Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1734 - Ron White
Uploaded: 2021-11-16T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1734 - Ron White' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1734 - Ron White' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-16. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1734 - Ron White

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
The sound you hear is Ron White, torching the end of his cigar, preparing.
He's a professional.
You notice how he did that, Jamie?
Starts off torching it.
Yeah, you gotta toast it.
Is that what you do?
Yeah, because if you don't, if you just suck the flame into it, you'll burn it.
You'll burn the inside of it instead of just toasting the outside of it.
Get most of that surface hot, and then just a little quick one to get it really
going nice.
And the whole cigar will taste better.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, I fucked it up already.
Yep.
I've fucked up every cigar I've ever smoked.
Cigar Smoking Lessons by Ron White.
So, Matt, this would be better than it is right now?
Yeah, I mean, that's how people light cigars.
That's why they have a torch lighter, so you don't have to suck the flame into
it.
I thought the torch lighter was so that you don't have that stinky smell that
you get from a regular lighter.
Well, it's the same butane.
Yeah, but it's like, you know how, well, I think I'm thinking about pipes, like
weed pipes.
When people smoke weed out of pipes with the lighter, you always smell the
lighter fluid.
A little bit of butane?
Yeah.
No, that's not what it's for.
It's just so you don't suck that flame into it and burn more of the surface on
the inside, and they just taste better.
Ron, you're a professional.
I've been smoking cigars for years, so...
How many?
How many years?
You know, I started smoking cigars when I quit smoking cigarettes, so maybe 20
years ago.
You quit smoking cigarettes, but those little cigars you smoke, I think they're
kind of cigarettes.
You're jacked with nicotine, and I didn't know that because these aren't.
There's more nicotine in one of these little things than there is in this whole
thing.
Really?
Yeah.
How is that possible?
It's because they just jack them with nicotine.
Nicotine is an additive.
I mean, it's not...
They add nicotine to them?
They sure do.
Do you smoke them like a cigarette, or do you smoke them like a cigar?
I don't even know.
I mean, I pick it up, I light it, I know I inhale some of it, I know I don't
inhale all of it.
But do you...
But I go through a couple cans of them a day because I...
Let me try one of those?
Yeah, sure.
Where do you get these at?
Anywhere.
Where do they go?
Romeo and Julieta.
Oh, okay.
So it is like a cigar.
It is a cigar.
It's a tiny little cigar.
Yeah.
I started smoking them on the golf course because if I have a $15 cigar and I
put it down on the tee box and somebody steps on it,
I'm mad at them all day long, even though it's totally my fault.
And you can't let it go.
And I can't let it go.
But these things, I just light them and I take three drags off of them, hit the
ball, throw them away and...
And these are made by the same company that makes Romeo and Julieta cigars?
Cigars, yeah.
Oh, so it's fine tobacco.
Oh, I did see that little tracer up there.
I'm glad you warned me.
I mean, uh-oh.
That wasn't a micro dose.
Yeah, there's folks, we have shooting stars in our ceiling.
And people will get weird sometimes.
They can't figure out what the hell's happening.
All right, here we go.
I'm going to try one of Ron White cigars.
Yeah, this one's nice.
Yeah, you inhaled these like a cigarette, buddy.
I like it.
I don't know.
You don't smoke cigarettes, do you?
I'll smoke a cigarette occasionally before a show.
I'll steal one from Tony Hinchcliffe.
Oh, okay.
You know why I like it?
It gives me a head rush.
I love that head rush.
Ah, man.
I wish I was that sensitive.
You're going to get addicted.
You're going to get addicted.
I'm like, no, I'm not.
I don't smoke them at any other time.
And you don't have an addictive personality.
I think I do, but only like the games and stuff.
Yeah.
You hunt elk, right?
Yeah, but that's not addictive.
It's not?
I only do it once a year.
Oh, okay.
How could it be addictive?
One month out of the year.
I go twice a year.
I know people that are completely addicted to Foxworthy.
Oh, yeah.
Natural born killer.
It is a wild experience.
It taps into some weird DNA.
Some leftover shit from the time when, you know, you'd make your own arrows.
Look at this.
Somebody gave me this.
That's a real, legit Native American arrowhead.
Wow, it's beautiful.
Isn't it wild?
Somebody made that probably hundreds of years ago.
Yeah, right.
So they can get meat.
You know, Foxworthy spends a lot of his time.
Looking for these things.
He goes on cave digs and all over the place.
He's got a gigantic collection.
Oh, does he really?
And then he's also, you know, a big bow hunter, too.
I know he is.
I got to meet him, man.
Really well respected in the hunting community.
Yeah, he is.
Every year, he only takes out like one deer if he even takes out one.
Oh, really?
He's looking for that certain one.
Oh, okay.
But he loves the whole experience of men together in the woods and freezing to
death and eating bad food.
And I don't like it.
You know, I don't like it at all.
Have you done it?
Yeah.
You know, I'm from a little bitty town in northwest Texas, right?
So we used to, oh, everybody hunts up there.
So we would hunt more birds than anything up there.
But it was a miserable experience to me.
What kind of birds did you hunt?
You know, pheasant, duck.
But, you know, you're just laying out in a field, you know, freezing cold with
my father.
And I could do nothing right.
And it wasn't a particularly good shot.
And he had a 12-gauge with no pad on it that would just knock my 13-year-old
shoulder out of socket.
And so I never thought it was that great.
And I really didn't enjoy any of the experiences that I had with him.
He was also a golfer, but I rarely played with him because he was just kind of
mean about it.
