Name: Python Cowboy Recounts Being Bitten by a 17 Foot Python
Uploaded: 2023-08-11T17:27:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Python Cowboy Recounts Being Bitten by a 17 Foot Python' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Python Cowboy Recounts Being Bitten by a 17 Foot Python' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-11. Transcript available.

the Joe Rogan experience I think I've been Florida man a few times add that to
my belt how did you get
involved in hunting pythons first of all can you bring that Python head up yeah
you see that Python
head I do to see so so this is he didn't look this is actually the one that bit
me that I almost bled
out in the middle of the Everglades caught by myself in the middle of the Everglades
and that
bit you yeah yeah and the snake 17 foot 7 inches 135 pounds and that's no eggs
inside of it no meal
inside of it that's solid snake muscle and at the time that's about what I
weighed so it was a fair
Everglades battle royale oh my god can I see it yeah absolutely now tell me the
scenario what happened
so um I was on this thing yeah look at all those teeth look at that it's insane
yeah and and that
head actually has shrunk substantially from the freeze drying process all critters
freeze-dried that for
me and uh you know it takes all the moisture out of it really really shrinks
down um so I was out
hunting the Everglades um I was actually out in my 14 foot john boat um by
myself and I was checking uh
spoil islands out there these islands were dug maybe a hundred years ago or
more um when they dug the
canal they were made a hundred years ago when they were digging the canal and
they've been up there you
You know uh gaining vegetation getting real nasty and a lot of these critters
come up on them to breed to feed and to nest
and um I was out there looking for you know a python like I normally do and I
came across her
um I knew immediately when I saw her that she was very large possibly the
largest python I've captured and
uh and I could only see the um the back half of her maybe like the back third
of her but I could tell she was
a monster my heart is pounding uh I'd be lying to you if I said it wasn't but
you know my main fear in a
situation like that is not that this snake's gonna kill me I'm confident in how
to handle these animals uh confident in in
my ability but I'm worried this thing's gonna get the best of me overpower me
and possibly I lose
it um it gets away into the swamp to eat more of our native wildlife coming
across an animal like this
even with the situation we're in in the Everglades is still a once in a
lifetime you know opportunity it
really is uh I've caught a number of them but I spend a lot of time out there
so I'm getting ready to
capture this this snake building myself up to it uh the safest way to go about
it is to find the head
grab the head with both my hands and keep her from coiling on me wrapping
around me uh I can't find
her head her head's buried in vegetation buried in in the maiden cane I just
can't see it and she's
working her way slowly off the island so I know I got to quickly do something I'm
afraid if I if I get
closer to her head I'm gonna spook her and she's gonna try to start moving away
I grab onto her tail
and this is kind of a bad situation to be in especially with all the thick
vegetation these
snakes can easily overpower you and will actually drag you out into the swamp
there's just no stopping it
it intertwines and all the weeds and just drags you so I know grabbing this
thing my goal is to piss it
off and get it to start striking at me where I can see that head and grab a
hold of that head
otherwise this thing's this thing's gone so I get a hold of it and it starts
dragging me it's pulling
me off the island so is it wrapped around you or no no no no it's it's
stretched out and you're hanging
on I'm hanging on to yeah it's it's the this thing's eating alligators eating
deer it's the biggest thing
out here it's not worried about nothing it's not scared of me you know what I
mean it's it's kind
of seeing what I'm doing so I got a hold of it and it's starting to are you
wearing gloves no how are you
able to really grab it if I had gloves on I wouldn't be able to grab it I need
my bare hands to be able
to work and and feel everything have the grip um gloves gloves will just get in
the way even something
with like a texture to it I don't want any of that okay I don't want any of
that they just get in the
way um so I got the snake dragging me out into the swamp uh you know losing
this battle I'm able to dig
my heels down into the limestone that I'm standing on the limestone island and
I'm able to to stop her
I'm not gaining on her but I got her stopped and we're kind of in this everglades
tug of war right
now and she starts to get pissed off she starts hissing she starts turning
around on me and this this is
