Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1789 - Tom Papa
Uploaded: 2022-03-08T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1789 - Tom Papa' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1789 - Tom Papa' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-08. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1789 - Tom Papa

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
And we're up.
Oh, hi Tom.
Oh, good to see you, Joe.
You are the man that brings the bags.
Oh.
You bring the brown paper bags.
Joe, I was so happy to bring you bread that I was in Colorado doing shows.
Flew home, had my wife feed the starter.
I should have come right here.
Feed the starter.
But I wouldn't have been able to bring you bread, so I flew home.
This is so sick.
I flew home just for 24 hours so I could bake the bread and then get back on a
plane and bring it to you.
Wow.
But I feel like you haven't had it in so long.
You're the only one I'll eat bread from.
I know.
No, I'm lying.
I had a piece of bread this Saturday after the fights.
I did have a piece of bread with butter.
It's pretty damn good.
Well, I'm happy to do it.
And I made one regular loaf.
I'm not sure which is which.
But one regular loaf and one olive loaf.
Oh.
which has green and Kalamata olives, lemon zest, and herbs de Provence.
And I hadn't made that in probably a year.
And the house was just filled with the smell of the bread.
It was so great.
And then flying here, the only thing in my carry-on was bread.
Wow.
Because it baked yesterday.
Here, I'll let you open it with your hands.
Oh, my goodness.
And, uh, yeah.
So dense.
Jamie, if Jamie could get a piece of it, he would probably get it.
Did TSA check that hard?
Or was there a pair of pools of it?
It smells so good.
It filled my hotel room up.
You could bake fentanyl in there.
Let me see which one that is.
Does that have olives on it?
I think it's an olive one.
Doesn't that smell beautiful?
It does.
It's so dense.
Yeah.
It's a pretty heavy bread.
I was reading about a woman who got caught at the border.
She had a, uh, she's a pregnant lady.
Yeah.
And she had, uh, like a rubber container filled with fentanyl stuffed up her cooch.
What?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Which, you know, that stuff kills you if it's just a small amount.
Jeez.
Like, she had enough to kill everyone she's ever met.
Oh, my God.
What is fentanyl?
That's, uh.
It's an opioid.
It's, uh, an opioid that is, um, highly, highly potent.
Jeez.
It's, like, hundreds of times more potent than heroin, I believe.
Jeez.
The amount of fentanyl that kills you is so small.
There it is.
Pregnant drug runner nabs smuggling fentanyl in her vagina.
Looks like an eggplant.
Ay, ay, ay.
Like an eggplant?
Oh, it's like in a condom.
Yeah.
It's, she wrapped it in a condom.
Oh.
Just say no to drugs on the, uh, ruler.
How did they discover that?
They fingered her.
Well, that's pretty, that's a random search.
Yeah, that is an interesting question.
Right?
Like, how did you pick that person out of the line?
She had a quarter pound.
She voluntarily removed it.
Because she's waddling through security?
Nineteen years old and pregnant.
Nineteen years old U.S. citizen was flagged for secondary inspection.
Poor girl.
What is she, why, why is she faced with that?
Yeah, you know, I mean, she's fucking in a terrible situation.
Yeah, exactly.
Just, just gingerly walking through security.
Oh, it's terrible.
It says, oh, a drug's, canine dog alerted.
Ruff.
Dog's barking at her pussy.
Oh, my God.
Oh, it's terrible.
Oh, no.
Fentanyl.
Well, I felt pretty, pretty, pretty high risk coming with the bread.
It's literally my wheelie bag and these two big loaves of bread.
You just smell it.
Did people ask you?
No, they didn't open it.
They didn't open it.
No?
No.
You look like a safe guy.
Right.
I should be getting fentanyl in my wheelie bag.
I thought that I was looking forward to it.
I wanted the story of them, like, going through the bread and being like, it's
sourdough.
Imagine if they cut it open, though.
Ooh.
Oh, you monsters.
You know what?
That's a pretty good smuggling technique.
Just sneak stuff in the bread.
Right.
When you're putting in the olives, also put in the whatever.
Right.
If you could have, like, something that's, like, got good thermal dynamics that
you could, like, put in the center of the dough.
Is that the right word?
Thermal dynamics?
Sure.
Something like withstand heat.
Right.
In the center of it.
You have to bake it.
Sometimes screw down metal container that's, like, insulated.
Uh-huh.
Shove it in there.
What is this?
Like that?
Oh, my God.
Look at these people smuggling booze and bread.
Oh, but that's like a loaf of bread.
Is that, like, at a stadium when they're going to see a game or something?
Oh, that's hilarious.
You know, when I worked as a security guard, we used to always catch people smuggling
booze into concerts.
Where we, oh, at Great Woods.
Uh-huh.
It was at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts.
It's in Mansfield, Massachusetts.
And we would have garbage bales, like these big garbage cans, plastic garbage
cans filled with booze at the end of the night.
No kidding.
Because so many people brought booze.
Yeah.
And then we'd have to search their bags.
Yeah.
We'd have to take the booze.
And we'd just put it in their bucket.
And we always, and then we got to take it home.
Like, they would just give us the booze.
There's that thing in O'Hare.
You've heard of that pot thing?
Yeah, you get to chuck the pot in there.
Yeah, you got to chuck your pot in there.
That's in Vegas, too.
Oh, yeah?
On Chicago's, it's inside the security line, though.
Right.
Like, it's, you're already past security, and then the amnesty bin is there.
Right.
So, it's like, if you got past it, now you're thinking, you, right.
Oh, it's up to you?
Yeah.
Your free will?
Well, it depends on where you're landing, right?
Because, you know, first of all, nowhere where you land do they check you when
you land.
You're already.
