Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1876 - Greg Fitzsimmons
Uploaded: 2022-09-30T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1876 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1876 - Greg Fitzsimmons' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-30. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1876 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Joe Rogan podcast check it out the Joe Rogan experience train by day Joe Rogan
podcast by
night all day and one must be sober for a month does one must one work out
every day isn't that
must one workout every day yeah one must work out one must burn 500 calories in
a workout every
single day seven days a week 365 days well 60 30 30 days so what isn't it is
there a contest about who
can burn the most calories we're not doing that crazy yeah the problem with
contests is they absorb
your whole life yeah and everybody except Ari has a family and obligations and
jobs and podcasts and
different things they have to do just we did it one year the contest and it was
pretty obvious
halfway in that we were fucked because I remember you got behind and then you
just powered through
and came from behind with like some crazy workouts well I was never really
behind I mean I might have
been behind for like a day it was though in the beginning we were trying to
figure out how much
we're going to burn you know because we're using this my zones thing so it's
like you wear a chest strap
and the chest strap gives you points uh with the application for however many
minutes you are at 80% of
your max heart rate versus 90% of your max heart rate like 90s two points 80s
one or something like
yeah and Ari figured out that you could watch tv while you were doing cardio so
he watched movies on
an iPad while he's doing cardio yeah and he ran up a big number like 400 in a
day we're like fuck
that's a big number that was like two movies yeah and so then we really started
getting crazy and then
one day I did 1100 points I did seven hours of cardio no shit yeah mostly what
running no mostly elliptical
machine and watch movies yeah so I watched John Wick like 50 times I kept rewinding
it to the scene in
the bathhouse where he kills everybody it's just because so adrenaline filled
you can keep going yeah I
watched some fights I watched a bunch of shit and it's like it just got too
crazy yeah we were losing our
minds all right we were really losing our minds we were talking a lot of shit
to each other and Tom got
sick Tom got the flu and then the day he got better from the flu he ran 13
miles no shit the day he got
better he ran 13 miles through his neighbor through the hills damn that's
different than a treadmill 13
miles on the street is like that's real yeah yeah yeah we went crazy yeah and
like if that kept going
imagine if we had it for like six months we had a fitness contest for six
months and at the end of
six months you win like a million dollars yeah you could have got a sponsor for
that easy yeah the
problem is it would become your whole life and we would go crazy all right and
Burt would die Burt
would for sure have a heart attack or you just be content coming in last like
he did last time he
talked a lot of shit came in last he did yeah yeah yeah it seems like a it
seems like a great idea for
your men like for me working out it's just for my head I don't even give a shit
I mean this body I was
naturally born with it's a gift congratulations but my brain if I work out man
I just feel happy and
if I don't I get depressed so one of the things we talked about Tom and I
talked about specifically
was that when you do a lot of cardio in a day like four hours of cardio in a
day he goes all the
internal chatter just goes away yeah I go yeah it was like there's no negative
talk there's no like
anxiety and angst and I really wonder how much of that that people walk around
with all day could be
fixed with cardio it could be fixed with like rigorous exercise you know and
they say um they say weightlifting
helps anxiety too they say strength training does but uh for me it's like
cardio cardio seems to put me in this
place where it just is like whatever who gives a fuck it's just like just a
really peaceful it like
balances out what's really important to think about and worry about versus like
things that are just sort of
bouncing around your head you don't know if I should pay attention to that one
or that one and
what should I freak out about the most like every time I watch the news every
time I look at the
news I'm like how engaged do I get here do I freak out about Russia am I gonna
freak out and then my
whole day will be a freak out yeah or do I recognize that there's not a goddamn
thing I could do about
this and just casually be aware of it and hope it doesn't explode that's the
dilemma like basically
every day yeah wild shit like the Russia Ukraine war most of most of the time I
look at the news I'm like
how much am I gonna engage with this yeah and not just the news but like
everything in your life I
have to do it when I listen I listen to books about the civil war because I
listen to audio books when
I go to sleep at night it's the only way I can sleep I just listen to I try to
find the dullest
non-fiction available with like a good British author and and it just puts me
right to sleep so I so I've
probably listened to 50 non-fiction books in the last 5-10 years I can't
remember the headphones on yeah yeah is
that a problem it is do you have dreams and then no no no I set a timer it goes
off after 45 minutes you
got some guy talking to you about some guy bleeding out from a musket wound in
the woods you know got
shot by his own cousin yeah the wrong side of the Mississippi I do the one I
just listened to is
about Jesse James it was pretty badass Jesse James was born in Missouri and
Missouri during the Civil War
when you picture the Civil War you picture like there was the Confederate
States and there was the Union
States and they fought no Missouri fucking this family was Confederate this one
was Unionist and they
would just go kill each other it was random and there was marauding packs of
guys like Jesse James it
