Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1952 - Michael Malice
Uploaded: 2023-03-08T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1952 - Michael Malice' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1952 - Michael Malice' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-08. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1952 - Michael Malice

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
Hey, Michael Malice, how are you, my friend?
I am doing outstanding.
Always good to see you.
No one's ever said that to me before.
I love you. Come on, man, that's not true.
No one's ever said that either.
I think I've said it. I think I've said it. You know I love you.
What's in the box, man? What's in the box?
So, Alfred Hitchcock, great film director,
made this comment about the difference between surprise and suspense, right?
Yes.
So, surprise is a bomb goes off, there's five seconds of surprise,
people are like, okay, what happened?
Suspense is when the audience knows something that the characters don't.
So, you have Cary Grant drinking tea with his girlfriend,
and there's a bomb under the table,
and for ten minutes, they're just perfectly calm, and there's a bomb.
So, you are a lot nicer to your audience than I am,
which is probably why you're a lot more popular than I am.
So, can we wait like a five minutes before we show us in the box?
Sure, sure. We can wait an hour. I don't give a fuck.
Okay.
We have a fun surprise in the box.
We got all day.
This is from one of the many friends I've met here in Austin,
and every opportunity I have to talk about how much I love Austin,
I will absolutely fucking take.
I am so giddy to be here.
I'll tell you this story.
A couple of my friends just came to visit.
I've known them since high school, Andrea and Annette,
and they reminded me of this story that they had done
when they were in their 30s, old enough to know better.
So, there's a city in Ohio called Twinsburg.
Have you heard of this?
No.
So, Twinsburg every year has twin parades,
and you can go when you're twins and march in the parades
and hang out with other twins.
Andrea and Annette, who are unrelated and don't look alike at all,
decided, you know what we're going to do?
We're going to just go and pass off as identical twins,
even though you can go there as fraternal twins.
There may have been some fake birth certificates involved.
I can't say that for legal reasons.
Do you have to show birth certificates to get in the parade?
Well, if you're going to march as identical twins and register as them,
you have to show birth certificates.
Now, mind you, they could have gone for free,
but they decided to pay the money to go as identical twins.
So, they got the same haircuts, dressed the same.
They took part in medical research.
So, if you still have cancer, it's because of them.
And they ended up marching in the identical twin parade
with all the black people for some reason.
Okay.
So, it's just...
What does it have to do with the box?
It's just...
These are just friends of mine who are just here visiting Austin.
This box is...
What's in the box is made from some other people.
That I was friends here in Austin.
The point being, everyone's coming through here just week after week.
I want to give you an update.
Bridget Phetasy is closed in her house.
Yeah, she's a good friend of mine.
Yeah, and mine too.
Her husband, Jaron, is going to be staying with me in two weeks
while he checks out the updates.
So, it's...
Debra So is going to be here visiting in May.
Oh, is she really?
Yes.
She's escaped from Canada?
She's escaping from Canada.
And did they let her come over here?
And she'll be able to be here in May.
So, right now, you can't fly in unless you're vaccinated, correct?
I think America's the only country where that is the situation.
Protecting us, Michael.
Keeping us protected.
It's legal to come here if you have COVID, but not if you're not vaccinated.
Well, that makes sense.
Yeah, it's just absolutely crazy.
But May 11th, people will be able to come here and absolutely visit.
Thank God they're waiting until May because it's March.
They postponed it, too.
You need a couple of months.
Really, like, make sure you got it ready.
It was supposed to be April.
They postponed it until May.
So, I mean, are you not loving what's been happening with this city?
Yeah, I love the city.
I really do.
And it's thanks to you in large part, don't you think?
I don't know.
I mean, I'm very happy if anybody thinks that.
But it's just an amazing city.
It's just we're very lucky to be here.
It's really special.
It's very unusual.
I feel like we're in unprecedented times because this is the only time in
American history, to my knowledge,
where a red state is going to be a cultural center.
Because you remember, like, New York in the 70s, Paris in the 20s.
Obviously, Paris is another country.
But when you have all these different groups then diagramming together,
it becomes something bigger than the sum of its parts.
So, we've got the biohacker people here.
We've got the Bitcoin people here.
We've got the Whole Foods crowd, the Kuya crowd, your honor people.
You've got the podcasters.
You've got the comedians.
You know, it's just...
It's amazing.
It's a...
Musicians.
Oh, that's a music...
It's not even getting to the music...
Yeah, the music capital of the world.
Incredible.
The music here is incredible.
It's so good.
And it's so accessible.
Yeah, you can go out any night.
There's bars on 6th Street on any night that have amazing bands playing.
That's what we found out about Ellis Bullard.
What is that place called?
The White...
What?
The White Horse?
What's that bar called?
Sounds right.
I think it's the White Horse.
Cool little fucking bar.
Like, real cool, like, little fucking shitty pool table.
And there's like maybe 15, 20 people in there.
And there's this honky-tonk dude on stage.
And I'm like, this guy is fucking amazing.
His band's incredible.
I'm like, how good is this music?
And the thing I'm really happy about here, as opposed to New York or L.A., is
people are
appreciative of being here.
They're not too cool for school.
Right.
There's none of this, like, ugh.
You know, my friend Lux, she had this great line about if you are asked about
an app, just
say, oh, I was on that for a while.
