to
search for the JRE
on your Spotify app. Go to Spotify now to get this full episode of the Joe Rogan
Experience.

Moxie's Harrowing Story of Almost Drowning

the Joe Rogan experience so how did you learn how to do all this stuff was it
trial by fire where you're learning how to use all this I mean I don't call
ancient equipment but mechanical equipment oh yeah yeah secret is to
begin to start yeah I mean so sextant where the fuck does one learn how to
operate a sextant and then navigate in the ocean yeah just I would you know I
started you know me and some friends got a boat and we started fixing it up and
making a lot of mistakes and then you know started taking some trips and then
getting lost yeah I got lost a bunch I took a solo trip from San Francisco to
Mexico and back on a little 27-foot boat with no engine and whoa that's what I
did that take a few months and the way you did it did you stay close I can see
though there's the shore so if everything fucks up I can kind of swim yeah well
no
you can't swim I learned that lesson to know why it's I mean the closest I ever
came to death in my life was just in the bay in the San Francisco Bay I was on
a
boat that capsized and I was probably 2,000 yards away from shore and I almost
drowned and I I mean I didn't make it to shore and yeah it's just the water so
cold you know you didn't make it to shore no yeah it's a long story I was like
I a
friend of mine was living in San Francisco and he wanted to learn how to sail
and I
was like you know what you should do is you should get like a little boat like
a
little sailing thing you know and then you can just anchor it like off the
shore in
this area that no one cares about and you know you can just sort of experiment
with
this little boat and so he started looking on Craigslist and he found this
boat is for sale for 500 bucks up in up in the North Bay and every time we
called the
phone number we got an answering machine that was like hello you've reached Dr.
Ken Thompson honorary I'm unable to take your call you know and we were like
what is
that like honorary like a fake doctor is he like a judge you know like what is
it
you know and so finally we got in touch with this guy we go up there and it's
this the kind of situation where like we pull up and there's like the trailer
that
the boat supposed to go on and it's just full of scrap metal oh boy and you
know
and you know this guy comes out he's like oh yeah this is the trailer um we
were
gonna do a metal run but if you want the boat you know we'll take the the metal
off
you know and we're like okay you know and he's like taking us around he's like
okay the
mask is over here and it's like under some leaves and you know it's like and
then you know the the hole is in the water here and and it's he has like a
dock behind his house and the tide is all the way out so the boat's just
sitting in
the mud you know and I'm like well how do we get this out of here he's like oh
you'd
have to come back at a different time uh you know and then you take it over
there
and we're like you told us to come now like at this time you know what anyway
so we
go through all this thing you know and any and you know my friend who knows
nothing about boats is like all right Moxie like what do you think you know
should I get this and I was like okay oh and we were like so what's it you know
doctor of what he's like oh self-declared you know okay he's a
self-declared doctor honor honorary self-declared doctor you can do that I
guess why not mmm it's just an answer Jamie yes yes I think we should become
doctors just became one I tried that for a while actually yeah did you really
yeah I
don't know I mean I never went to college so did Hunter S Thompson ever get an
honorary degree or did he just call himself dr. Hunter S Thompson because he
was
called himself doctor same trick same trick Edward Bernays do this legally well
Bill Cosby became a doctor for a little bit they took it back though that's you
know you fucked up yeah yeah they take back your fake doctor degree yeah yeah
so
this guy was like you know my friends like what do you think Maxie and I'm like
all right dr. Ken I would have to consider I'm not sure that I would do it but
I
would consider taking this boat for free I'd have to think about it but I would
consider that you know and he's like I might be amenable to that you know so
we've gone from like you know five hundred dollars to free and so we got this
boat you know and it was so we had to deal with the metal and also if we got
the
boat and we were just trying to do like a little we're just trying to anchor it
did
you bring life vests yeah I was wearing a uh a pfd yeah uh type type 2 pfd and
um uh we took it we took
it to this boat ramp and it was the end of the day and the wind was blowing
kind of hard and the
conditions weren't that good but I was like oh we're just doing this little
thing this little
maneuver and we were in two boats I built this little wooden uh rowing boat uh
and my friend
was going to go out in that with one anchor and I was going to sail out the
built it yeah out of uh
plywood stitching glue uh but yeah uh and but it you know not the sturdiest
vessel so uh and so you
know he's going to go out in this little rowboat and I was going to sail out
this uh this little
catamaran and we had two anchors and we're anchoring and we're going to get in
the rowboat and row back
and um it seemed a little windy and you know I got in the boat first and I got
out around this pier
and was hit by the full force of the wind and realized that it was blowing like
20 knots it was
way way too much for what we were trying to do but I had misrigged part of the
boat so it took me a
while to get it turned around um and by the time I got it turned around my
friend had rowed out
um around the pier and he got hit by the force of the wind and just got blown
out into the bay
so he's rowing directly into the wind and moving backwards oh shit and I was
like
and I'm on this little hobby cat and it was moving so fast like it was way too
