Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1973 - Joey Diaz
Uploaded: 2023-04-21T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1973 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1973 - Joey Diaz' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-21. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1973 - Joey Diaz

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Look at Jamie looking yoked, like a motherfucker, hitting balls across the
fucking desert.
Yeah, he's addicted to that golf.
I should see him out there with the simulator, just whop.
He told me he was out in the backyard.
Good for him, man.
Whop.
Whop.
You still won't hit a golf ball?
I've hit a couple golf balls.
I'm just not going to play golf.
Okay.
I'm scared.
Of what?
Get addicted to it.
They're all addicted.
Ron White, Tony Hinchcliffe, him, all these guys.
They just, they're addicted.
Look at him.
He's over there, Jones.
He's got the bug.
They go every day?
You guys go every day?
He's on the simulator every day.
They can't motherfucking can whack a golf ball.
It's like shooting jump shots, though.
You got to practice the jump shot.
Yeah, you got to practice the jump shot, yeah.
Tremendous.
Tremendous.
How long does it take you to do?
22 fucking years.
Jesus.
And then I hooked up with Erica Florentine, Jimmy's niece, and she put it all
together for me.
Nice.
I'm happy I did it and got it over with.
Nice.
I got all that shit off my fucking chest.
Joey Diaz is an author.
Look at this.
How about this?
It's great.
I've heard most of these stories, I'm sure.
But I don't know with you.
You know, with you, I always think I've heard all the fucking stories, and then
another one pops up.
If you really could, like, document everything you've been through in your life,
like, no one would believe it.
They don't believe it.
People still sometimes don't believe some of those stories.
Yeah, we're on.
Oh, good to see you.
The one thing that, writing it and reading it, I did the audio book.
Oh, nice.
I did the audio book.
How was that?
Good.
And everybody said, it's gonna suck, blah, blah, blah.
I go, give me three hours a day.
Give me a space in between.
And I'll go in there and just knock it off.
I knocked it off in two and a half weeks.
Nice.
But once I read it, like, you know, because it's been in your head for a long
time and shit.
Once I read it, I only got one thing out of this book.
I got my money's worth.
When they picked me for a life, I got my money's worth.
Whether it was good or bad, you know what I'm saying?
Whether it was good or bad, I got my money's worth out of this life.
If I get hit by a plane tonight, I'm good.
And that's what, seriously, that's what I came up with.
Adventures, fucking stories.
I was the biggest loser how many times I started over.
If you read that book, I must have started over 60 times.
You know, just move.
Pick up, move, and go to another town and rob them blind.
And then pick them up and go back.
I was like a fucking yo-yo, man.
Yeah.
I was very unsettled.
You were unsettled when I met you.
Very.
It was so funny because I remember I was talking to some guys the other night
in the green room
about when I met you.
I was like, I had come to L.A., and I was just so not used to actors.
I was so not used to those kind of people.
But I was so used to, like, comics and degenerate pool hall people.
And then I met you, and I was like, oh, I know you.
This is a combination.
Like, I knew you.
I knew you right away.
You and I became friends like that.
Quickly.
Like that.
I remember, like, there's so many people that got weirded out by you.
It was so funny when I bring you around, like, news radio.
Joey was building a football player back then, and you would go into the
fucking green room
where all the executives, and you were eating all the shrimp cocktail.
And they were scared to say anything because, like, that room was separated
from everybody
else's green room.
So they had their own thing where they'd go in there, and everything was catered
and beautiful
and champagne, and you just strolled in there and started eating shrimp
cocktail.
And they're like, who's this criminal-looking fellow who's eating our shrimp
cocktail?
Well, they had the table with the regular food, and I remember they had chili.
I'll never forget that.
They had the best chili in the world.
I was broke.
I was hungry.
And I must have ate ten bowls of it.
And then I looked over, and there's all these little white dudes with, you know,
ha, ha, ha,
you know, and I'm like, what the fuck?
And they had the jumbo shrimp and the thing.
So I walked right in there, right past them.
And I just started mingling with them.
Great show.
Great script.
Tremendous actor, Andy Dick.
And that was it.
And then they came to you, and you were dying to laugh.
And you're like, Joe, you can't.
They just, boom.
And then the time with the man show.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we had some times with that one.
I think the first, like, eight years, you were like, I don't know if I can
handle this guy.
What are you talking about?
I did my best.
Do you remember at Stand Up New York with Sussman when I went off on the owner?
Oh, yeah.
Do you remember that?
Oh, yeah.
During August.
It was like, for fear factor, we went in there.
And he's like, you're not going to get a spot tonight.
I go, I didn't ask for a fucking spot, you asshole.
He just looked at me and Sussman was like, what the fuck, Joey?
I didn't like that dude, so.
But no, at the beginning, I don't know that you were, like, shaking your head.
Like, this guy's not.
Yeah, but it made me comfortable.
I love being around you because you, I know people like you.
I understand you.
Like, I didn't understand actors.
It made me so uncomfortable because I never knew who they really were.
I never knew what they really thought.
They were never, like, present with you.
Not all of them, you know, but it was just, like, there was enough of them out
there that
were trying to make it in Hollywood and they were putting on a show for
everybody, everywhere
they went.
So you never really knew who they were.
You know, with you, I was like, right away, I was like, oh, I know guys like
you.
