Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1642 - Andrew Santino
Uploaded: 2021-04-29T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1642 - Andrew Santino' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1642 - Andrew Santino' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-29. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1642 - Andrew Santino

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
Big boss, huh?
He's got one in the other room.
You like his man bun?
No.
I've been trying to shave his head for six months.
I don't like it either.
Why don't you get a pair of trimmers?
You look like one of the guys from Mortal Kombat, that movie I just fucking
watched.
You look like one of those...
Buzz that motherfucker and wear cool hats.
What's the deal?
Why are you growing it out so much?
Roll the film on this.
We're going.
Why?
Yeah, when I walked in and I didn't even recognize him.
I was like, who's that cutie?
Who's that cute girl over there?
That's how I actually started working for Joe.
I had hair this long.
It's actually longer when I started working for him.
There's something about when it gets all gray, though, that you're supposed to
cut it real short.
You can't have gray, long hair.
Then you're either a drug dealer or you're running a cult.
You do look like you sell coke.
Is there not a moment in the morning where you're embarrassed?
You have to put a little tie up every time.
Every time.
Why don't you shave your head?
Just get some trimmers that give you a little buzz.
I want to do it.
Why not?
Because it's easy.
I know.
That's the thing.
It's like you do...
I shaved my head today.
I just got the little trimmers.
Buzz it out.
Gave myself a buzz.
It took about five minutes.
I didn't.
I know you didn't.
That's what I'm saying.
You ought to put a rubber band in your head.
That's preposterous.
All right, look.
This is the last I'll say about it.
I'm being real.
Okay.
I love you.
I'm not making fun of you.
I love you, too.
Do you think chicks like it?
No, no, no.
I just haven't been to a barber.
Literally, I went to do it before the pandemic started.
Yeah.
We went to Vegas, and I planned on doing it in Vegas.
Right.
I just didn't get a chance to go that day.
Right.
And then we came back the next week, and there was no barbers available for
eight months.
What a boring-ass excuse.
Let's go out and get lit up tonight, and let's shave your head.
Yeah.
Come on, dude.
I thought about doing it the last couple of days.
I'm just like, I haven't done it yet.
Let's do it here.
I bet you they got a razor.
Let's do it here, baby.
Nah, I can't.
Nah.
Let's make history right now.
Yeah, let's do some razor blades in there.
It's not that exciting.
Let's NFT your hair, Jamie.
Okay.
Now we're talking.
Yeah.
Let's carve some lightning bolts in there and shit.
Hell yeah, bro.
I thought I would have a pretty cool mullet if I cut it right right now, too.
But that's taken by some people.
Yeah, you don't want to step on Theo's toes.
Hey, man, Jamie, I saw that mullet, man.
You can't claim a mullet.
You don't own a mullet.
Theo owns the mullet right now.
But he doesn't.
He's like the mullet king of the comedy world.
Yeah.
In our comedy world, who has a mullet that can compete?
Foxworthy was the original.
Yeah, he had a mullet, right?
Yeah, Foxworthy was the original mullet god.
Who else has one?
Any lesbian ladies?
As opposed to what?
Lesbian men?
Yeah, lesbian dudes.
There's a couple of lesbian dude comics.
What is the old?
Who had a mullet back in the day?
I'm trying to think.
Did Larry the Cable Guy have one?
No.
No.
No, he always had a baseball hat on.
Yeah.
No, Foxworthy was the original mullet king.
And man, if for some reason he pulled it off, he still looked cool anyway.
It didn't matter for some reason.
Well, he's got great jokes.
That's what it was.
See?
It's great jokes.
If the jokes are good, nobody cares about all the other stuff.
If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.
Stack a TV on a TV.
Yeah.
He was great, man.
I mean, he still is.
I don't know what he's doing.
He had a shtick, and he was a really good comic.
Mm-hmm.
You know, like, he had a lot going on there.
