Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1957 - Shane Gillis
Uploaded: 2023-03-17T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1957 - Shane Gillis' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1957 - Shane Gillis' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-17. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1957 - Shane Gillis

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Hey, what's up, Jay?
What's going on, baby?
Nothing, dude.
It's been fun, huh?
That was crazy.
Yeah, last night was fucking awesome.
That was...
I got allergies, dude.
Do you hear my voice?
Is that what's going on?
It's very scratchy, yeah.
Is that the, uh, yeah, there's a lot of, like, what is it, cedar?
Is this cedar time?
As soon as I got down here, I got crushed.
There's ragwood and cedar and there's a ragweed.
Ragweed.
Ragweed and cedar and a bunch of shit going on in this town.
I'm lucky I don't get it.
Really?
Yeah, I don't get allergies.
Oh, I get fucking destroyed, dude.
My family gets it, though.
I had to wear, during COVID, I got, like, a lake house,
like, right when it was starting.
It was, you know, it was March, April, so it was crazy.
I had to wear fucking ski goggles when we were out on the boat.
Dude, I was getting shit-faced wearing full ski.
I looked fucking crazy.
Just because the pollen and shit was fucking in your eyes?
Dude, my eyes were...
I was, they were shut.
I was like, is this a side effect of COVID?
Oh, no.
So, you know, it was the very beginning.
Oh, wow.
And that was back when every symptom was COVID.
So, I Googled it.
I was like, is pink eye COVID?
They're like, you know, we sampled 10 fucking Chinese guys.
Yes.
I was like, fuck.
I'm dying.
Yeah.
We were, like, scared to go to the grocery store.
Really?
Yeah, it was the very beginning.
So, I was in Key West when it started.
So, I was like, fuck it.
I'll just get Airbnbs and work my way back up to New York.
Really?
Yeah, it was awesome.
So, you were in, were you working in Key West?
Yeah.
We doing that little club?
Yeah.
I heard that club's great.
Perfect.
Yeah?
Yeah, it's a little, little room.
You just, and it's Key West.
What are those people like down there?
Those are, like, checked out, flip-flop wearing.
Wild, drunk ladies.
Like, you say dick.
They're like, weeeaaah.
Try to do one smart joke.
They're like, what?
What'd you just say?
They're not here to think.
They don't understand the nuance.
They're not here to drink margaritas.
Look at the George Washington bit.
I'm like, slavery.
They're like, yeah.
Oh, no.
That would be hell.
Would be hell.
Would be stuck around people that you could never have a smart conversation
with.
That would be hell.
Yeah.
You know, there's some people, like, you know, like, those people you have a,
you start a conversation,
you go, oh, this is, like, level two forever.
Yeah.
We're at level two forever.
We're never getting into level ten.
I hate when someone makes a point that you're like, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, when someone, yeah, they're like, here's what I've been thinking lately.
Oh, no.
And it's like, dude, yeah, I thought of that in eighth grade.
What are you talking about?
It's like, maybe God's not real.
It's like, yeah.
Yeah.
I confronted that in sixth grade.
It's just, the reality of people in their brains is just like the reality of
people in their eyesight,
and people in their hearing, and people in their height, and people in their
nose length.
Yeah.
It fucking varies wildly.
Speaking of nose length, did I show you my 23andMe?
Uh, you did.
That fucked me up last night.
We were at dinner, and I was like, dude, look at my 23andMe results.
You were like, yeah, you showed me yesterday.
You're really proud of that.
It's fucking weird.
And I was just like, fuck.
It is weird.
It's just 100% Irish.
Yeah.
It was, uh, yeah, it was, uh.
Fitzsimmons has that, too.
He's 100%.
100%.
He's all in.
I couldn't believe it.
If I look at you, it looks pretty, you look, yeah.
No, it's obvious.
Yeah.
It's a potato face.
It's a lot.
Got rid of the mustache, dude.
Now you can see I don't have lips.
I'm interested.
Why, what was the choice behind that?
