Name: The Protect Our Parks Guys Watch Crocodile Encounters and Cat Fight Videos
Uploaded: 2023-12-13T20:07:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Protect Our Parks Guys Watch Crocodile Encounters and Cat Fight Videos' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Protect Our Parks Guys Watch Crocodile Encounters and Cat Fight Videos' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-13. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan Experience.
- Florida is, it's the craziest place.
- It's awesome.
- It's crazier than Texas.
- It's next level crazy.
- Yeah, it's crazier than Texas.
- When Texas falls, I will have to move to Florida.
- Simone's living in central Florida,
which is like not even a big city.
It's all weird, farmers and people moving slowly.
- Really?
Like Tampa?
- Like in between Tampa and Orlando.
In between.
- The move is to live in the Everglades if you can.
- Jeez. - That's the move.
- Those are wild people.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That's the move.
- Shooting panthers.
- If you have to move, if there's a way to live
as close to the Everglades as is legally possible,
that's where you should live.
You should live on top of the literal serpents
and dinosaurs that occupy the center of the dick of the country.
- Montana summer is nice.
- Montana gets too cold and you could die outside.
- And there's no one there.
- You manage the monsters.
- Least populated state.
- But if you want to have fun,
if you really want to have fun,
you got to be in mortal danger almost every day.
- What? New York?
- This is what you do.
- New York's a great time.
- Mortal danger almost every day.
This is what you do.
When all goes south, you get a place that's surrounded
by alligators and crocodiles.
- Fire mobs, dude.
Little boop.
- Giant pythons.
- But those gators end up in your pool and shit.
- And it's 114 degrees in the summer
and you think you might run out of water and die.
- Look at that.
- This is America.
- Hold on, have you guys watched this guy?
We've talked about this guy before.
- Which guy?
- This guy that Kim Condon brought up that I couldn't find.
- Fishing with Garrett, he's so good, dude.
- Mm.
- Calls him swamp puppies.
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we did.
We had a python cowboy on the podcast.
We talked about finding pythons in Florida.
- He's got dogs now.
- Sounds like a gay bar.
- And the dogs are trained.
- It does.
- Python Cowboy.
- It does.
- It does.
- Do you know who his nickname that is?
- Something awesome fucking gay porn star.
- Python Cowboy.
- Do you know who Python Cowboy's nickname is?
- Who?
- What?
- Michelle Bow.
- Oh shit.
- I should have seen it coming.
Big Mike.
- Not bad, not bad, not bad.
- Python Cowboy.
That's pretty good.
- There's something about Python, that's a great word.
Python.
Do you know there's a half a million of them estimated
in the Everglades?
- That's what that guy does.
- Garrett?
- Oh yeah.
- He goes around and grabs pythons.
- Really?
- There's a shitload of those dudes.
Shitload of those dudes.
- Pauls.
- They're shooting iguanas.
Iguanas are everywhere.
- Whoa.
- Florida is amazing.
- Shoot it, shoot it.
- By the way, they have a shoot on site order
for Nile crocodiles in the Everglades.
- Yeah, they're like deer.
- Nile crocodiles.
- There's too many.
- Apparently, no, no, it's mostly alligators,
but they've spotted African Nile crocodiles,
the ones that eat zebras.
- Ah, they're one of the neighborhoods.
- The ones that eat people.
- Yeah, they eat everything.
- The ones that eat people.
- They eat everything.
And they think there might be a breeding population
in the Everglades.
- There can't be.
- Whoa.
- There can't be.
- Wow.
- We gotta kill them.
- It's amazing.
- Africans.
- The same shit that happened with pythons
will happen with crocodiles if they get a breeding population.
- They're bringing AIDS.
- Then they'll start going and it's over.
- What they are is like Marshall, Marshall's an alligator.
A crocodile is my dog, Frank.
Do you remember Frank, the pit bull?
Frank, he was a psycho.
- Yeah.
- He was a dog.