windy to be sailing this
thing I've got just my clothes on I don't have a wetsuit on or anything like
that I have a life
jacket and just my clothes and we don't have a radio you know we're unprepared
oh it's starting to get
dark we don't have a light um and I'm sailing back and forth trying to like
help my friend uh and
it got to the point where I was like all right I'm just gonna tack over I'm
gonna sail up uh to this
boat that was called the sea louse sail up to the sea louse I'm gonna get my
friend off of it we're
just gonna abandon it and then we're gonna sail this hobie cat back uh if we
can and so I go to
turn around and right as I'm turning around a gust of wind hit the boat and
capsized it before I could
even know that it was happening you know just it's just like you just it's one
moment you're on the
boat and the next moment you're in the water you know and the water is like 50
degrees um like super uh it
like is a shock you know it hits you and the boat was a little messed up in a
way where it I couldn't
write it uh it had capsized and then the whole it capsized all the way and then
sank and so it was
floating like shit like you know three feet underwater basically um and so I'm
in the water but I'm like
still I'm like a little bit out of the water but like in the water and you know
I had a cell phone
that just immediately was busted um and I look at my friend and he's a ways
away now and he didn't see
me and I was you know yelling as loud as I could but the wind is blowing 20
knots and it just you
know you can't hear each other you know just takes your takes your voice away
and um he just I mean I
was screaming I was waving he wasn't wearing his glasses uh and he just very
slowly rode away
oh my god and so then I was just like floating there I was starting to get dark
um you know
he rode away did he notice that your boat had capsized no he didn't even see me
he thought that
I had just sailed somewhere else you know because in his mind he was I was the
person with the experience
do you still talk to this dude yeah all the time yeah I feel like you
motherfucker
I don't blame him in his mind he was the person that was in trouble right you
know and I understand
and he thought I just sailed somewhere else but that's crazy yeah sailed out of
vision
yeah and then you know it basically got dark I could see the shore it wasn't
far away there's
nobody on shore there's nobody around and um the wind was blowing directly
offshore so you have to
swim you know swim into the wind uh and into the wind wave and all that stuff
and um eventually I
tried swimming and I swam you know directly upwind and I was because I was I
was like okay like if I
get separated from this boat and I don't make it to shore then I'm definitely
dead you know like
there's just no saving me uh so I was trying to go directly upwind so that if I
felt like I couldn't
make it I would float back down when and hit the boat again and so I tried you
know I swam for
probably like 20 minutes upwind and made no progress it didn't feel like any
progress you know my you
know in 50 degrees you have 30 to 60 minutes before you black out my arms were
just you know
it's like I consider myself a strong swimmer like I free dive you know all this
stuff and
I just you know it's like you read these stories about uh how people die you
know of just like
they succumb to hypothermia on a local hike or they drown in the bay you know
and the story is
always like well Timmy was a strong swimmer but he and you're like really was
Timmy really a strong
swimmer because he drowned in the bay you know and like floating there you know
it just all came to
me I'm like wow this is how this happens you know you just make a series of
pretty dumb small decisions
until you find yourself like floating in the dark in the bay there's no one
around oh shit and it's
a really slow process too you know it's like it's not like you know you just
come to terms with the
idea that like you're not gonna make it and it's not it's not sudden it's not
like someone shot you
or you got hit by a bus or something like that it's like this hour-long thing
that you're getting
dragged through all alone and you realize like no one will ever even know what
this was you know how
that's happened and you think about all the people like Joshua Slocum Jim Gray
people who are lost at sea and you realize they all had this
thing that they went through you know this hour-long ordeal of just floating
alone and no one will even ever know what that was or what that was like you
know
and uh eventually I realized I wasn't gonna make it to shore I look back the
boat was like way far away from me I started you know drifting back towards it
I was still trying to swim
I realized at some point that I wasn't gonna hit it I wasn't gonna hit the boat
on the way back downwind
and I had to just give it all that I had to try to connect with the boat you
know to stop myself from getting blown past
it and in that moment too you realize that like uncertainty is the most unendurable
condition you know that like you imagine yourself making
it to shore and relaxing you know just knowing that it's resolved right and in
that moment of like I might not make it back to this boat you're you're like
tempted to give up because it's the same resolution you know it's the feeling
of just knowing you know the uncertainties have been resolved you know and you
have to really remind yourself that it's not the same you know that like you
have to give it everything you have in order to survive you know and that that
feeling that you're sort of longing for is not actually the feeling that you
want you know uh and I just barely got the the
make it back to this boat, you're like tempted to give up because it's the same
resolution.
You know, it's the feeling of just knowing, you know, that the uncertainties
have been
resolved, you know, and you have to really remind yourself that it's not the
same, you
know, that like you have to give it everything you have in order to survive,
you know, and
that that feeling that you're sort