Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1990 - Bert Kreischer
Uploaded: 2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1990 - Bert Kreischer' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1990 - Bert Kreischer' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-25. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1990 - Bert Kreischer

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
I love you to death.
Brother, I love you way more than you'll ever love me, and you know that I told
you that last night.
That's a ridiculous thing to say to a person.
You changed my life immeasurably.
You changed mine too. We changed each other's lives.
We really did.
I just get too much credit.
It's all of us.
It's like we did it all together.
We all did it together.
Without good friends, nobody really succeeds because you don't appreciate it if
it's just you.
It doesn't seem fair.
It seems all fucked up.
I keep saying to people, you've got to surround yourselves with the motherfuckers.
If you're talking about your friends as if you're the top dog, then you're with
the wrong dudes.
Someone said to me, you're always talking like you're not a great comic that
your friends are so much better.
I go, they are.
Look at who my fucking friends are.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Like my friends, I surround myself by people that are way better than me.
And then I just listen.
I don't, I don't, I don't listen a lot, but.
We all rise up together.
It's the old expression that the rising tide raises all boats.
It really does.
It's just, it's good for everybody.
It's like you want killers running.
Like we got into this because we love comedy and now we're in it.
And when you're in it, it's so scary and it's so weird and it's so chaotic and,
and people
are comparing themselves to other people and it causes all this totally
unnecessary conflict.
Yeah.
And if you just remember why you got it in the first place, you got it in the
first
place because you love to watch it and then you did it and then you got selfish
and you
start thinking about yourself.
You started thinking about, I want to kill and I want to be better and I want
to be the
number one person.
Watching where other people are in their career.
How come I don't have a 30 minute, half hour special.
People get upset with people that they really don't have any conflict with in
real life,
but in their mind, they associate that person with something negative because
they feel bad when
they think about them because that person's more successful than them.
It makes them feel bad.
So they think that person's bad.
It's like a weird, selfish way of thinking about stuff.
And every comic used to have that back in the day.
Dice was talking about how every comic would fuck every comic over and they
would like do
something that would fuck up your set.
And he was talking about what he did on, on Dangerfield's a young comedian
special and
that someone else on the show wanted to wear a leather jacket.
The day of a biker jacket, like the same jacket that Dice wears.
Yeah.
And Rodney stopped it.
He put the kibosh on it.
But the comics would always do that kind of shit to each other.
It was like that when I started.
It's not like that.
It's way less like that now.
Like I feel like the amount of love I've gotten from comics these last couple
weeks promoting
the movie, the love I've gotten from them has like made me feel good.
Like I get really nice texts from people.
Even, I was telling you, I'm going to name drop it right away.
Chappelle was the fucking sweetest guy in the world.
He's the nicest guy of all time.
He was the sweetest guy.
He really is.
I wanted to meet that guy.
Joe, I wanted to meet him for so long.
Because he's my favorite.
He's like, out of all the comics when I moved to New York that I could watch,
like it was
Chappelle the way he did it.
It was like watching jazz, right?
Yeah.
And then Attell was like almost like watching the fucking fish or like the dead.
And you're like, it's not jazz.
I don't know what the fuck that is.
But it's totally different.
I don't understand it.
Yeah.
Hedberg was like that.
Those are the guys.
Geraldo.
Those were the.
Patrice.
Right.
But Chappelle was like the great white.
I told him that.
I said, you're like a great white shark.
Yeah.
You don't see.
Like you walk into a room and you're like, oh fuck.
Fuck.
And he goes, he was like, he was like, man, he was very nice.
He goes, you've always spoken very nice about me.
And I was like, yeah, that's how it works.
Like when you're a cool person, people talk good about you.
Yeah.
It should be how it works.
But, you know, you see people even talking shit about him.
I've seen people talk shit about him that are comics.
It's like, God damn it.
You know what it is?
You said it earlier.
It's transactional.
It's like they think that it's going to help put them over.
Yeah.
It's a weird thing that we all do.
Because social interaction is very much like a game sometimes.
There's like moves and then there's counter moves.
And there's like you're trying to like get a better position.
And it's like a little social wrestling match sometimes.
I've seen people do it.
Like when you're a room full of famous people,
there's a couple types of people.
There's people that work the room.
And then there's people like me who leave the room.
Because I go, I go, this is overwhelming me.
This is too weird.
This is too weird.
I'm going to get too drunk.
I'm going to say something fucked up.
It's too weird.
It's too weird.
I know.
It's like, it's like, god damn.
It's weird to be one.
It's weird to be around them.
You know?
Yeah.
It's like we've all known each other for so long that like we know each other.
Where it's like, you know, you meet someone and they're already famous.
It's like how much do they even let you in?
It seems like a weird life.
It's funny.
I remember when all the fucking Ivermectican shit was going on with you.
And Georgia was like sitting at the table.
And she's on her phone.
And she goes, oh my god.
Do you know this guy?
And I went, yeah.
She goes, really?
I said, you do too, dummy.
She goes, who is he?
I go, the guy with the chicken.
She goes, oh wait.
I like that guy.
I went, yeah.
You're looking at your phone like you feel like, and I think that's what
happens is like you look at like a celebrity or someone and you brand them with
the thing that you think on the outside.
I know I've been guilty of it.
I've talked shit about people before.
Just fucking around.
Just fucking around.
Because you just don't think they'll never hear it.
Right.
Like, you know, I'll give you a perfect one.
