Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1907 - Protect Our Parks 6
Uploaded: 2022-12-07T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1907 - Protect Our Parks 6' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1907 - Protect Our Parks 6' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-07. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1907 - Protect Our Parks 6

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Stream by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Dude, I was telling somebody I used to do live streaming and you were like,
what was I doing?
Yeah, we used to do all the shows live streaming.
It was so dangerous.
Boys, we're back.
Are we on?
The band's back together.
Fresh from the club.
Suck it, Neil deGrasse, you big fat queef.
Imagine going from that to this.
Imagine going from a legit astrophysicist, head of the Hayden Planetarium, to
this podcast.
He's a sweet guy.
He's a great guy.
We talked about the James Webb Telescope and new capabilities and some pretty
wild shit.
Imagine caring.
What?
You don't care at all about space?
Well, it's a cute photo.
It's colorful.
No, it's just cool.
It's pretty cool.
It looks like Bejeweled, that video game.
Imagine if no one was paying attention to space, if everyone was like us.
I'm like, I hope everything up there is good.
Yeah, whatever that is.
I don't know what the fuck that shit is up there.
Just don't attack.
As long as there's no attacks, I'm fine.
Even the Native Americans, they would look at it and they would make shit out
of it, you know?
Yeah.
The Constellation.
Oh, yeah.
Everybody did.
All of them.
The Constellation.
It was pre-TV.
It was the first Connected to the Dots.
This is the show.
The Dots are so, like, weirdly connected, too.
How are you getting an Archer?
How's that an Archer?
Yeah, you see it.
You're like, you're drawing random lines in.
Yeah, you're just deciding.
Orion's belt.
Oh, there's a lion.
That's not a lion, you fucking idiot.
Well, it was like shitty porn.
Remember, you watched porn, it was scrambled.
You saw a tit every now and then.
You guys were whacking off the Constellations.
Oh, yeah.
Back in the day.
That looks like a tit.
Back in the day.
No doubt about it.
It's a bit rounded.
Do you remember when you'd stay in these shitty little hotels and they would
have, like,
you'd have to pay money, like, through a machine to watch porn?
Yeah.
There was some hotels.
I never saw that.
That you'd pay.
Ray Romano has a bit about it, because he was like, his porn wasn't working,
but he goes,
so you have to call downstairs, but he's like, I have a very recognizable voice.
And so he's like, hi, room 278.
I don't know how to do it.
That was Gilbert.
He did there.
Yeah.
It's a Ray Romano.
Hey.
Hey.
That's pretty good.
All right.
Not bad.
He's a sweet, sweet man.
He's the best.
He's a good dude, man.
He kind of, like, made his money and just said, just let me fucking fade back a
little bit.
I'll fade back a little bit.
Were you around for the vibrating bed with the quarter?
Yep.
Yeah.
I never saw that.
I thought that was a trope.
No, I never saw it.
I got on one of those ones just to feel it.
I put the quarter in by myself.
Just boom.
Yeah.
I got it as a kid.
My mom would put them in for us.
Yeah.
It was so fun.
Really?
It wasn't good.
I don't get it.
Michael J. Fox hated it.
It bounced them out.
Some places you would go and they would have the spinning bed.
What?
Of a circular bed and it spun.
That was like the honeymoon suite.
Wow.
Like in the 1970s.
There was a house that was for sale that, who had it?
Will Chamberlain?
Let's stay in one position and look at different walls.
I think Will Chamberlain had this fuckhouse that was for sale in the Hollywood
Hills.
And it was just like all decked out just for fucking.
Like you had a whole room with like mirrors and a circular bed.
Last thing I want is a mirror when I'm fucking.
Holy shit.
I took you out of it.
Agreed.
I don't want to catch a glimpse of yourself.
You're like, oh my God.
It looks insane.
When I'm on top of a woman, it looks fucking insane.
I know.
My back is too curved.
Yeah, this is Will Chamberlain's house.
Oh, that's fun.
Is that a waterbed?
Yeah, like a waterbed.
It's wall to wall bed.
Yeah, it's all bed.
That's amazing.
He was just banging.
I bet that's crunchy as shit though.
Oh, it's just.
