Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 1
Uploaded: 2021-09-28T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 1' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 1' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-28. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 1

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
We're up.
Oh yeah.
Hey.
Bert just took a selfie.
Salute, my brother.
Cheers, brother.
So good to see you.
It's great seeing you, man.
Oh my God.
How long has it been?
It's been months and months.
It's been all quarantine.
No, no, it's the first quarantine that we did a podcast right when, I think,
my special aired.
Right.
Right when it started going down.
When we didn't know, like when we smoked two separate joints because we were
scared.
Was that like May or something?
It was March.
March 20th we did a podcast, I think.
Now we're ready to make out.
Yeah.
Little did I know I didn't need to do anyone's podcast.
Stay at home orders are really good for a special.
Special comes out March 17th.
Stay at home orders kick out March 15th.
Perfect.
I mean, we're talking.
Greatest timing ever.
Fuck a snowstorm, Ralphie Mae.
Right.
Everyone's at home.
Dude, it was, it was, and then the cabin came out and I was like, I was going
to hit you
up to do your podcast.
I was like, you know what?
They still got stay at home orders.
I think we're good.
Yeah.
Well, one of the weirdest things that happened was podcasts are essential
businesses.
Yeah.
Like, okay.
I'll tell you what, it got me, it kept me sane.
I did me and Tom, did two bears, one cave.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Best thing that ever fucking happened to me.
Yeah.
Because it gives you something to do.
Yeah.
And we doubled down.
When you weren't doing shows.
We started doing two at one every week and we were doing two a month and we
just, I mean,
it was like complete sand and we just forgot about COVID when we got in there.
And may I be the one to say that you were the first person to figure out to do
drive through
or drive in movie shows.
You know, there's a lot of people, other people try to take credit for that Burt
Kreischer.
I'm, I will listen to that podcast.
It's not some different human, I try to be diplomatic because I know it was you
and I was like,
you know what it's like?
It's just like when someone has a hand grenade and they pull the pin and you're
like, don't
let go of that thing because that's a live hand grenade.
No, like, no, it's not.
Like, okay.
Can I tell you?
Okay.
And I told you outside, I got the same Amanda Knox thing.
Malcolm Gladwell says she has that guilty disorder.
I listened to that.
I listened to that and I went, oh my God, I didn't create the drive-in.
Eliza did.
I didn't create it.
You thought that?
And I was like, I stole it from her.
I was like, I stole it from her.
Cause I'm going like, I thought I, I was like, I know I came up with that.
Like March 17th, the day my special aired, I called Nick Nussiforo.
I said, yo, get me in a drive-in movie theater.
He's like, it's not a thing.
And I go, no, it is, we'll make it a thing.
I go, they're wide open.
No one's using them.
Let's get in there.
We'll have all the feed going from my audio on a stage right next to the big
screen.
We'll shoot it.
He was like, it's not a thing.
Then he hits me back.
He goes, okay, I got an electronic dance producer, dance music, EMD music,
whatever.
They think they can do it.
Hotbox.
Shout out to Hotbox.
Those guys are gangsters.
He's like, the money is shit.
He's like, you got to pay for another tour bus, a thing to drag the stage
around, a crew of 12.
And he's like, and you've got to pay rent the vent.
He's like, it's money is shit.
But if you want to do it, you can do it.
And I was like, I was like, let's do it.
And they signed me up for like 14.
And I was like, hang on, let's do like a couple and see if I don't want to
commit to a fucking summer.
So we did the first one in a rock quarry in North Carolina, the most beautiful
location.
I did an hour and 35 minutes.
In 35 minutes, I did my whole hour.
And I was like, time to tell the machine twice.
I was like, fuck it.
And I called him that night on the bus.
I was like, book me in every city.
I think we did like 60 cities.
Yeah.
I remember you telling me about the idea.
I knew you came up with it, but it was, there was a moment where it was like a
30 second moment in the podcast while Jamie was looking it up.
And I was like, me too.
I was like, God damn it.
I hope Jamie's good.
I watched it.
I was like, I was out there in June.
The best thing was her reaction.
Well, that's not safe.
Like it's the difference between September and what was it?
When did you come up with it?
Your first show was like June, right?
June.
Yeah.
In June.
And we were out all summer and it was the coolest fucking thing.
And look, I think anyone that was there, we did, I think 2000 cars in Philly.
That's wild.
Fucking, we had, I was telling jokes to people a quarter of a mile away, like a
quarter of a mile away.
I couldn't even see the stage.
They just had screens everywhere.
That's crazy.
But what was great is you get done the show, you get in the back of a golf cart
with a cocktail, Tito's and Soda, shirt off.
I'd stand where the golf bags sit.
And I'd just drive through the line while they went in traffic and go, thanks
for coming.
Do my meet and greet that way.
And it was, and it was the funnest way to spend a pandemic summer in a bubble
on a bus and people were like, I think people admit not the best comedy show
they've ever seen in their life.
I mean, it was, we did good work, but like.
Not the best environment.
Not the best environment, but everyone was grateful.
They like, you got us out of the house.
You made us feel normal again.
Thank you very much.
Like everyone was grateful.
Not one complaint the entire summer.
Look at that.
Dude, this was, this is, this is, this was in Pittsburgh.
That's one of the better locations I played at.
That's so awesome.
Butler, Pennsylvania.
It was brilliant.
It was beautiful.
I'd love that you did it.
It was so much fun.
No, it was, it was a very innovative thing.
Is that what Variety gave you the award for?
Yeah.
Did they give you the award for this?
Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah.
Cause, uh, cause no one was touring.
Right.
It was like.
No, and you did it.
Listen, that's as safe as you can get.
People are in their fucking cars.
Yeah.
They're in their cars, like 10 feet away from each other.
It's, it's genius.
