Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1654 - Whitney Cummings
Uploaded: 2021-05-19T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1654 - Whitney Cummings' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1654 - Whitney Cummings' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-19. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1654 - Whitney Cummings

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Let's start now.
It's one o'clock, Joe.
Yeah, sure.
This is such a bad idea.
I'm going to end up on 8chan.
That's a great idea.
We live in Texas.
We can do whatever the fuck we want.
We're comedians.
We're professional comedians, Whitney Cummings.
You know what's so wild, correct?
And you know what's so wild to me?
Is you've always been Texas to me.
Isn't that weird?
Like, I half grew up in Texas.
My mom's family's from Sherman, Texas.
I don't know if you know Sherman.
It's north of Fort Worth.
My uncle made the TI Texas Instruments Calculators.
Really?
Yeah, he was in the factory.
He built those.
I used to have one of those.
Do you remember those?
Yeah.
I used to run around my school when I was a kid and be like,
my uncle makes the Texas Instruments Calculators.
They thought I was the coolest person on the planet.
I was, like, bragging about them all the time.
And then we got to the grade where you actually had to order the fucking calculators.
And I was, all of a sudden, the most unpopular person in the school.
They're like, fuck you, fuck your uncle.
Oh.
Because remember, they were, like, this.
I mean, they were a giant brick.
Yeah.
And, like, most of the buttons were hieroglyphics.
Hieroglyphics?
Remember?
It was, like, 1 through 10.
And then it was just, like, all these other crazy buttons.
Oh, right.
Those TI-83.
That's right.
That's right.
Yeah.
They were this big.
Pull up a photo of those.
They were this big.
So you used to play Drug Wars on them.
Drug Wars?
Yeah.
You could put games on them and shit.
Really?
I don't know.
You guys didn't do that?
No.
Uh-oh.
I remember we used to try to make dicks out of the numbers.
How do you play Drug Wars?
I mean, it was just a text game.
So it'd be, like, you go to this city and you want to buy drugs.
And then you go to this city and you buy a bunch of drugs.
Is that it?
That looks like a BlackBerry.
This is before the Silk Road.
I remember when the BlackBerrys were out and I was like, I am never going with
something without a button.
My friend got an iPhone.
I'm like, what is that nonsense?
You're typing on a screen?
It's that wizardry.
That's so stupid.
It also seems so unsanitary at the time, iPhone, versus the buttons.
Remember the-
The buttons get all the stuff in between the cracks.
That shit was nasty.
The gunk.
See?
This is like Drug Wars.
Oh.
It just would, like, list it.
Pigs broke up a drug ring at Greenwood, OB-GYN.
So you'd have to move cities.
So it would get messages?
Prices are outrageous?
Like a pager?
It was just like you had a pager and you were a drug dealer and you had to be
successful.
See, pagers-
There's no winning, but-
Pagers were like-
Joey Diaz always had a pager.
And then people got those pagers that had messages.
Sky pagers?
They had, like, you could type a message.
People were texting.
They were texting page, like, hey, meet me at Mike's house.
Right, right, right.
That was the thing.
Like, that predated cell phones.
But you would get the page-
Right.
Because I had one running around in D.C.
Some people called it a beeper.
Some people called it a pager.
Yeah.
If you called it a beeper, we didn't fuck with you.
If you called it a-
It was very serious.
That was what really divided America back in the day.
Beepers and pagers.
Versus red versus blue.
And then you go to a payphone.
Yeah, those things.
The Motorola.
Yes, two-way pager.
So it was basically like text messaging.
Send text messages to each other.
I miss that little clip.
You felt so important.
You felt like every time someone paged you, you were going to go save a life in
the ER.
I'm seriously thinking of going back to a flip phone.
I've been really thinking about it lately.
Because the days that I just leave my phone in the house, I don't have any- I
have an Instagram
app and a Twitter app on my phone, but I never open them anymore.
And I've been really thinking, like, I should just do all that shit from a
dedicated phone
that I only use for social media and for my regular phone.
Just have some shit that I can text people on.
You're the reason I made this folder on the bottom.
What is it?
It says addict.
Oh, yeah.
That's what I have.
And it used to be on the farthest page.
Yeah.
And then I fucking moved it like an addict.
And I'm trying so hard.
I even did the little app that makes it so you- it tells you you've been on
your screen
for 30 minutes today.
And I'm like, fuck you, you snitch.
Like, I can't even respect my own boundaries for it.
But I have Joel Silver, famous LA producer, he uses a flip phone only.
And it's like a game changer.
Yeah.
It changes your life because then you're only text messaging people and sending
phone calls.
And you're not putting shit in writing that is perfectly well-intentioned and
can be
misconstrued later under new circumstances.
I mean, people even get bitchy about when I do an email and it's just like,
thank you for
the info period.
They're like, are you okay?
Are you mad?
I'm like, no, that's how adults talk.
Yeah, thank you for the info.
Not doing a smiley face.
I'm not doing an exclamation part.
Some people are so sensitive, though.
They're so sensitive.
I'm like, you're projecting onto this.
That's your shit.
Well, it's also, we do podcasts, right?
So we're talking out loud and you don't know what the fuck you're saying, why
you're saying
it.
And then people take it out and then they make a clip out of it.
Like, this is like a very important statement by Whitney Cummings.
It's like, every day I say something stupid.
You could find some shit.
I'm not paying attention.
There's this new thing, like when people talk about cancel culture and
everything, where I'm like,
when did comedians become like heroes and a moral compass?
