Name: Veteran Dakota Meyer on Receiving Ibogaine Therapy for PTSD
Uploaded: 2022-03-02T18:12:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Veteran Dakota Meyer on Receiving Ibogaine Therapy for PTSD' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Veteran Dakota Meyer on Receiving Ibogaine Therapy for PTSD' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-02. Transcript available.

But it seems like the difficulty of combat is way more intense and way more
insane and obviously way more intense way more insane but way more difficult
to overcome and to learn things from it's like it seems like for a lot of the
combat veterans that I talked to their their experiences are kind of like
burned in their brain in some way where it's not like you're I'm sure I'm sure
they're stronger because of the adversity they've been through but also
some of it is too much and it just leaves them shooken yeah you know they used
to
call it shell shock yeah I mean that's what they used to call it before it was
PTSD but troops are coming back from Vietnam they called them fucking shell
shocked and I think I mean I think that was me for a long time yeah sure I mean
that was me for a long time like did you get counseling for that did you like
how
did you I went to Mexico what was in Mexico I went down and I did ibogaine do
we
talk about that the first time you're on the podcast I think I did it
afterwards oh
really interesting but yeah no I went how was that I gave me my life back I
mean it
gave me my life back like uh I went down and um I just got to the end and I
talked about in this book
um you know I was going through my divorce um I gosh I did you talk about not
knowing what was next
I mean literally you know just gosh I was just I was melting down just melting
down from the inside
and um and finally like one of my friends looked at me and it's like he's like
hey I just went and did
this um this is the date you're going you need to go do this and it's at that
point like you know I
grew up in in Kentucky and I I mean I grew up with weed is bad right I mean all
this right you know
what I mean and and for me it was just such a it was just such a to think that
I was going to go do
psychedelics right it was just like such a like it was like a moral thing for
me right I mean it was a
moral moral uh dilemma dilemma yeah and um but I mean it was all I had left and
I knew that for my
daughters I needed to do something can you describe the experience yeah I mean
I went down and uh
where'd you go to well I flew into San Diego and then we just went across the
border somewhere I
don't like I was like close to Tijuana the south of that like start with an e
so um yeah I don't know
where it was but went down there and uh took the took the abogaine at like 8 p.m
at night on Friday
and uh it kicked in like an hour later and it was it was like I was walking
through this
this um like gloomy city I was kind of walking through a gloomy city like it
like overcast
does that make sense yeah and I just remember like I went into this one room
and it was like I mean I
could see the street signs and everything like I went in this one room and I
walked out on this stage
and there was like all these people in this room and it was like they were
going by like um you know
like those old slide like slideshows like they're just spinning by and I was
seeing these people and I
I was in there and I just felt this like disappointed everybody was
disappointed in me
and um like I see all these people and I just felt like all this disappointment
I was like running
around like going up to people like why like what did I do what can I fix like
how can I fix this like
what did I do wrong like I'm sorry and it was like all these people that that I
just people in my life
like I could see their faces people in my life that I've tried so hard to be
good enough for and you
just you hit it you ain't gonna be good enough for them right and uh and so I
left that room I was in
there for a few hours and um I left that room and then I was walking through
the town and I would go up
and I would look at these like the uh like these fuel gauges I could see these
fuel gauges and they were like it had
e for empty
uh or yeah e for empty and then f would meant like finished
and everything was like this far from finished
it was like I never finished anything
and then um
I seen this like beautiful ball light
and I went to it
and in it was like my daughter's playing
and I just felt like so much peace
um
and then there was like obviously like different moments of
I'll never forget this one moment in it
I uh
I just like I almost like
oh because I mean you could see
I mean I could like open my eyes I mean
it was really blurry but like
I was I was present right
and um I was gonna just ask the doctor
like I was like I just don't want to be here anymore
like I can't do this
and uh
I obviously I knew that he was gonna say
there's nothing I can do about it
so I stayed there
and I just remember it breaking my ego
I remember focusing on my ego
I remember like fighting it
just like
just realizing that
that all this was ego
that my ego just
the best way to describe it was like
it didn't make me like
you know like when you drink
like you kind of feel numb
this was like my soul
like it was like it was just
it just like
it was like my soul had gone through a workout
like
like a workout on it right
like just an ass kicking workout
and um
it just broke my ego
you know like it just
it just showed me so much about my ego
and there was just
I just remember like at one point
I was like I don't care
I don't even care anymore
I don't care what people think
I don't care
like I'm
I'm not gonna live by what people think
I just
I remember just say
like just
