Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1818 - Christina P
Uploaded: 2022-05-13T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1818 - Christina P' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1818 - Christina P' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-13. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1818 - Christina P

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Good now? Okay, go ahead.
So my mom and my stepdad were super fat when I was in high school,
and their favorite spot was claim jumpers.
Because of the pork, you can get a lot of food, you can get a lot.
And like, did you ever eat there?
Oh yeah.
Oh my God, they give you a piece of chocolate.
It should be the slogan.
Piles!
You could eat by the pound.
And yeah, it was like a slice of chocolate cake that was this.
It was like five pounds of cake.
Yeah, enormous.
And they loved it.
But I think they stopped banging.
You know in the marriage, when you stop having sex, you just eat.
I think that's what happens, right?
That's rough.
I know.
It gets to that weird place where it's like, what are we doing?
Are we just like friends?
Can I tell you I jerk off to porn?
Like, you know what I mean?
It's like, if you get to that spot where you're not having sex anymore.
That's the worst.
It's common though.
In marriage?
Oh yeah.
Not in my marriage.
My husband will hold me down and make it happen.
I swear, Tommy can have like a fever and he's like, are we going?
I'm like, yeah, dude.
But if you're, oh my God, the worst is when you're in a relationship with
someone and you
stop banging and like, you know when you live with them and then you, God, you
fucking hear
them come in and you're like, oh, this motherfucker's here.
Oh, death.
Oh, it's the worst.
Yeah.
When people either grow together or they grow apart.
And if they grow apart and they're still together, that's fucking terrible.
Then you're like living with the enemy.
You know, you have like some, some shithead that you work with, but they're in
your house.
You know, like there's like that shithead at the office.
Like, oh, this fucking annoying asshole.
Now it's your husband.
You ever done, you ever done the landmark for him?
Yeah, I know.
And you're like, what are you, what are you, oh, the landmark.
There's always one in an office, right?
Trying to recruit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you do?
I mean, you hope that your marriage, that that person is intellectually curious
enough
and introspective enough that they want to grow, right?
Yeah.
They want to grow with you.
Yeah.
You hope that you've married someone.
That's like the secret.
You know, I, cause I'm watching this Amber Heard thing.
Cheers to that.
Yeah.
Oh, I know you've been into it too.
Let's talk about that fucking crazy bitch.
And like the whole time, you know, I have two little boys.
So I'm like, how do I raise these boys to not be into that?
They're not going to be into that.
Okay.
Tell me why.
First of all, he, cause he grew up famous.
He's an actor.
He lives in that bullshit world.
He's insulated from regular people.
That's true.
Also, I think he was in a real loving relationship before with the mother of
his
child, you know, he's married and, and then left for this crazy bitch.
And I think that when you do that, like you expect relationships to be like the
original
relationship that you had.
I think Paul McCartney fell into that too.
Yeah.
Married that one legged lady.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She was fucking insane.
Remember how insane she was?
Like she kept files on him and threatened to tell everyone everything.
Like, what do you think you have on Paul McCartney?
And like, he's such a good guy.
He's a great guy.
He's into the one legged lady.
Right.
He thought he was like doing her solid.
Meanwhile, she was like setting up for a big fall.
She wanted, she wanted everything.
Bitch, I'm doing you a solid.
You got one leg.
Who's going to bang you?
There's monsters out there.
There's monsters out there.
Men too, for sure.
I know, but here's not, here's the deal, man.
Is that like during Me Too, it was like, believe all women, believe all women.
I remember being like, yeah, yeah.
Okay, let's start.
Absolutely.
There's a need for that in society, but all of them, all of them, because there's
some
crazy bitches out there.
What's that lady who killed her kid in Florida?
Well, how many?
I mean, there's always some lady that, I don't know.
Casey Anthony.
Thank you.
How about Casey Anthony?
So fat.
Yeah.
She out there kicking ass?
What's going on?
Believe her?
You know what I mean?
I know.
It's like, there's quite a few that are insane.
I know.
And you, this whole like male versus woman thing.
I know.
Oh, it's so crazy.
And the ones who propagate that, the women who prop that up, are the most
insane.
They're the most insane.
And the ones who hate women the most.
Like the female comedians that I know that are like, that go and attack men
whenever anything
happens and, you know, and try to support women.
Those girls hate women.
They hate other successful women.
Yeah.
They hate women doing better than them.
They're haters in general.
They're haters in general.
But they, they can find support in attacking like a piece of shit man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's an easy, it's an easy thing to rally around and get support.
No one's going to be like, let's defend the rapist.
Clearly.
Yeah.
It's a good way to start.
Start with rapists.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Like if you're going to be a murderer, be Dexter.
Yeah.
One of your serial killers.
Yeah.
Everybody's on your side.
You can get a show.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
They always rally around stuff that people are like, yeah, well, duh.
Duh.
No shit.
Exactly.
Nobody's pro rapist.
Yeah.
You're so right.
And I, you know, as I said, I'm raising two little boys.
So I'm like, I can't hate dudes.
I'm raising dudes.
Yeah.
You know, I don't think you have to worry about them getting roped into a bad,
with you two
in the house, first of all, they're constantly hearing bullshit being broken
down and shit
on.
Right?
So like, that's the thing with my kids too.
It's like, everything is made fun of.
Yeah.
So the things that are nonsense, it's really hard to sneak them by my kids
because they're
like, what?
They know now.
They've been trained to think properly.
They hear what all the time.
What?
Yeah.
The fuck are you talking about?
See, that's the essence of it.
