Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1778 - Joey Diaz
Uploaded: 2022-02-17T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1778 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1778 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-17. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1778 - Joey Diaz

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
What's happening, you bad motherfuckers?
Hey!
Uncle Joey live in Austin, cocksuckers.
So good to see you, man.
Great to see you. You look great, man.
You look great, too.
Great fucking studio down here. I like the lights.
I like the whole cosmic effect.
I wish you had more time in town. I want to take you around.
I want to show you some things.
I want to show you some things. I'm going to show you the club.
Okay, yeah, I'd like to see the club.
You got a lighter over there? Let's get this party started.
I haven't smoked since this fucking... I didn't even smoke this morning.
Well, that's crazy.
That plane took off at... I left the house at five.
I was up at four.
I took some edibles last night with some CBD,
so I woke up feeling like a fucking doctor.
New Jersey's all wide open now, right?
Wide open.
It's legal, like recreational, right?
Yeah, and let me tell you something.
Like, they're waiting on stores? Not really.
No?
People just opening those motherfuckers.
Really?
Delivery services that are tremendous.
They come to your house, deliver it, whatever time.
When I was in New Orleans, I bought weed on a food truck.
Yeah, they have those in New York.
They had a food truck.
This lady pulled up in a food truck.
She was just selling weed.
You figured it out? Pop the top.
Any good?
Yes! It was very good.
It's upside down.
You're upside down.
That one.
It's a cigar lighter.
There you go.
There you go.
Hey!
There you go.
We got to open up the fucking podcast with a little fart.
It's great to see you, man.
It's great to see you, too.
Fucking long time from L.A., huh?
I know.
I know.
The one time that I visited you in New Jersey, we had dinner at Il Nido, that
fantastic Italian restaurant near your house.
I wouldn't move either.
I get it.
Look, I love New Jersey.
New Jersey's like you're close enough to New York, but you're kind of like in
the rest of the world.
You know, they're regular people.
Just normal people living their lives.
They go to the city.
They come back.
They commute.
Yeah.
You look at them and you go, how the fuck do you do that every day?
Get on a goddamn bus.
I know.
An hour, an hour back.
Walk through Times Square.
It's a different life.
It's a different fucking life.
Me, when I moved down there, I knew that my New York days were over with.
Yeah.
Because it's an hour to and fro, you know?
Right.
And I used to go down there 20 years ago.
My buddy Chris Fish still lives down there.
And that's how I got introduced to that area.
When I was going to move to Jersey, I was going to move to Bergen County.
It was going to be close to the city, Fort Lee, my old hometown.
But after the pandemic, you couldn't find shit.
That Bergen County is where the guy went skiing and he came back from Italy and
everybody
got fucking, well, that was like somewhere in Westchester.
But Bergenfield.
Someone brought it?
Back.
Remember I complained to you that the guy went skiing in Italy?
Oh.
And he came back.
That fucking guy, he must have been the joy of his fucking neighborhood.
Because the whole neighborhood got it after that.
He's alive still, the dude.
But it doesn't matter.
When everything went down, I just wanted to get out of L.A.
When I saw Burbank and what was going on in Burbank, I was like, you know what?
I don't want to raise my daughter here anymore.
I wasn't safe.
Yeah.
All the parades were being held around the corner from my house.
All the fucking violent parades and shit.
So I had people walking through my neighborhood, breaking into cars.
And I was like, we were dying to get the fuck out anyway.
Like, I went to New York in 2016 at the airport.
My wife asked me, why are we even going back?
She's like, why are we going back?
I can see that you like it here.
You're having a good time with your friends.
And I miss one thing.
The comedy store.
Yeah.
That's it.
But the comedy store, what we were doing there on Tuesday nights and Wednesday
nights,
that's never going to happen again.
Well, if it happens, it'll be happening with a different crew of people.
With a different crew of people, absolutely.
It can mostly, I mean, you know, it happened again with us.
And it happened before us with other guys and girls that had come through.
There's some comics there that are really funny.
It's still going to be a great place to go see stand-up.
It's just, you know, we had a very fun thing going on.
We really did.
And there was the camaraderie that we experienced there was fucking amazing.
It was really, it was very unique.
It was not just unique in my life as, you know, a friend being that close with
people,
but unique in comedy.
Because, like, comedy is, there's so many bitter comedians.
There's so many comedians that get upset when other people are doing well.
They get upset when that guy got a movie.
Why is he getting this fucking movie?
You know, this attitude has always been a part of that community because it's
so insecure.
Such a hard thing to do for a living.
You know, you're telling jokes and you're writing them and you're trying to,
like,
who am I on stage?
Am I this?
Am I bigger?
Am I smaller?
Am I louder than I really am?
Am I more chill than I really am?
Like, what do I, how do I do this right?
And everybody is confused and everyone's trying to figure it out.
And along the way, some people figure it out faster than you and they take off.
You know, some people, they fucking, they never make it.
There's guys that we've known forever that are funny guys that for whatever
reason,
they never really pieced it together.
It's fucking a hard way to make a living.
It's a weird way to make a living.
You said it best one time.
You said it's the hardest, easiest thing you'll ever do.
Because when you're doing it and it's killing, it's easy.
But it's fucking hard to get there.
And it never stops.
You never stop working.
No.
You're always thinking of new material.
Your gears are always fucking turning.
You're always looking for knowledge.
It's not looking for knowledge, but you're looking for data.
You know, to goof on, you know what I'm saying?
They said Marlon Brandy used to sit in foam boots in New York
and look at people walking by to observe.
That's what we have to do.
