Name: Why Quitting Cigarettes is So Diifficult
Uploaded: 2021-12-23T18:12:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why Quitting Cigarettes is So Diifficult' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why Quitting Cigarettes is So Diifficult' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-23. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan Experience.
- Can I smoke a cigarette in here?
- Mm-hmm.
- The people that, uh,
I'm quitting when the special come out, Mom.
- Do you want a cigar?
- No, no, no.
Last time I did that shit, it fucked me up.
- Cigars fucked you up?
How so?
- It just made my shit all dry.
I mean, this ain't healthy, but I'm an addict.
- It's definitely not healthy.
- I'm just making excuses, I'm an addict.
- How often do you smoke 'em?
- Cigarettes?
- Yeah.
God damn.
- I don't know, probably.
You know, it changes when I'm doing comedy.
Or when I'm performing.
- You smoke more?
- Yeah.
- Interesting.
- I smoke more when I'm at the comedy store and shit.
- Mm, 'cause everybody else is doing it?
It's social?
- No, no one else does it.
- No one?
- Very few.
- What kind of bullshit ass kid.
- Like most people, like,
now it's the era of the healthy comic.
- Ah, those motherfuckers.
- Mm-hmm.
They're judging you.
- Judgers.
God damn judgey fucks.
- Ma, a special comes out today, I'm done.
- That's it, you're done?
- I told her when it comes out, I'm done.
- And what are you gonna do to replace it?
You're gonna do gum?
You're gonna do the shit you put in your mouth?
- Oh shit.
- I was hanging out with Shob at Schultz's wedding,
and he takes those little dip pouches,
shoves them in his mouth.
- Nah, fuck that.
- He grabbed three of those motherfuckers
and stuck them inside his cheek like a squirrel.
And I go, what are you doing?
He goes, I'm an addict.
He goes, I'm a straight addict.
- I can't do it, man.
- Really?
- The dip shit.
So one time, when I was deployed,
we had our little, this was my second deployment,
so by this time we had more comforts and shit,
and we had our little six,
our little 12 by six can or whatever.
But my can, and there's six Marines
sleeping in one of these things.
- Fun.
- My can had, we had negotiated with the locals
and we had a TV, we had an Xbox,
and we had a little makeshift couch
that we had built and like made comfortable.
So everybody would come in our room
and like watch the Sopranos,
or play, or come in our can and all that shit.
And this one motherfucker, I can't remember his name.
Anyway, this son of a bitch had this weird habit
of leaving his dip bottles every fucking way, right?
- Oh no.
- Yeah, and one day,
and you know, one day I'm sitting there,
I'm drinking my shit, and I put it down by my feet,
and I reach back down, and I grab it, not looking.
Ah, mouth full of dip spit.
- Ah!
- Yeah, it took three people
to pull me off that motherfucker.
It wasn't fair to be mad at him for real,
for not paying attention, but I can,
it's, you know, you have those events
where you--
- Can't control yourself.
- You relive them, like every time I think about it,
I can taste it, and I just, I could never dip.
I could never dip, and I'm still mad about it.
- I've dipped, it definitely gives you
a nice little head rush, but not as good as cigarettes.
Cigarettes give you the best head rush.
- Yeah.
- It's like a woo, but--
- I love a cigarette before I go on stage.
I don't know how I'm gonna replace that.
Like right before--
- You gotta try to use a jewel or something like that?
- I don't know.
- That doesn't work good enough.
- No, I think you just have to stop.
Like, I started, I had this book called
The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.
And everybody that I've got to read the book,
they've stopped, but I've never finished it.
- What does it tell you to do?
- It's, it's, so the premise of it is basically like,
they, instead of telling you the reasons you shouldn't smoke,
they attack the reasons why you say you smoke.
Like all the reasons people give,
and they show you that they're just excuses,
that you're just as much of an addict as a crackhead or--
- Hmm, that doesn't help you.
- No.
- I think what helps people is things like Ibogaine.
Ibogaine, mushroom trips, things like that.
- Yeah, oh yeah, I know a lot of people that,
my buddy, actually he just left.
He moved down here actually.
Mitch, I can't remember Mitch's last name, god damn it.
Anyway, he quit after a mushroom trip.
He was like, he did shrooms and was like,
nah, I was just done.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Well, you start thinking about what you could be doing
to your body.
You know, what could be happening inside of your body.
