Name: Kim Jong-il Invented the Burrito in 2011?
Uploaded: 2022-03-24T17:17:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kim Jong-il Invented the Burrito in 2011?' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kim Jong-il Invented the Burrito in 2011?' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-24. Transcript available.

The Joe Rogan Experience.
What's the, um, what's the new dictator of North Korea?
You're going to like this, is it?
Kim Jong-un.
Yeah, what's his daddy name?
Kim Jong-il.
Kim Jong-il.
Okay, um, Kim Jong-il, I was having a discussion about Kim Jong-il.
You're going to like this, whoever plays golf.
Apparently, he was just, he was such an amazing man.
And this is like, Kim Jong-il, this is like in his official documents.
Like, this is the things that he'd done in his official documents.
That apparently when Kim Jong-il was born, all the birds in North Korea started
singing in Korean.
Apparently.
I wasn't there.
I can't, I can't verify or deny.
I was there.
Apparently, apparently birds in North Korea, they can speak a dialect, maybe
Brooklyn birds, rap.
I don't know.
But this is what I know that people are going to understand.
But Kim Jong-il, apparently, yeah, 11 holes in one.
First time ever playing golf.
First time ever.
I was reading this.
I know white men have lost their mind if they ever read this shit.
11 holes in one.
First time ever playing golf.
He shot 38 under, 11 holes in one, at the 7,700-yard championship course at Pyongyang
in the very first golf round of his life, according to North Korea State Media.
This was in 1994 when Kim was 52 years old.
Even more impressive, Kim stood just 5'3", yet he was able to overpower a
course as long as any ever played in major championship history.
Who knows how good Kim could have been if he had taken up the sport earlier.
Oh, can you find, can you go down and find in 2011, this man is amazing.
In 2011, apparently, in Korea, in court, in the official documents, he created
and invented the burrito in 2011.
And then when I was reading that, all the rest of that shit, I was okay with it.
Because I wasn't there.
But when he claimed that he created the fucking burrito, I lost it.
I was like, what?
What does it say?
Oh, it's just, the video doesn't, it's not related to the headline.
Oh, it's not, okay, just the video's unrelated.
Kim Jong-il invented, invents burrito.
You didn't invent no damn burrito.
I've been eating burritos all my life.
Yeah, when was the burrito officially invented?
It's got to be hundreds of years old.
Came up with the burrito in 2011 before he died.
Before he died of a heart attack.
I found the old Blockbuster movie.
Because apparently I was having a Blockbuster night.
Inside that movie, it was a receipt from 1999.
On that receipt, I ordered a Taco Supreme,
which they got rid of,
which I'm still mad at Taco Bell about that shit.
And two burritos.
So that's in 1999.
So how the hell did he invent it in 2011?
I was pissed.
I said, fuck Kim Jong-il.
Like, he's lying ass.
Can you imagine being over there
and having to go along with that, though?
They have to go along with everything over there.
Like, when he died,
they had to cry for days and days and days.
And if you didn't cry enough,
they'd put you in jail for six months.
They felt like you weren't crying enough.
They just put you in jail.
That was shit.
The fuck, man.
Imagine growing up there.
How are they...
How are they measuring your tears?
You have to keep crying.
You ever see it?
They're wailing, like acting.
Like, oh!
Watch this.
Watch this.
They show the people on the streets.
The people on the streets were just wailing.
Here they are.
Look at them.
They're just screaming and wailing.
I don't want to be drinking nothing at this time.
See, they have to do this.
Like, they have to scream and cry.
I had this lady on Yonmi Park.
You see the stone face, man?
His ass is in jail right now.
Yeah, that guy's going to jail.
That dude's going straight to jail.
They probably found him.
That guy.
Yeah, you're fucked, buddy.
Them four, them three.
Ah, them four.
Ah, little little pack.
That dude's looking sideways.
He's like, what the fuck is going on?
One dude's like, hey, man, they finna arrest me.
You know they're right, because you're not crying.
Look at how they got old-ass cars, too.
They're taking them around like a 1979 Lincoln.
Look at that car.
That's ridiculous.
Can you imagine?
What?
That's probably the best cars they have over there.
Like, they're not inventing cars over there, right?
I don't think they get them.
That is an old-ass fucking car.
I had this lady, Yonmi Park, and she escaped from North Korea when she was 13
years old.
Made it to China.
It's a terrifying story.
Terrifying story.
She was basically sold into sex slavery.
So was her mother.
Like, she was 13.
Damn.
Made her way through China and eventually got to Europe and eventually got to
South Korea.
South Korea eventually got to Europe and then to America.
But it's a crazy story.
Being in South Korea and going to perform for the troops when they were, they
were still on an active, considered active zone.
And the bus, the bus we were on, the street was right, you could see North
Korea.
You could see how their fences and all their military stuff.
And the guns were following our little van.
Because it's like this street, you're going up into these mountains.
And the dude was like, yeah, they keep an eye on us and we keep an eye on them.
It's like, this is the line.
And when we went to perform, it was like all these dudes were just bald-headed
dudes.
It's like, yeah, we in the field.
And in the middle of my performance, they got cut short because they had to go
back out or something.
But you see the people who's in a, quote-unquote, going into an active zone and
you're performing.
And this black lieutenant, she was like, yeah, thank you for coming.
And she was like, she was over this squad.
She was like a real tough lady.
She gave me this coin.
This is a combat coin.
They talk to our crew.
Thank you, but we have to go.
We appreciate it.
And that's how she was talking, just like that.
I wasn't, like, I'm not making fun of her voice.
She was like, appreciate you.
And they was gone.
Like, damn.
And as we was riding back, they're like, yo, man, this shit, for real.
And you see, it's like you see it on the movies, but you don't ever see the
actual rows of razor wire laid on the ground and on the top.
And these spikes that's up and big-ass guns and a tower.
And you can see them like, damn.
And somebody escaped.
They got to go through that type of shit.
Imagine if you were on, like, the Del Rio border.
And you see guns, like, the Mexicans had guns pointed at America.
We got guns pointed at them.
How fucking strange is that area?
North Korea and South Korea is nuts.