If you got one of them black lights and ran it through that room, it would look
like a Jackson Pollock painting.
That's what I call Will Chamberlain.
Jizz everywhere.
Black light.
But, Lisa Ann said John Sally had the biggest dong she'd ever seen.
Well, look at the size of them.
Yeah.
But you never know.
It's gigantic.
John Sally's like, he's got to be close to seven feet tall, right?
6'9", 6'10".
Still tall, but.
Of course he's got a giant dick.
Yeah.
Even if he had an average dick for his size.
Yeah.
It's still big.
It would be gigantic.
I heard Shaq is very underwhelming.
Underwhelming.
What?
You see how that girl is with.
She's always up to his waist.
That's what I've heard.
How is that possible?
I know a lady.
His hands are as big as his table.
How is it possible?
I think he just looks.
You know a lady?
I know a lady.
That saw Shaq's dick.
Yes.
And she said.
In college.
Fine.
I don't know if this should be out there, but.
At LSU, he's still coming into his own.
I think.
And into her.
But I think you expect, you know, a fucking anaconda.
Yeah.
And then when it's just proportionate, you're like, meh.
But you also have to deal with a girl who, like, I fuck Shaq, he ain't shit.
That's true.
Yeah.
Lying.
Yeah.
Bragging.
They do that to me all the time.
Every one of them a negative review.
Yeah.
They're just trying to get at me.
Thank God there's no fuck yelp.
That would be bad.
Felp.
Felp.
They had a review for teachers, and I felt like they should always have to put
their grades
in before they review.
Yeah.
Rate my professor.
Yeah.
Like, oh, you don't like a D?
What did you get?
Oh, a D?
And you don't like him?
Hmm.
Uh-huh.
Strange.
We were talking yesterday about how hotels, you get in trouble for smoking, but
you can jizz
everywhere.
Yeah.
Isn't it a weird system?
Well, you don't get secondhand jizz.
That's why.
What are you kidding?
It's all over the drapes.
But it doesn't, like, get in your lungs?
Ah, well.
Yeah, next tenant.
See what I'm saying?
I hear you.
But what would you rather, a guy blow smoke in your face or jizz in your face?
Smoke.
Why do I have to choose?
Definitely smoke.
It's a tough choice.
But I'm saying, can we get both?
Aren't we here to party?
Why are you guys pausing?
It's definitely smoke.
It's smoke.
The answer is smoke.
It's certainly smoke.
Which guy, though?
Ah, John Sally.
John Stamos?
I'm taking it.
That's not a...
You take a hot one in the face?
Oh, from Stamos.
Stamos is your guy?
Oh, yeah, dude.
I'd switch in a second for Stamos.
You would trade lives with John Stamos?
No.
I would trade genders.
You would, you've got to be you.
You would switch genders?
Yeah.
Stamos would switch with you.
Well, in a lot of prisons, you can do that now.
That's true.
What a fun trick.
Who would not do it?
What dumb fucks in prison are not going to the...
Is that your guy?
Full head of hair.
He's like 70 years old now, too.
Yep.
Wow.
Looks great.
Yeah, he's a fucking hunk.
Is he married?
Yeah, married.
Kids.
Man, he's handsome.
Beautiful guy.
Beautiful man.
Hey, I got one.
Bring up that guy in White Lotus's dick from season two.
Take a little hit of that.
What was that about?
Don't be scared.
No, no, no, no.
Don't be scared.
Just a little puff.
Try not to be so scared.
Come get me later.
Try not to be so scared.
Why are you, man?
A little puffer.
Two hours in.
That's wonky.
Let me see how I'm doing.
If I'm slacking, I'm fired up.
345.
That's too heavy, dude.
Makes me half-time adjustments.
We've got a full five hours to go here, folks.
We'll see when the fun guy kicks in.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
We're all fun guys.
We are fun guys.
That was good, dude.
That was Mark Norman-like.
Hey, welcomed you.
Good special.
By the way, congratulations.
Thank you, everybody.
Congratulations again.
Your special's at 4.1 now?
4.5 million in four weeks.
That's incredible.
Great.
We can hang out with you again.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen a change?
Oh, you were full of love.