was the Jesse James gang it was him and his brother Frank and these other guys
and they would just they
would it was they they had like the press kind of like made heroes of them
because they said that they
were like Robin Hood they were given to the poor because you know they gave a
couple widows some
money but they mostly kept like they killed fucking thousands of people and
kept all the money did you
ever read you read me Malcolm Gladwell yeah you read that thing that Malcolm
Gladwell talked about
with like the honor societies that lived in like Appalachia and how many of
them were involved in feuds
that led like mass murders oh no shit yeah yeah but the psychology behind is
the most fascinating thing
he was saying that these people come like they emigrated from a part of the
world where they were herders like
they're herded animals and when you herded animals you had a very different
reaction to transgressions than
someone who like say was a farmer because someone couldn't steal your farm yeah
but
they could steal your animals right so you you had to be violent in your
defense of your property yeah
because it could be gathered up by somebody else you had to constantly be
vigilant and you had to be very
wary of intruders because people did that all the time yeah when they come and
they would steal all your
sheep so when they came over to America they carried that ethic about conflict
there they were to the
death they would go to the death they would come for you and that's just the
way they lived like if
you stole from them they would kill you if you you you insulted them they would
kill you and they were all
living in the Appalachians wow so these folks were just like if you think about
that part of the world
like why is it so uniquely violent yeah well it's because those people yeah
yeah they emanated from
this population of people that grew up having to defend their animals it
completely makes sense what
are they like Scottish mostly that's a good question whoa I think they were
Irish and Scottish that which
also makes sense wild-ass drunks yeah constantly involved in fights a long
history of warfare yeah you know
those are wild people man wild right people you know you think about the people
that are there are the
descendants of people who've lived there thousands of years like that's what's
so crazy about Europe as
opposed to America you know if you're not a Native American tribes person who's
on your family's land
and it's been that land for hundreds of years you're fucking everyone's from
somewhere else yeah but
if you're living in Scotland there's a good chance that someone 400 years ago
from your family also
lived in Scotland right which is wild yeah to the point we were talking about
this the other day
when there when is there going to be like I don't know how this works but I
know that when they do a
genetic test they can find out some of your families from Eastern Europe you
have this percentage of
Eastern Europe genes this percentage of genes that appear from Asia they can do
that with like a 23 and
me right right at what point in time is there an American gene at what point in
time like how many
generations do we have to stay in this one spot or is it just such a constant
melting pot with people
constantly moving into here that it never will be like you know I'm saying like
is it is it possible
that people could say oh your ancestors came from America yeah is that even
possible that is funny
because I'll ask people in the audience like what's your ethnicity and they say
white and I just look at
them going like what the fuck is wrong with you and they'll be like a black
person sitting right next
to them and they'll be like white it's fucking great what's your ethnicity and
and so you can't white is
not an ethnicity right isn't it odd yeah it's kind of odd that Latino is an
ethnicity African-American
is an ethnicity yeah Asian is an ethnicity but that's not like being white like
if you say German is just white
right Irish is just white yeah well you would say probably Saxon or fuck would
say Saxon I'd be like get out of my office
tad tad with the whale belt and the shirt tucked in well my ancestry is Saxon
yeah get the fuck out of his office
right well mine I guess the Irish a lot of the Irish are Normans the Norman invasions
that were in like the 11th
century or something came over and so like Fitzsimmons the name Fitzsimmons
literally means bastard son of
any time you hear Fitz that means bastard son of so my originally it was
Simmons which was like where
wherever the Normans came from I guess that would be the Fran Fran French area
or north
and and so they would come in and they would do they would give a part they
would steal a parcel of
land from the Irish and they would say Simmons this is yours now now you're
Fitzsimmons wow yeah so I'm a
bastard wow remember Greg Fitzgerald no Dave Fitzgerald yeah that's right Dave
Fitzgerald was a good comic
Dave Fitzgerald was one of the first guys that ever saw that went straight from
the um Alcox Anonymous
program to stand up yeah AA for a lot of guys acted like as an open mic yeah
Dick Daugherty Dick Daugherty
got through comedy from AA yeah a lot of those guys did yeah the AA rooms
launched many career I would
name names but it's like literally the last thing you're supposed to do yeah
you're not supposed to do
that Dave used to talk about it on stage yeah yeah yeah he would talk about it
and also he's not with us
anymore yeah he was a funny guy yeah it was that was a bummer he used to get
standing o's as the
feature act how do you like to follow that fucking guy he was solid and he had
that voice yeah he was
very like great comedic timing really wrote hard was a real good writer yeah I
think it was a postal
worker wasn't he I don't remember cuz a lot of those Boston comics like they
had good civil service jobs
yeah and then they would do stand-up at night and they'd be driving up to Maine
with us on a Tuesday
night making 75 bucks and then they'd have to get up the next morning and and
do their real job well
the thing about Boston is like if you're a bum they make you feel like shit
yeah people up there work
yeah they fucking