Name: Joe List's Scary Altercation in Downtown Austin
Uploaded: 2021-05-13T17:57:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe List's Scary Altercation in Downtown Austin' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe List's Scary Altercation in Downtown Austin' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-13. Transcript available.

The Joe Rogan experience.
So what happened?
You got accosted last night?
Oh, we're in it.
This is just going.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So good to be here.
Thanks for having me.
Good to have you.
Yeah.
So we're here.
Do you need booze?
No.
I don't drink, but I appreciate the offer.
Do you want heroin?
Heroin was good.
Yeah.
I'm still doing heroin.
That's always like the hackiest joke.
I don't drink.
But I want to buy heroin.
It's like you always go like if someone says they don't drink, you go with
something way
more preposterous than drinking like, oh, I'm sober.
Yeah.
Right.
The other one is quitter.
Crack.
Well, people say quitter.
That's like a big one to do.
Yeah.
It's a big one.
But no, I appreciate the offer, though.
I mean, this cigar I might enjoy.
Want a cigar?
Sure.
Maybe.
Yeah.
I'm on an empty stomach, so it might make me more jittery than I already am.
We'll give it a little few minutes.
I'm a big cunt.
Settle in.
Yeah.
No, you're not.
You're fine.
Well, wait till I tell this story.
Okay.
Okay.
So yeah, we're here in Austin, and I got a ride, a lift to the hotel.
I'm staying downtown.
And we were coming up 6th Street, which I don't know if you've been down there.
It's changed a bit.
It's like kind of overrun with street folk, homeless people.
There's quite a few of the -- they call them unhoused.
That's the new, more politically correct term.
Sure.
I thought street people was good, but maybe that's bad.
I think street people's -- I don't think they like that.
I don't know if there's like a homeless board that talk about the vernacular
that they appreciate.
I appreciate it.
I don't know.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, unhoused people that seem, you know, unwell, and they're kind of
everywhere, which
evidently they just passed a law, but it hasn't been enforced.
Well, the law is only about camping.
Okay.
I mean, you can't stop people from walking around.
Right.
So there's always going to be an issue.
And like one of the clubs downtown is Vulcan Gas Company.
And that place is right catty corner to a homeless shelter.
So they're all over the place in that area.
That's where I think I was.
On 7th, right?
Is that 7th Street?
I think Vulcan is on 6th.
Is it on?
Yeah, but the shelter was on 7th.
The shelter's on 7th?
Yeah.
I think you're right.
Okay.
It's in that area.
So we drove down the street and the guy was kind of saying, you know, they've
taken over.
It's crazy.
It's scary.
Be careful.
Whatever.
So I'm like, well, he was like a driver driver.
But so I'm already in my head.
And then I asked the lady, I was like, is it safe walking around here now?
It feels like it's changed a bit.
And she was like, just avoid 6th Street.
And I was like, all right, got it.
And then I was like, I'm going to go to the creek, do a spot, texted Rebecca.
And it's like an eight minute walk.
So I was like, I'll walk there.
Now I'm a huge pussy, anxiety, the whole thing.
Although I have been doing mixed martial arts, but we can get to that later.
But so I was walking up the street and I'm like, all right, so far so good.
And then I started to get closer and I saw these two guys walking towards me
and they seemed like, you know, ne'er do wells just, you know, by the way they
were presenting themselves.
And then there was a guy on a bicycle, like a BMX style bike who kind of was
with them and then rode ahead and kind of did like a loop behind me.
So then I was like, all right, this feels unsafe.
So I kind of just moved to the street, like off the sidewalk, but still right
next to the sidewalk.
And then the two guys, as they pass, were like, look at this motherfucker, this
racist ass motherfucker moving into the street, this white guy, this.
And it seemed you were racist because you moved into the street?
I think because I moved into the street, but that's not what I was.
I wasn't like, oh, here come black guys.
Let me move up.