Like, right away.
It was rough those couple years because I would go to meetings and stuff and
people would go,
I don't know.
Yeah, you were rough.
You were rough.
Rough.
I was like, I don't know.
And then I remember I went to HBO.
Somebody got me a meeting at HBO, like, in 98.
And I had no success at all.
Like, I wasn't having any success at all, except for the comedy store.
And I went to that meeting and something, like, I went with, like, actors and
agents,
and you know how proper they are.
Yeah.
This is an idea about the future of this show.
And I could just take it for so long.
And I just went.
And I talked about growing up in a funeral parlor, picking up bodies, going to
fucking JFK
and bringing the bodies back and slinging them in the mouth.
The guy's body, the mouth would open on the body because my friend had a
funeral parlor.
And they were like, hold on one second.
This is stunning.
And I just started going off on them.
And they're like, we want to hear more.
Put these together in notes for me.
And I was like, OK.
And then after the new year, I gave them the notes.
And I was on fire.
Like, I didn't tell anybody about this.
Some guy hip-pocketed me and took me to a meeting.
And that was six feet under.
Oh.
So we were on.
Like, I was like, OK, OK.
And they were like, we don't know if this is going to work.
But then they turned me down.
They go, we like the idea, but funeral ideas haven't worked.
After this went on for like two months.
And then six months later, fucking six feet under came out.
Oh, they just took your idea.
I don't know.
I don't think they took my idea.
Listen, that happens all the time.
I thought they had it in development.
But my idea was completely different.
It was about two hoodlums who worked in a funeral parlor.
Right.
It wasn't about whatever that show turned out.
But I think the concept is just constantly handling dead people.
There's something about that that never was really covered before.
That's got to affect the way people see life.
I remember the first time I saw my grandfather was in an open casket.
And the first time I saw his body, I remember immediately, it was very
interesting.
Because one of the first things I felt was like, oh, he's not there.
You know, it's not just that someone's not alive anymore.
Like, he wasn't there.
That was when I started wondering, I wonder if a soul is a real thing.
I wonder what that is.
That concept of what is the force inside of someone that causes them to be
alive.
You sense it when you're around them.
Because the strange thing about dead bodies is not just that they're a human
body that's dead.
It's also there's no one there.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, you have a feeling that's very intangible.
There's a feeling when you're around a person.
Like, there's a person there.
And when the person's not there, it's like, oh, he's not there anymore.
There's no energy.
There's nothing coming from the body.
There's no nothing.
It's not as simple as the heart's not beating and the lungs aren't catching
oxygen.
It's something more.
It's like you feel it.
You know, I don't know if it's real.
And it's also, when you're looking at a body that's in an open casket, it's
been drenched in formaldehyde and covered in makeup.
It's very odd.
Very odd.
Now, they say that when you die, you lose how much pounds?
I don't think that's real.
21 grams?
Yeah, 21 grams.
That's a movie that that dude made.
Let's see if that, what was that based on?
That was based on some sort of a study.
But from what I understand, it's not real.
I don't think your soul would weigh anything.
Why would it have to weigh anything?
It's just a spirit.
Yeah.
It's just an energy.
Does electricity weigh anything?
You know?
You want me to tell you something, man?
I grew up going to a lot of wakes early in.
Yeah.
When you watch the Sopranos, they go to a wake every other week.
In Jersey, you're in a wake every other week.
I've been there three years.
I already could have gone to like 18 wakes.
I've been to maybe two or three of them.
But in three years, wakes are big.
But you look at the whole process of a wake.
I would never let my daughter go to a wake now until she's 18.
Just because the effects it did to me.
I don't remember my father's wake.
But I remember my friend's wakes from grammar school.
And I remember my mother's wakes.
And those three wakes fucked me up.
To the point where somebody else died when I was like a junior or a senior in
high school
and I didn't go to that wake.
Like I was like, I've had enough of wakes.
I don't think it's healthy.
I don't know.
For me, it wasn't.
I got exposed to it at a young age.
And it just wasn't healthy, man.
It fucked with me for a long time.
I watched The Exorcist.
It didn't fuck with me as much as those caskets fucked with me.
So when my buddy had the funeral parlor years later, I volunteered for the job.
Because I didn't want to have that creepiness between us.
And that eliminated.
I saw how he responded to it.
It was like an everyday thing.
It was like you lifting kettlebells.
Him picking up a dead body, putting them down.
You know, I saw how he...
You get numb.
You're numb to that.
Yeah.
That's the...
You know, but it's so weird how it's like the number one career to get into.
And nobody will get into.
Think about it.
It pays off the bat.
Like off the bat, if you go to school for the embalming school, whatever they
call it.
It's like a funeral director.
The whole thing, they cover everything.
It's like a year if you don't go to college.
A year.
A year to make a hundred and something thousand dollars.
Think about it.
That's not bad.
Yeah.
If you're willing to work with dead people.
If you're willing to work with dead people.
My friend's funeral parlor had a fireman that did the embalming.
So he would just come in and do the embalming.
You know, 400 of body, whatever.
I don't know what it's done during the embalming.
It's very sacred.
I know they break the spine.
They drain the blood.
They fill you with formaldehyde and shit.
But that whole process.
And then you go back and look at like the Aztecs.
And how they did.
The Chi