Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1623 - Doug Stanhope
Uploaded: 2021-03-25T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1623 - Doug Stanhope' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1623 - Doug Stanhope' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-25. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1623 - Doug Stanhope

Joe Rogan podcast check it out the Joe Rogan experience train by day Joe Rogan
podcast by
night all day I am fucking nervous why for real yeah why uh it's a no it's a
good thing I haven't
left my fucking house in a year you've been totally locked up well I mean I go
to the
grocery store how'd you how did you avoid getting it you didn't get it at all
right no the cooties
no because everyone I know is a shut-in too and I fucking loved it as it is
like I left a day after
my year anniversary I packed a week before coming here so all you've done is go
to the food store
yep wow uh well I went up uh to Phoenix for New Year's to see uh it's a long
story to see a dog
that I almost kept uh but I gave away anyway so yes basically no I have not
left fucking Bisbee
Arizona in a year wow and I didn't think it affected me until I left it's like
if you stayed in bed for a
year going I don't need to walk I know how to walk and then after a year you're
like fuck my legs
what feels what feels the weirdest well just figuring out how to pack for the
road
I packed everything I drove and uh I left Sunday to be here Wednesday it's a 13
hour drive I could
have done it in one shot but I was so excited I'm gonna leave on Sunday and
just take the back roads
and uh like I practiced talking on the phone before I came here an hour and a
half before I'm just calling
people like I don't talk to anyone on the phone the only time I you know use
the phone is to figure out
where to meet you to talk I don't like socialize on the phone you and I talk
maybe twice a year tops
and when I see it's you I go do I have an hour okay I'll make an hour because
we don't but otherwise
so I was like I haven't talked to people other than do you have a room
available for three days
three and a half days so I was calling you know bingo and Brian Hennigan going
just talk to me
like you don't I I packed what I thought was a carload of shit I forgot vodka
which is my go-to drink
and a shirt I only had the t-shirt that I was wearing that after three days
started to stink and I went
fuck I didn't pack another shirt did you go shirt shopping then yeah I went to
the thrift store oh
thrift store yeah of course yes you notice I'm fucking I did like I brought two
different suits
like goofy suits right I'm like I've been wearing pajamas for a year I think I
would be even more
awkward if I was wearing a suit especially with stupid hair when did the goofy
suits become a thing
with you like what year 1989 it started in telemarketing because my mother
would send me
goofy suits like that because they had just gone out of style like in that
earlier that decade so
they're you know fucking it's like buying acid wash jeans now yeah they're a
fucking nickel a pair
at the thrift store so Jamie has a few pairs acid wash sweatpants oh yes that's
right sweatpants
yeah but that's your signature shit now the goofy suit yeah and I go I don't
think I'm ready to put
on a goofy suit I don't know if it it would clash with the goofy hair because
people will show up at
my shows in goofy suits oh but they'll have like plaid on plaid and you go no
that doesn't work
like I I accessorize perfectly in a goofy suit but I go I have the goofy hair
now is that like polka
dots on plaid I don't know right have you gone too far yeah I want to be
comfortable here so I'm
wearing pajamas like I have for the last year why don't you just wear pajamas
that's what I'm wearing
well pajama pants are those pajamas yeah okay there you go and this is uh this
was my old travel shirt I
wore this anytime I traveled but yeah I want to be comfortable I don't want to
fuck you've stayed
within your means very well look you've never had to worry about finances like
you've you dialed that
in early yeah uh you never fell into the trap a lot of people do whether like
buy a bigger house or buy
a bigger yeah or this or that my shit's paid for hmm after a year of not
working I go oh I always bragged
about how much fucking I don't need to work and then I go all right now I'm
starting to worry should I buy
this dumb plastic shit from Amazon or not when do you think you're gonna start
working are you gonna
get the vaccine I got I got my first shot which one the Pfizer or the Moderna I
got my first shot
about two weeks ago two weeks ago tomorrow why is it funny because I just
realized I still have the
fucking band-aid when I took a bath I'm such a fucking slothful pig when it
comes to bathing
hilarious and it's still there I didn't wash that hard that it came off even
last night they're resilient
those band-aids they'll they'll stick around for a while well I'm gonna get my
follow-up shot two
weeks from now they'll just peel the same lady and I wanted to see the same
dirty bandage and make
so you're getting the shots in Bisbee is it hard to get it or do they have a
good supply uh yeah well it
just I don't want to get anyone in trouble but I probably don't cut a line yeah
I get it yeah but but
yesterday Cochise County tweeted okay now 18 and up and I go yeah that's great
you tweeted
that but maybe nine people in all of Cochise County are on Twitter you get you
get to go door to door to
fucking alert these people the UFC contacted me they have a a large supply of
uh Johnson and Johnson
vaccines that's the one you only take one shot it's difference on mr mrna
vaccines a different vaccine
what is it called an adenovirus so it's called do you know it's called some
sort of different shot but
they uh they want to give it to me this weekend oh you haven't had your first
yet no all right yeah I
I don't I don't know you're you know I I just I hear about you oh I think he's
an anti-masker well
maybe he's an anti-vaxxer no I'm neither anti-max anti anti-mask or anti-vax I'm
neither one of those
things but I'm not worried about the virus everyone that I know that got it
they were sick for like a
day my whole family got it and I didn't get it but I'm on so much shit between
vitamins and
testosterone and I'm in the fucking sauna every day like what does this say
unlike the mrna virus from
Pfizer Moderna which deliver a fat covered bits of genetic material into your
cell the Johnson Johnson
vaccine uses a shell of a virus to carry genetic material into your cells says
Gandhi Gandhi's the
guy that's the doctor how weird change your name bro you know that's like dr.