Like, we are, our job is to go into dangerous areas, say dangerous shit, test
the waters.
Like, we're the fucking Magellan on the front line.
We're the, you know, when penguins push another penguin off a, that's us.
We're like, we'll jump off this cliff and see if there are sharks.
Like, we're supposed to be explorers.
We're supposed to play devil's advocate and like have hot takes.
You know, I always like, I'm working on this new hour and it's always like,
okay, I'm going
to say something that's not true that I think is funny and then defend it with
jokes.
You know, that's kind of like the way I start writing.
And I hope you don't agree with anything I'm saying because then it can't be
original or you've
probably heard it at work today.
The idea is you pay money to hear something, someone say some shit you would
never hear
anywhere else.
It's a haunted house.
It's also, you don't really know if it's going to work.
Yeah.
Until you try it out.
It's like the famous thing that we've quoted all the time about Patrice.
Patrice had the best take on this.
He said, all jokes come from the same place.
They all like bad ones and good ones.
They come from you trying to be funny and some of them just don't work, but it
comes from
the same place.
It's not like there's an evil intention behind these jokes, but you have to
give us the right
to fail.
You have to, that's the only way we can learn and know.
Most people do.
It's a small, very vocal minority that don't.
Agree.
And I do think it's funny with all the like cancel culture stuff.
Like I do kind of joke that like comedians, like we have exacerbated it so much
because
we're so sensitive.
Also, we put fuel in the fire.
We say the most dumb shit.
Yes.
And also, you know, it is, it does get tricky when, you know, people think that,
you know,
as a comedian, it's not my job for everyone to like me.
You know, I'm, I'm, I hope I'm polarizing, you know?
So it's, we can't fight for like, I have the right to say whatever I want.
First amendment right.
And then, but you don't have the right to not like me.
It's like, all right, whatever.
You don't like me.
Fine.
Well, in this culture, there is no fucking way everyone's going to like you.
It's not possible.
If you're the most rational, reasonable person on the left, some shithead on
the right is
going to hate you.
If you're the most rational, conservative person, some wokester is going to get
pissed at you.
It's like, there's no way you, nobody skates.
I would hope so.
Like, I didn't sign up to be a comic to not be polarizing or incendiary.
Like, I hope, even when you're in the club with your own fans, you want to say
some shit
and they're like, ah, and you're like, just stay with me.
I'm going to fucking turn that.
Or not.
Or not.
Like, I'm on this fucking tightrope.
Let's see how far I can go.
And, you know, I love when Bill Burr goes out.
I remember one time he was in the main room and he likes to, like, bomb on
purpose to
dig himself out of a hole.
Yeah.
You know, it was one of my favorite things to do is when you're sort of like,
oh, I
said some shit that I'm probably, you know, this is something I'm going to have
to
fucking dig out of.
That's when you get stronger and better.
And he would open with shit.
I remember one time he was, I know he was in the OR and he said something like,
can we
just talk about the fact that black people and white people are different?
And everyone's like, ooh.
And he's like, stay with me.
And then defends it and gets it back.
Yeah.
You know, so I just think that we're a mental haunted house.
You're supposed to be like spooked and scared and challenged and you don't have
to agree
with us all the time.
Yeah.
Well, there's a recreation right now.
It's recreational outrage, right?
And recreational attacks.
So people try to find things that piss them off and attack them.
And if you want to find those, comedians are like the best resource.
If you're looking for something to get mad at, you can find us all the time.
You go to porn to jerk off, you go to comedians Twitter to get mad.
And it is, you know, I feel like we talk about this a lot, but, you know,
addiction to me
is the element of the conversation that's missing from this whole thing.
Because, you know, self-righteous indignation is a legitimate addiction.
Adrenaline makes dopamine.
When you go on there and go, fuck this guy and you get two likes, you're like,
yeah.
I mean, it's a dopamine high.
Yeah.
Likes are real.
Likes, retweets, replies.
When you see all your comments, people agreeing with you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, people feed off that shit.
And I also think people that really love you can go, oh, what the fuck was that,
man?
Like, a lot of times, negativity, when I look at, are people just kind of
trying to be funny
half the time?
Or they're just trying to, you know, when I, you know, go to airports, someone's
like,
what's up, cunt?
And I'm like.
Jesus, is it usually a guy?
Yeah, totally.
Well, I was just in Houston.
Dude, Texas bitches do not fuck around.
They, I was across the street and these girls were like, Whitney, we love you.
And I was like, hey.
And they were like, get over here, bitch.
And I'm like walking across the street.
And then they were like, we want to get a photo.
And I was like, cool, go for it.
And they were like, we want you to bend over and we're going to run a train on
you.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
And they're like, I'm just like.
These girls were all doing that to you?
Yes.
And it was just funny.
It was silly.
Like, it was just, you know, I always have to draw a line.
Like, no, I'm not going to take my shirt off.
No, I'm not going to kiss you.
No, I'm not going to.
Hold on.
You've been taking your shirt off a lot.
Recently.
On stage, you have people go up and feel your tits.
Like, what are you doing?
I think from.
This is why you're here.
This is an intervention.
Like, what do you love to?
You dye your hair granny silver and you're having everyone grab your tits.
Like, what?
Dude.
Okay.
What a mixed message.
I'm going to defend the hair in a minute.
You don't have to defend the hair.
I don't have any hair.
It was a little crusty, the clown, for a while because I didn't realize whe