Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1803 - Greg Fitzsimmons
Uploaded: 2022-04-08T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1803 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1803 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-08. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1803 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Joe Rogan podcast check it out the Joe Rogan experience train by day Joe Rogan
podcast by
night all day and we're rolling Gregory rolling rolling rolling we're just
talking about how
they kicked Mike Jamie was telling us how they kicked Michael Jordan off a
course because he
was wearing cargo shorts while he's playing golf yeah silly rules I mean that's
crazy
that you wouldn't you be happy Michael Jordan's on your fucking golf course I
mean I don't know if
he's not paying extra to be there you know it doesn't matter it's my people
show up but tennis
they for sure people show up they find out he's there yeah we don't want him to
I mean that's
like you don't want him to come ruin it I don't mean that I mean like more
people will go to that
course maybe like people be excited yeah the greatest basketball player of all
time plays golf
on your golf course well yeah yeah for sure if it was his if he was gonna be a
regular that would
suck was he just dropping in I think it was one of those kind of places you
know he's probably playing
with somebody at a really prestigious course and they're like get out of here
yeah why you got cargo
shorts on you were telling me the rules you gotta you gotta uh you can't wear
short the good course is
you can't wear shorts ever 110 degrees outside and the caddies the poor caddies
are out there
slugging these you know to I used to caddy growing up that was my first job as
a caddy and I weighed
like maybe a hundred pounds and they would send me out there with these
remember Rodney Dangerfield's
bag with the tap in it and these guys would have like 17 clubs they'd have like
20 extra balls in
the bag they'd have an umbrella a raincoat fucking ball retriever and and and I'd
be out there and and I
I catted on a really hilly course in New York and it was like straight up and
down and uh and you're
carrying the bags the entire time there's no golf cart yeah there was no no
golf cart how much do you
think they weighed um probably 60 pounds 70 pounds fuck yeah together yeah no I
would say each bag I
don't know weight that much how much each bag that'd be like you're carrying a
hundred probably probably
40 pounds probably 40 pounds each so you're carrying 80 pounds around and I
weigh a hundred oh my god and
up up and down hills and shitty golfers which means one guy hits it to the left
the other guy hits it to
the right so you got to run up to the left ball leave his bag and then take the
one bag run off to the right
see what club that guy needs and then as soon as he picks his club run back to
the first bag
and it was crazy and they say the average golf course if you walk a golf course
it's about seven miles
and when I would go there and this is the shit this is the thing about when I
was a kid I mean I was 13
years old I used to get on my 10-speed bike and I would ride seven miles to the
golf course
and I'd go to twin donuts on the way I get it I get a ham and egg sandwich on a
roll with salt and
pepper and a blueberry donut and I'd sit in the caddy yard with these fucking
lunatic Irish Catholic kids
from Yonkers Bobby Killer Calacchi and Mickey Zappio one-armed Willie one guy
had one arm and then I would
go out and I would caddy two fucking bags and then I'd get on my bike and I'd
ride seven miles home again
and then and then I'd go out and take mescaline and drink all night sleep four
hours come back and do it
again now it's like I do a 45-minute workout I feel like a champion dude I
watched Shane Gillis put down
15 beers during a podcast yesterday and he drank another 10 for the rest of the
night
he was 25 beers deep by the time we wrapped up the show last night I was like
that is
fucking I mean he's a giant dude he's a big boy but that is preposterous is
that how often does he do
that I have no idea but I can't imagine doing it once I would imagine if I
drank 25 beers in a day
once the next year the next day I'd be like there's no more beer in my life
dude my brother-in-law drinks
he was drinking three or four six packs a day his whole life his whole life
to when until he died still he's still drinking but I don't think he does those
kind of numbers I think
he does two six packs a day now how is he alive he looks like me with a washboard
stomach what
construction guy just a fucking lean mean machine doesn't eat sweets doesn't
eat breakfast
starts drinking early god damn yeah
and I bet I bet he weighs 150 pounds that's crazy yeah the amount of calories
alone yeah and all that
beer is he drinking light beer yeah yeah that's the thing I think that's what
Shane was drinking too
yeah he was drinking Bud Lights like they you know it's not that deep with
alcohol right like what
is how much alcohol is in a Bud Light four four percent something percent a
little higher four percent
so it's like barely half of a Canadian beer right in the Canadian it's like
eight percent they have
stronger beer yeah yeah like a solid Canadian beer I think it's like a nine
percent beer and what is
an IPA probably about that well when you get those fucking crafty dudes those
craft craft beer dudes
and start making their own shit they can kind of dictate I've had some potent
shit yeah potent
craft beer does it taste potent or it just feels potent oh you taste alcohol
you taste
fucking wheat weird shit yeah yeah honey I've had one that was a kombucha beer
it's kombucha with
alcohol and it was pretty tasty sounds good it was pretty tasty but it tasted
just like kombucha and
it was a small they gave you a small glass because it was like a lot of alcohol
in it yeah weird it's
a different thing yeah you know small glass of beer once you once you're
getting into small glasses of
beer this is a different thing right yeah what we doing here yeah it's so funny
I was just talking to
