Name: Andrew Cuomo's Resignation
Uploaded: 2021-08-12T17:49:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Cuomo's Resignation' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew Cuomo's Resignation' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-12. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan experience.
- New York is fine, man.
- It's not fine.
- It's fine, I'm there.
- It's doomed.
- It's beautiful.
- Even the governor's sexually groping people.
- That's Italian, bro.
That is being Italian, Joe.
You're disrespecting Italian culture.
- Isn't that an amazing excuse?
- Yeah, it's the greatest excuse ever.
- Amazing excuse.
- I'm not a pervert.
- I'm Italian.
- I'm Napolidon.
This is our culture.
Joe, this is our culture.
- Did you see Kyle Dunnigan's take on it?
- No, what did he do?
- Oh my God.
Kyle Dunnigan.
- He's got great stuff.
Shout out to Kyle, man.
- Shout out to Kyle Dunnigan and Kurt Metzger.
- And Kurt too, yeah.
- I'm having them both come on together.
- Oh God bless.
- They have one of the best shows that's ever existed.
First of all, they do that Biden sitcom.
- Okay.
- Have you seen that?
- No, no.
- The Fresh Pres?
- No, no.
- Oh my God, it's fucking amazing.
'Cause it's all face swaps.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So he's got Biden in the face swaps.
- Yeah.
- He's got his volume with Ben Shapiro in his lap.
- Oh, Ben.
Look at AOC.
- Yeah, it's fucking amazing.
But it's the new one that he did with Cuomo.
- What'd he do?
- Give me some volume.
He's got this thing.
It's the Andrew Cuomo Rock and Chart Show.
- Like here.
Oh, I did see this.
- It's the Governor Andrew Cuomo Rock and Chart Show.
Quick story.
When I was a boy, I would watch Howdy Doody.
One day I received a gift.
It was a Howdy Doody dog.
It was my favorite toy to play with.
Until the day I found something more fun to play with.
It's my penis.
- Sit back, relax, and take me in.
I'll entertain and teach you.
That's a real win-win.
It's the Governor Andrew Cuomo Rock and Chart Show.
- He talks fun.
- I show charts.
- He's great.
- Welcome to the show.
We'll be getting to the controversy
and my imminent arrest in a minute for some housekeeping.
I have decided to ditch Mitch and go with a young hip sidekick.
The King of Staten Island, Pete Davidson.
Pete, what's happening?
- Uh, nothing I guess.
- Fascinating.
Okay.
I have been accused of touching women's privates.
Not true.
I'm Italian.
- We talk with our hands and all that my hands were saying was,
"What time is it?"
And sometimes when you're here, you're family.
Make sense?
When you're here, you're family.
- When you're here, you're family.
- I love it.
- You gotta admit that's an all-time excuse though.
- It's a ridiculous thing to say.
- And the video that he put up, did you see the video where he's like grabbing-
- No, I didn't see it.
- Oh, Cuomo, I think it was like at the press conference,
he put up this video of him like touching all the people.
He goes, "I've touched men."
And there's a picture of him kissing a guy.
- No, he said that?
- "I've touched women.
I've touched powerful people."
He's holding Bill Clinton's face as he's like kissing him on the cheek.
And it was like a really, it was interesting defense because at the start I'm
like-
- Let me see that. Can I see the video?
- You know what I'm talking about, Jamie?
- See, I kiss and touch everyone.
Cuomo shows gallery of him kissing men, women.
- Yeah.
- LGBTQ, what does it say?
- He was snitching on himself.
He's like, he's like, "You think I touch people?
Of course I touch."
And he just put all the different people he's touched, but it looked kind of
innocent.
Look.
- All right, let's see this.
I mean, give me some volume.
- He's narrating.
- Oh my God.
Oh, we got three seconds.
Two, one, and...
- Here we go.
- Raised against me questions that have sought to unfairly characterize and
weaponize
everyday interactions that I've had with any number of New Yorkers.
The New York Times published a front page picture of me touching a woman's face
at a wedding
and then kissing her on the cheek.
That is not front page news.
I've been making the same gesture in public all my life.
- I actually learned it from my mother.
- That's her fault.
- And from my father.
- Just tell your mom.
- I learned how to be a pervert from my mom.
- It is meant to convey warmth.
- It's a long line of perverts.
- Nothing more.
Indeed, there are hundreds, if not thousands of photos of me using the exact
same gesture.
I do it with everyone, black and white, young and old, straight and LGBTQ,
powerful people.
- Look at this, look at this.
Clinton went nose to nose.
- Friends.
- This is Eskimo kissing.
- People who I meet on the street.
- After the event, the woman told the press that she took offense at the
gesture.
And for that, I apologize.
Another woman stated that I kissed her on the forehead.
- Yeah, this is it.
Let me hear that part.
- Christmas party.
And that I said, ciao, Bella.
