Name: Joe Rogan Experience #1994 - Theo Von
Uploaded: 2023-06-06T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1994 - Theo Von' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #1994 - Theo Von' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-06. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #1994 - Theo Von

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Showing by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Theo Farm, Austin, Texas.
What a pop you got last night.
That was a lot of pressure.
That was a lot of pressure.
They went crazy.
One of the nice things about these shows that we do
is that no one knows who's going to be on them.
These Joe Rogan and Friends shows.
So it could be a surprise.
You were surprised last night.
Yeah.
And we got video of it.
Is it on the Mothergram Mothership Instagram?
That's actually a better name.
It should be the Mothergram.
Yeah, right?
Oh, yeah.
Look at this.
Do they have a pop?
All right, here we go.
Oh, yeah, I love that.
Keep everything going for the social media
all the way to the last row to the seat.
Theo Farm!
Bro, you got a standing O.
What's up?
That's crazy, dude.
You spent the first 30 seconds of your set high-fiving people.
Come on, son.
Look at this.
Look at this.
It was crazy.
Some dude threw some semen up at me, I think.
Real semen?
Like in that movie, Silence of the Lambs.
Yeah, I don't know if it was real or not.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe it was the guy locked in the cell.
Yeah, I batted it down.
I respected it.
But, yeah, dude, that was awesome, man.
Thank you.
Congrats.
My pleasure.
Congrats, because I remember last time I was here,
you just, we went and, you know, you walked me through
and you're like,
this is where the light's going to go when you go on.
Like, you had everything to it to.
How long ago was that?
That was last July.
Okay.
So, last July, there was,
that, we hadn't even raised the floors yet, right?
Y'all were just talking about it.
Yeah.
That was, that was before we lowered the ceiling
and raised the floors.
That was, so you got in when it looked like a movie theater.
It still looked like the old movie theater, right?
Yeah, I think you were just talking about
adjusting the floor heights and doing something like that.
Yeah, dude, it was awesome.
I mean, that was crazy.
That was probably, that was a highlight of my,
I mean, that was a highlight of my life, I think.
I think so, too.
Because you get to be a surprise.
Like, there's not as much surprises anymore in the world,
you know?
It's true.
So, to have a moment where you're like part of a surprise,
I think felt really good.
Yeah, that's, that's what it looked like.
Yeah.
So, that, so when you were there,
it was all rough and everything was,
you know, just beginning.
So, you were there in the early days.
It's weird to be in there now because,
I mean, I don't want to sound crazy,
but I feel like that place has always been there.
It's weird.
Like the club has always been there?
Yeah, the club.
It's like, it's, it's like it was waiting for us.
Like a Stephen King book.
For real.
Like that, that, that, I've never been in a building that felt more like it was
conscious.
The place feels conscious.
My daughter's into ghosts and shit.
And she has this, uh, this thing that she puts on, this, uh, this headphone
that's connected to some, some box and someone will ask questions and the, the
box will pick up like random signals and you're blindfolded and you listen to
this.
And so, uh, they, they do this to test places for ghosts.
And she says that place is haunted.
She said the club is?
Yeah.
Oh, I believe that.
I could see it being haunted probably.
She's also 12.
Well, I'm older than her, but I could, I would agree with her probably.
I mean, I could see there being, I will say this.
It felt like there was some kind of, um, it felt, I can understand when you say
like this feels like it should have been there over time in history.
Like it's already like was just supposed to land there, you know?
That's what it feels like.
It really does.
It was cool, man.
I walked into the green.
It was just crazy.
There's like that big snake is like in the, there's like a snake in the table.
Yeah.
And then they had Ron White is sitting there, you know?
And then, um, Tom Segura was in there.
Uh, Dave Attell was in there.
Louie Katz.
Um.
Crazy.
Ian.
I don't know Ian's last name, but it was, yeah, dude, it was awesome, man.
And just to see it come to fruition.
That was the, I think that's the thing that was really exciting.
It was like, wow.
Like if somebody thinks about something and they're really focused on it, that
they can make something real.
You can actually make something happen.
Yeah.
And I've never done that before.
This is the first time I've ever done that.
It was, it was, yeah, I think it was inspiring.
Probably in ways I don't even realize.
Because sometimes you get inspired and then it like just hits you later, you
know?
But, yeah.
But it was awesome, man.
Thank you.
It was cool.
My pleasure.
Yeah, you did.
I mean, you, yeah, you guys are making it happen.
Yeah, it's crazy.
It is.
Yeah, it's, but it, you know, I always kind of knew you could do something like
that, but doing it, actually doing it and actually watching it take place.
And doing it like relatively low stress.
It was relatively low stress.
Like it's, you know, except for a few issues that you have to deal with at the
club, it's not, not, not a big deal.
Yeah, you know, and y'all don't have food, right?
Yeah, that's a big one.
Oh, fuck food.
There's, yeah, all the condiments and all of that just stains everything and
gets on everything.
I feel like.
Not only that, you get roaches and all kinds of other shit.
Roaches love ketchup, I bet.
Do they?
Everybody loves ketchup.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like ketchup on hot dogs.
Oh, dude, I bet if you could really get it out of a roach, if you fucking tickled
him hard enough, he'd tell you he liked it.
I like relish.
Relish is my favorite.
Yeah, but we got food next door on both sides of us.
Yeah, they got everything.
Shitty Mexican food and shitty pizza.
Yeah.
Just what comics deserve, too.
We got some good pizza last night, though.
They got some good.
I'm not eating it, but Attell got something from some high-end pizza place.
