Name: Ali Siddiq on Knowing Moses Malone
Uploaded: 2021-02-04T18:35:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ali Siddiq on Knowing Moses Malone' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ali Siddiq on Knowing Moses Malone' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-04. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan Experience.
- I remember when doing this podcast
and he found out that I actually knew Moses Malone,
like know Moses Malone.
- How do you know Moses Malone?
- Ah, Moses Malone is like a very, before he passed.
So the first guy who ever invested in my career,
his name is Anthony Colbert.
And he was the first people to sign Destiny's Child.
They had, he had a music company with Mo,
it's called Mo Music.
And he had been friends with Mo for years.
So he would, Mo would be at his office all the time.
And we was in the same building.
I worked for this record label called Key Players.
I was the record pool.
I gave all the DJs their records.
So I would organize records, give them out to DJs
when I first came home.
So Moses would be downstairs and with Colbert
and he introduced me to Moses.
And so after that Moses would always recognize me.
So then one day Moses was like, "Yo, hey Chief,
COVID don't want to go to lunch.
He ain't got time, you gonna go to lunch."
I'm like, "Yeah, I'm going to lunch with Moses Malone."
It's this strip club called Treasures that he loved going to.
In Houston called Treasures.
"Chief, best buffet in town, best buffet in town."
I'm like, "Huh?"
He's like, "This is the best buffet in town."
I'm like, "Are we going to the strip club or are we going to eat?"
This is the best buffet in town, you understand what I'm saying to you?
I go in, this is my first time ever having food, going to a strip club for food.
I'm like, "Oh, okay."
So we eating there.
And the buffet is a huge ass buffet, like a chef.
It's lit up.
It looks like a cafeteria, the little lamps.
But it's all these naked women in here, you know?
I'm like, "Oh, okay."
I said, "So you like crab with your crab?"
He was like, "Man, look here.
Now this is the buffet."
I said, "So we argued about is it the buffet or is it the strip club?"
So it's another, it's a male strip club called La Bear in Houston.
I said, "So, all the men is here.
If this buffet was in La Bear, would you go?"
Mo was like, "Hell no, I wouldn't go."
I said, "So it's not the best buffet in town.
It's got titties with this buffet.
This is what is important about this buffet."
Because if it was penis with the buffet, you wouldn't fucking go eat the buffet.
He was like, "Yeah, pretty much correct."
And that's how me and Mo got tight, arguing about treasures in the buffet
and knowing him ever since.
So when he passed, I was at his funeral and we used to talk all the time.
I've been mad at Mo one goddamn time over a motorcycle seat.
And this is when you can't, I learned that you really can't tell people
what to do with their own money.
I'll leave you funny, man, you funny, you funny.
I said, "Well, why don't you invest in my career?"
"How much you need? How much you need?"
"I need about $5,000 to get, you know, press kit and all this other stuff done."
Mo just totally fucking ignored me after that, right?
Eight months later, randomly talking, me, him, Colbert, Luke, randomly talking.
He's telling them about that he replaced the seat on his motorcycle just
because.
And the seat cost him $5,000.
And I am pissed.
Like, he has no idea why I'm even mad.
I'm like, "So you, a fucking motorcycle seat?"
He's like, "Yeah."
I just walked out the slam door and Colbert was like, "You know he mad at you
because he asked you to give him $5,000 to further his career
and you didn't ever say anything."
"So what are you mad about?"
"Cause you just fucking spent $5,000 on a motorcycle seat that you didn't have
to change
and you couldn't help them."
He was like, "Well, shit, Ali can't tell me how to spend my money."
He got an alligator motorcycle seat with an M on it.
I like it.
Fucking nice ass seat.
That sounds good.
But I want it.
I get it.
In retrospect though, are you happy that you didn't get the money from him?
I'm excited.
Because I think that it would have probably changed how we interacted.
Yeah, for sure.
You know.
Yeah.
And you know, it's things that as an adult, you know why you don't,
you understand why you don't get it.
As a comic, you definitely have to understand that as a comic because you know
how we are.
I'm not getting something.
Right.
And we feel like we've been rejected or pushed to the side and then you start,
some comics start getting better because they feel like other people are
getting other
opportunities, but sometimes it's not for you in that particular space.
It's been, it's been shows that haven't been for me and I've been cool with it.
Then there's been shows that I thought that wasn't for me that I got on my own.
You have the benefit of hindsight.
You have the benefit of becoming successful and then looking back and go,
Oh, all those things that went wrong.
That's probably good because you develop more character.
You understand the business better and reaching out for someone to help you.
It rarely really helps you.
You think it's going to help you, but it's going to your relationship with that
person.
Cause you're going to have to pay them back quickly and you're probably not
going to be able to.
Yeah.
And then it's also going to, you're going to know that you had to borrow money
from somebody.
When you know, you just did it yourself.
It's like you have a piece.
Like I'm a self-made man.
You can look at it that way.
And, and be easy.
It's better, it's better.
And who wants to be around?
Like, yo, you see him right there.
You know, I made him, right?
You know?
Oh, no.
Like that would be the worst.
Yeah.
Somebody popping in.
Yo, so, you know, Joe Rogan, right?
I'm the, I'm the one that gave him all the to start his podcast.
Never brings me up.
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