Name: Neal Brennan's Story About Using Ayahuasca for Depression
Uploaded: 2022-05-25T17:09:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neal Brennan's Story About Using Ayahuasca for Depression' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neal Brennan's Story About Using Ayahuasca for Depression' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-25. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan experience.
- So then COVID starts, somebody sends me an article
from the New York Times about ayahuasca.
And I'm like, and he's like, we gotta do this.
I'm like, all right.
I get a number, get a private.
I had to go off antidepressants.
This is October, 2020.
So I go, I wean myself off of,
I'm taking Zoloft all the time.
And I'm like, why am I taking Zoloft?
I'm like, I don't need it, Frank.
'Cause the problem was without Zoloft,
I wasn't depressed, but I was getting panic attacks on stage,
which is like this, I can't have this.
So I just take Zoloft like,
and I wouldn't get panic attacks.
- Only on stage.
- Yeah.
And one time I got one like in a meeting.
It was fucking weird.
I'm like, I know this person.
It was odd.
I would just get them for seemingly no reason.
And so go off antidepressants, do ayahuasca,
with like, with one shaman type guy at my buddy's house.
And it's like, very pleasant.
It was like, we did one cup.
It was me, Bianca from the store, my friend Pijon,
Sarah Mello, like, and it was like nice, right?
It kind of felt like, I like cried about groups of people.
- Groups of people.
- I don't know.
Just like gatherings of people made me cry.
- Huh.
- Like I was crying so hard, like I wear like my,
your nostrils are closed.
- And is it unusual that you experienced the kind of sadness
that makes you cry?
- It wasn't even sadness.
It was like kind of tears of like...
- Joy?
- Reverie, not joy and not like tenderness.
We'll say like tenderness about like, like a,
from a place of love more than a place of sadness.
Or it was like, just connected.
- Yeah.
I feel connected to like the earth.
I was getting like, also seeing like wide shots of forests.
- Ooh.
- It's just like, okay, cool.
So we, and then, you know, last about three and a half hours.
Then we all hang out and talk, whatever.
And then I find a better, that guy was kind of a lightweight.
And then I find a better circle to do it in.
Via someone that had been on a commercial.
She was like, come to the circle.
So I, first night at the circle,
it's like by six flags in LA.
It's not like, it's not Peru.
And it's, I couldn't get the amount right.
And I was just kind of nauseous and didn't really feel much.
And I did ayahuasca, did two or three cups of ayahuasca.
I tried this thing called Hoppe,
which is they blow ash, sacred tobacco ash,
up your nostrils.
And it's like, you have fucking rocks in your head.
I've never felt a thing like this.
And apparently it like multiplies the ayahuasca
for like eight to 10 minutes.
It's like a fucking mushroom in Super Mario Brothers.
Like just, it's, you're like stimulated.
And people, you can do a thing where you do an intention.
And a lot of times you'll vomit up.
You'll purge up a thing, like a notion.
I have a, yeah, I got a lot of, a lot of stories.
So the ash?
The ash, if you look, it's spelled R-A-P-E
with an, with an umlaut over the E.
So it's spelled Rape, but it's with an umlaut over the E.
And people, it's a, in a thing called a tepe.
And, uh...
So that's just smoke.
But they were using ash.
That's smoke, but there's one, the first one,
that, no, that's smoke.
If you do, uh, get rid of ayahuasca and smoke,
just do, put an umlaut over the E.
Yeah, the problem is rape crisis.
It just goes to the...
Yeah, if you put an umlaut, if you put a thing over the E...
How do you do that on a regular keyboard?
You just hold the E.
You hit option and then hit, hit E and they all come up.
Can you Google Rape?
Yeah, there we go.
Let's see.
Okay.
There you go.
Okay, there he goes.
There.
Oh, wow, that's wild.
That looks painful.
It's wild.
Look at the face.
Yeah, I tried that.
And so the ash goes up your nose.
Yeah, and you're like...
And you just trip balls.
Like, it, I didn't try...
I was just like, yo, this shit...
People purge immediately.
But a lot of times you can purge up, like, a notion.
You can purge up an intention.
You can purge up...
I mean, a buddy of mine purged up his mother's hatred of him.
Oh, Jesus.
Like, like a thing.
I'm a, like, I'm basically like a goofball.
I'm like a new age goofball is what I'm trying to tell you.
So that's the first night with the...
It's my second career night.
First night at the New Circle.
Second night, I get the amount correct.
And I was an atheist.
And I opened my eyes at one point in the circle.
And I was like, oh, I'm in the presence of God right now.
I don't...
I can't explain it.
It's a feeling.
I am in the presence of what I can only describe as God.
And I was like, this is the first spiritual experience I've ever had in my
entire life.
12 years of Catholic school, altar boy, church, mass, fucking nothing.
And then this was like, oh, this is what church is supposed to be.
Like this connection to the center beam or the center force.
And like a real profound, like, okay, I'm no longer an atheist.
I now believe in a God or creation force.
And obviously the question would be, someone would ask you if they were trying
to diminish this.
They would say, but you are on drugs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You understand that you're on drugs.
And this is not a real experience.
Yeah.
And this is all highlighted by the hallucinations happening, the neurotransmitters
and the way it's affecting your brain.
Yeah, I don't...
Here's the thing.
I can't counter that.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, I'm not...
It's not one of these things where, like, it's true for me.
Right.
But here's the question.
Here's what I always say.
Is I had this very same conversation with Dennis McKenna, and we both agreed on
this, that who cares if it's real?
It's the same experience.
