Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1825 - Ali Siddiq
Uploaded: 2022-05-27T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1825 - Ali Siddiq' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1825 - Ali Siddiq' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-27. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1825 - Ali Siddiq

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
The drones are the cigar choice, a short story.
And smoking cigars with D.L. so much.
I know a good cigar, Oliver.
That's a good cigar.
Yeah, this is solid.
I've had Cuban cigars, and I know they're supposed to be better,
and I believe they're good.
But I do not know if they're better.
I can't tell you.
You could lie to me.
You know, you could give me a good Dominican cigar,
and I'd be like, damn, Cuban, nice.
I don't know.
You know what you like when you like it.
Yeah.
Like, I like, I drink Cabernet,
and, you know, how they come to the table
when they tell you this valley and this and this is from this.
Yeah.
And I just said, eh, nine ounce.
And then, I like it, I like it, you know.
Yeah.
But, you know, other than that.
There was a documentary, I've talked about this before,
but there's a documentary called Sour Grapes,
and it's all about wine connoisseurs getting hustled by this dude
who figured out how to mix wine to make it taste like old wine,
and he put fake labels on them,
and he sold them for hundreds of thousands of dollars,
millions of dollars worth of wine this guy sold,
like bottles for a couple hundred thousand dollars.
And, unfortunately, he sold a fake bottle to the Koch brothers.
Oh.
And one of the Koch brothers,
someone was, like, going through their collection,
going, what the fuck is this?
And he's like, oh, that's a rah, rah, rah.
And they're like, no, it's not.
And then the next thing you know it,
he gets his wine examined,
and he's like, bro, you have a bunch of fake wine in here.
And then they find out this one dude
had been making these fake labels
and blending these cheaper wines together
to try to create a taste that's similar
to a really expensive wine.
That's ridiculous.
Everything that he went through,
he could have just made a wine.
You'd think so, but he made millions.
Millions and millions and millions of dollars.
To hustle people.
But he come from a criminal family.
Like, when they went into the whole family of it.
Like, the family, one of the brothers
had stolen a bunch of money out of a bank
and, like, hundreds of millions of dollars, right?
Wasn't it, like, some insane amount of money?
Do you remember that part?
And, you know, he's on the run.
He's hiding somewhere.
So, it's like the whole family's been con artists
their whole life.
And this guy just figured out a way
to get in with these wine people.
Because the way he did it was pretty genius.
First, he went and started going to auctions
and buying up really expensive wine.
So, he became known in the wine community
as this guy, like, oh, he knows.
He knows the wines.
He knows.
And then he said,
I'm going to get rid of some of my wines.
You know, I don't have too much wine.
Nowhere to store it.
So, I'm going to sell some of my choice wines
to, like, Sotheby's.
So, they would auction off some of his choice wines.
And then the winery found out.
And the winery's like,
we never made that label on that year.
Like, this is all fake.
It's wild, though, dude.
Because it's that thing.
It's like, people want exclusive shit.
Ah, Cuban cigars.
Ah.
With sneakers.
They find out some people are selling fake sneakers.
That makes sense.
It's like, I don't know.
You can make a sneaker, so.
Yeah, it's leather.
I mean, once you get past the printing of the soles,
everything else seems like you could kind of do.
The only way that you can make a shoe exclusive,
and this would be just utterly ridiculous,
if your shoe was put on the foot of the person that's buying it.
Right, formed.
Like, Ken Griffith Jr. stepped in your shoe,
or at least tried to put it on,
held it in his hand,
and then they sold it to you in Essex.
Because he dealt with the shoe.
Like, all these Ken Griffiths over here are regular Ken Griffiths,
but these are handheld Ken Griffith Jr. sneakers.
And you would have to have, like, chain of custody.
From Ken to you.
Where he's seen, where it's a photo of him with your, a video of him touching
your shoe,
putting it in the box, and then it's coming to you.
And maybe, like, signing his name on the inside lip.
Right, on the tongue, just a little bit?
Not, I wouldn't, I wouldn't even tell him what it was.
It would be something, like, they know when your shoe is authentic,
that you don't even know that it has.
Like, but you know, this is authentic, you got paperwork on it,
but what makes it authentic?
I don't know, let me see your shoe.
And then they turn around and they put some light on it.
And they're like, nope, nope, don't have it.
Like, then, yes.
Because people, I don't know.
I don't know.
It's like, what is exclusive?
What is exclusive?
Like, if you're sitting in first class on a plane,
are you really getting anything other than...
Getting a bigger seat.
Eh.
But you're paying sometimes, like, way more.
Like, what is it?
A coach seat can be $400.
A first class might be $2,000.
Yeah.
It's, and you go in the same place.
So if the plane went down,
like, do you live?
No, you're more likely to die.
The people in the back live.
Like, do people say,
ah, Joe, I thought you was,
I heard you was in a plane accident.
Everybody's like, yeah, I was in first class.
Like, why would I, why would I be dead?
Like, what?
There are bags everywhere.
It's like, like, you and eight people,
like, the plane had done all type,
all type of flips,
and it's on fire,
but y'all have no idea.
Y'all still in the, y'all still in the front.
Huh.
Something's going on out there, I think.
And then you, you get out,
you get out of a box,
a first class box,
and you're like, wow.
Didn't know all that was going on.
Everyone's gone,
and thank goodness this first class seat was available.
People love exclusivity, though.
They love to be above the herd,
above the crowd.
Look at me with my fancy clothes.
I said courtside once,
and realized that I had to walk up to get out,
and was pissed.
Like, all these days,
the further I started going down,
I was like, man, shit!
Like, I gotta walk back up that way to get out?
God damn it!
Why don't they have a courtside exit?
They do it!
Right?
That would be exclusive.