I've never seen a change in personality like this.
Well, you know what?
The pop when you got on stage last night was extraordinary.
Yes.
That's a lot of people having seen it.
Yeah.
And I guess enjoying it.
Well, all the people last night are comedy fans.
Right.
Right, so you got to assume those people have probably all seen it.
Not some of them.
The couple to the right.
The couple to the right.
We're like, we thought this was a bar.
No, you're full of shit, man.
You tried to pretend you didn't have a good set last night.
It was fine.
You had a great set.
It was good.
You just have high standards.
Last one was better.
No, those chicks to the right.
Chicks to the right.
They were tough.
They were nothing.
You couldn't look at them.
They were just like.
There's a chick to the right that just the whole show.
She looked like a lesbian in Scooby-Doo.
What's a lesbian in Scooby-Doo?
Velma.
Velma.
Velma.
Yeah.
Do you guys still concentrate on people in the audience that aren't laughing?
Of course.
You just notice them.
Everyone's having a good time except you.
Except you.
In one group just sitting there.
That's why it's good to go on stage high.
Throwing your own little head.
That's how we work.
One guy's not laughing and you're killing.
You focus on that guy.
Nick DePaul used to yell at people and they did that.
Fucked your problem.
Used to.
Look at this fucking guy.
Used to.
I'm sure he still does.
Look at these cunts over here.
But he could be killing.
What country are you from, you motherfucker?
He could be fucking killing and if one person wasn't paying attention, he'd be
so fucking mad.
Pick a fight.
Oh, yeah.
Do you hear about the story when a guy was on his phone?
It was flip phone days and he took the phone and put it in his Diet Coke.
Yeah.
Wow.
Ballsy.
You got to be able to fist fight if you do that.
Yeah, because that doesn't work after that.
It's not like an iPhone.
No.
Because iPhones weren't waterproof until like three years ago.
That's right.
I used to wet the bed.
I peed on a lot of roads.
Would you ruin a phone with your piss?
Oh, boy.
Nowadays, if it was in your pocket overnight, you definitely would ruin it.
Rice had no chance.
You used to be able to send your iPhone to a company and they would waterproof
it.
They would like dunk it.
They would dunk it or spray it in some kind of plastic and waterproof all the
stuff.
Yeah.
What was that shit again?
I don't know.
Chloroform or something?
It was like they froze him.
Carbon.
Some carbon freeze.
Carbonite.
Carbonite.
Yeah.
Maybe that was it.
Yeah.
And then they thawed him out for the sequel.
Yeah.
Turns out he's not dead.
Well, he wasn't, remember?
What's the guy Luke?
Yeah, Kylo Ren killed him.
What's Luke's thing?
He was in a Burt's movie.
Luke Skywalker.
Mark Norman?
Mark Hamill.
We're off.
We're off to a hot start again.
I missed it.
Did you have a stinker?
No.
Oh, okay.
No.
I was just shitting on Star Wars.
Yeah, Mark Hamill got in a crazy motorcycle accident between Empire Strikes
Back and Return
of the Jedi.
Was it a car accident or a motorcycle accident?
I think it was a motorcycle.
That's why his face is a little banged up.
Yeah.
Oh, interesting.
Pull it up.
I think it was a car accident, but yeah.
Oh, maybe it was a car.
Car accident.
Was it?
Yeah.
Ah, shit.
Yeah, he wrecked his face, right?
Oh, you look different.
Oh, he looked real bad.
Look at Leno.
He looks great.
Jay Leno taking pictures with nurse staff.
I could get a picture and you're like, I'm disformed.
How bad does it look?
How bad is Leno's scars?
He's fine.
He looks like an allergic reaction.
He's already on stage.
Yeah.
He was on stage at Comedy and Magic Club the other night.
Arsenio Hall tweeted about it.
I heard his set was fire.
Ah, I'll see myself out.
How old do you have to be where you can't say fire anymore?
Look at where he goes.
Oh, so he's got some like peeling skin.
Oh, I thought that was Dolezal.
So that's him in the hospital with the peeling skin.
The denim.
What is with the denim?
And he's got every pocket full.
You know why?
That's a guy who literally doesn't give a fuck what he looks like