somebody out front about how when you started out you were you were straight
edge man you had a beer
once in a while yes that was it you didn't smoke weed you didn't get drunk nope
you didn't take drugs
nope I thought it was for losers yeah and a lot of times that's the truth a lot
of times it is for
losers well here's the problem the problem is is that there's people like you
that exist that there's
snoop dogs and there's joe rogan's and there's people that and seth rogan's who
can function at a
very high level while high and so all these teenagers are like hey joe rogan
can do like
nine podcasts a week and go on tour and he's high why can't i get high because
most people can't do that
it's a tolerance issue yeah like when i smoke weed with a real champ like wiz khalifa
or um
action bronson those guys smoke way more than me really there's people that
smoke way snoop smokes
way more than me yeah doing the podcast with snoop it was just blunt after
blunt and you kept up with
them no yeah i didn't even try yeah i tap out early i need to try to keep this
ship together yeah like
when we're having a conversation i'm trying to guide it and figure out is this
entertaining
how's it how do we move this along how do you know he's just getting blasted
yeah he's just
amazingly entertaining just naturally but the fact that he can do like the
super bowl high as
fuck he did that that was awesome i love you see that video smoking weed he's
in that little house
getting blasted my god before going on stage in front of millions of people
yeah they said don't
crip walk of course he crip walked yeah you know they told eminem not to kneel
of course he kneeled
yeah yeah it's uh that was interesting it was interesting like people's
reactions to it some
people didn't like it it's like like with the halftime show is so strange
anyway right it's like
it's a thing in of itself i mean yes it's a part of the super bowl but it's not
really it's really just
like a chance for a live performance with big superstars right it's for ratings
yeah it's for
ratings yeah and it's also like you get the military putting stuff in sporting
events which is always
weird to me it's like all of a sudden like you're at a baseball game and you
got to stand up while they
show up and this is not maligning soldiers but what does that have to do with
sports why why is it they're
suddenly inserting like a moment of silence for for this or let's let's salute
this guy the military
pays for that do they really they pay every every whether it's a lakers game or
a baseball game
whenever they do that shout out to the troops they pay for that wow they
started doing that like 20 or
30 years ago it was military was never part of sports before but then the
military wanted to recruit
and they said where can we find young men that are kind of physical and they
said sporting events and
so they started marketing sporting events oh wow because you think of it as
just an american patriotic
thing that's what they try to tie it into oh yeah you don't think of it as like
the military's paying
yeah but these guys do this all right
oh don't get me wrong joe rogan i love america i do too yeah yeah i do too but
you know
huh it's tricky yeah what if they started doing that for comedy shows
you know because you know there's those crappy comics to do how about a nice
shout out to all the
ladies how about a shout out to the troops troops what if it turns out the
ladies and the troops
are paying for this on the way in there's just a hat that the hot chicks put
money in
girls gonna listen i'd like you to give a shout out to the ladies okay okay
okay put what we got here
a thousand bucks okay for an extra for an extra 50 i'll do crowd work with you
i'll talk about your dress how many times has that happened to you hey it's my
friend's birthday
will you please call it out and make fun of her yeah yeah yeah we don't do that
there's a whole show
that's prepared all right just just because it's live you had a good heckler
last night down at the
vulcan you had this fucking lunatic who who yells out and it was exactly what
you said first a chick said
something that was kind of like it wasn't a big deal i forget what she said it
was like a minor
thing she's like survival of the fittest yeah and then you dealt with her in a
funny way but it was
like you would wrapped it up you'd put a bow on it you shit on her you put her
in her place you were
moving on and then the floodgate once one person starts all of a sudden the
floodgates open that's
what happens yeah and this guy yells out uh uh elon musk get the fuck out of texas
or something
tell elon get the fuck out of texas like oh the smartest man in the world who's
involved in
completely revolutionizing ford separate businesses creating a hundred thousand
jobs
in the state of texas why would you want him here bringing all those great jobs
to the state of texas
why would you want him here with his rockets that are putting people on mars
and his tesla plant that's
that gigafactory there's a giant party there tonight it is the biggest place i've
ever been
to in my life really it's crazy it looks like some government facility it looks
like you're not
supposed to be there and they built that fast huh it's so big dude it's so big
like you're that's
where i saw the tesla cyber truck we the elon was showing us oh really yeah it's
giant i think
sounds badass it's amazing it's one of the best looking cars i've ever seen in
my life you see it
in real life he told me it'll stop a 45 45 handgun no shit yeah i go a 45 like
that's that's a
fucking heavy round whoa yeah the doors and the windows no shit yeah it's a
fucking serious armored
vehicle you get one yeah 100 is he going to give you one no i bought he doesn't
give anybody yeah
he doesn't give away cars all right i bought my other tesla from him i bought
my current tesla
i have the plaid the uh it's plaid it's called plaid yeah do you know what it
is now you know the
deal he's a fan of space balls the movie yeah and like plaid was like what was
it like a mode in
one of their is that what it was in the spaceship like when it goes super fast
it's the most preposterous
car i've ever driven in my life yeah it's so fa