Name: The Start of Sober October 4 and Bert's Health Improvements
Uploaded: 2022-10-07T19:14:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Start of Sober October 4 and Bert's Health Improvements' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Start of Sober October 4 and Bert's Health Improvements' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-07. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan Experience.
- I wanna go back, 'cause we glossed over,
then we came back, when we were in the green room,
you were talking about your blood pressure,
you were talking about your inflammation
and how good you feel just five days off of booze.
What a difference it's made.
- Yeah, I feel phenomenal.
My blood pressure dropped immediately
into perfect blood pressure.
Like, it's 140 over 90 if I'm partying hard,
and then two days after drinking, it's 120 over 70.
- Two days?
- Yeah, and my blood pressure drops.
I mean, my stomach, my stomach starts making noises,
like really aggressively.
- Didn't it inflame at first?
- Yeah, it super inflamed,
and then it just starts going,
hmm, hmm, hmm, like there's--
- Dude, that's pretty fucking good.
That's a good impression of whatever the fuck was happening.
I mean, that's another level.
- I was farting so aggressively the first day
not drinking, I was at the store,
and I was trying to have a conversation,
I know someone about disc golf,
and I had my ass in the main room towards the bathroom,
and I was ripping farts that were like just coming,
like all this, I think my inflammation's so bad,
it kind of blocks up my stomach,
and I was gassy as fucking shit.
- But I don't think you account for how much you,
like when you drink normal bird drinking,
which is a lot, you also eat crazy.
You eat crazy.
- I eat wild, I don't eat bad.
Last night, I grabbed those tacos and the bell pepper,
brought it home, and I went, I don't want this.
I gave it to John Manns and my assistant, Peter.
- That was an aggressive bullshit already.
- You wanna call him right now?
- I don't believe you.
- I don't believe you then.
- Wow, this is aggressive.
- But wait, so don't you think both had--
- Multiple homeless people said,
"Hey, are you eating that food?"
And you go, "Yeah, I took it to eat it."
- Yeah, I wanted to, but I got home and I went, hold on.
- So you were walking around and homeless people
were asking you for your food?
- Yeah, he had a to-go box.
- "Welcome to Austin, Joe."
- Where are you walking where homeless people
were asking you for your food?
- From the Vulcan.
- From the Vulcan.
- So you walked all the way to--
- No, no, I just walked outside the Vulcan,
and there was a plethora of homeless people going,
"Hey, can I get that food from you?"
- Is that a doggy bag?
Can I have it?
- Yeah, can I have it?
- Why didn't you just give him the food then?
- 'Cause I--
- You took it to eat it.
- Well, at first I took it 'cause I hadn't eaten all day.
- Right.
Then you brought it back and you decided not to eat it.
- I got home.
Here's one of the things that happened a little bit
when I got this full metabolic blood panel,
full comprehensive concierge doctor visit,
and the guy said,
we were talking about changing my lifestyle,
and there was a period of time, Tom knows this,
where I was throwing up while I slept
and breathing it into my lungs.
It's called aspirating.
And it was fucking,
it was giving me hardcore acid reflux.
- Acid reflux.
- And I went to the doctor and the doctor said,
"Listen man, this is gonna affect your career.
You're not gonna be able to talk."
I was losing my voice like crazy.
He goes, "You gotta stop eating before you go to bed."
And I stopped, entirely.
I stopped eating before I went to bed.
Because I saw direct reflection in my career,
I could do it.
And so this other doctor and he's like,
"You need to lose weight."
And he's like, "Here's why I think you can do that."
'Cause you did it with the eating before you went to bed,
so you can change your lifestyle.
It's possible.
So last night when I went home,
I brought the food, 'cause that's my impulse.
Set it down, called Manz and Peter.
They came up to my room, they ate it,
and I went, "I'll be throwing this up in my throat all fucking night."
All night, I won't sleep.
I won't feel rested.
I'll go into the podcast feeling like shit.
I didn't eat any of it.
I didn't eat any of it.
- Good for you.
- Yeah.
But, um...
- It's a great story.
- Do you want to call it bullshit?
- No, he just says the story sucked.
- No, no, I meant it's a tall tale.
So, I couldn't even tell you what was in the tacos.
Couldn't even tell you.
- Those tacos are good.
- That's CM Smokehouse.
- It's six days, we're six days in.
- Couldn't be in there.
- Have you already weighed differently?
- I lost like eight pounds.
- How's your tits and your arms?
Ari could barely hold the mic last night.
- Oh, I'm fine.
- I have to keep switching arms from the push-ups.
I can't hold a phone to my head for like two minutes.
I have to switch arms.
I'm dead. - I look amazing.
- Do you do?
- I'll show you a picture right now.
- Right now, I'm looking at you.
No, no, no.
Shirtless.
- What the fuck did you say?
- Shirtless.
- Shirtless?
- I took this picture.
- Yeah, I sent you a picture of me shirtless.
Shut the fuck up.
- Your picture was, I hope it was on a plane,
and it's unreal.
Like, I wanted to leak it.
- Yeah, I'm on testosterone.
Unlike the Liver King, I'll tell you the truth.
- The, be honest, be honest.
Is that a good picture?
- No.
I'll say no and I didn't even look at it.
Not bad, not bad, you got a good cock.
You got a good cock.
- My shoulders and chest though, not bad, right?
- Yeah, but your cock is a good, solid cock.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Especially limp.
- Yeah, thank you.
Well, I fluffed it.
I fluffed it.
- Did you fluff a little?
- I fluffed it.
I got it hard.
I walked by the mirror and I was like, I look good.
I was like, I'm gonna take a picture of something.
It's gonna look better.
- I'll fluff myself alone in a hotel room to walk by the mirror just to see
myself.
- Just to see your max potential?