Then he was also a natural athlete, lettered in every sport, and had a football
scholarship to A&M to play right guard at 195 pounds, which is how big they
were back then.
Isn't that wild?
And I always remembered as a kid looking at my dad's arms and going, why are
they three times the size of everybody else's dad's arms?
I mean, he was just a beast of a guy.
And he died young from it, I guess.
I don't know.
How old was he when he died?
51.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
What did he die from?
A combination played.
He had, like, open-heart surgery when he was 36.
Holy shit.
That was back when you had to have—you're in the intensive care for, like,
two months or something and saw the breastbone.
So as a kid, I used to have to go up there.
You know, he was in the hospital for so long, and I would go spend my days up
there, you know, just while my mother was, you know, sitting there waiting to
see what was going to happen.
And then as a result, you know, I don't really like going to the hospital to
visit anybody, so I don't know if anybody does.
But I do it, though.
You know, Joey Wald and my dear friend that lived here died of cancer.
I sat with him, took him to chemo and stuff.
But, yeah, so Dad just got a bad deck of cards, man.
He had cancer, too.
God damn.
And he got him at 51.
And I don't have anything.
And I have not behaved one single day of my life.
Not one day of my life have I behaved, and I am fine at almost 65.
I turn 65 next month.
Oh, you look great.
You really do.
And you look great lately, over the last year.
It was, you know, I don't know what it is.
I quit drinking.
You know, I don't talk about it that much.
I still have a fake drink on stage.
And I don't know who I'm trying to kid, because sometimes I say I did, and then
sometimes I act like I didn't.
Do you feel like you have to?
I don't know, Joe.
I just can't make up my mind.
But, you know, my fans, the dudes that are fans of mine, I'm like their fantasy
drinking partner.
You know, they want to have a drink with me.
And every time I see somebody, let's do a shot right now, you know.
And so, you know, I don't know.
I just don't even care.
Not drinking doesn't bother me a bit, except when I'm up at the club and you
guys are, you know, having a cocktail.
I miss that.
But I do not miss being trashed, and I got trashed every night way too early.
And then when COVID hit, that tequila bottle went from the cabinet that I kept
it in to the kitchen table.
Then it eased to the end of the kitchen table.
Then it hopped over to the coffee table that I was sitting in front of.
And I'd start drinking at three and drunk by five.
And, you know, it's just I was just caught in a fucking whirlwind of I couldn't.
And I also didn't think I could quit because I tried to quit 12 years ago.
And I went into a rehab for a month for $70,000 in Malibu.
And I got the sweats and the shakes, and they were giving me medication.
And so I was waiting for that to happen this time, and it didn't ever happen.
So I just quit and didn't do it anymore.
You know, I went to a hypnotist, and then I went down to Costa Rica and did a
bunch of ayahuasca with some shamans.
Oh, that's it.
That did it, huh?
And one of those two things, or maybe the combination of the two of them.
Yeah, you wanted to wait until you talked to me on the podcast to tell me about
your ayahuasca experience.
Do you remember saying that to me?
No.
I don't.
But.
You're like, I'm going to wait.
I'll wait until I get on your show because it's a fucking wild story.
Well, yeah, but now it's been too long.
I don't even remember it.
You should have got right on it, Joe.
I should have got right on it.
But you've been touring, man.
I'll tell you what.
I mean, your stand-up is sharp as a fucking scalpel.
You haven't missed a beat.
And not drinking, it seems to have made you even better.
You know, I've got to really, I never really went on stage drunk.
Well, that's a lie.
Wait a minute.
Let me start over.
Let me start over.
Let me rephrase that.
My goal was to have my first drink of the day was the drink I took on stage.
Right.
That was my goal.
It didn't always work.
But I didn't show up drunk.
And I mean, I'm not talking about the comedy club days when I was doing three
shows a night
on Saturday.
Right.
And I could barely see through the third one, you know, that that happened a
lot.
But when there was no, when I was, when COVID hit, there was nothing to keep me
from drinking
all day, you know, but I wanted to be coherent for that show.
Now, if it was a two show night, I'd get a little baked by the second one.
But, you know, but it, it wasn't, it didn't really affect the performance at
all.
You know, I can do that show drunk.
Yeah.
And I've proven it time and time again.
And so now I've just have a little bit clearer head and it doesn't seem to
bother me at all,
you know, to go out on stage without, with, with just a fake drink.
And, but yeah, for a while, you know, I started hitting comedy clubs and try to
get my chops
back because it really did affect me being off so long.
Really a lot.
Well, I'll tell you, I was there.
I tell this story to people all the time because it's a funny story.
The night that we did it at Vulcan, the place that we're going to be at tonight,
you had
done stand up in about eight months and you had been talking about retiring.
Yeah.
You'd be like, well, I'm basically going to go and retire.
I'll just play golf.
Is that what I sound like when I talk?
That's how you sound.
That's my shitty impression of you.
But, uh, then we did this show packed house, uh, at the Vulcan and, uh, you
crushed and
you got off stage and you grabbed me by the shoulders.
You're going, we're going to fucking keep doing this.
Right.
We're back.
Joe Rogan.
You tell me when your goddamn fucking club is open.
Let's get the show on the road.
Yeah.
Right.
What happened to that?
It's, uh, I got the club.
Yeah.
I mean, uh, I can't really talk too much about it, but, uh, I've secured it.
I've secured the building.
Everyone's in place.
Construction has begun.
We're in motion.
Good.
Yeah.
So I can't talk too much about it.
I will reveal when it happens.
Okay.
We're up and running.
But you could tell me when we're not on the air.
Yeah, whe