Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1636 - Colion Noir
Uploaded: 2021-04-16T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1636 - Colion Noir' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1636 - Colion Noir' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-16. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1636 - Colion Noir

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
What's up?
Good morning.
How's it going, man?
Dude, you're a resident gun nut.
Hey, I'll take it.
Like, anytime there's a gun issue, you're my go-to guy.
I'm not going to argue with that.
Nobody knows more.
I don't know anybody.
I mean, there might be a dude out there, but he's probably dangerous.
Yeah, I mean, I probably learned a lot from him anyway, so.
So what's happening, man?
How's everything?
Nothing much, man.
I'm glad to have you so close now.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're state residents now.
Yeah, you are.
How far is the drive from Dallas?
The way I do it or the way no people do it?
You shouldn't say that on the air, man.
There's a lot of cops out here.
I do it fast legally.
How do you do that?
I mean, that's another story.
What, do you have a fucking jet?
I mean, what's fast legally?
Jet on land.
Yeah, but that's not legal.
Yeah, I mean.
There's a speed limit, sir.
I'm a lawyer, man.
I plead the fuck.
Yeah, you know.
Okay, okay.
Let's just leave it at that.
It's a bunch of legal.
You know, Montana didn't have a speed limit for a long time.
They had no speed limit.
They were like, we don't give a fuck up here.
Dude, that sounds like my place to be.
Yeah.
Montana's pretty badass, but I think they had to get a speed limit to get some
state fund or federal funding or something like that.
Sounds about right.
Yeah, the federal government's like, look, enough of this shit.
People are going up there to test cars.
I mean, look, Jeremy, they have the Autobahn.
I know.
Right?
Right.
Just let me, look, it's getting ridiculous.
Like, in my car right now, I have a radar detector that's built in, and then I
have a radar detector that I keep on my little dash.
You have a double radar?
Yeah.
Is this the Ferrari?
No, no, no, no.
This is the Turbo S.
I have a 2014 Turbo S.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a ridiculously fast car.
And then the 2022 makes that thing seem like a goddamn Prius.
It's stupid.
It's so crazy.
It's stupid.
Like, I, and that thing is so God awful.
2.5 seconds.
2.5 seconds, 0 to 60.
I have to wonder, where do you go from there?
We're going.
Wherever it is, we're going.
Like, Tesla is where we're going.
This is true.
I remember we had this conversation before.
My Tesla is preposterous, man.
My Tesla is faster than the 2022 Turbo S.
Faster.
2.4 seconds, 0 to 60.
So, it's a tenth of a second faster, 0 to 60.
And it feels like it, dude.
I'm still fighting it.
I know.
I'm still fighting it.
I know.
Listen, man.
I have a regular car, too.
I have a couple regular cars.
Yeah.
That sound, the sound of a real combustion engine is the shit.
I'm still full of shit, though, because the Turbo S sounds like a damn Dyson
vacuum.
That's true.
It does.
It does, right?
It's like, so I'm kind of, yeah, I'm kind of contradicting myself in a lot of
ways in that
manner.
They said they're never going to make the 911 electric, though.
That's good to know.
I mean, they just released the 992 GT3, which is naturally aspirated, rear-wheel
drive.
Look at that.
I actually, I just put in an order for it.
Did you?
Yeah, I did.
Oh, look at that.
Yeah.
I love the rear steering.
The funny thing is, when they released it initially, I hated it.
The rear steering?
No, the car.
Really?
Yes.
How could you hate that?
Because the 991 GT3, I loved how proportionate the wing was to the rest of the
body.
It just seemed like it was part of it.
And when they went with the swan neck spoiler, I hated it because it seemed disjointed.
You got any other pictures of this, Jamie, with that spoiler?
The thing's dope.
No, now I think it's beautiful.
It's a really amazing company if you think of Porsche.
They've taken this one car from the 1960s, and they've just consistently
updated it.