- No, just to feel like, oh, that's normal.
- You ever put a rubber band around your dick and balls, like the whole thing?
- Sure, yeah.
- Yeah, just to keep it...
- All together.
- All together in a package and just fucking keep that blood in there?
- They used to have Speedos.
- Cock rings.
- They had cock rings in them that would shove your shit up front and you look
awesome.
- Jesus.
What the fuck was that?
- I think you almost are aspirated.
- Yeah.
- So you go to this concierge service, you get all this blood panel done.
- Yeah.
- And what is the guy, what kind of advice is he giving you?
- Well, first of all, he thought I was a liar.
Like when we sat down, he was like, much like Ari, he goes, "How much do you
drink?"
You're honest.
I tell him everything.
And he goes, "Don't work out."
And I said, "Excuse me?"
- What?
- He goes, "Do not work out.
"Hey, Jim.
I don't want you doing anything."
He goes, "You are high risk to literally have a stroke, a heart attack."
And I went, actually, and by the way, we did a quarter artery scans on my, on
my neck.
Did a calcium.
- EKG and everything.
- Everything.
Did everything.
And he's like, and we haven't gotten the results yet.
And I said, "I actually go to a cardiologist every six months.
I work out pretty fucking hard.
I'm not going to stop working out.
It's kind of my thing is I wake up, I party and then I wake up and then I work
out hard
as fuck.
I think I'm fine."
And trust me, the, what you're telling me, if you work out, you'll have a
stroke and you're
going to die.
- Actually probably cause, and he's probably telling you that cause most people
would.
- But is he telling you it's based on the volume of alcohol?
- Based on just a conversation and interview of like, how much do you drink?
- Yeah, cause my weight.
- Most people who would drink, like he drinks would not be active.
- And so I told him, I said, "Hey man, I'm not going to change anything.
I'll wait.
If you want to have that conversation when we get my blood work back and all my
tests,
that's fine.
But I said, I don't think you're going to find any blockage anywhere.
Cause I've already had all of these.
I'm already on medication.
I'm on blood thinners.
I think I'm going to be fine.
I'm going to continue to work out.
I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll scale it back a titch, but a titch, but like, I mean,
just usually
I go until like, I work out pretty fucking hard.
And so, yeah, I worked out with you on a gym, you get after it.
- And so blood work comes back like two days later, three days later.
And he's like, I don't know what to tell you.
He's like, I, none of it makes sense.
He's like, you have no blockage.
You have, from what you're telling me, either you're lying to me or he's got a
test for the
mantle gene.
- Well, I think you're, you're a very unusual specimen and Tom and I were
talking about this.
Like if you didn't drink and party and you just like worked out all the time, I
think
you'd be like a freak athlete.
I really do.
I really do.
I think if you were, I think you're one of those guys that if you just like
didn't party
at all and hit the gym and like trained your whole life, you'd, you'd be a
fucking freak.
I really think that.
- Yeah.
- I don't disagree.
- Yeah.
- I, I've, I really enjoy, I really enjoy working out.
- Yeah.
- I do enjoy it and I work out really hard.
Um, working out sober hard, I don't think I've ever worked out this hard sober
with direction.
- You work out, you get drunk and then work out?
- I have, yeah.
- Wow.
- He drinks wine on the treadmill.
- Oh yeah.
- It's my favorite thing in the world.
Have you ever done it?
It's so much fun.
- No one's done it.
- No one's done it.
- Oh, it's the fucking best.
- No.
- Oh, it's the best.
- I like to get high and work out though.
- Yeah.
- Oh my God.
I like to get really high, like so high I'm scared of life.
- High and shoot hoops is fun.
- High and high.
- High and play pool is the best.
- Just get high.
- You know where the ball's going.
Like you feel it more.
- High and poker, I see through people.
- Ooh.
- Ooh, that's interesting.
- Ooh, you see the lies.
- Yeah, I just go right, I just like, I know what everybody's holding.
It's great.
- Wow.
Edibles or smoking?
- Weed, weed.
And then every break you gotta run back to your car, smoke a bunch and come
back.
Get more power.
- Get more power.
- Yeah.
- But that's why I was saying edibles.
Would edibles give you the same result?
- I don't know.
It might be too crazy.
- Sir, it's your turn to play.
- Ooh.
I can't handle truth.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So, but getting high and lifting weights, man, you just fucking, you feel like
every fiber
of your muscles, like when you're doing chin-ups when you're high.
- Yeah.
- It's like, you feel like .
You feel it all.
You feel like all the fibers working together.
Like stretching when you're high.
- Stretching's good.
- Everything's like pop, pop, pop.
- So yoga would be dope.
- Oh, yoga's amazing high.
- I bet yoga high would be fucking hot.
- Yoga's amazing high.
- Yoga's amazing high.
Yeah.
Well, in India, a lot of the yogis, they smoke chillums.
They do hashish.
- Oh.
- And they do yoga.
- How about hot box yoga?
And just fill that room up with weed smoke.
- Yeah, like one of them smoke machines, like they have a bad disco.
- Yeah, just keep pumping it in.
- Dude, I know a guy with a hot yoga studio in his office.
- Yeah.
Me.
- That's what I was gonna say.
Let's do it.
- It's right here.
- Wait, you crank up the heat in there?
- No, I have a hot yoga studio in one of my, you didn't see it?
I didn't show it to you?
- Babe, I don't remember.
- It's in the South Wing.
- It's wild.
- Yeah, I have a hot yoga room.
- So you can turn it up to the whatever.
- Yeah, it's bigger than this room and it has its own heating system.
And so it's completely isolated from the rest of the gym.
So you can crank it up to 105, whatever the fuck you want.
You wanna get crazy, you can go 130.
- Fuck.
Thank you.