Name: Joe Talks to Jim Breuer About People Fighting Monkeys
Uploaded: 2024-01-09T18:58:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Talks to Jim Breuer About People Fighting Monkeys' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Talks to Jim Breuer About People Fighting Monkeys' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-09. Transcript available.

The Joe Rogan Experience
And then you gotta figure out how to sneak up on animals and just launch these
fuckin'
Feather-covered darts of death
And it's one of the greatest technological advantages of hunting that humans
had ever created
They created the ability to kill something that's really far away
A good archer can shoot something with a traditional bow 40, 50, 60 yards away
And a chimp can never figure that out
But if they did, we'd be fucked
They would just storm cities just shooting people for fun
They would 100% shoot you for fun
I agree
Oh, by the way, they'd eat your babies
There's been a lot of documented cases of chimpanzees eating human babies
Stealing human babies and eating them
Really?
Oh yeah, baboons too
Baboons have stolen babies and eaten them
It's a real problem
You ever seen that video of this little kid wearing a diaper
And they're out in the street
And this fuckin' monkey
Oh, and the monkey tried to steal him
Tried to steal the baby
Yeah, tried to steal the baby
Yeah, this monkey pulls up in like a motor scooter
And
That's right
Yeah, and grabs the baby
Like in a little alleyway
And tries to drag it off
Yeah
You have to chase the monkey to get the baby back
I remember that
Yo
Yo, that's pretty sick
That's Planet of the Apes right there
Imagine if he had a gun
He just bang bang bang
He just bang bang bang
If that monkey had a gun
Well it's a little kid in front of his parents
Yeah, ragdolls it
Like it's nobody's business
Tries to drag it off
Wow
And it's moving pretty fast too, man
With something that's way bigger than him
And this guy's even
He is
And he's used to it
Because look at this guy
He's not even running
He's just like
What country are they in?
It kind of looks like the monkey's actually being yanked back on a
Oh
You're right
Oh, wait a minute
Wait a minute
Play that again
You're right
You're right
Oh my god, it's a stunt
Watch
Right here
He's barely got leverage to do that
Yeah
How's he moving so fast?
And knowing that one arm
That guy starts pointing at
Oh
Yeah, you're right
But where
So there would be someone behind him with a cable attached to him?
Yeah
Wow
That's crazy
If that's true
Is there a harness on that monkey?
Do you see a harness or anything?
Not really
Boy, it does look like something's pulling him
Around his neck right there
Around his neck you can see something
Boy, it does seem like something
His neck goes this way
Did you see that somewhere?
Or did you just see that right now?
I vaguely remembered seeing something about it
But like I'm just seeing it right now
I was like what?
Yeah, look at
Look at
How's it moving?
Where's it getting the leverage to move that way?
Yeah, you're right
Look, it's getting dragged
Yeah
Because otherwise, how would it have the leverage to move that fast?
Look at the line
You could
Oh, you could see it
Yes, you could see it
Oh my god, it is
It's a cable
Dude, I fell for that too
But maybe that's how monkeys steal babies
Maybe they use monkeys to steal kids
Oh
That's even scarier, dude
Wow
Maybe they've trained monkeys to steal kids
Maybe that's what it is
And then we just watched it
Wow
Nah, the guys were there
Well, yeah
Or they're showing everyone how to do it
This is how we do it here
Listen, that's totally possible
Which is gonna show you how you should do it
Well, can we agree that people steal kids?
Oh yeah, 100%
Okay
So if that's true
Dude, I almost
You want some coffee?
I think it almost happened to me
If people are so evil that they would steal kids, which is real
Thank you
Then you don't think they would train monkeys to help them?
What are you crazy?
Of course they would
That's terrifying
Not only did your kid get stolen, your kid get stolen by a monkey
What's this one, Jeremy?
I mean, I was looking for proof and I found a different video of almost the
same thing happening
A monkey stealing a baby
This one's not on a leash
Oh, see now
These people ran away
And they ran away from the kid
Oh my god
That's real right there
Why did they run away?
They ran away from that baby?
That's so crazy
Is he trying to humble him?