what I want but I gotta not get bit you know what I mean um a snake this size
to my advantage they're
they're slower than a smaller snake they have a lot of body mass they're going
to tire out quickly
and uh her strikes aren't going to be lightning fast so she's striking at me I'm
dodging her strikes
every god everything's going good everything mayweather out there and yeah
doing a little duck and weave
everything's going good um normally when a strike when a snake strikes it's
going to strike out recoil back
get ready strike again recoil back that's how they strike that's how they get
that power they kind of
like recoil their body so it's it struck I dodged it it recoils back like a
third of the way and hits me
with this little sneak attack strike that I wasn't expecting this snake is
anywhere from 10 to 20 years
years or more old so it's been around the block it's a smart snake and um you
know snakes don't
normally do that I think she she kind of knew what she was doing she struck she
got me on my arm got an
artery got some veins coming off my artery and uh that that doesn't do it
justice at all um their their
teeth are all they're punctures so uh you know they're like needles so they
punctured down deep
but you can see that top one gets right into my main vein and the real bad one
was on the top of
my arm that you can't see where it's on this I think it's an artery I made it
wrong coming coming uh on the top of my arm and
I got very lucky uh normally when they bite they they latch on and she would
have latched on she would
have wrapped around me and you know I would have been in a very very bad
situation being out there by
myself thank the good lord I I had him on my side that day um she struck she
bit I was able to grab her
head and I don't know if it's how I pushed it forward and pulled her off or
what because all
their teeth are recurve like like fish hooks almost kind of got her right off
of me grabbed her head
pushed her off of me she didn't latch on she was trying to bite again maybe
maybe that she didn't
think she had a good bite and she was trying to re-grip but I got lucky now I
have her head I'm bit
I'm spraying blood all over the everglades but I I have her head so now now my
main thing is controlling
her without exerting myself too much because every time I'm I'm doing anything
I mean it's it's I've
never seen blood come out of my body like this you know really um my heart's
pounding adrenaline's going
and uh my main thing is just to stay calm I I don't think I'm necessarily going
to bleed to death
I mean the the amount of blood I'm seeing across my mind but but I really don't
think I'm going to
bleed to death I'm worried about blacking out from blood loss the heat exerting
myself what's
this snake going to do if I black out it's going to wrap around me it's going
to kill me a hundred percent
right um you know I don't think it'd necessarily be able to swallow me and eat
me maybe uh but it
could definitely kill me so I'm really trying to control my heart where heart
rate trying not to
exert myself um the snakes biting at me you know going nuts uh you can see the
video on my youtube of
where I'm just covered in blood and um I have a snake bag with me to put
whatever snake
I was planning on catching in the bag this snake is way too big for that bag so
I actually am able
to use that bag to tie off my arm and kind of do a little red you're holding it
down yeah why I got
the the head in one hand and I'm tourniqueting my arm I think it was like this
tourniqueting my arm
with with the other and got my arms sent shut you know kind of got the bleeding
under control
and I was able to kind of collect myself this snake is pretty much worn out at
this point she's cold
blooded so they gas out after about a 10 minute fight she's like a limp noodle
so I'm kind of just
laying on her catching my breath now I gotta get her back to my boat where I
can put a bullet in her head
because I don't just walk out around out there with a gun all these snakes I
catch alive put them in a bag
and it's just easier to not have a gun on me jesus and um why is it would be so
hard to have a gun right
there well I'm I'm literally crawling through cane and saw grass and it gets snagged
you can lose a gun
very easily and it's just it's in the way and 99.9 percent of the time I'm not
going to need one
especially me I'm the kind of guy where if I come across a 30-foot snake you
know which pythons don't
get that big let's say I come across a 30-foot snake something crazy I ain't
shooting it I'm
I want to catch it you know that's dude that's what I'm all about oh my god
this is this is you
after this thing bit you yeah this is right where I'm getting ready to try to
tourniquet my arm
holy shit man and you're filming this yeah I got my shoulder cam on and then I
put a gopro on the
ground this is wild and you know normally I don't always get great I mean I get