Hoboken something pizza something.
He's the funniest man.
Yeah, they had a lot of ghost stuff.
Like I grew up in Louisiana, right?
So ghosts and stuff was a big part of the history, you know, especially in the
South.
You know, I think...
What do you think a ghost is?
A ghost?
Probably just some busy body that just didn't get all their stuff done.
Ooh, they were lazy when they were alive, so they'd hang around after life.
You know what it's like?
It's like those dudes who would hang around the high school after they already
graduated.
Yeah.
Like, what are you doing, loser?
Yeah, look at this ghost over here.
Yeah, look at this ghost.
Oh, they had a dude who would bring, like, who was always dating, like, an
underage chick,
and he'd come and, like, hand the McDonald's over the fence at our school.
Oh, God.
Oh, and everybody...
How old was he?
Oh, everybody thought he was damn Prince Charles.
Everybody thought he was, like, the luckiest guy in the world.
But, yeah, he was older.
He just, like, was an adult and...
Like, a 20-year-old adult or, like, a 30-year-old adult?
It gets exponentially creepier.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right?
Like, if you just graduated and you're 18 and your girlfriend is 17, that shit
is completely normal.
Yeah.
You know?
But if you're 19 and she's 17, people start to look a little sideways.
Huh, that extra 12 months makes a big difference.
If you're 20 and she's 17, people will get very upset with you.
Even in places where it's legal, where it is legal in a few places, which is
kind of weird.
Yeah.
And if you are 35 and she's 17, you can't be a comedian anymore.
I'll tell you that.
Are you sure?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Who knows?
I mean, who knows, Ralph?
Who knows?
I don't know.
But it's weird, like, what's legal versus what's okay.
Like, it really depends on men, right?
Because with men, like, if a 17-year-old boy, if some 40-year-old lady fucks a
17-year-old boy, I'm like, all right, dude, how was it?
Is she crazy?
What's going on?
If she's hot and he's not coerced and drugged, who cares?
But if a 40-year-old man is banging a 17-year-old girl, I get very upset.
Yep.
Isn't that interesting?
Mm-hmm.
It's a very different standard for men and women.
Well, now I think a lot of women can be, like, they can manipulate men, too.
Of course they can.
They've always been able to do that.
Right, but that never really kind of gets brought into context.
Like, a lot of older teacher women, they can manipulate a young fellow.
Oh, they're getting busted all the time.
They're always getting busted.
But they get this.
They get, don't do that again.
Hey, stop blowing kids.
That's what they get.
They get a little slap on the wrist.
They don't go to jail.
Do they go to jail for blowing kids?
No.
You think they don't?
No, I think they have, like, a little fucking trial and everything, and they go,
hey, get
out of here.
Yeah.
Just get, just go.
Crazy dick sucker.
Yeah, we're going to get you an Uber.
You need to go home.
Unless she's trying to get the 17-year-old to impregnate her.
Mm-hmm.
Then you need to go to jail, you freaky bitch.
Yeah, I think I'm...
You're going to win some 17-year-old's life.
With a kid, yeah.
Well, not just a kid.
A kid with you.
You know, he doesn't know what's going on.
He's just trying to bust a nut.
And then all of a sudden, he has the responsibility of raising a child, and you're
making him get
a job, and he's going to fucking pay bills, and ugh.
What about his future?
He's going to fail science.
I know that.
Why?
Just because he's not going to be able to do it all.
He's not going to be able to have the job, and get to school, and do it all,
and take care
of the kid.
I don't think a child, you know.
Well, good news is it takes nine months for the kid to come out.
So you have nine months of prep time.
Where you get your shit together.
Do a lot of men, you think, use that time to really grow up when that's that?
You think that's why God made it that long of a time period?
I do not think God had men in mind when he was doing that.
No.
If there is a God, I think they just wanted to make sure that the baby's a
complicated
organ, or complicated organism, rather.
Very complicated.
More complicated than any other child of any other animal that's ever been born.
Human babies are the weirdest.
Really?
Yeah, that's why they come out so vulnerable.
Every other animal comes out, and they can move around.
For the most part.
Although I did see a deer just a couple of days ago on my street.
I was going for a walk, and the mama, mama deer, bounced off a little, and I
saw this
little tiny, little tiny baby deer squatted down and laid down in the grass.
Because that's what they do when they're really, really young.
Because they can't run away from anything.
So their best strategy is to kind of blend in and hide.
That's why they have those white dots all over their body.
The white dots, like say if they're in grass, the white dots obscure their
shape.
So predators might not see.
And I think there's something about their smell.
Google that.
We have, we finally have internet again.
Google, uh, what is the smell of newborn fawns?
Because I think there's like some strategy that nature has with their smell.
Mmm.
Yeah, the baby deer has no scent.
So predators that may depend on their sense of smell have difficulty finding
the young deer.
The mother, always close at hand, tends to circle back towards where her baby
lies to get the attention of the predator.
Yeah, that's what they did with us.
So the, oh, they're like that, they're like that.
Oh, it's false.
It says it's false.
Oh, this one's, where the fuck is the first one from?
The Henderson State University.
What a shit fucking university.
No, go to the top.
Is that where it's from?
Yeah.
That's it.
What a fucking, hey, I got my fucking degree from Henderson.
Dan Henderson.
He's the principal.
I asked him what baby deer smell like.
He goes, what are you, a fucking douchebag smelling deers?
This is false.
Oh, fucking pop-up for a fucking outdoor tactical backpack.
This is false.
Their unique