Real exclusive.
You go through the locker room.
Yeah.
Man, it was insane,
all the steps that I had to take to go do anything.
I was like, damn it!
I haven't gone to see a sporting event live in forever.
And then I went the other night
to an Austin FC soccer game,
and it's like 22,000 people in the arena.
It was great.
I never seen soccer live.
It was great.
Like, I appreciate it now.
I watched it on TV.
I'm like, eh, not enough action.
But when you're there live,
and you see how fast those guys run,
and how much skill involved,
and tactics, and strategy.
But God damn leaving is a pain in the dick.
When there's 22,000 people
trying to get out of the same two lanes,
you're like, oh, Christ.
And then there's a light up ahead.
You got to wait for the light to turn green.
Oh, fuck.
It's, um,
I thought of this.
Because I had this new special that just came out.
I thought as soon as it came out
that they was going to invite me
to a sporting event,
like to shoot the free throw if I'm on the list.
Throw the first pitch?
Throw the first pitch, shoot.
Because in Houston,
I see other people,
I see lesser celebrities,
shooting the free throw from the line for charity,
and I'll just be pissed.
Like, why haven't they called me yet to,
I'm on like special number four.
Like, what's the holdup?
Like, what's the holdup on,
who is not picking up the phone
for me to shoot this damn shot?
Do you have a publicist that calls people for that?
No.
I think that's what it is.
That's what it is.
The people that get that chase it.
They chase that shit.
Yeah.
They, yeah.
It's like Hollywood Walk of Fame,
like the star.
You could get a star.
You just have to pay for it
and have someone set it up.
Like, there's a lot of people
that have stars that are just,
you've never heard of them before.
They just paid for it.
Like, you just walk in like,
Yeah.
Who is Rudy Jackson?
Exactly.
Exactly.
It's not a joke.
Like, what did he do?
And he like right by the Starbucks.
You just, you see?
Walk down Hollywood Boulevard.
And then you find out
that the homeless person down the way
is Rudy Jackson.
You're like,
I used to be great, man.
And then back,
back in the day,
I was Samuel Jackson stunt double.
Exclusivity is a thing, man.
It's like,
people pay for fake exclusivity.
There was just a bust.
They busted,
they said it was
$10 million worth of fake Rolexes.
And I'm like,
well, if they're fake,
how,
they should be worth nothing.
Right?
Like,
what you,
are you busting me for trying?
Right?
I'm the real loser here, sir.
The thing about a fake Rolex is though,
they can make a fake Rolex
exactly like a real Rolex.
Exactly.
Because they use 3D printing.
So what they do is
they'll take a model,
like a,
they'll do a computer model
of every single part in a Rolex.
They'll take it apart
and then they make
a duplicate version of it.
Every part.
Everything.
Every screw.
Every little wheel.
Every little mechanical piece
inside that moves.
And then they put it all together.
Yeah,
this is it right here.
U.S. Customs
Border Protection
said it seized
460 counterfeit Rolexes
shipped to the U.S.
from Hong Kong.
You won't even be able
to tell the difference, man.
First of all,
my eyesight sucks anyway
because I can't like,
I have to put reading glasses on.
So it's a Rolex
that I'm looking for
that they say
that people,
it's hard to find.
It's the silver one
with the green face.
It's a Oyster 41.
if anybody in Hong Kong
making one of them
just, you know,
and shit and talk
until I get the one I want.
I'm like,
you know,
I'll be hearing
about women
getting gifted things
that's on their wish list.
Oh, yeah.
And I'm like,
that shit never,
if I put a wish list together,
they'd be like,
you fucking bummed.
You a fucking beggar, Ali.
Women can do it.
They always complain about,
not always,
but sometimes they complain about,
it's a double standard.
It fucking is.
Of course it is.
If I go on the internet
and put on a halter top
and put a wet halter top on
and put it right up
underneath my chest,
I get no money.
As a matter of fact,
I get complaints.
The people,
hey, I need $10
for the shit you put on in there.
People are requesting money from me,
but you do it.
Let a woman put on a wet halter top
right beneath her breast
and just put on there,
donate.
I guarantee you
you could be a millionaire.
For sure.
Easily.
There was a woman
who was working for
a friend of mine.
She was just in production
of his podcast
and she would take photos
of her feet
and put her feet
on OnlyFans
and she was making
$100,000 a month
showing her feet.
The lady who does my feet
has taken videos of my feet
and I've seen them
on her page
of other Korean ladies
laughing.
Look at that toy.
Look at that baby toy.
I think it's work.
You get your toes done?
You get pedicure?
Hell yeah,
I go get a pedicure.
I took one of the toughest dudes.
I always take some hood dude
to something
that they deem
as some non-manly shit.
I'm like,
yo, listen, my man.
My man, Papa Doc.
He said his feet
has been hurting.
I said,
yo, listen,
you got to get you
a pair of hokas.
You know what I'm saying?
So he went and got them.
I'm like,
yo, I feel like
I'm walking on
fucking pillows.
I'm like,
hokas is the shit.
Hoka like running shoes?
Yeah.
They're great.
Oh my goodness.
Great.
Best shoe ever made.
So I said,
man,
you got plantar fasciitis
and I said,
man,
you got to get your feet done.
That's a part of
mental health,
health care,
you know,
getting your feet.
He's like,
man,
I ain't fucking with it.
I'm scared.
I'm not doing it.
I don't know about,
and I'm ticklish.
I don't know about
touching my goddamn feet.
I'm like,
I'm going to go with you.
And he's like,
I don't give a shit who go.
I'm not fucking with it.
I said,
listen,
I got you.
I'm going to go with you.
I'm going to take you to my place.
And he said,
all right.
And I said,
listen,
before we