- Yeah, so maybe I just need a picture of a tumor,
to just hang over my neck.
- Or a health scare.
A little bit of health scare.
- Well, I've had enough of those.
That doesn't stop people really.
- No?
- Cigarettes?
- No, there's people that's dying in the hospital now
that's still sneaking out to smoke cigarettes.
- Yeah, but that's just 'cause they know they're dying.
And they'd rather just take the cigarette now,
other than like die and not enjoy a cigarette,
because you're already dying.
- So you're saying the type of health scare
where they're like, look, if you stop now,
you'll be okay.
But if you don't stop now, yeah, maybe one of those.
- Something's gotta like, they gotta show you your lungs,
or you see the blackness, like the tar,
and all the fucking decay.
- Oh yeah, dude.
- Have you seen like a smoker's lung
when they pull it out,
and they put it next to a healthy person's lung
on an autopsy table?
- Yeah, and it looks-
- It's wild.
- It's, yeah.
- Go, see if you can find a video.
They, or a photo.
There's, they do autopsies of these people
who die of lung cancer,
and you know, lifetime cigarette smokers,
and their fucking, their lungs.
They look like they're just covered.
Look at that, look at that fucking lung.
- It's like lung jerky.
- Look at that one.
The black lungs of a chain smoker,
the one, the upper left, click on that.
Look at that, that is insane, man.
That's so insane.
That looks like someone, oh my God,
look at that next to a regular lung.
That is so wild.
One lung is like a orangey, reddish pink,
and the other one is literally black and white.
Like white tissue and black tissue.
Fucking wild, man.
That is wild.
Terrible, as I-
- God damn it.
- Smoked myself.
Look at that one up there.
That one, the second down, right below that.
Look at that.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Look at, they're all shriveled.
- This is like showing me stool samples while I'm eating.
- Yeah, but that's,
if I'm still hungry, I'll still eat.
- Really?
You could just put power through it?
- I was on Fear Factor.
It's not real?
- This is a computer.
- Oh, it's a computer generator?
- Oh, okay.
- Oh.
- That's still pretty accurate.
- Probably accurate, but the one next to it is real.
That's real.
- Man, what's wrong with that one down there?
The one that looks like it has cheese on it.
- Which one's that?
- The one in the middle bottom?
- Oh, it's pussy.
- What is that?
- Oh.
- Pulmonary pathology.
- Oh.
- Good God.
- It's fucked up because like the thing that scares people
the most is not being able to breathe.
You know, that's what's interesting.
It's like that feeling that you can't breathe
is terrifying to people.
That's why drowning is so terrifying to people.
But they say that the last days of a person's life, when they're dying of lung
cancer, is like drowning.
It's like you can't breathe and you're gasping for air and it's like your lungs
are filling
up with fluid and you can't get any oxygen in there.
- You know, because all the sores are like popping.
- Yeah.
- Ugh.
- As you tap and take another hit.
You went through that cigarette quick too.
Oh, how many do you smoke a day?
- Uh, it varies.
But a pack at the most.
- A pack?
- Yeah.
- It's a lot.
- What is it pack, 16?
How many is in there?
- 20.
- 20?
- And it's actually perfectly formulated for you to smoke all day.
- Oh, so if you start early and keep going?
- Well, it's like the rate that like the nicotine gets out of your system.
- Yeah.
- And it's supposed to be like every 40 minutes or something like that.
And so you have just enough cigarettes to smoke all day long.
- You know what's interesting?
Like nicotine is actually a medicine.
Nicotine itself, I think it's got heart applications.
- See it like nicotine for heart, nicotine and it's also-
- They use it to treat shit?
- Nicotine by itself is not bad, which sounds so crazy.
And it's also a nootropic, meaning like it stimulates cognitive function.
Like nicotine does stimulate.
It's one thing Stephen King said in his book on writing is that quitting
cigarettes
was very hard for him because it's like his writing suffered a little bit.
- Wow.
- It was harder for him to write.
- Oh dude, hmm.
- Because there's something about the cigarette that like it fires up the synapses,
it fires up the brain and then the writing would come smoother.
- Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know because I've smoked all the time I've been doing comedy and
writing.
- Hmm, yeah.
- So man, that would be like torture.
Like if I couldn't, if the ideas came to me less.
- Yeah, I think that's what he was saying.
But I think you could probably get around that with other stuff.