pretty good footage
with my cell phone my shoulder cam but like I was set up this day and I knew I
had my gopro running
when this thing bit me are you cinching up at the top of your arm above the
wound above the wound
above the wound yeah above the wound and uh you know to be honest with you the
the first thought
that went through my mind when that thing bit me and I have all these cameras
going and I see all this
blood is this video is definitely going viral just don't die it would really go
viral if you died yeah I'm
sure I would have yeah found gopro footage so now you have to carry this thing
out while you're holding
onto its head yeah well she really is like a limp noodle while while it's still
alive she really
is like a wimp noodle yeah she's gassed out she is done that's insane she is
done wow man yeah that's
that's man shit right there son
not a lot of human beings are capable of doing that and just keeping it
together it's creeping me out just
watching you hold on to that thing as you're walking through the the woods with
it what I think it is
more than anything and you know I hate to kind of take away from myself but it's
it's what we're
taught as kids you know we're taught to be fearful of snakes that they're this
evil dangerous thing
and I can't tell you I think that's why I've been so successful on social media
is these people they just freak out watching these snakes you know they can't
believe it and it's
they're not really that crazy they're really not I think you're just used to
them I think they're
really fucking crazy that's the reason why they're only in one state like this
look at the size of
that thing man that thing's enormous and they eat alligators oh yeah I think
bro I think they would
eat you I've rescued three alligators from pythons wow that's actually how I
started my social media is I
made the news went kind of viral for rescuing an alligator from a python I had
a guy out on a guided
hunt with me he uh recorded it videotaped it and it you know made the news and
uh a local clothing
brand flow grown in florida made my instagram made my social media and was like
dude you gotta start
using it you know we'll send you clothes and that's really how it all got
started that's crazy that's
how it got started that's amazing look at these things and I actually this was
the smallest of the
three I've rescued um it was the third one that we finally got on video because
I never I never used
to really record anything imagine how confused alligators must be like I
thought we were at the top
I we were at the top forever yeah oh yeah what happened yeah what the is going
on 2023 times are changing

Python Cowboy Recounts Being Bitten by a 17 Foot Python

the Joe Rogan experience I think I've been Florida man a few times add that to
my belt how did you get
involved in hunting pythons first of all can you bring that Python head up yeah
you see that Python
head I do to see so so this is he didn't look this is actually the one that bit
me that I almost bled
out in the middle of the Everglades caught by myself in the middle of the Everglades
and that
bit you yeah yeah and the snake 17 foot 7 inches 135 pounds and that's no eggs
inside of it no meal
inside of it that's solid snake muscle and at the time that's about what I
weighed so it was a fair
Everglades battle royale oh my god can I see it yeah absolutely now tell me the
scenario what happened
so um I was on this thing yeah look at all those teeth look at that it's insane
yeah and and that
head actually has shrunk substantially from the freeze drying process all critters
freeze-dried that for
me and uh you know it takes all the moisture out of it really really shrinks
down um so I was out
hunting the Everglades um I was actually out in my 14 foot john boat um by
myself and I was checking uh
spoil islands out there these islands were dug maybe a hundred years ago or
more um when they dug the
canal they were made a hundred years ago when they were digging the canal and
they've been up there you
You know uh gaining vegetation getting real nasty and a lot of these critters
come up on them to breed to feed and to nest
and um I was out there looking for you know a python like I normally do and I
came across her
um I knew immediately when I saw her that she was very large possibly the
largest python I've captured and
uh and I could only see the um the back half of her maybe like the back third
of her but I could tell she was
a monster my heart is pounding uh I'd be lying to you if I said it wasn't but
you know my main fear in a
situation like that is not that this snake's gonna kill me I'm confident in how
to handle these animals uh confident in in
my ability but I'm worried this thing's gonna get the best of me overpower me
and possibly I lose
it um it gets away into the swamp to eat more of our native wildlife coming
across an animal like this