Hitler you know I mean
like maybe time for a fucking name change well maybe he's changed his name up
like oh right was dr.
Hitler I should change it to something more easily consumable he became Gandhi
the shell is in uh
adenovirus which normally causes colds but it has been modified so it no longer
replicate and make you
sick all right you don't need to read all that we have we'll have people tune
out in the third hour
they're tuned out already so uh yeah so no I'm not anti people get mad at me
because I said I don't
think I need the vaccine wait here's the thing you have the longest uh platform
in the shortest
attention span society's ever known so when people put the the viral clip of
rogue uh burr telling you
don't act like we know what the fuck we're talking about right right right that
was like 22 seconds of
a three-hour podcast so they got oh rogan's a fucking anti-masker that was me
trying to get burr riled
up yeah yeah but I'm saying yeah people don't have there's no context anymore
right of course it's
done uh it is weird because you think like people know what you're doing like
with bill you always
like come on you're gonna listen to them you're always gonna say that to him
like bah bah and then
you fucking crank him up and let him go yeah you know so I'm like you really
think these fucking
masks work you know they say masks are all bullshit and then next thing you
know bills
that fucking irish face gets red and he's on a rant I I mean obviously masks do
something you're
breathing through a filter it's the the question is like how much does it
filter I don't know I mean
some people say it does nothing because the air is getting in and the particles
are smaller than the air
and some people say it blocks a lot of what's coming out like a certain
percentage of it but here's the
thing like look at how few people got the flu this year there that's my hypocrisy
I got first of all
covid for me for a year has been the best excuse I've ever had this is one of
the best years of my
life was 2020 plus one uh was yeah to have an excuse to not socialize to not
work because I'm legendary
for every three years going fuck this I'm done with comedy yeah never doing it
for like six
months and I know that I'm lying right but like mentally this time I had an
excuse to not work
I had an excuse why you couldn't come over where generally I'm polite and you
want to come down
and visit but yeah covid and then well you really believe that shit well the
people around me do
and then I can put the blame on you know chaley and tracy like yeah they're
everyone else is worried
I'm sorry there's nothing I could do uh and then I get this shot uh my first
one and the first one
bother you at all did it fuck with you I'm so afraid of needles that I started
drinking at 9 a.m.
for a 5 p.m. shot so the next day when I was sweating through fucking comforters
I don't know is that
hangover or flu residual but the the hypocrisy is that I've always shit on chaley
and tracy for
getting flu shots you should get a flu shot no I don't I don't I don't like
needles well I might be
killing as many old people not getting a regular flu shot but I don't give a
fuck about old people
and they're not in my life oh which I think uh subliminally a lot of people uh
if if if coronavirus
was killing that many babies and children I think the same anti-maskers would
be attacking you
with a crowbar for not wearing a mask in public you're fucking risking my kid's
life probably
people get fucking ape-like over their children they'd be very different but
yeah yeah I think
that's a fucking natural selection kind of thing is I don't give a fuck about
old people they're
taking food from the fucking family and the and the herd let them die off I'm a
I get a I've been
studying uh evolutionary uh psychology I I downloaded a book on audible about
it 16 and a half hours and
listened to it on the way out so I should have a degree even though I didn't
understand most of what
they were talking about what's the book uh the moral animal oh um who is that
who wrote that
it's it's like when you started comedy and you go that guy was really funny
what was his name I have
no idea I just went to comedy night and there was a guy that was really funny
what uh what got you
into this moral animal book why that's why I love long drives yeah like that's
why I left three days
early because I there's nothing that makes me more creative like your sensory
deprivation tanks
a fucking road trip across from Arizona across New Mexico and West Texas yeah
nothing but fucking
two lanes to focus on nobody out there and yeah your mind spirals that was why
I had to practice
talking sometimes I stopped and did one podcast my own podcast which I should
promote I never promote
my own I'm putting more effort into it we're doing patreon are you doing
patreon now yeah did you just
get tired of doing ads well uh well we got to make money right like I started
that podcast as a a default
open mic back I started my podcast back when we really thought everyone has a
podcast and since covid
i have two people that i i keep in touch with that are one's in a mental
institution for murdering his
mother whoa actually in a halfway house now uh they're gonna let him out yeah
he's got a job he i have
killed his mom yes yeah i assume stabbed her to death i never really get into
the details
well he's come to my shows he gets day passes and nice kid and then bobby caldwell
notes from the pen hold up let's not gloss over this nice kid stabbed his mom
what happened yeah
he's a mental illness and they're gonna let him out did they fix it he's out he
only went back in
because