We have to become, so we can go up later on and be fucking conduits of what we
observed.
So it's an interesting, it's a great fucking struggle.
I would do it all over again.
I don't give a fuck about the bus rides, sleeping on trailways,
sleeping in my car.
I fucking had a great time.
We got through that, you know?
That's why it's so great.
If you're still doing that at 50 years old,
if you're still, you know, sleeping in your car, that's rough.
You know?
If you're not, if there's no success at the end,
it's like everybody loves a struggle.
Yeah, but they like the struggle and then succeed.
That's what they really want.
And for some of us, it's just, you know, just too hard.
It's just a weird, it's just a fucking weird way to make a living.
Ron White's still out there killing it.
Ron White went up last night, the Vulcan, destroyed, destroyed.
He is the last of the real fucking Mohicans.
He's the real deal.
He's the real deal.
I see him with his white hair.
He's a bad motherfucker.
And his mustache.
And he's not drinking now.
Nope.
So he's got to be lethal.
Oh my God, he's lethal.
Lethal.
If he's not drinking, because he was lethal when he was drinking.
He's micro-dosing mushrooms and smoking weed all day.
He's an animal.
If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad.
He's playing golf.
I see that.
He's eating.
Yeah.
He eats good.
He looks good.
He looks healthy when you see him.
And he's such a sweet person.
He's just such a sweet guy.
He loves everybody.
He's just such a good guy.
He's got good fucking tequila, too.
Oh, yeah.
That's good motherfucking tequila.
That must be torture on him.
David Lucas is into the tequila.
Is that him right now?
That was him a couple days ago.
Playing golf with Cat Williams.
No shit.
That is Cat Williams.
Wow.
I wonder where they played.
I think here?
Vegas.
Oh, Vegas.
That makes sense.
Yeah, he plays in Vegas all the time.
He does like the Mirage.
He'll stay there for a week.
And he just plays golf all the time.
He's an animal.
He lives a life of leisure.
You know?
That's what he's supposed to do.
Yeah, he went to Maui for a couple weeks.
Just hangs out.
That's what he's supposed to do.
He works hard.
Yep.
He's that age.
He can't hit it like he used to.
But he still hits it.
Well, I think it's probably a lot easier now that he's not drinking.
You know?
It's probably a lot easier.
The drinking weighs on you, bro.
Oh, yeah.
It's fun, though.
Oh, yeah.
I've had maybe since I last saw you, I had the whiskey with you in the studio.
And then I had a couple of fucking maybe two sangrias at Anthony's.
And then one night I got really crazy.
And I go, let me get an Italian fucking martini.
That was my biggest downfall.
What's an Italian martini?
Oh, my God.
Whiskey, whiskey, and more whiskey.
And a little bit of fucking anisette.
You know?
Really?
I drank it and my eyes got red.
Like, I could feel the heat around my eyes.
Like, I couldn't even drink it.
And that was it.
I never drank again, dog.
That was it.
Well, you were never much of a drinker.
No, but that whiskey fucking killed me that night.
It gave me heartburn.
My bones hurt.
It fucked me up.
That Italian.
What?
Is it an Italian martini or an old?
Oh, an Italian old-fashioned.
Oh, Italian old-fashioned.
Which old-fashioned already tastes like shoe polish.
Like, you're already taking yourself into the murky waters with a fucking...
You ever drink the martini for the first time?
Like, a dirty martini?
Your whole bottle...
Like, what the fuck is that?
I like dirty martinis.
I like all that shit with the olives.
You eat, like, 15 olives afterwards.
The thing about old-fashions is I don't like putting things in whiskey other
than Jack.
Or, uh, other than Coke.
Like, Jack and Coke is okay.
Perfect.
I'll have a Jack and Coke.
But, like, other than that, I'm not, like, a big fan of, like, whiskey.
I like whiskey by itself.
By itself is good.
I like it.
I like that...
That...
Oh, that taste.
You know, when it hits you and you're like,
Oh, I love that.
I love that.
I like a drink that lets you know you're drinking.
You know?
Like, I don't mind a pina colada.
I'm not, like, a...
You know, I'm not stuck on my ideas.
I like a pina colada.
They're delicious.
You know?
Some kind of coconut drink.
Something fancy.
But I like a whiskey.
See, but when you drink, it's the sugar that hangs you over.
Hmm.
Is that real?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, when you drink...
Like, if you go to fucking one of those freezy joints where they make the
freeze and they give
you a lot of alcohol content, the next day you get hung over more on the sugar.
It's like when you eat an edible.
Hmm.
If you eat, like, a gel cap, you're fine.
But once you start eating brownies, the next day you wake up, you're like, I
feel kind
of weird.
It's that sugar.
Well, I do know that, you know, I don't normally eat this way.
I normally eat pretty clean, but every now and then I'll go off the rails.
And one time I had this bacon cheeseburger and a giant milkshake, and I know it
was the
milkshake, because after I ate the milkshake, I had a headache.
I had to sit down.
I felt like shit.
And I'm like, is this just because I'm old?
Or is this just...
When I was younger, your shirt's going to catch on fire.
When I was younger, I used to have a milkshake and it never affected me.
Or maybe I wasn't aware.
Maybe I didn't pay attention to my body as much.
Maybe I wasn't as tuned in.
Because now, if I drink a milkshake now, I'm like, oh, what did I do?
Like, I just feel like I've been depleted by 20, 30%.
Like, all my thinking energy, my physical energy.
Like, if I had to go run, I'm fucking doomed.
I can't run.
I'm so tired.
I'm just exhausted.
And that's my body just trying to process the sugar.
So, if al