There's no other car company like it.
Not at all.
Even Corvettes now are mid-engine, right?
Yeah.
So Corvette doesn't look nothing.
Corvette looks like a Ferrari now.
From what I understand, initially the design of Corvette was to be mid-engine.
Really?
Yeah, from what I've learned.
Okay, that looks pretty dope.
Yeah.
No, I think the 992, the rear end of the 992 is probably the best rear end on a
vehicle
out right now.
It's pretty sick.
Yeah, especially with that uninterrupted light bar in the back.
It's just, ugh.
Pretty smart of them, too, to make them all wide-bodied, too.
Yeah.
It's like, nobody wants that narrow bitch.
Skinny bitch.
I'm not a fan of that front hood, though.
Why?
I don't know.
It just looks...
Somebody said it looks like a Mario, Mario's brother character.
It just doesn't look as good as, like, if you go with the 991 GT2 RS hood.
Uh-huh.
You know, like, that kind of hood is just...
I don't know.
It just seems better.
That seems...
It seems odd, those weird creases, but maybe I'll get used to it.
I mean, if it's...
The interior is spectacular.
Oh, they killed it on the interior.
Because usually portion interiors are really Spartan in a kind of uninspiring
way.
Now, it's a beautiful balance of practicality function...
Practicality...
Practicality...
I can't say that word for some reason.
What the hell's wrong with me?
It's practicality.
Practicality.
That is a good...
That's a weird one.
But then also still being, you know, still feeling very luxurious without being
ostentatious.
And it's a manual.
You can get a fucking manual.
So...
Look at that wheel, too.
About that.
About that.
You're not into that?
I am and I'm not.
I think sometimes people make much to do about nothing with respect to manuals.
Like, I think it's kind of the cool thing to do is to be like, yeah, I got a
manual.
Yeah, like a man.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's me.
I feel you.
That's me, bro.
But sometimes I wonder, because it's like, it could be synonymous to arguing
about having
a Nikkei flip phone.
No, no, no.
It's not.
No.
This is why.
Because it feels good to use.
A flip phone is goofy.
But I'll tell you what, I haven't used...
Well, closing it feels good.
And then you hang up on people.
You're fired, Jetson.
Snap that thing shut.
I think what it is for me, because I'm being a little facetious because I do
love manuals.
The problem is, so I had a 2015 Aston Martin Vantage that was a manual, a six-speed
manual,
which I probably should have held on to now.
If you did, it'd probably be breaking down every five minutes.
This is true.
This is true.
But it would have held its value a lot more than Aston Martin's typically do.
But I remember I used to love it because I would just run it through the gate
and it had
a really heavy clutch and a really high bite point.
So generally speaking, it's terrible.
But I got so used to it that I love it now.
And except for one, there was one day I was driving, I was coming back.
I think I was on 35.
Everybody from Dallas knows 35 is trash.
And I'm on 35 during rush hour.
It took me two and a half hours to get home.
Oh.
After that, I literally got home.
I put it up.
I was like, I'm selling this car.
I want nothing to do with it.
That's how bad that experience was.
That I can understand.
Yeah.
If you don't have another car and you live in a place with traffic, I get it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's not what you want.
It's bad.
You want an automatic for that.
Yeah.
It's the difference between just chilling and being super annoyed for two hours.
For two hours straight.
And if you have a strong, a stiff clutch, then your left leg gets a little
tired.
Then you feel like a real bitch.
You're like, I can't believe I'm getting sore.
I'm getting some lactic acid build up in my left leg by pushing on my clutch.
Now, if I lived in Austin, I think I would have still had a manual.
Yeah.
The traffic here is a joke.
Yeah.
But I mean, at least I have somewhere to go to.
Like, you know, I can run off into the hills, hill country, and drive around
those roads there.
Where in Dallas, I mean, I can't.
There's nowhere for me to really just drive for the sake of driving.
I got to tell you, though, there's a lot of cops out here.
