Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1764 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand
Uploaded: 2022-01-14T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1764 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1764 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-14. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1764 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Hey, we're up and running to the cuddle party.
Hey, comedy.
There we go, Gil.
Yes, yes.
So what are we calling this?
Are we calling this Protect Our Parks?
I think it's Protect Our Parks.
We need a better name.
We didn't do a good job protecting the last one.
What happened to the park?
It's gone.
50 acres, just a dirt pile now.
That is so crazy that they allowed them to do that.
They just totally did that.
You know nobody in the city voted for that.
Not a single person.
Fucking evil, man.
It's evil.
There's definitely a prison in there or high-rises in no time.
What is the general consensus about the new mayor of New York?
Oh, it's bad already.
I saw people get mad at him.
I think it seems nice.
I saw people get mad at him for he says,
we have to protect the low-wage employees.
Because he's like, the people at Dunkin' Donuts.
And he goes, they're not educated.
They're not smart enough to be in a corner office.
And I was like, what?
Oh, Jesus.
He's not wrong.
His point was protect them.
But the way he said it, people are like, what's that supposed to mean?
You've got to protect these morons.
But he's hired his brother and he gave him like half a mil.
$250,000 a year.
There you go.
His last job, I think, was parking cars.
Oh, really?
How much did he get for that?
Just whatever he can clear out of the middle?
That's a nice thing.
That's what you want in your leader.
Somebody who's willing to hook his brother up.
I don't want a guy who wouldn't hook his brother up.
Right.
I don't want a guy who shits on his brother.
Tell that to Cuomo.
That's what they said about Cuomo.
They're like, why jump your brother?
I'm like, what?
It's his brother.
What are you talking about?
I think it's the way he did it, though, right?
Wasn't the Cuomo thing that he was using his influence to gather information
about his accusers?
That's a good bro.
That's a good bro.
You're supposed to do that.
You're just supposed to shut the fuck up about it and not put it on Gmail.
Yeah.
Oh, you've got to go Yahoo, baby.
Everything on Gmail is now up for everybody.
Go to Signal.
What's Signal?
That's what the drug dealers use.
No, fucking insurrectionists.
Oh, everybody.
Disappearing messages.
To the one year.
One year anniversary of the greatest upset.
It was the greatest upset in sports.
Nobody saw it coming.
They just did throw in Buster Douglas as the greatest upset.
A couple of them climbed that wall pretty good.
I mean, it was impressive.
They were out of shape.
Those were the feds.
Yeah.
Oh.
The ones that scaled it were the feds.
Did you fucking see the thing where Ted Cruz is grilling that lady from the FBI
and
he asks her, the whole, runs the gamut of, were federal agents involved?
We can't answer that.
We can't answer that.
We can't answer that.
Were federal agents involved in, you know, inciting violence or trying to court?
We can't answer that.
Yeah.
Never saw it.
You should always ask a follow-up question.
Like, is Coke the same as Sprite?
And they'll be like, no.
Like, okay, that's your baseline.
Right.
So then, what is, we can't answer this?
Yeah, what does that mean?
We can't answer this.
Oh, God.
Who knows?
Oh, we have a fucking distinct lack of marijuana in this room.
Uh-oh.
We've made an error.
Jambo.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
Talk amongst yourselves.
I got a joint.
Oh, you got some?
Hey!
Yeah, but you got some bullshit.
I got hit hard by that.
That would hurt.
He sucker punched me with that.
I'll be right back.
Talk amongst yourselves.
The park, dude.
That was the park.
That was the park.
Ari's a real dickhead.
I don't even watch the news.
I haven't seen any news stories since Larry Nassar.
You don't watch it.
It's so smart not to.
Larry Nassar was a great.
I mean, that was the peak.
I got out.
You saw Nassar and you were like, I'm done.
This is good.
Yeah, I got enough.
But what's the news?
There's nothing for me there.
Somehow it involved me too and sports.
It was a good combo.
That's true.
That should be a sport.
Me too.