And it was also like, it was, they figured something out with that blue-collar
comedy tour.
There's like a whole untapped market.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, well, they had, he was kind of, that was the first, like, click of, oh,
Seinfeld mullet.
A mullet?
Um, that's like an 80s cool guy look.
Right.
Yeah, they said it's a cross between a mullet, oh, between his mullet and
chunky sneakers.
Can we, can I make fun of that?
Can we talk about that?
What?
He wears, like, he wears, like, a suit coat and jeans, and then, like, the
biggest Nikes.
He wears, like, the Nike shocks all the time.
He loves those.
He loves those?
Get these guys, get this guy some Stan Smiths or something, man.
It's so weird.
What's a Stan Smith?
Just the old school, these, like these, just regular sneakers.
Oh, okay.
Just like a dude.
I never understood that about Seinfeld.
He's dressed up, but he's dressed down.
He wants to be like, I'm business, but still playful.
Well, there's some guys who can pull off that suit with a nice pair of sneakers
look.
But those are chunky.
Pull up the ones, you know, the Nike shocks.
He wears those all the time.
They're just too big, and it just looks like a white guy from Long Island who
wants to.
There's a weird look, right?
The suit with sneakers on.
I just, it's not my, I just, just put on, get on some nice dress shoes.
Or, by the way, they make dress shoes that are sneakers now.
Right.
They're like transitional.
Yes.
Yeah.
You can get both ways.
Can I say that?
Transitional shoes?
They're trans shoes?
Yes.
Transitional shoes?
You can say that.
You're allowed to say that about shoes.
I didn't know.
Yeah, they're just shoes.
For now.
For now.
Yeah.
But it might change.
Don't, you don't assume the gender of my shoes, Joe.
You don't know.
Are there girly shoes?
They're, but right though?
Aren't there?
There's gender neutral shoes.
How come when I buy shoes online, it says women's shoes and men's shoes?
Sizing.
Right.
But it says.
But even still, because they give you man sizes on there, don't they?
Like a girl's, but why do they make girls feel like they have bigger feet?
Because a girl's size nine is a man's size seven.
Correct.
You don't want to just make it size seven.
All the same.
Yeah.
See?
Because like chucks, which are probably my favorite, that's what they do.
They let, you know, girls size nine.
Guys, like a guy's size seven.
Right.
Yeah.
So my size is 11.
The girls would be, that would make a girl feel like she's got giant ass feet.
It would be a girl size 13.
You know?
Like them basketball player girls, they must have like complexes.
20s, yeah.
Yeah, because if a girl has a LeBron size foot.
Right.
Right?
Imagine.
Probably know what he does, but if they did, what does he have?
Like an 18 or something?
I don't know.
A LeBron size girl probably.
Well, what is like Shaq has like a 22?
22.
Yeah, very big.
22.
22 is his.
Okay, so a girl would have like a 24.
Like what the fuck, man?
That's massive.
Leave her alone.
Two feet, two feet.
I got to tell you, I'm not going to lie.
I love, when girls have big feet, something so hot about it.
Really?
Big feet is crazy hot to me.
I don't know why.
Like when I, especially when I was young, I liked big girls with big feet.
Wow.
Yeah, I was into it.
I liked thick chicks with big feet.
I had a thing for thick ankles for a while.
Oh, you like ankles?
Yeah.
I dated a girl in high school that had thick ankles and she was pretty hot.
Where it looks like her calf just goes into her shoe.
She just had large ankles.
Right.
She was sturdy.
Yeah, she was grounded.
She was pretty.
Beautiful girl.
Right.
She had sturdy ankles.
Was she a ball?
Did she play softball?
Did she play volleyball?
No, she did gymnastics.
I think it was just the way she was built.
Right.
She was just, you know, some girls are just sturdier.
She looked like she might be able to put up a good fist fight against you.
Yeah, she'd probably fuck you up if you got her mad.
Don't piss her off, dude.