even with the situation we're in in the Everglades is still a once in a
lifetime you know opportunity it
really is uh I've caught a number of them but I spend a lot of time out there
so I'm getting ready to
capture this this snake building myself up to it uh the safest way to go about
it is to find the head
grab the head with both my hands and keep her from coiling on me wrapping
around me uh I can't find
her head her head's buried in vegetation buried in in the maiden cane I just
can't see it and she's
working her way slowly off the island so I know I got to quickly do something I'm
afraid if I if I get
closer to her head I'm gonna spook her and she's gonna try to start moving away
I grab onto her tail
and this is kind of a bad situation to be in especially with all the thick
vegetation these
snakes can easily overpower you and will actually drag you out into the swamp
there's just no stopping it
it intertwines and all the weeds and just drags you so I know grabbing this
thing my goal is to piss it
off and get it to start striking at me where I can see that head and grab a
hold of that head
otherwise this thing's this thing's gone so I get a hold of it and it starts
dragging me it's pulling
me off the island so is it wrapped around you or no no no no it's it's
stretched out and you're hanging
on I'm hanging on to yeah it's it's the this thing's eating alligators eating
deer it's the biggest thing
out here it's not worried about nothing it's not scared of me you know what I
mean it's it's kind
of seeing what I'm doing so I got a hold of it and it's starting to are you
wearing gloves no how are you
able to really grab it if I had gloves on I wouldn't be able to grab it I need
my bare hands to be able
to work and and feel everything have the grip um gloves gloves will just get in
the way even something
with like a texture to it I don't want any of that okay I don't want any of
that they just get in the
way um so I got the snake dragging me out into the swamp uh you know losing
this battle I'm able to dig
my heels down into the limestone that I'm standing on the limestone island and
I'm able to to stop her
I'm not gaining on her but I got her stopped and we're kind of in this everglades
tug of war right
now and she starts to get pissed off she starts hissing she starts turning
around on me and this this is
what I want but I gotta not get bit you know what I mean um a snake this size
to my advantage they're
they're slower than a smaller snake they have a lot of body mass they're going
to tire out quickly
and uh her strikes aren't going to be lightning fast so she's striking at me I'm
dodging her strikes
every god everything's going good everything mayweather out there and yeah
doing a little duck and weave
everything's going good um normally when a strike when a snake strikes it's
going to strike out recoil back
get ready strike again recoil back that's how they strike that's how they get
that power they kind of
like recoil their body so it's it struck I dodged it it recoils back like a
third of the way and hits me
with this little sneak attack strike that I wasn't expecting this snake is
anywhere from 10 to 20 years
years or more old so it's been around the block it's a smart snake and um you
know snakes don't
normally do that I think she she kind of knew what she was doing she struck she
got me on my arm got an
artery got some veins coming off my artery and uh that that doesn't do it
justice at all um their their
teeth are all they're punctures so uh you know they're like needles so they
punctured down deep
but you can see that top one gets right into my main vein and the real bad one
was on the top of
my arm that you can't see where it's on this I think it's an artery I made it
wrong coming coming uh on the top of my arm and
I got very lucky uh normally when they bite they they latch on and she would
have latched on she would
have wrapped around me and you know I would have been in a very very bad
situation being out there by
myself thank the good lord I I had him on my side that day um she struck she
bit I was able to grab her
head and I don't know if it's how I pushed it forward and pulled her off or
what because all
their teeth are recurve like like fish hooks almost kind of got her right off
of me grabbed her head
pushed her off of me she didn't latch on she was trying to bite again maybe
maybe that she didn't
think she had a good bite and she was trying to re-grip but I got lucky now I
have her head I'm bit
I'm spraying blood all over the everglades but I I have her head so now now my
main thing is controlling
her without exerting myself too much because every time I'm I'm doing anything
I mean it's it's I've
never seen blood come out of my body like this you know really um my heart's
pounding adrenaline's going
and uh my main thing is just to stay calm I I don't think I'm necessarily going
to bleed to death