I don't know.
It was gross.
Really?
My chin hairs were fucking disgusting.
Really?
Yeah.
You think?
Like, long, pubic.
Was it getting scraggly?
Yeah.
Do you wish he had the mustache still, though?
No.
It feels like you're kind of halfway growing it back.
If I go Jeff's mustache, it's rough looking.
You're a cop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I got the jowls.
You're a corrupt cop.
Yeah.
With, like, child porn on your computer.
Whoa.
Yeah.
If a guy, that look, that look, snake porn.
He showed me a fucking guy yesterday that's having sex with a snake.
I'm like, what?
Shout out to my friend Billy.
And then he, like, shows it to all of us while we're eating dinner.
And then the waiter kept walking by.
Yeah, he did that on purpose.
Yeah, that was, like, a bit.
100%.
Yeah.
Because it's like, he, like, lingered, and then when the phone came back out,
then he came
back in.
It wasn't, it was the busboy.
Which is a pretty funny rumor for him to have about you.
What, that my friend wants to watch people fuck snakes?
I waited on Joe Rogan and he's watching snake porn and eating snakes.
Yeah, he's going to blame me.
Yeah, definitely.
He's going to blame me for you.
Yeah, you're into snake porn.
He had this giant dude that's 100% Irish just watching guys fuck snakes.
Some guy with no lips just kept showing him fucking snake porn.
This guy looks like he should have a mustache, but he doesn't.
Yeah, as soon as I got done shaving, I was like, fuck.
That snake thing is wild.
Yeah, it was a tough one.
The guy was actually fucking, not, like, mouthfucking a snake, but fucking the
snake vagina.
Or whatever they have.
It was horrendous.
I know.
I probably shouldn't even be talking about it.
I had no idea that that could even be done.
The guy's out there testing limits.
Yeah.
It didn't seem like the snake was trying to get away.
I don't think.
Yeah, probably not.
It's a pretty big snake.
I feel like the snake could have got him if it wanted to.
The snake was down there, too.
Yeah.
It's head was also, yeah, whatever.
The snake was like, fuck, god damn.
The snake was kind of getting into it.
Yeah, it's a bad...
But we were talking about it.
It was like, how illegal is that?
Like, it's not like child porn illegal.
No.
But it's got its bestiality, which is, I don't think...
It is illegal.
But is it illegal federally?
Is it illegal to show your friends?
I don't know.
I mean, is it illegal everywhere?
Like, what are the rules for, like, fucking snakes?
I mean, fucking snakes.
I mean, who cares?
Who cares?
Chop their heads off.
No one gives a shit.
Like, if you find a snake outside, you can just chop its head off.
Yeah.
Nobody gets mad.
But if you kill a raccoon, people get pissed at you.
Yeah, but if you fuck a...
Well, since the 50s, it says that's been illegal.
To fuck snakes?
Any...
Specifically?
Any animal.
Any animal?
Unnatural carnal copulation.
Interesting.
That's a good law.
Un-natural carnal copulation.
It's a good law.
Hmm.
It's a funny way to dance around and just be like, what are you fucking snakes?
Well, now it says it's illegal in four states.
It's illegal in four states?
No, legal.
Oh, what states?
Well, it used to be legal in Washington State.
Hawaii, Wyoming.
Hawaii?
Mexico, West Virginia.
Hawaii, Wyoming, New Mexico, and West Virginia.
West Virginia is still getting after it.
It used to be Washington State up until that documentary Zoo.
Do you know about that documentary?
No.
There was a guy...
I'm new to the beastiality game.
There's a guy named...
They called him Mr. Hands.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
Mr. Hands got fucked to death by a horse.
Yeah, yeah.
So they made a documentary about it called Zoo.
And that documentary is pretty interesting.
And it got very popular.
This was like...
I want to say this is around the early 2000s, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And if you haven't seen it, you can just go Google Mr. Hands horse.
You'll find it somewhere.
Good Lord.
You'll find it somewhere.