But they were walking up the sidewalk.
So I just was moving.
So I didn't have like a moment where you had to zig or zag.
Exactly.
Left to right.
Exactly.
So I stepped off the sidewalk and he kind of called that out.
And then as they we passed each other, I could still hear him kind of like mumbling.
They seem like they were fucked up, but so they're still kind of mumbling.
And then I came to the intersection, which is where I guess that homeless
shelter is.
And there was like 40 homeless people, not like sleeping in tents or on the
sidewalk, but like fighting, yelling, bottle smashing.
And I was just like, I don't feel like walking through that.
That doesn't seem great.
So then I look to the right was 6th Street where the lady was like, yes, stay
off the 6th Street.
And then this is all in front of an empty parking lot.
So there's just nobody around.
It's dark.
And I'm like, if I go left, I'm going up dark street sidewalk.
So then I was like, I'll cross 7th back over there and just start walking back
to my hotel.
So I have to walk through whatever this scene is.
And then as I was walking back that way, they were a little ways ahead of me.
And for whatever reason, they decided to cross back across the street.
And so we just met right there.
And then the guy's like, you wouldn't be following us, would you?
And I was like, no, no, I'm just lost.
And I kind of did like, I don't want anything to do with you guys.
And then the guy got like right up into my face and was like, you better be
fucking lost.
You want to get lost?
And like something, whatever else I was in like panic mode.
So I couldn't.
And then there was one of those like scooters, you know, those rental scooters
that are everywhere.
Yeah.
And he just gave that like a hard kick and did like this thing.
And we were kind of like manager and an umpire just like right there.
And I went, no, no, I'm getting out of here.
And I just kind of walked around and then swallowed all pride and just went
full run.
That's a good move.
All right.
Thanks.
I thought you were going to call me a cunt.
I appreciate it.
I might've done the same thing.
Well, I mean, again, it's like.
It's a good move, man.
You don't want to get into an altercation if you can avoid it.
If you can avoid it by running, like the swallow the pride thing.
Like what are you going to do?
Just get attacked?
Or what are you going to do?
Fight?
When you can, if you can not fight by running, you should definitely run.
Like you talk to any martial arts instructor, they will always tell you that.
If you can get away, a smart one will tell you get away.
A dumb one will say, first of all, you got to kick him in the knee.
Then you got to fucking poke him in the eye like the three stooges.
You know, get the fuck out of there, man.
Get out of there.
Yeah.
So I've done a little bit of MMA training the last couple of years.
And like, that's the basic idea.
Obviously at whatever level, if you want to say level, the idea is to use
whatever skills
to get out of harm's way.
I'm not looking to inflict damage on people.
Sometimes it's just people just want to fuck with you.
So these guys probably just wanted to fuck with you and make you feel
uncomfortable and
make you scared.
Cause if they wanted to do something, they probably would have done something,
right?
Yeah.
That's how I felt.
And I also, I literally consciously thought me running gives them what they
want.
Right.
They get a nice, like, that's right, bitch.
Right.
And I'm fine with that.
Right.
I'm 39 years old.
I'm not looking to prove anything to anybody.
And then Rebecca was like, texted who runs the creek and was like, I can send
security.
And I was like, I'll take it as a sign.
I'll see you tomorrow night.
I'll take a lift.
The security of the creek though.
They have some big ass giant dudes.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Some solid dudes.
Oh, good to know.
Well, tonight I'm going to take a lift.
I'm good with walking, but it was scary, but I felt good because-
I'll come get you tonight.
I'll pick you up.
I'll take it.
We'll talk.
I appreciate it.
Well, I felt good.
Cause when I got back, I was like, I didn't sit there going, you're a pussy,
you piece
of shit.
And nor was I like panicking.
I was just like, all right, that was crazy.
Yeah.
It's not good.
You're always better off just swallowing pride.
Yeah.
It's hard to do, but it's so important.
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