Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1695 - Andrew Schulz
Uploaded: 2021-08-12T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1695 - Andrew Schulz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1695 - Andrew Schulz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-12. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1695 - Andrew Schulz

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
And hello, Andrew.
Hello, Joe.
Welcome to Texas.
Oh, thank you so much.
It was good running into you last night.
It was so much fun.
Last night was great.
It was, right?
I choked you out, dude.
How about that spot?
That Golden Tiger spot?
Can we talk about me choking you out?
Can we talk about my...
You tried a couple of times.
It was interesting.
Yeah.
Got a hold of my neck.
But did you think I had power?
Do you think I had, like, real choke power?
You could develop it.
I think you could develop some real choke power.
I got a shot immediately, dude.
We're 30 seconds in.
I just got trashed immediately.
You got a good build for jiu-jitsu.
You're a tall guy.
You got long limbs.
Okay.
That's really good for jiu-jitsu.
If you see, like, some of the greatest of all time, like,
Hadra Gracie.
He's got these really long arms.
And, yeah, there's a lot of guys like that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Probably your estima.
Same build.
Long limbs.
I'll be honest.
I thought it would be easier.
Because I've never tried to choke somebody.
Yeah.
So then when you let me, like, do it, I'm like,
All right.
I got this easy.
And then I was going to, like, take it easy on you.
I wasn't, you know, going to really get you out of there.
And I was shocked how I couldn't get under your chin.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That shocked me.
Why does that shock you?
Well, I don't know.
I figure your chin is here.
I just get the arm under.
And then once I'm under the chin, it's over.
That's how it looks like in all the fights.
You should try to Gordon.
I would definitely take out Gordon.
Gordon was there.
Shout out to Gordon.
Shout out to Gordon.
And I was nice to him, but I was going to choke the shit out of him.
I told him that.
I did tell him that.
You told him today, too.
I told him today, and I said, and I pulled him aside, and I was like, listen, I
understand
your girl's here, and out of respect for her, I'm not going to choke the shit
out of you.
But he was getting his blood test, and I almost choked the shit out of him.
I told him.
I didn't say it.
I think if I sneak up on him and I kind of just jump on him, then I think I
might have
a chance.
You should try Jiu-Jitsu.
I think you would like it.
Let's do it.
I'm down, man.
You would enjoy it.
I'm down, because everything else is flat on the part.
There's a lot of places in New York City.
Yeah, there's the one that you guys were talking about.
But that place, they get a lot of fucking staph infections there.
I keep hearing about people catching staph, because it's in the basement.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Gordon's saying that.
You want a place that gets some sunlight.
So where should I go?
Well, it's a great place for training, though.
Yeah.
As far as learning, it's one of the best places ever.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm down to try it.
I keep talking to guys about it, and they say, I think it was Ronnie Chang said
it.
You know Ronnie Chang, comedian?
Yeah, he's hilarious.
He's fucking brilliant.
I love that dude.
And he's like, it's cool, because it's one of these things where you can give
maximum effort.
Yes.
You know, in boxing, you can't go 100%.
You're going to hurt somebody, or somebody's going to hurt you.
Right.
But it gets to the point where you tap out, and then you get this great workout,
but you're
giving everything you got.
You know what's good about that, too?
If you're ever in a real altercation, you're used to people resisting 100%.
Oh.
Because if you're a karate guy, and you're used to point touching each other.
Yeah.
Did you see that karate thing in the Olympics?
I was about to bring it up.
It was unbelievable.
The guy loses.
It was unbelievable.
It was unbelievable.
He wins, but he loses.
How do you feel proud?
You get knocked out in the gold medal matchup, and you win the gold, and the
other guy's disqualified?
He's disqualified for hitting you too hard.
And here's the thing that was fucked up.
It's not like he was standing there.
He kind of leaned in to the kick.
He bent over, and the dude caught him, so it's kind of on you a little bit, too.
