Name: Joe & Max Holloway on Genetically Engineered Monkeys
Uploaded: 2021-02-27T23:54:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe & Max Holloway on Genetically Engineered Monkeys' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe & Max Holloway on Genetically Engineered Monkeys' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-27. Transcript available.

the Joe Rogan experience well you live in Hawaii which is a really interesting
place right because there's a lot of non-native animals that have been
introduced to Hawaii like pigs and a lot of weird birds and a lot of weird
rodents and plants and all kinds of shit we got a the weird thing that we
think is a wallaby I think you guys are wallabies yeah how crazy is that right
then Australia you don't see them but they're little kangaroos right there's
a little camera yeah we have wallabies on our is like how the fuck did you get
here but they're not like crazy they're like you're out you see it like they're
very mysterious like they pop up here and there when people are hiking in the
mountains yeah but it's like a wallaby bro like I don't know how they traveled
there maybe they I mean Australia's and surfing and whatever this jump out I'm
out of here I think probably somebody had it as a pet if I had to guess I'm
sure
I'm sure you hear of a bunch of illegal pets that people have in Hawaii it's
just
mind-blowing you know I'm like what the like I I heard stories of people having
like um gorillas and shit I'm like what how the hell do you have this I don't
know if
people bullshit I never saw them people could be bullshitting but I'm like I'm
not gonna
put it past that I saw more crazier stuff well it seems like they would survive
in the
jungle if they could get out there yeah I mean the they just eat plants there's
so
much greenery in Hawaii it depends on what island right yeah yeah yeah what
island did
they see a gorilla they were saying an island we live on on a water yeah so I
was like it wasn't
a wild one was like a pet oh a person somebody gives them a pet so I might be
maybe snitching
and someone yeah it's crazy well I think they're trying to limit people's
ability to own primates
in America because uh you know but I'm sure you heard about that story about
the lady in Connecticut
who uh kept a pet chimpanzee and then attacked her friend and tore her face off
no I did not yeah it's
a crazy story because this lady kind of had a relationship with this chimp but
wait wait what
kind of relationship yeah that's what I'm talking about that's what I'm talking
about yeah she was
sleeping in the bed with this chimp the chimp drank wine and and and took Xanax
she's feeding the
chimp Xanax and uh the lady's friend came over and the chimp attacked the lady's
friend is it a guy
no a woman friend I think the lady was probably cock blocking and the chimp was
like fuck all this
and just tore her apart I mean I shouldn't be laughing but that's it's horrible
why that's why it was a big
chimp too and they're smart like what do what what don't you chimps about like
we come like they say
we evolution from those guys and they're like I know some like you see what the
the scientists are
doing with these chimps or gorillas or whatever they do you know and like it's
like these guys are smart
like you can talk to them they talk back and then some of them know sign
language it's like why are you
trying to mess with that have you not seen planet of the apes I'm sure like
like three movies of it
like come on guys let's relax they could it's like someone in the future could
do something like
that like take a chimp and genetically engineer it to make it almost as smart
as a person or as smart
as a person I wouldn't be surprised if someone's already doing it there it is
he's eating her shoot
him scream the chimp's owner yeah yeah he was a huge chimp and he he tore her
face apart I think he
bit her fingers off did that woman survive yeah she was torn apart yeah oh you
don't show me the
pictures of the lady yeah I have seen them they're awful they're terrible yeah
because chimps chimps are
different than other animals that they know what you like they know that you
need your hands and they
know that you like your balls they know that you need your feet those are one
of the things that they
attack they attack your face they tear your face apart they pull your eyes out
they bite your fingers
off they tear your dick off and they tear your feet off i'm laughing because i'm
just blown away it's
up yeah because they're smart they're super smart like like there's movies on
this yeah and there's
people who's doing it you know like fight there's gonna come a time they're
saying like you know like
modern warfare and stuff is like true like wi-fi and shit we're gonna have wars
and whatever and then
the next thing is like i hear robots and shit but what is that to do is just
you just start breeding
crazy silverbacks and chimps and whatever and then you make them like i don't
know you make a chip that
makes them somewhat human they can talk and this and that and you send them off
to war put some kind of
helmet on them that has some interface like some computer interface with the
chimps brain and you have
some helmet where they could see things like they can see like infrared and
night vision and shit
yeah yeah elon musk says his startup neural link ah they got us with this
goddamn you gotta
shut that ad blocker off son you gotta just give in to the to the network elon
musk says his startup
neural link has wired up a monkey to play video games using its mind exactly
see he's he's already ahead
he's already in he's already he's already you watch iron man yeah you watch
iron man iron man played
both sides too at one point you know elon was in the iron man one of them so i
don't know catch new
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