all I could just say back and forth was
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care what happens to me
this is why you were tripping
while I was tripping
and so I was on it until
from 8 p.m. on Friday night
and I came out of it
at like 2 or 3 p.m. on Saturday
wow
and um
I came out of it
and I was mad
the guy that sent me there
I was so mad at
I was like
why
I didn't need this
I was like
I didn't need to feel like this
I felt terrible
why are you mad at him
well because I was like
you know
you sent
you told me this is gonna help me
and I didn't need to see
all my problems right
it kind of like
just brought my problems out
and made me look at them
and realized that
that I need to do something
to change these
and
so why would you be mad at him then
well I was mad
because he sent me there
and I thought he was gonna help me
and I felt like it made me worse
right
in that moment you did
in that moment
and then
I did DMT the next day
5-MeO
and it was
that was what brought it all together
um
the next day
we did 5-MeO
and I was so like
I was down
I was depressed
I was like upset
because it just like
I just
I was like gosh
I just didn't need to see all this
but why
I don't understand
if you think it's beneficial
why were you upset at him
that you
and why did you think
you did indeed to see it
well what I'm saying is
all of it together
was beneficial
but the Ibogaine by itself wasn't
the Ibogaine
well I mean
no I think it opened
Pandora's box for me
right
because it made you think
about things
yeah
but isn't it better
maybe to think about them
than to suppress them
in the back of your head
um
I mean the experience
like it just
it was like an ass kicking
right
like it was just like
it was like the ultimate
ass kicking
it was miserable
like I was throwing up
I'm saying it's good for you
I'm saying like
but when I put it together
with the DMT
and I did the DMT
the next day
it brought it all
back together
right
like
you know
after I did the DMT
I'll never forget
like we
I took
you know
I took the hit of it
and I laid back
and it was like
I was gone
through this tube
it was just like
this tube
like
almost like a water slide
right
right
yeah
yeah
I've done it
and um
you feel like you're in the center
of the universe or something
like you don't exist anymore
it was beautiful
it was so beautiful
like the white that I seen
was like
there's no white
there's no
the color here
that could ever
do
like same
right
it was so beautiful
I felt so much love
like it was like
pure love
it was like
how I felt
like
whenever I met my kids
you know
like whenever I
was there
when Atlee was born
when I met Sailor
like the love that I have
for them
it was like that
but times a million
you could just feel it
and it was like
so good
like it just showed
that like
there is good
and
for me
I put it together
and it's like
it's inside me
good's inside of us
feeling good
like
like those good things
are inside of us
and it's just our ego
that keeps us from feeling
and being happy
so
the Ibogaine
gave you this
understanding
of
all the conflicts
that you've caused
and
whether it's
interrelational
with other people
or even with yourself
by not finishing things
and not following through
on things
do you think
that it was
trying to show you
that some part
of your problems
lie in the fact
that
maybe you don't
respect your own efforts
like when you
when you look at
that you haven't
finished things
do you think
like
it was showing you
that you don't have
a respect for yourself
because you
you don't respect
the effort
that you put into things
yeah
I think it showed me
that like
yeah
I mean
I think
I think
I think
it showed me
that like
yeah
because I don't
right
like I don't
I look at
I look at
everything
as
well
if you do good
well that was
what you were
supposed to do
right
and if you
like the only thing
that I've
and I still
I still struggle
with it
right
like the only thing
that I feel
is like
whenever I mess up
you know
like
I just
I live in this
mindset of
well
I can always be better
so I just
you know
like I stay focused
on that aspect
of it
of like
what did I do wrong
and
it's a hard thing
it's a hard balance
because I always
want to be better
I always want to be
I always want to be better
I want to give you
my best
and you know
like
so I think
that that was
what it kind of
showed me
was
that hey
you know
like
like
it's okay
to
you know
you can do your best
and as long as you do your best
that's what matters
and as long as you're intense good
that's what matters
like you're gonna mess up
like that's normal
and I think it was like
it gave me like
I don't know
maybe a little grace
on myself
of
you know
because I just have this
I have this problem of
I
I just always want to do more
you know
I always want to do more for people
you know
and it's just
it's like
I don't know
like it's
it plays against me a lot
you always want to do more for people
do you always want to do more for yourself as well
do you always want to do more
in terms of like
the effort that you put towards things
like
when you say you always want to do more
is it just
with
doing things for people
I mean
yeah I mean
like
I don't
I mean
like the more I can help myself
the more I can help people
you know
like I
I
like if I could do anything in the world
like
I would take all the pain off of everybody else
right
like I don't
I don't want anybody to hurt
you know
and
and I just
I think that everything that I do
is about
trying to
help people
you know
like that's kind of what
what I
I find fulfilling
is seeing people happy
well
that's a beautiful thing man
I mean
that's a great way to think about life too
if
you enjoy
making people happy
and you know how to make people happy
you know there's things you can do
that can enhance people's happiness
yeah