Yeah.
It's genius.
It was an amazing idea, dude.
I love it.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, Joe.
I remember telling the idea to Tom when I came up with it.
And Tom goes, looks me in the eyes and goes, you don't want to be a guinea pig.
Yes, you do.
I go, what are you talking about?
And he was like, he was like, I don't know, man.
He was like, I just, we'll keep doing the podcast.
Stay here.
Don't worry about it.
And I was like.
Do you mean a guinea pig for science?
For medicine?
Or for trying out a new kind of comedy?
For trying out a new kind of comedy.
He's like, you know, it could fuck up your career.
He's like, I already sold out a whole theater tour.
And so he's like, you could fuck up your career.
And I was like.
How are you going to fuck up your career?
Because you do it and it's bad and you bomb.
And then all your fans are like, well, that fucking sucked.
And then you lose a market.
Zoom comedy can fuck up your career.
I didn't do any of that.
I watched really great comics do Zoom comedy with no audience and their comedy
looked terrible.
Like, great jokes.
I saw a couple of those.
That I know is funny.
If you saw it in front of a crowd at the improv, it would be brilliant.
And let me tell you, and the award I got for Ivy, I love the name of this award.
It's called Damn the Torpedoes.
Is that, what's cutting out?
Is that my mic or your?
No, it's not mine.
Or my headset?
It's your headset.
I don't hear anything.
It's just, it started cutting out.
It's like, fucking up.
Jamie, will you find out who said Damn the Torpedoes?
It was Winston Churchill, my favorite fucking alcoholic.
Check, check, check, check.
Here we go.
All right, we're back.
Winston Churchill said Damn the Torpedoes.
Is that it?
Was he an alcoholic?
Let me put my cigar down for a second.
He looks like one.
Don't even tell me who said it, because let me just tell you about Winston
Churchill.
Hey, Jamie, this is a problem.
There's something going on here.
My, when he's talking, it's cut, no, it's cutting out when I'm talking too.
I got, we'll pause, we'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry, folks, we had to lose wire.
So, Winston Churchill, Winston Churchill would wake up every morning with a scotch
and a cigar,
eggs, bacon, toast, and his paper.
Now I'm hungry, and I want to read.
Jamie, pull up Burt Kreischer, Winston Churchill Day.
So, I find out this, and I go, and then he'd go to lunch, he'd have a bottle of
shit,
and then he'd have a bottle of champagne at lunch.
And then at night, he'd have a-
A whole bottle?
A whole bottle, a whole bottle at lunch.
How old do you think he was when he died?
So, I think he was like 82, 78?
Wow.
That's pretty good.
So, I find this out, and I become obsessed with Winston Churchill.
What's his name?
Winston Churchill.
We're not even drunk yet!
So, I decide on the day of his death, I'm going to celebrate Winston Churchill
Day.
And you're going to do it like he did it?
Joe, my wife sucks at presents.
I mean, sucks at buying presents.
She bought me a generator one year, an iPad.
That's a good present.
Yeah, in a pandemic, it wasn't that bad.
And she made me a scotch, eggs, bacon, coffee, water, toast, jam, berries.
And Joe, all these little crystal things, the toast holder, she bought that all
for Christmas.
And she said, we're celebrating Winston Churchill Day with you.
That was one of the best days I've ever had in my life.
I woke up with a scotch and a cigar and smoked it in my bed.
That's pretty nice.
It was fucking out of this world.
And then I won the Damn the Torpedoes line, right?
Is that Winston Churchill?
No, it was somebody else.
Motherfucker.
Full speed ahead.
Damn the fortune.
How great is that?
David Glasgow Farragut.
Hey, Adam Farragut?
How do you say that?
Farragut?
Farragut.
Farragut.
Farragut.
Farragut.
Yeah.
Also spelled Glasgow.
C-O-E or C-O-W?
Oh, in the American Civil War.
Flag officer.
So Damn the Torpedoes means, what does it phrase mean?
It means ignore the cautions, right?
Ignore.
Does it?
Damn them.
Like, fuck those torpedoes.
To dismiss the risk of a dangerous action.
And so I got that award because I did that.
I looked at Tom and I was like, yeah, I don't mind being a guinea pig.
I was like, fuck it.
If it's fun, I'll do it.
And then halfway through, I put up a video and Tom goes, oh, this is so you.
He was like, this might be more you than theaters.
Because we'd get there, Dave Williamson would start smoking a fucking, remember
I hit you
up in San Antonio?
I was like, we got an A5 Wagyu brisket.
Dave would wake up, we'd get pulled in the bus, Dave would put on a brisket, we'd
start
barbecuing, we'd wake up.
Who's Dave?
Dave Williamson.
Fantastic comic and an amazing barbecuer.
Really?
He's got a podcast called Meet Dave and he knows more about barbecue.
M-E-E-T?
M-E-A-T.
M-E-A-T.
M-E-A-T.
Meet Dave.
Oh.
And he is, I mean, I could not say enough about that.
So it's like a barbecue slash comedy podcast?
Yeah.
That's a genius idea.
He, it's a genius idea and he's a genius barbecuer.
Where does he live?
He lives in El Segundo.
During pandemic, what he'd do is he'd go in and he'd get a bunch of ribs.
He's a big smoker, get a bunch of ribs, bunch of briskets, send out a mass
email
to all his neighbors, go put in your orders, they'll be here, drop off whatever
you want
to give me.
Wow.
People would put in a rack of ribs, 20 bucks.
Dave would make enough to barbecue for himself, feed the family, make a few
little beer money.
He loves it and he loves it.
He's passionate about it.
No shit.
Like the way you're passionate about so many different things, but when you
find something,
you just immerse yourself in it.
Dave was like that with barbecue.
He got into it and now whenever we tour, the top barbe