Yeah.
Let's watch it.
Let's watch it, because it's so dumb.
And a friend of mine sent that to me.
Look at this.
Here it is.
Look at this.
Look.
He leans back.
He bends over.
Yeah.
And to be honest, it's a counter.
The guy throws a straight left.
He counters with the kick, catches him, and then he's just fake sleeping.
Get out of here, dude.
He's sleeping.
Oh, he thought he won, too.
Poor guy.
Well, he should have won in a real-world scenario.
In any other rational sport that's a combat sport, he won.
That's the problem with Olympic combat sports, is they try to take the violence
out of it.
But what doesn't make any sense is you could win by knockout in Taekwondo.
Oh, I didn't know that it didn't.
And it's in the same thing.
It's in the Olympics, too.
Why do you have this specifically?
Why do you have karate and Taekwondo?
The only difference is you're allowed to punch in the face in this.
Is it point karate?
Is that what it is?
I heard it was kumite.
I don't know, though.
Kumite is the Japanese word for sparring.
Okay, so yeah, that doesn't make sense.
I just heard someone saying it while I was watching it.
I think that's the word for sparring.
I think that's what it means.
I mean, they got all the different types of swimming, so I guess you're going
to have all the different types of martial arts.
You got to do things to stack the medals, right?
Like if you're good at some shit, like America, we're good at running.
So we're just going to do, okay, 400.
75 kilogram kumite final.
Yeah.
So dumb.
Yeah.
Ridiculous.
Oh, so they have individual demonstrations like kata, and then they have one-on-one
kumite.
That's the most ridiculous one.
I'm not trying to shit on this guy.
He'd probably kick my ass.
But the guy won a gold medal for dancing.
Getting KO'd.
Oh, yeah, for the kata.
For the kata.
Yeah.
But it was just choreography.
Well, you could win for gymnastics.
Yeah, but gymnastics isn't a fight.
Like I see martial arts as fighting, right?
Like in order to be good at it, you have to be able to do that shit on someone.
The kata thing is like you would have to learn those to get your belts.
Like you'd have a kata for one specific one that you had for blue belt, a
specific one you had for green belt.
I remember when I did taekwondo as a kid, we had that.
Yeah.
Yeah, to learn all that.
Yeah, I hated those.
What, the taekwondo?
This stuff.
Yeah.
The forms.
Poomsay.
America won the gold.
Here it is.
He won the gold.
He won the first ever karate medal in men's kata.
The first ever for America or the first ever time they handed it out?
America's first ever.
Oh, my God.
This is so ridiculous.
Yeah.
Look at his face.
The intensity.
He's so serious.
Yeah.
The thing is like it's not a bad thing to practice movement.
Like it's almost like kind of like a form of yoga in a way.
Like you're practicing moving your body.
And if you get really good at doing those katas, it'll probably enhance your
ability to move,
which will enhance your ability to spar.
But you're not giving anybody a medal for shadowboxing.
Good fucking point.
That'd be ridiculous.
Good fucking point.
And imagine you were walking around.
I'm a boxing gold medalist.
A gold medal for shadowboxing.
Or hitting the cobra bag.
You know?
A bag work gold medal.
A bag work gold medal would be better than this.
Because we could at least see something land.
Air kicks.
Yeah.
Like, you know?
This poor guy just got back to America with his gold medal.
We're just trash.
This is the guy who won't.
They were going against each other, though.
Oh, and this guy won't.
How do you do that?
Oh, they judge it.
They judge the karate.
Come on, come on, come on.
The kata, rather.
Yeah, we used to have those in tournaments.
In Taekwondo tournaments, they would have the kata version or the, I forget
what they called it.
I think it's called poomsae, they call it Korean.
And then they would have the sparring part.
You'd have to wait around while these dummies threw fucking air kicks and shit.
Air kicks, yeah, yeah.
Is Taekwondo trash?