You got to be a real piece of shit for them to check you when you land.
I mean, if you're like, pull that fucking guy off the plane.
You know what I mean?
If they're checking you when you, you're already on the plane.
You made it through security.
You got on the plane.
You flew somewhere.
Yeah.
And just completely act like a maniac in the sky, and then they flag you.
Oh, you look so special.
I'm waiting to board last night to come, and a guy comes up, and he just, you
know, pulls
his mask down, just big beard, and he's just like, how's it going?
Why aren't we boarding?
I'm like, no, you know, I was just being friendly.
I'm like, you know, the pilot's waiting for the whatever.
And it just becomes clear he's drunk.
He's just hammered.
Hammered.
And he starts talking about comedy, and he's saying it's so loud.
You just low-key it.
Did he know who you were?
Yeah.
And I'm just like, let's just get on the plane.
No, man.
Tell me.
Like, who's your favorite comedian?
Comedian.
All time.
Dude.
Jerry Lewis.
He wouldn't stop.
And then he does, and I'm being nice, and he's peppering me with questions, and
at a point
I was like, okay, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be rude.
I'm just tired.
Let's just get on.
And he's like, oh, my bad.
My bad.
That's okay.
I'm like, it's okay.
Are you, and I asked him something about himself.
I didn't want to think I'm just, like, ghosting him.
And he had this very, like, kind of little sad story of he's telling.
And then he, he's like, they go, okay, we're boarding group one.
He's like, let's go.
I'm like, we're a team now.
I'm like, why are we a team?
And he goes, I'm not number, I'm not group one, but I do this all the time.
Oh, no.
He goes up and he gives the woman, the gate agent, his thing, and she gives it
back and
then goes, John, John, and he starts picking up speed to get into the gate, and
she goes,
no, no, no, no, no, no, you're group three.
You have to go back.
He's like, ah, and he goes back.
He just totally knew this is how he operates.
A lot of people do that.
They try to sneak in.
I've seen that multiple times.
It's so gross.
Yeah.
It's a weird move.
It is a weird move.
Yeah.
And then just, you know, why are you special?
It's like kindergarten cutting.
Well, people panic when there's a line.
It's almost like they think they're not going to get let on.
Right.
It's like, I got to get on that plane now.
Right.
They're not going to let me on.
Everyone's getting on.
Everyone's getting on.
You'll be fine.
Do you want to sit in your seat that much longer?
I mean, who cares?
Flying freaks people the fuck out, man.
How many people get drunk?
I mean, it's one of the weird places where you could drink at eight in the
morning.
Oh.
You go to the airport.
They have booze there.
On the flight, they have booze.
Everybody's drinking.
Everybody's getting hammered.
Isn't it strange that they give you a drug?
They give you a drug.
It's scary, especially if you don't fly all the time.
Like, a lot of these people, this is probably their one flight of the year, you
know?
If that.
Yeah.
And freaked out.
And they're getting on there and they're sweaty and nervous.
Give me something.
Right.
But it's also weird that there's a very specific drug that you're allowed to
consume and they'll
provide it for you.
Right.
They should be handing out edibles at the end of security.
You haven't been to the golf course at 7.30.
What?
You haven't been to the golf course at 7.30 in the morning.
Oh, yeah.
But that's not because they're worried you're nervous.
Well, there's just a bunch of drunks driving around in carts and with weapons.
A golf club is kind of a weapon, but that's a weapon like your car is a weapon.
It's not a weapon on magnets.
You should see the videos.
There's some wild shit that happens on golf courses.
People get in fights with golf clubs?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
There's some crazy videos.
People, because they're talking shit and I'm like, there's also a group in
front of you.
If they're fucking with your play and then all of a sudden someone mouths off.
Start hitting up.
Oh, yeah.
You got four, eight dudes fighting, basically.
People get very tense about a guy in front of them that's going slow.
Yes.
Is that the thing?
Yeah.
Or the guy behind them.
Going too fast?
Or if they're rushing?
Because it was a big holdup.
The group behind having a lot of fun.
The one guy's there all the time, just loud, drunk as shit, having a good time.
Eight beers deep, but like, hey, man, shut the F up.
We're out here.
We're having a good time.
We're not involved with you.
Right.
I don't know what you're supposed to do.
Now, when you have a fancy place, you go to a fancy place, right?
Yeah, yeah.
They're supposed to be able to call a guy, and they're supposed to come out and
be the mediator.
But what if that guy's some oil baron son?
100%.
That kind of shit happens?
Right.
Good luck.
Annoying.
Good luck.
I was with, I did a show in Colorado, and there was some flight attendants in
the front row, and they came up at the end when I was signing books, and they
wanted to talk about, because I talk about, oh, I have a line in my act about,
like, what it is to be a good person now.
The bar has been really lowered.
Like, if you get on an airplane and don't punch a flight attendant straight in
the face, you're a pretty good guy.
You know, like, and they came up and wanted to talk about the stories and stuff
about how insane this last year has been.
Oh, sure, because you're trying to get people, first of all, just to sit down
and buckle their seatbelt and not lean their seat back is hard.
Now you've got to get them to keep their fucking masks on.
The masks on and no alcohol for a long time.
She said her daughter worked for JetBlue, and she had, she got in a physical
altercation on JetBlue, her daughter, and, yeah, she said, I think that they're
going to stop the masks on the planes pretty soon just because of that, just
because it's going to calm everybody down.
My favorite video was a lady with no mask screaming at a man to put a mask on.
She was just a, just a person on the plane.
It wasn't even, she wasn't even a lady who worked for the airline.
She was just screaming, and then she smacks him in the head.
Have you seen that video?
No.
She wound up getting arrested, but she was just, I don't know if she was on
drugs