Yeah, they can beat two Olympics.
Let's call, what's that?
University?
Penn State?
They're doing good.
Was it Penn State with Sandusky?
Yeah, it's Sandusky.
Penn State, yeah.
They really let that other guy go, huh?
The dead one?
Joppa.
Joppa.
They fucking, you knew something.
He died on the spot.
He got lung cancer and died right away.
What?
He just was a guy.
From misery.
I'm done, dude.
From grief.
Yeah, he checked out.
I think it's a David Tell joke.
He's like, but were they playing better?
Yeah.
Something like that.
They really did have a good defense.
I love Sandusky.
He had a play in his backyard face to kindergarten or something like that or a
playground.
And he's like, I just like to go out there and watch the kids afterwards.
Like, wait, don't do that.
He goes, why?
Golly.
You're like, what?
This pot is so much better without Rogan.
Oh, man.
Joking.
Joking.
All right, put it away.
Got the weed.
He dosed you.
We were just talking about Sandusky.
Yeah, remember him?
Oh, yeah.
He was good.
Is he in jail?
There's been so many.
I think he's dead.
No, Paterno's dead.
He's in jail.
Yeah.
I thought he died in jail or something.
No.
No, no.
He got asked to re-transfer to a juvenile facility.
He identifies as a kid.
Well, they're doing that now with male prisoners who are transgender.
They're putting them in female prisons.
And a lot of them are guilty of sexual assault.
And they're putting them in prison with females.
And all they got to do is say, hey.
Yeah.
Identify as a woman.
It's a smart move.
I mean, why wouldn't you do that?
Well, one guy did.
And then immediately upon release, started identifying as a man again.
Damn.
Like, literally identify as a woman.
You got to give that guy some respect.
Yeah, respect.
Well, he game the system.
But the system is really fucking stupid.
Yikes.
It's such a dumb.
It's like, what a dumb thing this identity politics has given us.
This ability for a sexual offender to just change their gender by saying, I
identify with a woman.
You keep your dick.
You don't have to get an operation.
You don't have to get hormone treatments.
There should be some sort of test, like becoming a citizen.
Should be a test.
You should have to know some stuff about womanhood.
Some menstruation stuff.
Yeah.
Golden Girls.
Name a purse.
Name three purses.
Yes.
One Sex and the City character.
Manolo something.
Which one of the Sex and the City was a slut?
Kim Cattrall.
Kim Cattrall was the real slut.
Yeah, you got to be able to say that.
Oh, right, right, right, right, right.
Samantha.
I mean, I don't know.
They were all pretty slutty.
One was like very...
The black hair one was not.
How come she wasn't in the new one?
Because she's got some fucking...
Because women hate women?
Integrity.
Is that what it is?
No, she goes, we did it.
They were fighting or something.
No, she was like, we did it.
We had a whole run.
Why are we revisiting this?
Yeah.
Have you seen the new season?
Pretty wild.
Yo, you see the stand-up scene in it?
Oh.
No.
You gotta see it.
It's horrific.
It's like 10 minutes long.
Is Sex and the City a stand-up now?
There's a stand-up.
They go see a show.
She's trans.
Yeah, they see a trans woman do stand-up.
Oh, Christ.
Yeah.
No, I don't know if she's trans.
Oh.
She's genderless.
Oh, non-binary.
Oh, really?
She doesn't even exist.
What prison do they go to?
So why are you saying she?
She's true.
You say zay, you piece of shit.
All right, I apologize.
The fuck is wrong with you?
You're in trouble.
You gotta learn the new rules, bro.
If you want to operate in today's society, what, are you scared of weed?
I hate weed, dude.
It's for genderless people.
I'm straight as hell, dude.
Oh, I better know.
You better know?
No, I can't.
I'll just hug my knees and mumble.
Well, could you please do that?
That would make me happy.
That would be pretty cool.
No, no, I can't.
Maybe later on.
We'll wear off in an hour.
It'd be fun to watch you.
It's not pretty.
