Name: Shane Dorian's Friend Survived a Shark Attack
Uploaded: 2021-12-21T19:27:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shane Dorian's Friend Survived a Shark Attack' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shane Dorian's Friend Survived a Shark Attack' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-21. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan Experience.
- Have you known anybody that got bit by a shark?
- Yes.
- How many guys?
- One of my friends got bit by a shark
less than a week ago.
Yeah.
- How is he?
- He was almost positive it was a great white shark.
- Oh Jesus.
- And how's this?
It was in Hawaii.
- Really?
- It was at my home break.
- That's crazy.
- Banyons in Kona on the big island.
- Isn't that rare?
- They had been seeing a great white
for three weeks in that area.
A lot of like the,
they have like manta ray boats and dolphin boats
and like whale watching boats go out.
And I'm buddies with some of these guys
and they've been seeing a great white.
They've been filming it on the surface.
This big, big, like a 12 of great white.
And this guy, his name is Jared Williford.
And he's a crazy fisherman.
He catches like full size, massive blue marlin
off the coast of Kona in his kayak.
He's like a dude of the dreads.
He's like real stony baloney.
- What?
How does he catch him off a kayak?
- He catches him with his fishing pole of kayak.
Like he's on a boat, but he just goes his kayak.
And he'll get, he'll hook up with a marlin
or a big tuna and it'll pull him miles out to sea
on his kayak.
I had multiple friends who fish for a living.
Are like, dude, I saw Jared with a marlin on his kayak.
I'm dead serious.
He's crazy.
- That's so wild.
- Anyway, so he had a run in with a great white,
like a couple of weeks before.
And he was like, he was like telling guys at the beach.
I had a run in with a great white when I was on my kayak
and everyone, you know, just figured he was full of shit.
Like there's no way.
And then next thing you know, and it's on, on the,
I should pull it up on my phone, but it's,
so there's webcams at a lot of these surf breaks now.
And at my home break at Banyons, there's a webcam now.
It's a surf line webcam.
So 24 hours a day, there's a camera.
And so his attack is on camera.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is it.
- Whoa, video of surfer being attacked
and dragged underwater by shark at Banyons
on Hawaii's big Island.
Wham, nails him right there.
He's down.
Now he's going to pop up and swim to that guy.
- Yeah.
So there's a video.
This is the video right here.
- Oh, play this.
Sweet baby Jesus.
- This is where I grew up surfing.
I don't know.
Where's the video?
There it is.
- Click on that.
So this is my home break where I've been surfing this
since I was five years old.
- That's that.
Now right after this wave, you'll see it comes
and wham, nails it right there.
- He's underwater.
- He's down.
Now he's going to pop up right there.
Whoop.
And swim to that guy.
Whoa.
- So that was a girl next to him.
- Whoa.
- A girl was paddling out next to him.
Shark comes up, grabs him, takes him underwater.
- And he comes up and hangs onto that girl's surfboard.
His board's gone.
- Oh my God.
- You can see the size of the shark's huge too.
- You don't see it much.
You don't know.
You see the fin though come up.
- Oh, so it grabbed the board and him.
And how badly did he get bit?
It, it shredded his forearm pretty much completely.
- Oh my God.
- And so, and so my wife was just, just the other day.
My wife, my wife was talking to the girl who was there in that video, who was
next to him.
So shark comes up, just nails him, takes him underwater.
And she just sitting there like, holy shit, this guy's toast.
He's dead for sure.
And she was thinking she was dead too.
And then all of a sudden he pops up right next to her and the shark's still
right there.
And she said it was moving like crazy slow, like a big, slow submarine.
You know how scary that is?
- Oh my God.
- And it's shallow there.
It's like four feet deep where, where they were.
This massive tank of a shark is in four feet of water.
- And just sucked him under and his, it shredded his arm.
- It didn't suck him under dude.
It grabbed him with his fricking jaws and pulled him under.
- And did he get his arm fixed?
- Yeah.
So he is still in the ICU or he's still in the hospital.
- Wow.
- Still.
And so I haven't talked to him personally, but, um, it shredded his arm like
horribly bad.
I think he might've lost function in, in some of his fingers.
And anyway, this, this girl who was right next to him.
So his board is gone and he was gushing blood like crazy.
Like hemorrhaging blood.
And so she was on top of her board paddling.
He swam under her board and held onto her board.
And she tried to paddle him to the beach.
She took off her leash, which is like, you know, your leash to your board and
cord and,
and wrapped it super tightly around his arm as a tourniquet and say, and fully
saved his life.
And then when he was on the way in and another guy swam out and did another
tourniquet on his arm and saved his life.
But I guess he lost tons and tons of blood.
- The guy's lucky. - Yeah.
- Extremely lucky. - Unlucky and lucky at the same time.
- Could've been, could've been so much worse.
- Have you ever had an encounter?
- I have.
I've had encounters.
I've seen, seen a bunch of sharks and seen some big sharks.
- What a wild creature, right?
Just a clean up crew of the ocean.
- They're terrifying.
The heavy thing is like, if you have a run in with a great white shark, there,
there's a really good chance that they're not going to eat you, right?
They chill a lot of times, but if they're hungry, if they haven't eaten in a, I
don't know, how, how, how, how often do great whites eat, Jamie?
- Let's guess.
- I say they have to eat once a week.
- Yeah, I'd say four days, maybe.
Let's see.
- Dun, dun, dun.
- Well, it pops up, it says, it says, it says the amount of energy required by
great white sharks was equivalent to eating a seal pup every three days.
- Oh.
- Yeah, so, so if you run into a, like a white shark and it sees you, it's not
going to eat unless it's really hungry, but if it's starving, you're toast.
That's it.
Bad luck.
- Yeah, I mean, they eat shoes sometimes.
They eat all kinds of things.
- Yeah, especially like by my house, there's a lot of tiger sharks and tiger
sharks are like, they bite first, ask questions later.
Like they, like they'll, like they'll fish out a tiger shark and, and, and cut
its stomach open.
There's like license plates and shoes and shit, like a lot of stuff.
- So they're just more aggressive.
- Yeah, they're more aggressive.
They'll just bite anything.
- They need six, according to this research, uh, they need about 66 pounds of
blubber to survive for no more than 15 days.
- Wow.
- So I'm trying to do the math in my head for like two weeks.
- That's a lot.
- 30 pounds a week.
- So if he's really hungry, he might just eat you.
But even if he just bites you, you're probably dead.
- Yeah.
- Your, your guy got lucky.
- Yeah.
My friend was incredibly lucky.