Name: Joe Rogan Experience #2011 - Tony Woods
Uploaded: 2023-07-20T00:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2011 - Tony Woods' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2011 - Tony Woods' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-20. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #2011 - Tony Woods

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Tony Woods, what's happening, baby?
What's happening with you, Joe?
Good to see you, my friend.
Man, I'm glad you had me back.
I'm glad you came back.
It was good seeing you last night.
Because I was like, somebody said, hey, Joe got a new club.
I was like, dude, and I just sent you a text like, hey, man, let me do your
comedy club.
And you hit me back, okay.
I'm like, all right, what's up?
Yeah, I'm excited.
This weekend.
Yes.
That's going to be fun.
It is, man.
You're going to love it.
Yeah, well, you done put the village right down here in Texas, man.
Like back in the day when they had the comedy club here, go to Boston
comedy club, go to Salico, all of that.
That's how it is.
It's just bouncing around.
Yeah, we got five clubs on one street.
Bang.
But you got the Madison Square Garden.
You got the mothership.
Yeah, you got the mothership.
I said to somebody, I said, I'm going to Austin to do the mothership.
He says, wow, that's going to be a long flight.
You flying through Boston to go to Africa?
I'm like, no.
What?
I said, Africa is the mother country.
The mothership.
And then I broke it down.
I'm like, yeah, mothership.
You know, like George Clinton and the parliament and all that.
And he was like, I've never heard that.
Hmm.
Well, it's new.
Yeah.
It's dope, though, man.
Thank you.
Yeah, we've been open four months now.
It's been wild.
Yeah.
And it's like, I see it's a line all the time.
Other comedians have sent me pictures of people lined up like they're going to
see Star Wars the first time.
Well, it's hard to get tickets when people get amped up about it.
It's really nice.
Yeah.
I like it.
The green room is dope, too.
Yeah, we set it up.
I mean, we basically set up everything to make it perfect for stand-up.
Yeah.
You know, just perfect for the comics, perfect for the staff.
I've been in clubs, and they go, yeah, we put our heart and soul into this.
I'm like, you guys do comedy?
No, we don't do comedy, but this is our new club.
I'm like, this is clubs.
You don't want to say it.
You didn't know what you're doing.
Yeah.
I went to this one club, and they had this, the stage, the ceiling is like that,
so it sounds like you're in a gymnasium.
It's like that, and the bar is right there, and just...
People ordering drinks while the show's going on.
People ordering drinks, then they got like a tear up here.
It's more like a dance club.
It looks like, yeah, like bandstand, American bandstand or something.
It'd be dope as a club.
Well, there's not a lot of clubs that are designed by comedians.
Where the comic comes in and says, you know, we need to fix this, we need to do
that.
We had Louie come in, too.
That helped a lot.
Louie gave me some real good advice, real good tips.
I listened to everything he said.
I said, let's do this.
Okay, I'll do that.
He's like, make the stage in the small room smaller.
Okay, how much smaller?
Four feet on each side.
Chopped it up.
It was like right before we poured the concrete, too, so they had to change the
rebar and all that jazz.
But it's perfect.
When you, like from the stage, I give advice on.
Like I might, you know, you poke fun at the club, you talk shit, and like the
owner's always like, you know how much money I put into this club?
I'm like, yeah.
You don't do stand-up, man.
You don't know what you're doing.
You don't know what you're doing.
And when I said it, people laughed.
So, but then sometimes you rip on a club because it's comfortable, and you rip
on it, and then they'll go and fix it.
Like, dude, what you doing?
Right.
Don't clean it up, man.
What are you doing?
Like the Punchline Atlanta.
Yeah.
Did you ever do that?
I did that one, yeah.
Yeah.
They cleaned it up.
They moved, but it was like one of those clubs, like the Ice House in Pasadena.
They fixed that up, too.
Apparently it's real nice.
But you would go to those places, and it's just like they had a feel.
They had that, those, like the wall in Zany's, where you see those headshots
from 1983.
Like, there's a cup in Baltimore.
It's a comedy factory.
My first five minutes was on how dusty the velvet curtain was.
But that was dope.
You come in, it's like, it's like, like that, yeah.
And then they cleaned it up, new thing, new this.
I'm like, ah.
I think I'm tired of the jokes.
Comedy is dirty, son.
Yeah, some comedy's dirty.
Yeah.
It's good.
Well, it's a painful thing.
I tell people, I say, the periodic chart, the symbol for comedy is a banana
peel.
That means somebody got to get hurt, man.
The crowd might laugh, but somebody's going to go, fuck you.
How many people have gotten fucked up over banana peels to the point where
banana peels became a thing?
Like, you just know.
If you leave a banana peel on the ground, people are getting fucked up.
It's like literally the only item where if it's on the, you could describe it,
and there was a banana peel on the ground.
You're like, oh, shit.
Boom, that's it.
Someone's getting fucked up by a banana peel.
Yeah, there we go, man.
100% of the time.
And then next thing you know, the ambulance guy is telling you, you got STD.
Well, that's what it sounded like when I hurt my back that time.
He said, you got a sciatica.
I'm like, oh, I knew she was dirty.
But sciatica sounds like something else.
I just threw that in there.
I see what you just did.
Yeah.
Worked a little comment.
I can't hear myself at all.
You don't like it?
No, like, yeah.
Is it too much?
We don't have to wear these.
You can take them off.
Yeah.
If you feel more comfortable, take them off.
I'm good.
I'm going to do it like that, man.
I'm going to do it like that, man.
Because I'm always the first one to feel something, like right now.
And you guys don't have it here, but we got the smoke and stuff.