We'll wear off in four hours for dinner.
It's just me and you, Ari.
These pussies.
Man, I already got the Glenlivet cooking.
It's good stuff, right?
Glenlivet 18 is not bad.
Not bad.
So, save our parks or cuddle party?
What's the consensus?
What else can we name?
We can branch out a little bit.
Four cunts.
That's not bad.
The four cunts of the apocalypse.
That's a good name for sex in the city.
Let's see.
Toxic, non-gender specific.
Yeah.
Humans.
Non-binary, asexual, queefs.
Queefs, yeah.
I vote no name.
Queefer Sutherland.
You have what?
No name.
No name?
Like Prince?
We can't go name.
No names for us?
Okay.
We shouldn't name.
Well, you know what we could do?
We could just internally call ourselves different things.
We could secretly call ourselves fun things.
All the time.
Absolutely.
Like our text message thread is now protect our parks.
Which I'm strongly opposed to.
He's not going to be able to share.
I'm strongly opposed to that.
Started with Ari's idea, which I like the best, is cuddle party.
Because you want to call it like the cancel crew or something.
I'm like, man, it's too leaning into it.
I think it's like, I got a big dick.
No, I did not.
You want to call it, I got a big dick.
Look at my chest.
No.
Tony, we go with the clan.
Cancel party.
The clan.
Yeah.
How about guys clan?
Yeah.
Guys clan.
Just guys.
Four rebels.
Four guys in a clan.
But spelled with a K.
Yeah.
Shut up.
The dude clucks clan.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Dude cucks.
Cucks.
Dude cucks clan.
Cucks.
Cuckerberg.
Yeah, cucks is good.
You guys are dorks.
Four woke cucks.
Yeah.
Four woke cucks.
All right, we're getting somewhere.
The mighty cucks.
The mighty cucks.
The mighty cucks.
Oh, yeah, the Anaheim mighty cucks.
Yeah.
Was that the first time a sports team was ever named after a movie?
I think so.
The Raptors also was right around then.
It was around Jurassic Park.
You're right.
Was it really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you know that Raptors, those Raptors are really little?
They're not big like that.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Apparently Steven Spielberg was consulting with a dinosaur expert and he found
out how little
the Raptors were and he's like, that's not going to work.
We need them to be big.
Yeah.
So he made them like seven feet tall.
But real Raptors are like 24 inches tall.
They're like tiny little things.
What?
Interesting.
Make sure that's true.
How tall are they?
I'll tell the Raptors.
I don't think they're very big.
They're very ferocious.
They can open doors.
Two feet tall.
Clever girl.
Yeah, I saw that in the theater.
It scared the shit out of me.
I was 10 years old.
What a good movie that was.
Great movie.
In the theater when you saw the first dinosaur, it's like, bro.
Unreal.
When the T-Rex comes over the fence, when you see the goat is missing and the T-Rex
comes
over the fence.
I was sad about that goat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That fucking sound.
That's how they feed Kirstie Alley.
Ah!
That's a crazy reference.
What do you want Scientology?
What is this?
Veronica's Closet?
She was a big target for a while.
She came away and people were like, stop.
Big target.
Whoa, easy.
This show is over.
Who's the new fat person to make fun of?
Yeah, see, that's how big they were.
They were little.
I've got to up my references.
The real recent velociraptor is so big in Jurassic Park.
Yeah, it's just because Steven Spielberg.
You go Lizzo.
Oh, there you go.
She was always that.
You need someone who wasn't fat and that became.
Well, you know what's funny is when they're fat and then they lose weight and
then everybody
gets mad at them.
Like Adele.
Yeah, that is weird.
Yeah.
The big girls are mad.
You are a hero.
Yeah, you are us and now you're not.
You're another hot girl.
Why did you put that burger down?
You fucking bitch.
Cuck Liddell?
I've been sitting on that for 20 minutes.
It's a funny thing when people do better with their life and the people that
love them don't
go, that's awesome.
I'm going to do that too.
Look, she can do it.
If A