Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1812 - Doug Stanhope
Uploaded: 2022-05-04T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1812 - Doug Stanhope' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1812 - Doug Stanhope' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-04. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1812 - Doug Stanhope

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Doug, it's me boy.
Good morning.
Good to see you, pal.
Good morning, first sip of the hooch of the day.
That's not your first cigarette.
How many cigarettes have you got so far?
To the point where I go, maybe I should have brought two packs.
By the way, ladies and gentlemen, Doug Stanhope just found out today that he
has had COVID.
Just moments ago.
You didn't even know you had it.
You do the regular COVID test before you do the show.
And she goes, have you had the antibody one?
And I said, no, because I always feel like I have COVID.
They do say, and I read this, that people who smoke cigarettes for some reason
were like getting it less.
Yeah, I read a lot of those, and then I saw a lot that disputed that.
So I didn't read the ones that didn't want to hear that news.
And I read the ones that say, yeah.
Yeah, that sounds like how I digest news.
But they also say, if you do get it, you're more likely to wind up on a fucking
respirator,
which I'm going to wind up on a respirator at this rate regardless.
I don't mind if I fast forward the process.
We've got to fill you up with stem cells, get you in a hyperbaric chamber,
reverse the process.
Just clean you up.
Clean you up.
From 40 years of smoking?
Bison meat, spring water.
We got you.
Don't worry.
Just put yourself in Dr. Rogan's care.
We're going to take care of you as I puff on this joint.
Oh, so I go to Kill Tony last night, and I'm up on the judges' stand, whatever
you call it.
And I'm pretty pickled by then.
We started with margaritas at 1.30, and now it's 9 o'clock.
And after the show, some guy tries to give him a bag of edibles.
And he goes, no, no, thanks, though.
And I go, no, you always take the drugs, even if you don't want them.
And then you give them to someone else at the thing and go, hey, I can't fly
with this.
And then you made two people really happy.
One guy's happy that you took his drugs, and the other guy's really happy.
So I go, what are they?
And he said, 50 milligrams.
And I split it.
I go, I took half, because I'm a 10 milligram guy.
I'm tripping my balls off on 10.
Really?
Yeah, and then Tony, I gave Tony the other half, and he goes, no, I don't do
weed.
And I go, ah, fuck it.
So I took 50 milligrams, and I was drinking enough.
I'd drunk enough that I kept forgetting that I was super fucking high.
I thought I was just too drunk to be in the bar.
And then I get back to the room, and I'm digging through my bag, trying to find
any leftover bag of fucking airplane peanuts I might have left behind.
Because I'm too high to be in public and go buy something to eat, and there's
nothing in the hotel open, and I'm just eating fucking gummy bears and salty
snack fucking mixing.
That's one thing I don't get for whatever weird reason.
I don't get munchies when I'm high.
All right.
I don't know why.
It's never been a thing.
I, sometimes I will only eat if I take edibles now.
Really?
I think I get 85% of my calories from liquid booze.
How much edibles are you taking these days?
Because you were always like a non-weed guy.
Yeah, but they made edibles delicious.
I always hated, I always hated like just the taste of smoking.
It would make me cough.
Like, I was one of those guys that coughs on the first puff, and then I'm
coughing for an hour, and then the yuck mouth I got would ruin the taste of
cigarettes.
Right, right, right.
I'm like, I like cigarettes more than being high.
But edibles is a whole different story.
Yeah, I love edibles.
I love like gummies.
I love those little gummies, because you, you know, you take them, and it's
about an hour in.
They start to like creep into your system, and then an hour and a half in, you're
like, oh, Jesus.
Yeah, I love them.
And sometimes for me, it'll be three hours.
Sometimes it's 20 minutes.
It's a totally different drug, you know, than THC.
It's 11-hydroxy metabolite is what it is.
And don't you say it fucks with your liver more?
No, it goes through your liver.
It doesn't fuck with your liver.
It's not toxic.
But it's called the one pass is what happens when it goes through the liver,
and it produces this metabolite.
But it's five times more psychoactive than THC.
So if you have like an equivalent amount, like I've given people edibles before,
and they're like, dude, this is something, this is laced.
I'm like, no, that's what happens.
Yeah, I still, and I haven't done mushrooms in years, but this gives me the
same feeling as a good, easy mushroom trip.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel the same way.
Yeah, like a light, like microdose mushroom trip is nice, man.
When I was getting canceled, that's what I kept doing.
I just kept doing mushrooms.
I did mushrooms every day.
I did them every day.
And I was just thinking about everything but all the bullshit that was going on
on, you know, social media and CNN and all that stuff.
All I was thinking about was just like the universe.
It's so nice to get away from that.
Oh, my God.
Just don't watch, don't know, don't care.
I just inhaled a piece of marijuana.
That's what happens when you...
So apparently abortion's illegal again, right?
What happened?
What, here?
Did you hear what happened?
Not just here.
No, there's a leaked memo, apparently.
Someone leaked something that says that they're going to overturn Roe v. Wade.
I don't know if it's real.
Everyone's already commenting on it as if it is real.
I don't know if it is real.
But apparently what that means is that it's going to be up to the states.
So people who live in states where abortion is already, you know, like blue
states, I don't think they have a worry.
But other states probably do.
You know, it's kind of...