- He'd growl at me and I'd be like, Joe, fucking get him out of here.
- He just like, he like had to run shit.
Like he had a, it was a weird thing.
He was a good dog, but he like, he had this overwhelming need to run shit.
- He never did anything.
He would just sit there and go.
- If he thought you were a pussy, he would fucking corner you.
- I was a pussy.
I'd be like, Joe, get him away from me.
- If he thought you were nervous, he would corner you.
He just didn't trust people in the house.
He was a, he was a crazy dog, but that's what a crocodile's like.
It's a totally different animal than an alligator.
There's a video of this tank filled with alligators and crocodiles and they
start feeding the
alligators and the crocodiles and the crocodiles just stomp on the alligators
and get to the
food.
They get to the food real quick.
- Joe's fired up.
- It's a totally different thing.
When you watch them, you go, oh, they, they evolved differently.
They evolved with lions.
They evolved with zebras and wildebeests and water buffalos and shit.
- And Nile crocodiles are like five times the size of a, they get huge.
- So watch this.
- Whoa.
- This dude's feeding them.
- Wow.
- Whoa.
- Bro.
- So the story is they put Moses' casket in that, a little basket with a baby
and threw it
in there.
- Get out of here.
- Get out of here.
- Oh my God.
He's gonna slap it on the head.
- Get out of here, motherfucker.
- This could need some car mix.
- Oh my God.
That's scary.
- All right.
Let's see where the shark is.
- Bro.
Those are all real live dinosaurs.
Real live ancient creatures that didn't need to evolve.
They had a good mixture of survival and numbers.
- Juice?
- What?
- I thought we were being racist.
All right.
I take it back.
- This is my favorite.
When this croc bites this other croc's leg off and the other one doesn't even
flinch and
then he swallows it.
Watch this.
Gulp.
Gulp.
- That's what's in the fucking Everglades.
- Hey, man.
- Some of those motherfuckers are in the Everglades.
They're spotted.
See if you can find that.
- It's a lot.
- I know we might have talked about this before, but if those things get to a
breeding population
and they just dominate the Everglades, it's not like an alligator where it's
okay to walk
across a golf course.
That thing will fuck you up.
It will chase you.
If it's hungry, it'll chase you.
- You ever hear "Real Talk" by R. Kelly?
- There's literally already a clip with 2.8 million views, Janelle Crocodiles
of Florida Joe
Rogan.
- I can't help myself.
- I'm fucking terrified of that.
If it's true.
- You know he's not scared of crocodiles.
- But don't Google that.
Google whether or not...
- Cats.
- We all know they were destroyed by py...
Oh, well, that's just caimans.
- Pull those videos up.
- There's a video about an alligator eating bandits.
- They'll fight alligators.
- Yeah, they slap them in the face.
- And it works.
- The Jaguars eat them.
But no, like a house cat versus an alligator, a house cat will still sit there
and be like...
- Yeah.
- Fuck you.
- Occasionally.
- Pull it up.
- Don't lose.
That's all they know how to do.
They don't know if this is dangerous.
Dogs are the best.
They bark at them, but they're like...
You're just sitting there.
And they come up to the shore and just go...
- One of my favorite things me and Soda ever joked about...
The first...
Right when me and Soda met, it was our favorite thing.
- This cat.
- Oh, here we go.
- This is a regular house cat.
- Fuck you, bitch.
- It worked.
- It worked.
- It worked.
- That's also a bitch-ass little alligator.
- Wow.
- There's some big ones.
- They do big ones.
- I was just fucking around.
- Look at this.
- That's so crazy.
Look at that monster.
- That's a cute cat.
- You're like, okay.
- Jesus Christ.
Imagine that looking at you.
Imagine you're naked and your dick is like two feet away from that thing.
How much fear would be going through your mind?
- And they're both like, what do we do here?
- Imagine you're on the shore.
- It's like, I want that chicken.
- Ari, I want you to picture this.