It's a tough one to watch, dude.
It's tough.
When it gets in there...
You're like, how?
You're like, how?
Like, where is it going?
Also, where did you think?
What did you think was going to happen?
Well, he'd been fucked multiple times by that horse.
That was...
Oh, him and the horse.
That apparently, the video, was not the one that killed him.
It was another one that killed him.
That video was a successful...
That was a success.
Yeah.
It got done.
Yeah, they got a gun.
The horse just jizzes immediately, too.
Like, good God.
All right.
The best part is the guy...
We gotta stop.
The guy who guides the horse dick into his butt.
Yeah.
The guy goes, too much?
Yes.
When the guy makes the noise, like...
He's like, too much?
What the fuck do you think?
Is he a magician?
Like, how is he making that dick disappear in his body?
What a way to die.
There's not enough room in his body.
Oh, yeah.
Perforated his colon and just ruptured his innards and bled out from the inside.
And then, once they brought him to the hospital, the cops were like, hey, what
the fuck's going on?
I go, you know, stuff, like, playing around, I don't know.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
It's a tough one.
It's a tough way to go.
Yeah.
But also, like, there was hundreds of hours of footage.
It's pretty sad.
Thinking of, like, his mother, you know, she gave birth holding that...
Yes.
Just being like, someday this guy's gonna...
He's gonna die from getting fucked by a horse.
I bet she didn't think that.
No one.
No one saw this coming.
Someday he's gonna be the president.
Yeah, this guy's gonna be the president.
Instead, he's getting fucked fucked by a horse.
I think he was a software engineer or something.
Engineer worked for Boeing.
Yeah.
He worked for Boeing?
Yeah.
So he was a very smart guy who just had a strange kink.
Kinks are fucking weird.
Yeah, I don't have any.
I'm so lucky.
Yeah.
Can you imagine if you just, like, wanted to wear women's shoes and get fucked
in the butt?
Yeah.
Like, that's just your thing.
But you're straight.
I'm straight, but he's got this thing, you know?
Yeah, thank God I don't have...
Thank God.
Unless I probably do.
I just don't...
I'm not even trying.
Well, they say a lot of them, they're imprinted on your early adolescence.
Yeah.
Like, as your body is becoming sexual.
Nothing weird happened to me.
Luckily.
Thank God.
I dodged two molestation attempts.
Really?
Yeah, two.
What'd you dodge?
Well, I dodged one of them when I was...
I probably was, like, seven or eight years old.
That was the scare...
Well, they were both pretty scary.
But that was the scarier one, because I was at the library.
And I was by myself.
You know, I was a latchkey kid.
They just...
My parents just let me out of the house.
Which, you know, at the time was kind of normal.
In retrospect, like, thinking about it now, I couldn't imagine letting my seven-year-old
just fucking wander around.
Not just that, but walk to the public library, you know, in San Francisco.
And this guy, I was looking at...
You know, I was always into, like, horror movies and monster movies and shit.
And so I was reading these books in this...
They had a section of, like, you know, monster books.
Yeah.
And this guy came up to me.
And he goes, do you like monster books?
I go, yeah.
And he goes, oh, I have some monster books in my car.
You want to see them?
No.
Okay.
Like, I didn't know any better.
I was just fucking eight years old or whatever it was.
And as I'm leaving with this guy, the librarian starts screaming, Joseph, you
get away from that man.
You know, like, that man just got out of jail.
And she yells at him to get out of there.
And the guy runs away.
And I just started crying.
And I was like, whoa.
So I dodged that bullet.
And then another time, when I was 13.
When I was 13, we were hanging around this lake in Jamaica Plain.
It was this, like, Jamaica Pond was this place we would go and fish.
And there was another pond that was, like, this neighboring pond that was, like,
slightly smaller.
And this guy was always, like, running around the lake.
He was jogging.
And me and my friend Josh would be hanging out.
This guy would come over and talk to us.
You know, he seemed like a super normal guy.
He used to be a teacher.