Hey, medical tourism.
Yeah, that's what's going to happen.
Yeah.
It's going to happen.
It's fucking weird, man.
It's weird people telling other people what they can and can't do with their
body.
It's weird because Texas has a weird law.
No, I shouldn't say a terrible law where it's six weeks.
Who the fuck knows they're pregnant at six weeks?
You just missed your period.
I just found out I had COVID.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
It could have been a baby ago.
And girls who have irregular periods, that happens all the time, I think.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't have a vagina.
But that's what I hear.
I hear it happens all the time.
And so for the longest time, you know, people have dealt with that and just
sort of live
their life and take a pregnancy test.
And now you find out that you're pregnant.
You literally have like a fucking week to find a place, get an abortion.
If you want to get an abortion, make a decision.
You have to make a decision, you know, like.
But the thing that I'm thinking of is people that have, like, if something
happens to you,
like, what if you get raped?
What if, you know, anything like that?
Or what if, you know, some, like, a family member molests someone?
I used to have a bit about it, but it's a talking point.
Like, how is it, how should it be okay in cases of rape?
That's like saying a fetus is a living thing unless his dad was an asshole.
Right, right, right, right, right, right.
How is it the baby's fault his dad was a rapist?
Exactly, right.
How is it the baby's fault that, but what if it's your father or something
fucking crazy sick?
You know, it's just, I just don't like, you know, I don't like people telling
other people
what they can and can't do, but it gets weird when the baby gets, like, six
months old.
You know, it gets weird when they're really, really pregnant because in some
states, for
the longest, I don't know what the rules are now, but I know that some states
had late-term
abortions.
And sometimes you need one for medical reasons, right?
Like, the woman could die if she gives birth.
Like, it's a decision that people have to make.
Well, if you look back, what was your favorite part of being a fetus?
Well, what was your favorite part of being three?
You know, should I be able to shoot you at three because I don't want to take
care of you
anymore?
It's one of those things.
It's like, I am 100% for a woman's right to choose.
But as a human being, just as a, just a person observing things, there's a big
difference between
a little clump of cells and a fetus with an eyeball and a beating heart.
And for anybody to pretend there's not, it's, you're not doing any argument.
But where do you draw the line?
Right, where do you draw the line?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the question.
And it's a, it's a, what I, it's what I call a human issue.
It's a very complicated issue.
It's so fraught with emotion and it's so political.
There's people outside the Supreme Court right now that were like chanting and,
and, and rattling
the cages, rattling the fences.
Apparently there's been, I thought that they put the fences up because of that,
but no.
They put the fences up because a guy in Colorado, a guy in Boulder, of course,
lit himself on
fire and killed himself for climate change, which is like, if you're going to
kill yourself,
why would you light yourself on fire and contribute to climate change?
You literally like contributing to the carbon in the air.
It's like, dude, just, you know, I mean, the guy's gone.
No disrespect to the fellow.
You got compost yourself.
He meant it.
He felt it.
It's a complicated thing, but it's another one of those things.
But it's like 18 to be an adult is a very arbitrary, random, random, you,
nature told you you're
an adult when you're ready to procreate.
Right, but you can't even drink.
I know.
But like you, you can have a child, you can get married, you could do all, you
could fight
in a war.
You're not ready for drinking yet.
What the fuck is that?
I know.
It makes no sense.
When I was a kid.
And it makes worse drunks.
Yes.
They always talk about it in Europe where kids have wine with dinner.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're not fucking raging assholes at spring break.
Yeah, they're different.
They're normalized.
When you take Catholic school girls, for example, you tell them, you can't fuck
guys, stay away,
boys are the devil, the penis is going to take you straight to hell.
Those girls can't wait to fuck guys.
They're the horniest girls.
Well, anything that's taboo.
When they're in high school and they're only with girls.
When you drove a car before you had a license, your brother had let you drive
his car and
it was completely illegal.
You loved being stuck in traffic.
Right.
Yeah.
It was, whee, because this is, I'm doing something wrong.
And now you fucking hate driving across town.
That's true.
Yeah.
A car used to be, well, some of them are still a ride.
Driving an old car, it still feels like a ride.
When I drive like one of my old muscle cars, it feels like I'm on a ride.
It doesn't feel like I'm driving.
It feels like I'm at Disneyland.
Disneyland for adults.
That's what it's like.
What's in your Jay Leno garage?
I don't have that many.
Jay Leno has like 11 warehouses.
I just have a couple of muscle cars.
That's my thing is like old, like 1960s, 1970s cars.
Those are the ones I love.
I just, I stare at them and I think about them.
I think when I look at them and I don't just think, well, that's a cool car.
I think, damn, what was life like back then to be a person who's driving this
car?
What did I believe?
What access to information did I have?
Like my entire worldview was based upon experiences that I had at college or
something I heard from a friend and books.
And it's hard for us to remember what that kind of life must have been like
because we kind of grew up.
And when we were adults, the Internet started emerging and then cable news
started emerging.
And there was enough alternative perspectives and viewpoints.
We're getting more information with every year.
And then all of a sudden with the Internet, it's like now you have this tsunami
of information.
That's almost maybe too much to decipher sometimes.
But I just always wonder, like, what was life like in 1969 for these people,
growing adults, driving a Cam