And they say it's the smoke.
How bad is it?
It's real bad, man.
It's like this bad.
Why is it orange?
Has anybody tried to figure that out?
Because you know all the conspiracy theories, Jamie?
I know a guy.
Do you know the conspiracy theories?
Because apparently there was a bunch of chemicals that went missing.
I know a guy.
I know a guy who used to be the NBC doc.
You know what NBC is?
So at Camp Lejeune, the Marines have to go through a gas chamber.
Right.
And I'm a corpsman.
So you can only do it once a quarter.
But the good thing is you get a three-day weekend.
So I would volunteer to do it.
So I think I did it a couple of too many times.
Not a lot, but I would, okay, maybe once a month.
But, you know what I'm saying, those three-day weekends are good.
And I didn't care.
Because after a while, you kind of get used to it.
But when I smell that smoke, I'm like, I know what trees and leaves smell like,
man, when they burn it.
Just that's not hot.
It doesn't smell like that.
What does it smell like?
Chemicals.
NBC.
It's called Nuclear Biological Chemical Warfare.
And Marines, everybody in the military, you have to go through.
And you go in and you put your mask on.
You have to, you say, I'm Joe Rogan.
Because you have to be able, like, when the gas comes, you don't already have
your mask on.
You got to think fast, put it on.
And so as a corpsman, but you already got your mask on as a corpsman, but it's
still getting in there.
So for health reasons, you should do it once a quarter.
You were doing it once a month.
Once every other month, something like that.
Just for the three-day weekends.
Just for the three-day weekend, man.
Wow.
You don't understand.
I volunteered, because I had allergies real bad.
I volunteered to go up to Norfolk for these.
They would be up there for, like, a week.
And they give you shots and do this and do that and do this.
Yeah.
And I was talking to this guy one time who was in my unit.
I said, yeah, man, I went from 5'10", 6'1", in, like, a year.
He says, yeah, would you let them shoot you up with all that shit?
Who's they giving him?
But I got five days off, son.
He's a grown man.
He's a grown man.
They were just trying shit out on him.
I got five days off, dog.
I always thought they were doing that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know what they give people.
But haven't you ever heard?
There's always been stories about people giving people, like, crazy
experimental drugs.
Well, in the military, you just, you got your gear in your hand.
You just walk through, and there's a corpsman on both sides.
We just pop you.
Well, if I had a bunch of soldiers, especially, like, special operators, like
Navy SEALs, I would want them to be juiced up.
Yeah.
I would want that.
Everybody's juiced up.
I would want them to be on amphetamines.
I would want them to be on steroids.
We don't really, I didn't really know what we was on.
We just said, shit, we're taking shots today.
Hey, does my voice sound fucked up?
Does it sound like I'm lisping a little bit?
It does, right?
I don't know.
I have an Invisalign in.
I'm getting my teeth straightened out.
Can we see?
You can't really see.
Because it's, but, but this is the first day I've had it on.
Now that you said it, I can tell.
So my question is, do I try to work through this?
Because they say that eventually your tongue figures out how to talk.
I don't think you sound that different.
And it doesn't sound weird.
Well, I'm getting better at it.
But when I first started talking, because see, you can hear it right there.
First, you can't hear it.
It's like your tongue has to, even though it's the tiniest little amount of
plastic,
your tongue has to figure out where that is.
And then it has to kind of like pull back a little bit.
It's going to change your...
I'm not going to wear it on stage.
That would be fucked.
Impossible.
Because there'll be certain things that you say.
Yeah.
And a certain way you say them.
And then my nose goes, come on, say them like that.
Yeah.
So my lower teeth have always been crooked.
And shit gets stuck in them.
It's really hard to floss them.
And the dentist is like, listen, you don't have to wear braces.
You can just do this thing.
And it takes a long time.
It takes over a year.
I don't think you sound that different.
I do a little.
If you're a person who's easily annoyed, I apologize.
I'm going to figure this out.
You're good.
I'm going to figure this out.
I'm telling you, I got fucked up by ants.
So here's the fire.
Oh, okay.
There's the fire.
This is the last...
It's a map of the last day or so.
Or maybe it's in the forecast.
Now, the conspiracy theory is that there's a shit ton of toxic waste, toxic
chemicals, rather,
that went missing.
Remember those?
Yes.
Sort of, yeah.
And the conspiracy theory is they burn them.
And that's why the smoke is orange.
Where'd they burn them?
Up in Canada.
But it's definitely not trees burning.
It's not trees burning.
Well, the thing is...
And how is it going and coming?
But if...
The winds.
But the thing is, if you have a fire that's that big, for sure there's some
stuff around
the fire other than just trees.
Yeah.
For sure they're burning down buildings.
There's not a lot in Canada up there.
Is that true?
I believe...
I mean, I remember hearing that, like, most of the population lives near the
border.
I'd say it's somewhere that's a high percentage of it.
Where's Winnerpager?
It's supposed to be dead in the center somewhere.
Bro, those fucking Alberta people, those people that can live up in that cold
weather,
those are different people.
Yeah.
They like it.
They laugh at Detroit.
Yeah.
They're like, this isn't cold.
You think Michigan is cold?
Yeah.
Come on up to Alberta.
And everybody's just walking around with Levi's jacket.
Yeah.
But they make...
You get used to it.
Wear the right clothes.
You make the most of it.
It was very weird, that video, where they all started at the same time.
What's that?
Where all the fires start at, like, the exact same time it looked like.
A little weird.
Pretty weird.
Yeah.
And it was right after the balloon.
I heard the explanation to that was, like, lightning storms, which does happen.
What about the balloon th