I mean the the amount of blood I'm seeing across my mind but but I really don't
think I'm going to
bleed to death I'm worried about blacking out from blood loss the heat exerting
myself what's
this snake going to do if I black out it's going to wrap around me it's going
to kill me a hundred percent
right um you know I don't think it'd necessarily be able to swallow me and eat
me maybe uh but it
could definitely kill me so I'm really trying to control my heart where heart
rate trying not to
exert myself um the snakes biting at me you know going nuts uh you can see the
video on my youtube of
where I'm just covered in blood and um I have a snake bag with me to put
whatever snake
I was planning on catching in the bag this snake is way too big for that bag so
I actually am able
to use that bag to tie off my arm and kind of do a little red you're holding it
down yeah why I got
the the head in one hand and I'm tourniqueting my arm I think it was like this
tourniqueting my arm
with with the other and got my arms sent shut you know kind of got the bleeding
under control
and I was able to kind of collect myself this snake is pretty much worn out at
this point she's cold
blooded so they gas out after about a 10 minute fight she's like a limp noodle
so I'm kind of just
laying on her catching my breath now I gotta get her back to my boat where I
can put a bullet in her head
because I don't just walk out around out there with a gun all these snakes I
catch alive put them in a bag
and it's just easier to not have a gun on me jesus and um why is it would be so
hard to have a gun right
there well I'm I'm literally crawling through cane and saw grass and it gets snagged
you can lose a gun
very easily and it's just it's in the way and 99.9 percent of the time I'm not
going to need one
especially me I'm the kind of guy where if I come across a 30-foot snake you
know which pythons don't
get that big let's say I come across a 30-foot snake something crazy I ain't
shooting it I'm
I want to catch it you know that's dude that's what I'm all about oh my god
this is this is you
after this thing bit you yeah this is right where I'm getting ready to try to
tourniquet my arm
holy shit man and you're filming this yeah I got my shoulder cam on and then I
put a gopro on the
ground this is wild and you know normally I don't always get great I mean I get
pretty good footage
with my cell phone my shoulder cam but like I was set up this day and I knew I
had my gopro running
when this thing bit me are you cinching up at the top of your arm above the
wound above the wound
above the wound yeah above the wound and uh you know to be honest with you the
the first thought
that went through my mind when that thing bit me and I have all these cameras
going and I see all this
blood is this video is definitely going viral just don't die it would really go
viral if you died yeah I'm
sure I would have yeah found gopro footage so now you have to carry this thing
out while you're holding
onto its head yeah well she really is like a limp noodle while while it's still
alive she really
is like a wimp noodle yeah she's gassed out she is done that's insane she is
done wow man yeah that's
that's man shit right there son
not a lot of human beings are capable of doing that and just keeping it
together it's creeping me out just
watching you hold on to that thing as you're walking through the the woods with
it what I think it is
more than anything and you know I hate to kind of take away from myself but it's
it's what we're
taught as kids you know we're taught to be fearful of snakes that they're this
evil dangerous thing
and I can't tell you I think that's why I've been so successful on social media
is these people they just freak out watching these snakes you know they can't
believe it and it's
they're not really that crazy they're really not I think you're just used to
them I think they're
really fucking crazy that's the reason why they're only in one state like this
look at the size of
that thing man that thing's enormous and they eat alligators oh yeah I think
bro I think they would
eat you I've rescued three alligators from pythons wow that's actually how I
started my social media is I
made the news went kind of viral for rescuing an alligator from a python I had
a guy out on a guided
hunt with me he uh recorded it videotaped it and it you know made the news and
uh a local clothing
brand flow grown in florida made my instagram made my social media and was like
dude you gotta start
using it you know we'll send you clothes and that's really how it all got
started that's crazy that's
how it got started that's amazing look at these things and I actually this was
the smallest of the
three I've rescued um it was the third one that we finally got on video because
I never I never used
to really record anything imagine how confused alligators must be like I
thought we were at the top
I we wer