Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1822 - Chris DiStefano
Uploaded: 2022-05-24T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1822 - Chris DiStefano' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1822 - Chris DiStefano' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-24. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1822 - Chris DiStefano

and we're up Chrissy D in the place to be what's happening baby thank you for
having me my friend
my pleasure I'm glad you wore that shirt oh yeah I was gonna wear one just like
it like this like
no Miami vibes I um where'd you get that this is from a company called the
Roosevelt's um RSVLTS
and um they sent me a bunch of shirts and I got that kind of body where I'm
like somebody said once
that I had leading man face best friend body a casting director which was
crushing but an accurate
description yeah and I was like oh that's nice so here's the thing though you
know you can change
your body you can't change your face yes that's the truth leading man face is a
great thing to have
yeah the rest of it is like workable I have these like like no matter since I've
been a little kid
I've just had like these like puffy nipples even when I was like skinny and
ripped I just always had
just nice nipple fat and this shirt what I've learned is wearing shirts with a
lot of patterns
like this distracts from the nipple fat I actually was flying out here
yesterday and I was wearing
this green shirt and I when I went to the and I was wearing a book bag and when
I went to the bathroom
my tits were like pointed out like this I was like I gotta change my shirt and
then I just changed
my shirt in the public bathroom at JFK and then I just threw that shirt out in
the garbage wow was
that bad well I think I make it worse in my head probably I just usually I've
been trying to do be
better you know like good wolf bad wolf like that ancient Native American thing
I've been trying to
I've been trying to not feed that bad wolf I've been trying to feed the good
wolf over the last two
weeks but it's harder it's very hard for me to feed the good wolf because I
usually just get up
every day and I'm like you piece of shit asshole loser Chris I honestly think
that's better than
getting up and going Chris you're the fucking man yeah I don't think I've ever
said that once about
myself in any situation even comedy I've never I'm just always like I just
always feel like a dummy
after almost everything I do it's not that I know it seems like it's bad but it's
not the worst thing
in the world because it makes you work a lot it yeah makes you work harder yeah
I always like today I
went to the gym hard hour and a half as hard as I could um tried to eat right
you know stay focused
and uh I was in there I did it but as time is going on I'm in 37 now I got
three kids I'm I'm kind of
just realizing like when I if I'm gonna get in shape again it's really I'm
doing it for other guys
because women don't care my girl doesn't care any woman has always been like no
you look big you look
like a like a like a metro sexual viking or something you don't you look bigger
but guys always like nice
tits I can see that you're you know I can see you got back fat so when I when I'm
like trying to work
out hard is that a compliment I don't know guys like bro nice back fat yeah
imagine that was like
something you cultivated yeah you remember like Rubenesque women back in the
day in like the 1800s
or wherever it was I guess it was earlier than that they used to be hot yeah
big giant ladies yeah who
ate a lot because it was rare to get that much food well yeah I mean I back in
the day I mean I feel
like it was if you were like if you had a lot of weight on you it's because you
were rich the
rich the rich used to be and then the poor were skinny now it's the opposite
right but with the
food shortages what if like getting back fat comes back into fashion like we
got food shortages coming
according to Biden if that happens and everybody gets real skinny maybe like
having some back fat
would be a thing people like dude nice back fat what have you been eating oh
yeah I'll be one of
those hot 40 under 40 guys just back and nipple fat yeah yeah yeah it's been it's
been one of those
things and you know what it is with me you know I think what happens is because
I look like
I could potentially be in shape I'd rather just be all the way fat because what
happens with me is
what it's usually a letdown for women because they'll multiple times in my life
I've been hooking
up with a girl and they thought this or that about my body and then I'll take
my shirt off with the
lights on and they'll go oof something like that or a couple girls make that
noise one girl she was
like I swear one time I was I was hooking up with this girl and I took my shirt
off and she went oh
and I just fuck and I just stood there like kind of like looking down and then
she you know we turned
the lights off and we had I guess relatively good sex maybe not actually no I
will say no we didn't
because I've noticed I when I was single I would hook up with you know
relatively good amount healthy
amount of women but almost exclusively never hook up with the woman a second
time so I think that my
performance in the bedroom isn't really that great well were you trying to
follow up to date these ladies
again yeah yeah I would and they would just ghost you yeah you I was the guy
who pretty consistently
got ghosted it got so bad there's this porn star Owen Gray you know Owen Gray
no he's the only guy
he's the only guy like if you looked at my search history like my girl Jasmine
my mother my children
my girlfriend she's multiple times like sat me down and be like if you're gay
tell me you're gay and I'm
like why do you think I'm gay and then she's like because when I look at your
search history because
we share a computer she's like all I see is this man Owen Gray and I'm like if
you can believe this
I'm watching him to try to learn from him to have sex with you better and then
she's like I don't
believe you
because he does he's just a pretty you know well physique guy tatted up but the
way he has sex with