You ever see that video of the drunk girl in the bar?
She's like short but like really wide and fat and she's throwing some dude
around.
She throws this dude around.
He falls down.
He gets back up.
Oh, she throws him again.
She throws him again.
Have you seen that?
I love that.
I think it's on Snoop's page right now.
I am such a giant fan of Snoop Dogg's Instagram.
The best.
I go there every day looking for nonsense.
Him and Freddie Gibbs have the best Instagrams by far.
But doesn't Freddie Gibbs keep getting kicked offline?
Yeah, all the time.
They ban him from being too fucking funny.
He always puts YPPO, white people, white people.
Whenever some white guy's doing something.
Like there was a guy, he put up a video the other day of a dude at a hotel.
It's like a Marriott Suites or some shit.
And he's like, he's recording.
He's like, why did you hit the computer?
Why did you hit your computer?
Why are you freaking out?
And it's like this weirdo white kid is like all like inside of himself.
And he starts hitting himself in the face.
Oh, boy.
Have you seen that?
Yeah, it's not good.
It's fucking nuts.
That's a disease though.
That guy's got a mental illness.
Something's wrong.
And he starts bawling.
And the dude's like, this is who works here, huh?
And then Freddie just wrote, why people?
I love that shit.
Why people?
What do you got there, Jamie?
Oh, that's it.
That's it right there.
There she is.
That's her.
That's what I'm talking about.
Look at the ankles on that girl.
That's a thick lady.
Look at how hard she throws that dude.
She knows how to throw her fucking weight around.
Look at her pushing that guy around.
Look at the throw.
And look how the other dude slams into her and nothing happens.
That's my favorite part.
Watch.
What guy slams into her?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Sturdy base.
Very sturdy base.
Like she did judo or something.
Yeah.
She threw him around like Steven Seagal.
Look at that shit.
That's what you get for cutting in line.
She was pissed.
She's like, you motherfuckers are not getting before me.
It's hilarious.
That dude went down hard.
I love Snoop.
I love Snoop's Instagram.
Snoop has transcended so many things.
To go from a guy who was like, had a murder charge in a gang, an actual gang
member, right?
Growing up in Long Beach and then becoming someone that's like, my grandmother
loves him.
He hangs out with Martha Stewart.
Yeah.
My grandmother thinks he's hilarious.
She's like, I love Snoopy Dogg.
Who doesn't love him?
I commented on this in 2019.
Oh, my God.
She has a tremendous base in a lifetime of drunken handbag combat experience.
Say, comedian UFC commentator Joe Rogan.
This is the highest level female white trash opponent you could face.
And clearly that dude was not prepared.
100% not.
Oh, that's hilarious.
It was at McDonald's in the UK.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Shout out to her for having that kind of skill.
Funny when I forget I've commented on things.
It's not the first time I've seen it.
No, it's not the first.
There's a great one right now on Josh DePunk Thompson.
You know, Josh Thompson, the former MMA fighter commentator for Bellator now.
He's got one on his page now where they're interviewing this lady.
And she's talking about how this woman was supposed to...
The cops are talking to this lady.
She's saying this lady sold her some crack, but it wasn't crack.
It was actually plaster, and she wants her $20 back.
She's very upset.
It gets better.
She's telling the cops she was going to buy crack?
But watch this, because it gets better.
It gets better.
I can't keep so on.
Let me restart it, because I went too far.
For what?
For anything.
I don't care.
Whatever it's for, but she can give me my money back if she ain't going to do
nothing with it.
Okay, were you planning to buy some drugs or something?
Yes, I was.
What kind of drugs were you wanting to buy?
Rock.
Rock?
Yes, I was.
You gave her $20 to buy.
I gave her $20.
She gave me some plaster.
And now you want your $20 back because she didn't supply you with crack cocaine.
Well, if she shouldn't have given me nothing, no plaster, and I think she
should have said no.
What's going on?
She come around here a while ago.
The