Name: Brian Simpson on Apple's Walled Garden
Uploaded: 2022-06-30T17:41:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brian Simpson on Apple's Walled Garden' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brian Simpson on Apple's Walled Garden' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-30. Transcript available.

the Joe Rogan experience I have a lot of friends that they send me the green
text and every now and then one will show up blue they give up and they jump
on the iPhone train I'm like interest I can't do it man no why what is it about
it I mmm because it's one of those things where I'm so into my tech and
shit yeah and if you if I go iPhone then I gotta go Apple everything why
because
that because that's the that's the whole advantage of going Apple is that it
all
just works together so well because they're on their own little ecosystem you
know what's the advantage of not going Apple customization okay but you you're
not are you using the phone with other stuff does it integrate with other stuff
the way an iPhone does cuz I have a Samsung phone Samsung tablet Samsung watch
you
know and if I go iPhone then I gotta get an Apple watch I gotta get an iPad you
know what's better um have you fucked with Apple stuff oh yeah yeah yeah I used
to I've had iPhones yeah but I just oh so you went Android after you on iPhone
I
went I went Android iPhone Android iPhone Android oh see back and forth huh
yeah I
went back and forth but at the end of the day it was just like I stuck with it
because Android is more you know on top of like some of the latest like Apple
won't
do anything unless they can do it in a way where you where it goes oh that's
Apple
you know I mean like like the fucking headphones right like that they would
they would not come out with headphones until they could do something where you
like when you see it you know that it's not something else right you know it's
an
Apple device right same thing with Apple watch that's why it's shape weird it's
because yeah they want you to look at and go that's about that's enough that is
true because the Samsung one some dude had one the other day on it look like a
regular watch no that's a dope watch what is it he's like it's galaxy watch and
I
thought it was a regular watch and he was not you can change the screen and he's
like
fucking with it but it was round yeah yeah right but it just looks like a watch
Apple don't want that you know yeah but but I love I do love the way all Apple
shit works together but it's like they call it a walled garden yes everything's
beautiful in the garden but you try to do some shit outside like hit like an
Apple
does all these little they do all these little shitty tactics to facilitate
that
right so so the whole green bubble blue bubble thing that originally came out
like
you remember back when you had to pay for texts no yeah they used to charge for
text
messages how much did they charge I don't know it was like you know five cent a
message or they would give you a bundle or some would come with your plan and
and
Apple created iMessage and the and green was supposed to represent a text that
you
paid for and blue was supposed to be one that was free because it was in the
Apple
network and then right after they invented it it that kind of went away there
was no
all the text messages are free but they noticed that there was a little bit of
that
there was a little snobbery did and like so they purposely they could fix it
they
could easily integrate iMessages so that it doesn't come up different but they
won't because it it it increases that fear of missing out that makes people
want to go
fuck I'm just gonna get an iPhone I'm tired of being left out of the group
chats
perfect example if you send me a video it'll come up blurry yeah right and that's
that's an Apple
thing it is yes but if you send a Samsung guy video will come out perfect oh
yeah if I if I send
you a video it'll come up perfect but if you send me one it'll come up blurry
really yeah because they
want me to feel left out and it or praise the person here's another example you
know how when
you text somebody you you uh they can react to it so it'll be like a smiley
face or whatever
right so up until recently if if I sent you a text and you and you hearted it
right it would it would
say to me Joe hearted and then it would give me my whole text in quotes oh and
what does it do now
well now androids work has done like a little workaround so if that if you get
a text like that
it'll just put a heart underneath it okay so I'm gonna send you one right now
yes get a little heart
all right here we go oh my my shit's off oh okay yeah but but so they do they
Apple does that on
purpose because they want you to put the pressure on your friends to buy an
iPhone it's kind of smart
it is it's genius I'm not mad enough for they have no incentive to work
together with everybody else but
isn't it also that it's encrypted like iMessagers are encrypted whereas like
text messages are not
um yes that's true but that's that again but that's something that they they
won't allow the
encryption to be shared you know because because here's the thing that's only a
thing in the US
everywhere else in the world people use whatsapp and right right all this other
stuff only whatsapp's
giant overseas oh it's huge it's huge and and and iPhone is not just only well
not just only here but
there's only one or two countries where it's the number one phone really yeah
that's interesting I
wonder why whatsapp and all those other things I think it's because you could
use them over Wi-Fi and
so you could chat without using your minutes right you can use them over Wi-Fi
it's encrypted it's all
the things that come with iMessage it's its own platform do you remember when
um roaming would cost
you a fucking shitload of money yeah like if you used your phone in Connecticut
you'd be doomed I
remember when you had minutes yeah you had talk minutes yeah and it's like a
lot of these kids
don't get it man it's like that's pretty recent yeah it's not that long I mean
maybe no more than 15
years ago was it that long ago minutes yeah well yeah night and weekend minutes
you know 7pm over
your hours are at 9 hours are at 7 well I remember when I had because I used to
have singular which
is I think they're part of T-Mobile now but they singular used to be like if I
called another singular
customer it didn't use my minutes or if you called somebody during certain
hours it didn't use your
minutes you know it was like peak hours and off hours yeah I remember that
singular I remember too
yeah and and what's funny is it's the same fucking network first they told us
oh we have to charge for
minutes otherwise we would swamp the network and now minutes are free and then
they started charging
for texts like it'll flood the network we got to charge for texts and now text
is free and they
charge it for data and data they actually need I don't know if they need to
charge what they charge
you know whenever shit goes down and everybody tries to use their phone you can't
use your phone
ever that's what's weird like try using your phone at a sporting event like if
you're at like a super
bowl or something like that yeah it's impossible everybody's using their phone
well try calling
somebody somewhere where just something happened an earthquake or something
right yeah it's a wrap
it won't work no isn't that wild like if they have a million customers like
save a self-sown just
as an example just for a number they don't have to have a million lines
available at all times no they should
they should treat them like casinos like you have to have x amount of dollars
for every person that's
in the casino right in case they win yeah because could they accommodate
everybody like there has to be
250 million phones in this country minimum minimum yeah probably more yeah
probably as many as there are
people right yeah but if everybody wanted to call at the same time what's the
number that it can hold
fuck i don't know is it local is it like local breakers or local i mean how
does that work do
you know how it works it's it's it's wild because there's different
technologies on different networks
right it's 4g and it's 5g no no no i mean like cdma versus i forget what the
other one is but like
verizon gsm right yeah gsm right and so they so and i want to say i think we're
the only country the only
western country that where it's split that way like you know like if you go to
korea it's all one technology
i think they all use gsm yeah i think um what correct me if i'm wrong about
this too i think cdma
works better deep inside of buildings i'm not sure i'm not sure i think that
was the the positive
aspect and that's only in this country verizon and sprint right but we yeah
well sprint just got bought
but just merged with t-mobile oh yeah so it's getting smaller now and at the
end of the day disney's gonna
own everything disney's gonna own everything they're gonna own every thing man
damn