Like, if you took a pill, and that pill, or you took ayahuasca, and that ayahuasca
makes you reach that state, or if you reach that state from saying an incantation,
and then you walk through...
Holotropic breathing.
Whatever it is.
Yeah.
How do we know that that's not real?
Like, imagine if God was real, and you could get in front of God, but the only
way to do it is to eat mushrooms.
He'd be like, wait, what?
I would argue that's true.
It might be.
I mean, do you know what I mean?
It sounds so crazy.
Like, in my experience...
But it might be.
It's the only way...
Now, the good thing is, it's in me now.
Because then I was no longer an ayahuasca, and I was like, that was as real a
thing as has ever happened to me.
It's in you, meaning it's changed you?
Yeah.
So the depression's gone?
Well, I'll get to that.
Okay.
So, no, no, no.
My belief in God.
Yes.
Belief in a central creation force, right?
And, by the way, I know how this sounds.
It's very mockable.
It's very reducible.
And, like...
This podcast is filled with mockable reducible things.
Sure, sure, sure, sure.
Laughing all the way to the bank.
And mocking, getting mocked all the way to the...
So...
So the fourth time I do it, that circle that I was doing it in, they weren't,
like, COVID.
They were, like, loose with COVID.
And it's, like, 20 people in a room.
And this is in, like, before the vaccine.
It's just, like, early.
So I'm like, ah!
A guy got COVID right after the ceremony.
I'm like, could you test?
And they're like, we don't really test.
Whatever.
So I went back to the first guy, the original guy, and did a private with Ian
Edwards and my friend Catherine.
And worked for Ian.
He had a great time.
Not great time, but, like, a profound spiritual time.
My friend Catherine was, sort of, like, very uneasy.
And then...
And I...
It wasn't working for me.
And I kept saying, yeah, it just wasn't working.
I was like, maybe I'll take more.
Because, like, it felt like I had to work out the amount at the other place.
So this place, I was like, maybe I'll take more.
And I probably ended up drinking, like, an ounce.
And I don't...
I've come to drink around a quarter of an ounce.
But...
So this was, like, an ounce.
And it wasn't working, wasn't working, wasn't working.
Hit me, like...
A fucking freight train.
Where, like, I immediately...
I purged.
And, um...
I...
I, uh...
Went into...
Like, I would have a thought, like, what?
And my brain...
And in my brain, it sounded like...
I'd go, what?
And we'd go...
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I...
And I was like, oh, I'm in Pink Floyd land.
Like, I'm gone.
I'm gonna be a drug casualty.
Ooh.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, then I was...
In outer space...
Uh...
Alone.
And the universe was dying.
You're alone.
We're killing Saturn.
Children.
Uh...
The Milky Way.
Like, that was the message I was getting.
Like, it's all dying.
And you're alone.
And I breathed...
I mean, it's the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced until I'll get to
the thing that topped it.
Uh...
I was breathing just in case.
I was literally, like, breathing.
Ian said...
I was breathing like this.
Mmm...
Mmm...
Mmm...
Mmm...
And I was...
For, like, he said about two and a half hours.
I have no recollection of any of it other than...
I am in outer space.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, like...
It...
It's...
I was...
When I came to...
I was...
I slept with the lights on...
For a few days.
It was so terrifying to my absolute core.
Um...
And I...
But I realized...
About three or four days after...
That...
From not being on antidepressants...
The...
I'd say the floorboards of my mood were a little mushy.
Like the...
Like I could get low...
Lower than I could without antidepressants.
I'm sorry.
With antidepressants, it would be, like, more sort of secure.
And...
Not on antidepressants.
It was a little loose and gushy.
And...
I realized about four days after that terrifying outer space experience...
That it was...
Completely secure.
And it was, like, polished...
Granite.
Like it fixed your brain.
Yeah, like, I'm never gonna...
And I literally was like, I'm never gonna need antidepressants again.
Positive.
And you haven't had them since?
No.
Really?
Yeah.
That was...
That was December...
2020.
That's incredible.
Year and a half.
And here we are.
It's the end of May.
Yeah.
So this is a year and a half later.
In 2022.
So...
That's incredible.
Yeah.
I had a little panic on stage, but I figured that out.
So that was...
So now...
So I've done Aya four times at this point.
Had that experience.
And I was like, I really like Aya in that it's a connection to spirituality.
You know what I mean?
Like, you know, I don't have any besides that, you know?
And so I went to the other place, the Good Circle, and I had a few rough
ceremonies.
Like, one of them in the room, I heard a tiger.
Like, it's in the room.
There is a tiger in the room.
Acoustically, it was like there was a tiger in the room.
And then I hallucinated.
A tiger came around an altar, and I went like, like, real fucking fear.
And I had a couple tough journeys like that, where it was...
Another one that was funnier is I thought...
I mean, dude, in this circle, I've seen people get possessed.
They had to tie a guy up.
Like, it's impossible, but I've seen it.
It's one of these things where I'm like, this shit's wild.
That one, where the guy was possessed, they had to pour salt in his mouth.
Like, real wild shit.
I'm like, oh, this is the rapture.
This is the rapture.
We're in the rapture.
This is the end.
So I had that, like, rapture thing again.
And they go, let's go around the room, just check in with everybody, Neil.
And I go, not good.
Like, two, a couple words to describe your feeling.
I go, not good.
And then they go to the next guy, and he goes, I'm balancing.
And I'm like, balancing?
Dog, this is it.
Like, it's over.
And then when I heard balancing, and then as they went on, I was like, oh, this
is not the rapture.
I was like, Neil, this is your problem and your problem alone.