It's good to learn in terms of kicking dynamics and movement and flexibility
and leg dexterity.
You definitely can use some of the kicks in MMA if you know how to do the other
things.
But why is there no MMA like Taekwondo, dude?
There are.
There's a bunch.
There's a bunch that use those type of techniques, but they know how to do
everything else.
Like karate.
The best representative of karate is Wonderboy.
Am I seeing shit?
Yeah, there's a shooting star.
Oh my god.
Pretty dope, right?
Yeah, it's good, but I thought I was seeing shit.
By the way, how good are these fucking coffee drinks?
Yeah, these are good.
Shouts to your man.
Shouts to your man.
Oh, fuck.
Happy birthday.
Jamie reminded me it was your birthday.
Thank you very much.
I have a present for you.
Oh, do you really?
Yeah, yeah.
I was waiting until we started to get you.
Oh, okay.
Here's my present for you.
This is a gift.
Is it your shirt?
No, this is for you.
It's not mine at all.
This is for you.
Do you want it?
Shouts to Pound for Pound for making it.
Bohemia Grove?
Shouts to Pound for Pound for making it for us.
1999, Bohemia Grove.
It was a great year.
It was a great year for the Grove, 1999.
Where's the quality shirt?
There we go.
Pound for Pound is good stuff.
But I figured you would like this.
Happy birthday.
I feel heavy.
That shirt is almost sort of wet.
That's good quality, man.
It's got some weight.
Boy tears.
Boy tears.
They soak them in boy tears over at the Grove.
Thank you.
And then they give them.
How old?
54.
54.
How does it feel?
I feel good.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You're doing good.
Pretty fucking good.
You were fucking celebrating last night, bro.
Yeah.
Well, that's why I ate so much, too.
Oh, my God, dude.
It's birthday food.
Just an animal.
Just an animal.
That golden tiger.
I got to tell you something, man.
Okay.
After this morning, I can't hear any more New York slander on the pod after
what I saw this
morning at our place.
What did you see?
A fucking naked guy with a string thong broke into our complex, where we're
staying right
here, with a knife this morning.
Well, that's called suicide by cop.
He's trying to die.
Everybody has a gun here.
I got to show you this video.
If a guy broke in with a knife and wearing a thong, he wants to die.
Bro, he stole a Maserati earlier.
Really?
Parked at our place.
And then, look at this.
And then just is-
trying to get in, butt-ass naked, shredded, by the way, in amazing shape.
Really?
Yeah.
I like how you can see it from the pool.
That's pretty dope.
Yeah, a little thing here.
I mean, is this an Austin thing here?
Are we talking-
Because I'm hearing a lot of New York slander about how dangerous New York is.
This isn't dangerous.
It's just fun.
All right.
Fair enough.
Did anybody get hurt?
No.
We call the authorities.
People are getting shot left and right in New York.
They're beating the fuck out of people.
No.
I watch videos.
No.
If you're Asian, you have problems.
But, yeah, that's right.
Asians were going through it.
Asian people in New York.
For a little bit.
They were definitely going through it.
Isn't that weird?
Yeah.
They were going through it.
Rick Moranis got cracked.
He did.
But he had it coming, though.
Like, that guy had it coming, bro.
Shrinking them fucking kids and shit, dog.
Yeah, that's not good.
You can't be shrinking kids, Joe.
Honey, I shrunk the kids.
What a fucking movie.
No, but New York is fine, man.
It's not fine.
It's fine.
I'm there.
It's doomed.
It's doomed.
It's beautiful.
Even the governor's sexually groping people.
That's Italian, bro.
That is being Italian, Joe.
You're disrespecting Italian culture.
Isn't that an amazing excuse?
It's the greatest excuse ever.
Amazing excuse.
I'm not a pervert.
I'm Italian.
I'm Napolidon.
This is our culture.
Joe, this is our culture.
Did you see Kyle Dunnigan's takeover?
No, what did he do?
Oh, my G