Now, I don't remember doing it, but I'm sure that I did.
I do kiss people on the forehead.
I do kiss people on the cheek.
I do kiss people on the hand.
I do embrace people.
I do hug people, men and women.
I do on occasion say, ciao, Bella.
On occasion, I do slip and say, sweetheart, people.
I do tell jokes, some better than others.
I am the same person in public as I am in private.
You have seen me do it on TV through all my briefings and for 40 years before
that.
I try to put people at ease.
I try to make them smile.
I try to connect with them.
And I try to show my appreciation and my friendship.
I now understand that there are generational or cultural perspectives
that, frankly, I hadn't fully appreciated.
And I have learned from this.
Now, the state already has an advanced sexual harassment training program for
all employees,
including me.
But I want New York state government to be a model of office behavior.
And I brought in an expert.
Okay.
So this is all before he resigned.
Yes.
That was the last-ditch effort.
Like, we were supposed to see that and be like, you're okay.
But it's more than that that he's accused of.
No, the accusations are crazy, right?
The accusations that he was trying to like finger girls, right?
Yeah.
Like that, like Ciao Bella.
Did someone get upset at that?
Maybe.
I don't know.
I think that's a little bit crazy.
I mean, he is like an older Italian guy.
So there's going to be a certain amount of-
Ciao Bella, why is that offensive?
It means hello, beautiful.
Yeah.
Why is that offensive?
I guess, I don't know.
Or goodbye, beautiful.
Yeah.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you're Italian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, how do you like resist?
Touching?
Yeah.
Like, how does that italianness not come out?
Like, when you're around pitch-
I have a little bit of Irish in me.
Oh, that's what it is.
You just go like this when you see some girls.
That's 25% standoff in me.
I don't, you know.
But yeah, he's being an old guy.
He's fucking, what is he, 70 years old?
I don't want to defend it.
If it was just that-
That'd be fine.
I think there's some serious shit.
Yeah.
And, you know, maybe he was trying to hit on girls.
He was trying to get his dick wet a little bit.
Do you know the whole story with the lady who was,
she's the attorney general, right?
The one who prosecuted this?
Betisha James is her name?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you know, she was in another party and he made her denounce her party in
order to
come over to work for him?
And then she immediately went after him?
Whoa.
Is that, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's heavy.
So he's got like a history of making women do things they don't want to do.
Well, I don't know if he made her, you know, I think it's a political thing.
You probably would do it for a guy too.
Bussing balls, but yeah, it's just so interesting.
I don't know.
Because you see that, you're like, yeah, this is how old people were.
Like old people were way more tactile.
Yeah.
At least like Mediterranean folks.
Yeah.
They were very touchy.
That's fine.
And I don't think that's, and I think that's a lot of like the Biden thing.
Like, you know, like the Biden sniffing kid shit.
I don't like that.
Brett, you wouldn't let him sniff your kid?
That bothers me.
I'd let him sniff my kid.
Really?
A hundred percent.
Because you don't have any kids.
Once you have kids, you're like, why are you sniffing my kid?
Your father instincts would kick in.
Let me think.
Buss, I don't think you'd remember if it's a kid or not.
I think you'd be confused.
Just in the moment.
He's like, this is a smaller person.
That's it.
Yeah.
I just sniffing midgets.
Dude, that's one of my favorite pastimes, dude.
I'm a midget sniffer, dude.
If I see a midget, I got to smell them, dude.
They smell so delicious.
I just don't think, like, I think that thing is way bigger a deal than it needs
to be.
The sniffing?
Yeah, like, the cognitive ability is the thing that scares me.
Not sniffing kids.
Right.
Just keep the kids away from them.
I think the sniffing kids in public is part of the cognitive decline.
Like, he doesn't recognize that people don't like that.
But you don't think it's just him being 200?
Look at him.
Well, all these kids, he sniffing.
Oh, that one on the side is fucked up at the bottom, right?
It looks like he's, like, pulling.
All of them are fucked up.
Yeah.
They're all fucked up.
Yeah, that one, she's really uncomfortable.
Lurching away from them.
Yeah.
They're distorting their facial expressions.
Yeah.
It's very strange.
But why would they smell like that?
Like, why would they come in smelling like that, Joe?
Why would they wear perfume that day?
Why would they smell so good?
Why would they do that?
They want to be sniffed.
Am I a victim blamer?
Maybe.
Holy shit, dude.
Maybe.
But just for sniffing.
It's like, it's the worst.
I mean, if that's the worst thing that happens to you, you get sniffed.
Yeah.
Like, you can get over a sniff.
Yeah, you should.
And I think it's an older person thing.
I think the Cuomo stuff that was messed up is probably he was trying to finger
these girls
or grabbing titties or just being a real, like, scumbag.
And, um, I'm just not surprised.
Like, anybody, like, that wants to be in a position of power.
Yeah.
Uses their power shitty.
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