Oh, yeah.
There are.
There are.
A lot of cops waiting around the bus people.
But the beautiful thing about having, for instance, like the really curvy roads,
you know, the winds and twisty roads, you have a great time going 40, 50 miles
an hour.
Yes, that's true.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you do.
You don't have to go.
You feel it.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And in a car like that, like, that's what it's all about.
Exactly.
I love driving manuals.
It's not just a meathead thing.
Like, I have a 2005 E46 M3.
Yeah.
And that's not even that fast.
It's not.
But I mean, it's.
But I love it.
That's classic.
I mean, that is when BMW was B and fucking W.
Yeah, it feels like it's hard to describe to people that aren't car nuts.
But there's an intangible feeling of, like, connectedness to that car when I
drive it.
Yeah.
I don't have to be going fast.
No.
But I do go fast sometimes.
But it's just, it's not even that, though.
It's the way the car gives you feedback.
Yeah.
It gives you feedback.
And it gives you feedback in, like, my GT3 RS.
I have a 2007 GT3 RS.
That car is basically, like, you shouldn't be able to drive it on the street.
It's a preposterous car.
518 horsepower.
It's a Shark Works car.
It sounds like a dragon.
And it's so fast.
But it's much more rowdy.
Like, it's got a real stiff clutch.
And that car is, it's a thing.
You're doing a thing.
It's not really transportation.
The BMW is transportation.
But it's, like, engaging transportation.
I mean, it literally was the reason why, when I was looking, like, my 14 Turbo
S now,
I was going back and forth between the 14 or 15.
Well, the 15, because 14 is when the engines were blowing up.
But the 15 GT3 versus the Turbo S.
And I was going back and forth.
And I'm like, man, I love how the sensorial effects of the GT3, just phenomenal.
And then I got in a Turbo S.
And I realized, for my lifestyle, living here in Dallas in the city, it makes
more sense to get the Turbo S.
Yeah.
And it's like a time machine.
The way it gets from point A to point B, it's like, psh, psh, psh, it's through.
I may or may not have, with my business partner, launch control, the son of a
bitch.
May or may not have.
I may or may not.
You probably didn't.
No, I didn't.
I don't think you did.
But he did mention something about feeling like he was on a roller coaster.
Yeah, man.
That's what they do feel like when they push you back.
And what's crazy is it's a full second faster for the 2022, a full second zero
to 60, which is so nuts.
Like, to anybody get in that car and say, this is not enough.
No.
Well, that's what Elon's done with the new Teslas.
He's, my car goes zero to 60 in 2.4 seconds.
I have a 2019 or something, 2020 P100D, right?
Model S, P100D, is that what he said?
And the new one, the plaid version, goes zero to 60 in 1.9 seconds.
That's the 2022.
I mean, the only next step to go to is flight.
Well, I think he's going to get it to 1.5 in the Roadster.
And then we'll do flying cars.
Yeah.
I mean, it'll probably get to one second, zero to 60 soon.
We will see that in our life.
We'll see one second, zero to 60.
Now, what is that going to do to the body?
The human body?
From a G's.
We're going to get to a point where the G's start affecting the human body.
Right, people start throwing up.
Yeah, I know.
Have you ever been in a jet, like a fighter jet?
No, I refuse.
You refuse?
But you like speed.
I do.
That's a weird thing.
I am a walking contradiction.
At least you know.
Man, I will go.
I'm not saying I've done this.
But theoretically speaking, I will go 135 down a freeway, right?
Balls to the wall.
Put me in a helicopter to hunt hogs.
Not happening.
You're not interested in that?
Nope.
Because helicopters crash.
I just know too much about helicopter crashes.
They do crash.
They do crash.
But if you're in a helicopter with someone who's a really good pilot, who knows
what they're
doing, it's well-maintained, the odds are very low that you're going to crash.
They are.
Now, there's nothing rational about my fear.
It's d