It sucked.
So, like, you could just pass, you could pass at any party.
Oh, yeah, I tried that for a while.
It sucked.
But we don't have that here.
People are actually enthusiastic.
I think these are...
The comedy scene here is amazing.
The comedy scene here is insane.
I just saw Neil Hamburger a couple weeks ago.
Nice.
Got to see my favorite comedian.
He's funny, man.
That dude's very funny.
He's my absolute hero.
He opened up for Louis once.
I saw him at the Irvine Improv.
And I was like, dude, that guy's so good.
Did they get it?
Yeah.
Well, there's comedy fans there.
Okay.
You know, it's like, first of all, I think a good...
First of all, if he's opening up for Louis, he's going to be really funny.
Right.
Like, Louis has some oddball people open up for him.
Like, he had Jay London open up for him in L.A.
Do you know who Jay London is?
No.
Jay London is a guy I did my very first show with.
Like, on V...
I think it was, like, VH1 or something like that.
Or maybe...
Might not have even been that good of a network.
It was one of those, like, shitty stand-up spotlight-something shows.
And he was on Last Comic Standing.
And for a while, like, caught some heat.
He's a very eccentric guy.
Like, when I met him out here in L.A., I met him in New York, and then I saw
him out here
in L.A. in, like, 2000, 2001, around there.
And then when I met him, he was, like, selling stuff on the street.
Like, he was selling, like, after September 11th, he was selling, like,
American flags,
because everybody was putting American flags in their car, like the suction cup
ones.
Yeah.
So he's, like, this fucking strange sort of character, but he's really funny.
And he brings, like, his notes on stage, and he's always embarrassed about his
jokes, and he hides.
That's Jay.
Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
I've seen him.
You know, so, like, Louis has, like, these odd duck people open up for him.
And Jay's hilarious.
And he had Neil Hamburger open up for him.
So everybody who's a Louis fan is kind of knows.
If you're opening up for Louis, it's because he asked you to.
Yeah, one time I saw Neil, he was doing a residency, I think, at the satellite
in L.A.,
and there was this basic bitch on a date in front of me with her boyfriend.
And I told this story 20 times, and she turns to him, and she goes,
What is this?
And I'm like, that is the exact right reaction.
Well, if you don't know, you just think, oh, my God, what have I stumbled into,
you know?
But I'm surprised there, I mean, I love that kind of alt-comedy stuff.
I think it's just something that's just a little bit out there.
Kurt Metzger, who I'm buddies with.
I love Kurt.
He's open for Louis, too.
Yeah, he is.
He's amazing.
I just saw him here.
It's the funny thing is with these comedians, as you obviously know, is that it's
one thing when you're hanging out and someone's funny.
You go on stage, and it's a whole other level.
And he had this, I was watching him at the Creek in the Cave, and he just goes,
Yeah, so my back's been hurting me a lot recently, so we're going to be talking
about that for the next 20 minutes.
I'm like, why is that so fucking funny?
It's funny coming from him.
It's coming from him.
He's got a very unique sense of humor.
He's so smart, too.
He's like, oh, and he's a guy, you know, he grew up as a, I believe it was a Jehovah's
Witness, right?
Yeah, so he grew up in a religious cult, and he is, like, not buying it.
Like, whenever there's any kind of group think going on, any kind of, you're
like, oh, I know what this is.
I know what this is.
Get the fuck out of here with this.
He's the best at calling that.
He's so good at that, because I would imagine, I don't have that experience,
but I would imagine if you had that experience of growing up in a fucking
religious cult and then escaping, then to realize, like, oh, my God, these are
regular people.
Regular people get caught up in mind viruses.
Like, we always want to look at people in a cult and go, well, that would never
be me.
I'm too smart for that.
These fucking morons.
Why do they believe that guy?
We're all susceptible.
All of us are.
It's easier to train a smart dog than a dumb one, and especially the appeal of
the cult is you have this hidden arcane knowledge that the normies don't, and
this is going to feed into your sense of intelligence and self-importance.
It's like you're one of the ones in the know, and everyone else has blinders on.
And you can be really aggressive about enforcing your opinion, because you know
it's right.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, there's a thing that people are doing that they did during the pandemic,
and they do about any issue that's controversial, whether it's abortion or
whether it's guns or anything.
It's like the people, instead of, like, talking about it like these are the
pros and cons, this is what's going on, this is where I can understand why you
would think like this, this is why I think like that, and just try to work it
out.
It always becomes this, like, very vicious attack on your mental capacity, on
your thought process, your education.
You immediately, they want to classify you in some sort of a category where
they could dismiss you, whether it's sexist or racist or transphobic or
whatever.
Out group.
Throw you in an out group, and start screaming at you, and it's the most unproductive
way to communicate, and I think it's also a product of social media that we
need to be really careful about, because it's changing the way people interact
with each other.
Well, I think it's more a function of evolutionary psychology, because if I'm
low status and I have no opportunity to, you know, raise my rank in terms of
kind of, whatever, long-term mating, this gives me an excuse.
Now, I'm in a position to tell Joe Rogan, Mr. Podcaster celebrity, that I'm
better than him.
So, right away, without having to do any of the work building the audience, I'm
leapfrogging over you, because I understand drug protocols better than Joe, who
went to the veterinarian and just took 