Cause I'm, as I'm raising my kids, I'm like, what is the secret sauce here?
It's not getting good grades.
We all know some of the most successful motherfuckers got bad grades, right?
It's not about doing what you're told.
It's about thinking clearly and the ability to think and go, ah, that's not
true.
That's not right.
No, I'm not going to do that.
Yes, I'm going to do that.
And, and to do what your peers aren't doing, you know, to think clearly.
How do you teach that?
You got to give them tests.
Like they have to do things that are difficult.
Like sports are really good for boys.
Cause it forces you to work hard and you, you understand that effort actually
equals reward.
That's everything.
Yeah, that's big.
Sports are big for kids.
Yeah.
You know, people don't like sports cause they think of sports as like being
connected to jocks
and assholes and bullies.
But the reality is like the, those difficult social interactions and then the
physical struggle
of athletics, especially one versus one athletics.
There's so many life lessons in that.
Like tennis.
Yeah.
Anything where it's one versus one.
I think so too.
Cause if that guy fucking whacks that ball by you, he got you.
Period.
End of discussion.
Yeah.
That ball goes flying by.
You're like, fuck.
Yeah.
He got you.
Maybe if you were in a little better shape, you would knock it back in hand.
Maybe if you practiced a little more, you had a little more strategy, you know,
a little
more training.
Yeah.
You go, if I wasn't such a loser, I'm such a fucking loser.
And you work harder.
And then one day you beat him.
That's what's up.
Motherfucker, I got you.
And you come home.
We are the champions, my friends.
Yeah.
I like that grit.
See, resilience.
Yes.
What the fuck I'm talking?
Yeah.
Some people never develop that.
And those are the saddest people to be around.
They also have a really hard time with other people being successful because
they're like,
ugh.
Haters, man.
Yeah.
Haters.
A lot of haters.
There's haters and there's winners.
And you learn that.
I learned that through stand-up comedy.
Failure is the best teacher.
It's a great motivator.
That's for sure.
Oof.
To avoid the shame of failure.
Absolutely.
All these negative feelings that we're trying to protect children from.
Right.
It's the secret sauce.
Yeah.
It feels bad, but that's also what gets you out of bed and gets you going.
That's like fat shaming.
Like it works.
That's the best.
Oh my God.
So I'm obsessed.
Okay.
I'm obsessed with French culture right now because I want to age gracefully.
I don't want to be just like a fat American wife, dude.
What about someone with like fillers?
I do a little.
I do a little bit, but I'm not going to go crazy.
Get a cat lady face.
I can't wait.
Tommy wants me to get bigger tits.
Really?
He's like, your tits are so small.
They're huge.
Whoa.
Is he talking shit?
He's just joking.
He's joking.
But I saw you look at them.
You were like, are they?
No, they're big.
They're enormous.
I've seen them a lot.
You've seen them a lot?
I've known you for like fucking over a decade.
I know.
You've seen me pregnant and then not.
I've known you for 15 years.
Isn't that wild?
That's crazy.
And it's like our lives just stayed the same.
Yeah, pretty much.
Same shit, different toilet.
Can I take my shoe off?
Yeah, of course.
So anyway, I like to get comfortable and talk to you.
So I was reading about French culture.
And do you know that in France, they don't even sell like size 10 or 12
clothing.
Like the culture fat shames you so hard.
Especially women.
Like after you have a baby, your mother, your friends will be like, are you
gonna?
Time to get it off.
Time to tighten it up, bitch.
But they're not known for being into like physical fitness though.
No, they're very gelatinous.
Like the men, you can tell they're kind of, they have that body.
Skinny fat?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they just don't eat?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just have to be anorexic.
And then I like to walk or maybe swim.
I do a little bit of swimming, whatever gives me pleasure.
It's always about pleasure.
Oh.
Yeah, but I don't.
Americans, you push it too hard.
They don't have to go to a gym.
They're food though.
So good.
That's the side of that like only wanting pleasure is like you get amazing food.
I know, dude.
Yeah.
What's your jam?
Oh, God.
Well, I'm mostly a meat eater.
Oh, that's right.
But I like foie gras.
Oh, fucking A, dude.
Yeah.
I mean, it's a French word.
Foie gras.
Foie gras.
It's really just liver.
It's just duck liver, which sounds gross.
But foie gras.
So good.
Foie gras sounds amazing.
Right.
Duck liver is for hillbillies, but foie gras.
Foie gras.
And don't they force feed the duck?
Mm-hmm.
Like they force feed it champagne.
The thing about that is, no, they feed it grain.
They put a tube down its mouth and feed it grain.
The thing about that is though, everybody says, oh my God, that's awful.
They force feed the ducks.
You're right.
Kind of.
But the problem is, they like it.
The ducks actually go towards the force feeder.
Oh, they do?
Yeah.
They walk towards the force feeder.
They want the food.
Hilarious.
Yeah.
It's not like they run away and hide like a dog that's being beaten or anything
like that.
Yeah.
It's like they actually go towards the force feeder.
Look at that.
Bourdain told me about that.
I miss him.
Because I was, yeah, I miss him too.
I loved him.
You see my paintings that have him?
I did.
Look at that big giant one.
You know, I really, I read all his books and I watched his shows and I felt,
and I know
I'm not into celebrities, but I was so, I felt so connected to that guy.
I didn't know him.
I just really enjoyed his whole vibe.
He was a great guy.
He was a great, complicated guy.
And I knew him pretty good.
You know, I hung out with him a bunch and was friends with him.
It was, that was one of those ones where I really felt like if I was around him,
I could
have helped.
B