Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1729 - Gilbert Gottfried
Uploaded: 2021-11-04T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1729 - Gilbert Gottfried' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1729 - Gilbert Gottfried' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-04. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1729 - Gilbert Gottfried

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Showing by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Hello, Gilbert.
Oh, hello.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you.
I can't believe I haven't met you.
Yeah.
It's kind of wild.
Yeah, I don't think, yeah, I don't think we've ever met.
No, it's, uh, we just must have just missed each other at every club.
Yeah.
Yeah, like.
It's kind of crazy.
Yes, and we haven't even run into each other at the morning radio stations.
No, nothing.
Where I'll usually run into comics.
Yeah.
You know, doing like Captain Bob and Crazy Jim and his morning zoo.
Yeah, those are a lot of fun.
Are those just around anymore?
You still do those things?
I don't, uh, is radio totally dead now?
It's not dead, but it's definitely on life support.
Yeah.
It's just, they're censored, you know, and it's, you know,
local, it's only like a small round of range, unless you're on satellite radio.
And satellite radio is kind of odd, too, because there's the internet.
You can't really, you know, satellite radio is, it's hard for them to compete
with the internet.
So, uh, radio's on life support, and movies are on life support.
Movies are doing good, apparently.
Yeah.
People are going to the movies.
These reckless young folks, they don't give a fuck about diseases.
Yeah.
No, I, I think even before, even before, like it was, uh, the pandemic, movies,
you know,
it got to that point where it's like a movie would be in theaters and also at,
at home on TV.
So, people, I think movies are going to go the way of Voidville.
You think so?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I really think so.
But people like to go out.
Oh, yeah.
They like to go out to a comedy show.
Yeah.
It's, I, I hope they keep liking that.
Do you think we'll ever get to a point where there's going to be virtual comedy
clubs where
you'll be at home and you'll be watching stand-up, like in an audience, like
you'll, you'll
feel like you're in an audience because you're watching them live.
Like you'll be able to buy a ticket for like Zany's at 8 p.m. on Friday, but
you'll be able
to watch it from home.
So, you could sit in your underwear and watch.
I, I, I think so.
I, cause I mean, already, like I did a show on the internet.
And, uh, other people have done stand-up on the internet during the pandemic
and it shows
you're really, so they could put it, and, and I think they could put in an
audience there
with you.
Well, I think, uh, they're doing stuff like that now where you'll have like,
John Heffron
was doing this before.
Do you know John Heffron, Conk?
Uh, I, I probably have spoken to him 500 times and don't remember him.
Very funny guy.
Yes.
Anyway, John, uh, before the pandemic was doing these corporate gigs where they
would
bring him to a place.
And he would stand in front of an array of screens, like 30 or 40 screens, and
he would do his
act.
And you could see the people, their faces, like they were audience members.
Oh, so I, yeah, yeah, I definitely could see that happening.
The same, uh, I, here's something I wonder if, are they ever going to build,
like they make,
uh, animatronic people or what, what's it called when it's half animatronic and
half person?
Cyborg.
Cyborg.
Are there ever going to be, I'm sure they will have it, cyborg hookers?
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
It'll probably be more robot hookers because people still be concerned about an
actual biological
human who's a hooker.
Yeah.
Which is odd.
You know who no one gives a fuck about?
Male hookers.
No.
No one's trying to protect male hookers.
No.
Nothing.
Not at all.
They could all get killed.
It's true.
Yeah.
It's like.
As long as they're adults.
Yeah.
Or grown adult men, no one gives a shit about like a 40 year old male hooker.
Oh God.
Yeah.
No one, no sympathy.
Yeah.
You don't even want to think about.
Yeah.
A male hooker.
But it's like the guy gets no sympathy.
None.
None.
A 40 year old woman who's walking the street is sad.
Yes.
A 40 year old guy looking to suck dicks for a little extra money.
Literally no one feels bad for him.
See, so I think we should have more sympathy for guys who suck dicks for a
little.
Or we should have an even amount of sympathy.
You know?
I mean, we always feel more sympathetic to women who are down and out.
Like women, homeless people I feel bad for.
I remember they once did.
They once said on TV, they once filmed, they had a hidden camera by an air pump
at a gas
station.
And they'd have, like, a pretty girl show up with her bicycle and go, I don't
know how
to operate this thing.
I'm all confused.
And a million guys would run over.
Oh, oh, it's okay.
This is very complicated.
Let me do it for you.
And then they'd have a guy with a bicycle say, I don't know.
And they'd say, what are you, an asshole?
Men don't get your brake, Gilbert.
No.
It's horrible.
No.
It's sad out there.
But it is true because the guys are probably trying to fuck the woman.
Yes.
Or at least get her to like them because men like it when women like us.
And I remember one time sitting in, like, it was like a bus or a train terminal.
And there was some pretty girl there with her dog.
And I thought, boy, it's amazing how many guys at this terminal are curious
what kind of dog
that is and what kind of pet it makes.
You know, it's such, every guy was like, oh, what a nice dog.
What kind of.
Yeah.
It's a trick.
Yeah.
And, like, guys with puppies.
That's why they get puppies.
They get puppies to get the opposite.
Yes.
So the women come up to them.
Oh, my God.
So cute.
So cute.
Especially guys with, like, a little puppy.
Oh, forget it.
A little shih tzu puppy.
Yes.
You know, something like that.
It's a trap.
It's a trap.
How many guys actually get puppies just so that women pay attention to them?
Oh.
A lot.
Yeah.
For sure.
Yeah.
I'm sure.
And then when they don't wind up getting laid, they kill the puppy or something.
Or they bring it to the pound.
Yes.
Yeah.
Or they give it to a friend.
Yeah.
Or they try to give it to a girl.
Yeah.