I used to say that I think I could beat up Stylebender.
If we were drinking, we had to drink the same amount of beers and then get in a
cage.
We each had to drink 12 beers and get in a cage.
And it was a joke.
It was a joke.
I was fucking around with Tommy.
I never thought I'd meet Stylebender.
I never thought that motherfucker rolls up to my show in New Zealand.
And first of all, he's way bigger than you think.
He's way bigger than you think.
And his hands are huge and they're soft.
And the first thing he does, Joe, is he grabs my arm to like dap me up and he
throws a knee.
And he grabs me by the back of the neck and goes, you still think you could
fuck me up?
And I'm like, I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God.
But you know what?
You know what?
That guy is the coolest motherfucker.
Like, the coolest.
I mean, he's one of my motherfuckers where I go, he treated everyone as if he
wasn't the middleweight champion of the world.
He treated him as if he was just some guy that was into comic books and into
anime.
And he met Jared Hess, the director of Napoleon Dynamite, was at my show.
And he geeked out.
He was like, oh, you did Napoleon Dynamite?
And Jared Hess is going, this is Israel Adesanya.
Like, holy shit.
And then, and then, Joe, and Izzy, I'm sorry if I tell you, I talk too much
sometimes.
We end up at a bar at like three in the fucking morning.
And he is, I'm faded.
I don't know if he was drinking too much at all.
I don't even know if he's drinking.
But we get pretty lit in a bar at three in the morning in New Zealand.
And he stands up and I stand up with him back to back, shirtless, both of us.
And we challenge everyone in the bar to a fist.
Oh, you have it.
Oh, this is.
What are you challenging everyone in the bar?
I'll kill every motherfucker in here.
You want it, man.
You want it?
You want it?
All the day.
All the day.
Who want it?
Say a word.
Say a word.
What are you doing?
You're challenging a bar to fight.
And this isn't another country?
Yeah, this isn't another country.
Jesus Christ, Bert.
We were fucking.
Dude, this motherfucker is the coolest guy in the fucking world.
He goes.
He literally is.
He stands up and he goes.
Who has that?
He's one of the coolest guys that's ever lived.
It's on his Twitter.
Oh, it's on his Twitter?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, shit.
Look at this.
He goes.
He stands up and he goes.
His first words out of his mouth.
I'll kill every motherfucker in the room for this man right here.
So then, you know, my shirt comes off.
I go.
I'll kill.
I thought we were doing a Steve Harvey bit.
You ever seen Steve Harvey talk about his wife?
No.
Oh, it'll make you cry because I know how much you love your wife.
His wife's name is Marjorie.
I thought Stylebender was doing a Steve Harvey bit because Steve Harvey has
this moment where
he's doing an award show and he hears a song and he goes, oh, I'm having me a
moment.
And he goes, that's our song.
And then, and then it's, and it's, it's a cool moment.
He goes, she's mine.
Oh, this is it.
This is it.
This will make you cry, man.
I mean, I get emotional watching this.
I just had a moment.
And that's me and my wife's song too.
I met her at 86, 87 when the song came out.
Then God gave her back to me in 2005.
I put her name on the back.
Man, you, you understand me.
I thought he was doing, I thought he was doing it because he goes, ask the Lord
about me.
I killed every motherfucker in here.
That's hilarious.
So you thought Stylebender was doing that?
Cause Leigh Ann sends me Steve Harvey clips and she had just sent him.
And I thought he must've seen the clip.
It must be going viral.
So I thought he was doing Stylebender.
So I go, I can't have a motherfucker in.
He's mine and I'm him.
We started going, I thought he was doing Steve Harvey.
And so, and then we start going table to table, Joe.
We go table to table, challenging motherfuckers.
Who wants it?
Look, these, look at these big dudes behind them.
These big Samoan guys.
We're like, who wants it?
Who wants it?
And then I end up.
Bro, this could have gone horribly wrong.
I was challenging the female tables.
Exclusively.
What if there was rugby players there or something?
He's the middleweight champion of the world.
I'm going to stand my fucking ground.
Oh my God, that's so dangerous.
We ended up buying the whole bar shots.
Oh, that's good.
Three times.
Whoa.
Filled them up.
Fuck, round them up.
Jesus, that must have been a drunk place.
It was.
And then he texted me the next morning, like, boom.
He's out.
He's out.
He didn't, I don't think he drinks it as much as I do.
And that dude, I'll tell you, I'm going to ride or die for him.
He was the nicest.
We sat and talked.
We just talked about, like, you know, something really important in life is
celebrating.
Like, celebrating victories, and I love the way he does that.
I really do.
When he has a victory, he goes on, like, a celebration tour, and I feel like
the universe then fucking is set right.
Like, Leanne has a phrase.
It's called, earn your Mondays, right?
So, like, I'm going to get emotional telling this because it's a cool fucking
thing.
It's earn your Mondays.
It means bust your ass all fucking weekend for us, comics.
All weekend, all weekend, and do so well, you earn your Monday.
You don't have to pick up the phone.
You don't have to do a fucking thing.
You can just fucking sit back in the cut and go, I earned my Monday.
Like, Amy Schumer's movie Trainwreck did really well, right?
It's opening week.
And that's when Leanne said it the first time.
She goes, man, she earned her Monday.
I said, what do you mean?
She goes, she did press for two weeks leading up to this.
She's been going theater to theater trying to help sell tic