these women and goes down on them and kind of passionately makes love to them I
was like I need
to incorporate this but it doesn't it really doesn't work it doesn't plan but
is it like a self image
issue like what what do you think about it is well first first of all every
time I go down on a woman
I get a sore throat so that always pretty much exclusively like a Ricola in
your mouth before
you do it I've tried everything I also have a short tongue
so I it doesn't so I always my tongue which from what Owen Gray does is he's he
uses a lot of his
tongue and my tongue doesn't really uh it doesn't have the um endurance because
it's so short like I
I I all my friends when I were teenagers everyone went and got their tongue
pierced and I was gonna do
it I was brave enough to do what yeah and then the tongue guy wait a minute
yeah all your guy friends
got their tongue pierced it was a big thing you did too I did not almost all my
guy friends did
what what happened there I mean I was on metal bands so I've kind of been
leaning towards that
crowd that's weird yeah no Jimmy you kind of look like John Travolta did anyone
ever tell you that
yeah do people tell him that all the time not recently but uh yeah you do have
a because I've
never seen you I've heard of you but there's really no pictures of you online I
was while I was
watching Owen Gray last night I tried to incorporate you and I never but you do
have a John but not
but I mean like a in shape good looking thank you yeah Woody Gadsad said you
look like uh Alec Baldwin
no it was Bill Maher Bill Maher yeah because John Travolta now looks like if
you and Joe had a baby
that's what John Travolta looks like right now if you just put John's face on
Joe's head there you go
I met John Travolta once you guys ever meet him yeah I met him yeah yeah I met
him at Fear Factor
his wife uh uh Kelly Preston at the news since past uh she was on the show oh
wow yeah yeah I did um
David Letterman in 2013 and it was first time on television doing anything and
it was a big deal
for me not only get stand-up on on Letterman but John Travolta was the other
guest so I remember
like that week like my mother was just telling all her friends she was like I'm
good I'm gonna go see
John Travolta on Letterman and I was like also like your son is doing stand-up
but she never
she just cared about Travolta she was like I can't like she was kept picking
out different dresses
she's like what do I wear and so I did and my mom and dad who were divorced it
was one of the first
times because before I had my kid my first child so before I had my first child
my mom and dad never
talked they had like a divorce and they just you know especially as I got over
18 they were just like
we don't talk anymore so it was one of these things where like it was the first
time like my mom
and dad were going to be in the same room and and I'm so it's like all nerve-wracking
and I'm
about to go do the show I bought a suit the night before from this place Joseph
A. Bank
it was in like a strip mall in Syosset Long Island and it was like three sizes
too big so I
just had this oversized suit on I was like really nervous and I go down and
John Travolta's on the
couch you know um crushing it he's John Travolta and then I'm about to go up
next to do stand-up
and he um the you know the commercial break happens and he's walking out and I'm
standing
there like nervous with my 3x suit and he stops and he looks at me and he goes
you have on a beautiful
suit I was like thank you I was like I feel like it's too big and he was like
no it's beautiful I
was like oh yeah and my mom's sitting right there fucking dying that Travolta's
like looking at me
she's like trying to smell his breath and so Travolta says to me he goes what
do you what do you do what's
your talent I'll never forget he goes what's your talent I was like oh uh I'm a
stand-up comic and
he was like oh very nice and then he was like you seem a little nervous and I
was like yeah yeah and
then he puts his and then he puts his hand on my chest like it just puts his
hand right on my chest
like right Jesus right in the right right in the middle right in the heart
right on the heart no
seriously like right in the middle and and and I was in my head because I was
like you know I got
fat nipples so I was like I hope he doesn't think like you know I'm not jacked
and then and then he
and then he goes um why is your heart beating so fast and I was like because
you're you're
John Travolta you're massaging my nipple and he goes don't it was he goes don't
be nervous about
what you're about to do and he goes you've done it already and I said no I'm
actually going on after
you I haven't done it yet he goes no you've done it already it's over and I was
like are you stupid
I know are you dumb fuck I was like I was like I'm going on next and he was
like the work is done
and then I I was just like what do you mean and then the whole time his hand is
on my chest he goes
I'm sure that Mr. Letterman had to vet you personally I'm sure that you've had
to practice
this set a thousand times before you got to this moment so the work is over so
now you just have to
go be in the present that's your only job is to be in the present because the
the set that you're
about to do is done you've completed the work already now it's just living the
moment which is
the fun part of the hard part of the journey but the hard part is over all
these words and my heart is
like slowly going down like I swear I was getting like very very calm and he
goes I'm going to stand
right here and I want to watch you live this moment he goes this is rare that I
get to see this at the
level I'm at in my career to see someone get to begin their journey in
entertainment he goes I'm
going to see her I want to watch every second of this I'm going to be here for
you and I and with that
the Letterman people are like Chris you're on next and give me that little push
David Letterman this
whole time I hadn't even listened David Letterman was already being like and
our next guest you know
stand-up comic you know making his uh appearance making his national television
debut
on the David Letterman show I didn't even hea