And then she still won't fuck them.
Sad times.
Sad times.
So how has the pandemic treated you?
How have you handled it?
Did you get COVID?
No.
No.
Did you get vaccinated?
No.
Knock wood.
Yeah.
I got the two regular shots.
And I even got the booster.
And everything's fine?
You're good to go?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I knock wood 5,000 times.
Yeah.
Knock on some wood for you.
Now, did you get it?
I got COVID.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And how was that?
Not bad.
Yeah.
So do you recommend it?
No, I don't recommend it.
No, it's definitely dangerous.
Yeah.
I recommend you being as healthy as possible.
But when I got it, I got good treatment, and I was better in a couple days.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I just remember when it was going full force, and you couldn't
watch a TV show.
Everything was reports on it, and it would be like, oh, it's doing better this
week.
It's only 500,000 dead.
And so that was scary.
Well, it was real scary in New York City, right?
Like, New York City, everybody's on top of each other, which facilitates that
kind of spread.
Yeah.
And, yeah, but as far as me and vaccines, I would get three vaccines a week if
they said that was.
How long did you wait before you did sets again?
It wasn't that far from now.
I mean, it was, you know, a couple, six months ago.
So you waited like a year or so?
Yeah.
No comedy for a year?
Yeah, over a year.
Where was that?
I did, I went back, and I did Caroline's in New York.
And it's so funny how rusty you do get.
Yeah.
Because when I was doing it all the time, it's like, you know.
Normal.
Yeah.
Wake me up at three o'clock in the morning, and I will do my whole set on the
phone to you.
And now it was like, I was up there, first of all, thinking, is this really
what I do for a living?
Right.
Yeah.
It's like, so all of a sudden, this isn't normal.
You know, I'm up here saying dumb shit, and people are laughing and clapping
their hands, and then I feel bad if I say dumb shit, and then not clapping
their hands.
You know Ron White?
Oh, yes.
Yeah, Ron went about, I think he went eight months without doing it, and we did
a show in Austin.
And before we did a show in Austin, he's like, well, I'm basically retired.
I'm just going to fucking play golf and hang out.
I guess I'm done with comedy.
I had a good time, but I mean, fuck this.
I mean, I'm busy.
And then we were going to do a show here at Vulcan, Vulcan Gas Company on 6th
Street.
And Ron decided to do a set, and he prepared, went over his material, went up,
and absolutely fucking annihilated, just destroyed.
Yeah.
And then he gets off stage, and he grabs me by both shoulders.
He goes, whatever the fuck we have to do to keep doing this, we're going to do
this.
He goes, I'm back, baby.
Like, he just got a jolt of reemergence.
But people, like, a lot of us had kind of settled.
I didn't do Stand Up for, like, six months.
A lot of us had kind of settled into this thing where we weren't doing comedy
anymore.
Like, okay, this is just regular life.
I could deal with that.
Yeah.
I was thinking, too, the same thing.
Like, I'm home.
I'm on the couch.
I'm watching TV.
This isn't so terrible.
Yeah.
As long as I've got my health and my TV works.
And so the idea of packing my suitcase and going to the airport and all that,
like, going through security and—
The masks and the fucking fear.
Yes.
Yes.
And so, yeah, I was quite comfortable not doing it.
And then when I got back, it's like, oh, also, I'd be on stage.
And now I'm—it's starting to come back.
But I was on stage first couple of times, and it was like, I'm sure I have more
material in this.
I can't think of other bits that I do.
And this bit that I'm doing right now, I think it had a funny line at this part.
Yeah, yeah.
Isn't it funny?
Like, if you get—if you do a lot of stand-up and you don't write your act out,
you know, you don't know what you said.
Like, unless you have recordings.
Do you have recordings of any of your sets?
Only, you know, like specials and stuff.
I record everything on my phone.
Oh.
The voice notes, which is nice.
Yeah.
Because then I have, like, a whole catalog of all the sets that I did, which is—it's
so easy to do.
I've never done that.
I've never recorded.
You have an iPhone?
I have some kind of phone.
You don't know what kind of phone you have?
I don't.
I'll just show you my phone.
You have to show it to me.
That's hilarious.
I think that's an iPhone.
Yep.
There you go.
Oh, okay.
So I have an iPhone.
Yeah.
So you have voice notes on that thing.
Yeah.
I mean, and it's like, okay, here's something that I find really odd in doing
comedy.
There are some bits that you do that are your killer bits.
Those are the ones you could be bombing the whole night, pull that one out, and
the crowd goes nuts and the room is shaking.
And do you ever have a bit that just goes away?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
With no warning, I'll have these bits where I'm like, uh-oh, here I better hold
on to something because, you know, the walls will crash down.
It's going to be so much reaction.
And then I do it and nothing.
Yep.
And then I do it a bunch of more times and still nothing.
It's just like the bit gets up and walks away from me.
They go away.
Yeah.
And it's weird.
It's like, I never know if it's my engagement with it.
Like, maybe I'm not so enthusiastic about it anymore and the audience can tell.
Maybe, uh, the time for the bit is just gone.
Like, maybe it's only time relevant.
You know, it's only relevant to, like, three months ago and now no one gives a
shit about the topic anymore.
Yeah.
Because I'll have it where, you know, and same thing.
Like, I'll go, uh, oh, you know, maybe I'll just give it a, you know, louder,
heavier hit for the punchline or the middle section.
Yeah.
Or faster or slower.
And it's like, no, they just go away.
They go away.
Sometimes bits do.
Sometimes bits go away.
It's, it's interesting.
It's like, sometimes you'll have a bit in one show and it'll crush.
And then the next show, you say it the exact same way and it won't work.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's, um, okay.
Old joke.
Uh, a comedian's in his hotel room 