You're on the shore and you're just banging your wife.
And you didn't realize...
- Oh, yeah.
- ...that that thing was right there.
- You look over and you're like...
- Holy shit.
- Oh, they set that up quick.
- They put a bunch of food on the...
They set that up.
- They put a bunch of food down there.
- But the cat's not scared at all.
- No.
- Well, I want to go for the cat.
- Whoa.
- It does move towards...
- Look at that.
- Well, fuck you too then.
- Cats are too fast for that.
- They're very fast.
- I don't know.
- You see a cat...
- Cats jumping at cucumbers?
- Hold on, hold on.
- Oh, those are great.
- Those are great.
- Just put a cucumber down there.
- Hold on, they go nuts.
- One thing at a time.
- There's a cat...
Cats have like faster reflexes than snakes.
- Oh, yeah.
- So it's like...
- Those are great, yeah.
- When you're used to it, the cat like goes away and is like...
- But you know what my favorite videos are?
- It doesn't hurt.
- No.
- You know what my favorite videos of cats are?
It's crows influencing them to fight.
- Each other?
- Yeah, I've seen that.
- Really crows.
- Crows are so smart, dude.
- Fuck you.
- Crows are smart.
- Crows are smart like a kid.
- Yeah.
- They're smart like a human kid.
Like a six year old.
- What did he say?
- He called you a punk.
- No, they fuck with...
They tease...
- It comes over and like...
- Touches the tail.
- They tease one cat.
- Gets 'em both going.
- And they fly over and tease the other cat.
- Yeah.
- And the cats are opposite rooftops and they start meowing each other.
- Yeah.
- The crows are up in a wire going, "Look at these idiots."
- Yeah.
- It's pretty great.
- And then they fucking leap over and fight each other.
And the crow is watching and he follows them the entire time.
- Yeah.
- He like hops around.
- Oh, it's another one.
This is a different one.
- This is totally different.
- What's this?
- Crows like instigate cats, man.
- Really?
- Yeah.
So these two cats are facing off with each other.
The crow is like, "Fight pussy.
Come on, fight pussy."
- That's a racial war.
- And they get close enough so that they annoy the cat.
- Whoa.
- But this is like my...
See, look, they watch.
They're like, "Look at this shit.
This is amazing."
- Man, crows are going.
- Crows like it.
- Wow.
- It's like when people like watching people fight.
- Yeah.
- Like crows are enjoying this.
- This is like you and Cormier.
Like doing the commentary.
- Oh!
- It really is.
Look at this.
It's hilarious.
Crows are so fucking smart, man.
It fucks up this whole idea that the only way you could be smart is if you have
a big brain.
Crows fuck that up.
- Yeah.
- Because this is my favorite video.
This crow comes over and he just subtly fucks with his cat.
And then he flies over to the other side.
And he flies back and forth and he keeps fucking with these cats.
- Wow.
- He gets close enough to irritate them.
And he pecks at their asses and shit.
- What?
- Damn.
- Look, he gets behind him.
He gets behind him.
He fucks with him.
Look at him.
- Wow.
- There's not a chance these are the same two cats, is it?
- I mean, they look silly.
- No, no, no.
- It might be the same crow and cats.
- No, they fight.
- This guy knows about this.
- Imagine if he's just been doing this for weeks.
- It's a fucking Don King of cats.
- Yeah.
- Gross.
- Only in Mumbai.
- Look at this.
- They do look similar, don't they?
- Yeah.
- They fight the same way.
- Black cats look alike.
- They go down and they go off the fucking ground.
- Wow.
- The crow falls him down.
Look, the crow falls him down.
- Holy shit.
- He's still fuck with them.
- Get him, get him.
Get him, get him.
- He calls you a homo.
- It's Dana White.
- He's pecking at them while they're fighting.
- That's Herbie, dude.
He's watching.
- The stairs, look at this.
- Two Herbie's in one episode.
- Boom.
- These cats are getting after it.