And then the mom came by and the mom got the baby back
Look at him, he ain't letting go
Oh my god, he didn't want to let go of the baby
Wait, pull it back with his kids
Oh my god, that's crazy
Wow
That's crazy
Maybe it was a bunch of kids
Wait, now watch
Oh, it is his little kids
It's still that boy
Run around
Run back, fella
Save that fucking baby, pussy
Yeah, that was your sister
Ew, ew
Don't show me that again
Alright, but isn't that society?
What do you think?
How do you think you'd do if a monkey was trying to steal a baby?
You think you'd fuck up a monkey?
Oh, dude, I'd go for him
I'd start kicking hard
I know he'd come after me though, but I wouldn't
I'd be in it too late
He might tear my ass apart, but
No, if it was a chimp, I don't know
No, you can never be a chimp
If it was a chimp, I'd do a lot of this
You'd have no chance to get a chimp
And then I'd lie
But I wonder how much chance you'd have against a monkey
I'd lie and say, hey man, I tried to help
It's just, I couldn't get in there
Look, I was looking at that monkey
I was like, what would my strategy be?
Well, play it back
Can you play it back?
Yeah, let me see that again
Yeah, let me see that again
I think I'd go straight forward
If I had a face
Try to kick him in the head
The monkey that's on the stairs
I think I'm punting that monkey
I think I'm going to let that monkey feel it
Yeah, I say kick him really hard in the head
Yeah, I'm going to shin
I'm going to shin that monkey
Kick him good, right in his head
Mm-hmm
I'm going to
Or in his gut
Bam!
I'm going to power kick that monkey into another dimension
Yeah
But I'm going to be ready for that thing to bite my dick
Like, that's not like a little thing
That 35 pound animal or whatever the fuck it is
Has insane power
And it's fearless
It's fearless
Of these
So you've got to, right there you've got to smash that monkey
Fearless
You've got to smash that monkey
You've got to really put the boots to him
And he also knows
You don't have the power to fight
Well, what you've got to do really is grab him
Do look at him!
You grab him by his back legs if you can
Or his tail
You grab him
First of all you kick him as hard as you can
But if you do get in a scramble with him
Yeah
You try to pile drive him into the ground
That's what you try to do
You try to smash him into the ground as hard as you can
Mmm
Like that might be your only way out
It's going to be hard to do
Because he's going to recognize what you're doing
He's probably going to be able to twist and turn
And stop a lot of the force
But if you could figure out a way to slam that monkey into the ground
Over and over again repeatedly
I think you'd break it eventually
But he'd be biting the fuck out of you
That's a tough task
I'd go for the tail
He would be biting the fuck out of you
He would be jumping for your face
But
You've got to beat the shit out of that monkey
What about the tail?
The tail
The thing is it's going to turn around and bite you
It's going to grab you
The way they can move
If you stop moving
They move so much better than us
So you have to accept that this little thing is probably as strong as you
See I'm cocky right now
I'm coughing
I'm going to twirl
I think those 35 pound monkeys are as strong as you and me
I'll double hand them
How strong is
What is that?
A rhesus monkey?
What kind of monkey is that?
I don't know
I think I'd get fucked up
I think I might be able to kill it
But I think I'm getting fucked up along the way
I'm getting clawed at
It's clawing at my eyes
It's trying to bite my face
I don't think it would get to your face though
That monkey I don't think it would get to Joe Rogan's face
I'm being honest with you
You could be shocked at how fast and how strong a monkey is
And if you don't fucking move accordingly
If you don't stop it while it's happening
If you allow it to get a grip on you
You might be really fucked
It might get your jugular
Like there's a video of this guy
There's this old man
And he's sitting there on the ground
And this monkey climbs on him
And he's like sort of accepting that this monkey is on him
And this monkey decides to scalp him
So this monkey just clamps down on his head
And peels an enormous slice of skin off this guy's head
What size monkey is this?
A small monkey
A monkey like that monkey
Like what we just saw?
Exactly like that monkey
So what I'm trying to say is
I think you're in your head
Yes
You see here this guy
Look at this guy
So this is the same kind of monkey right?
Okay
This guy's sitting there
And watch this monkey
Oh shit
Oh
Oh
Dude
It just bit him
And took a giant chunk of his head off
So that's what I'm saying
This is what you're dealing with
Oh damn
Yeah
You are not dealing with
Wait a minute
Yeah
That's his head bro
Just bit into his head
And took an enormous chunk of his scalp off
Yeah
And you just saw it
This is the thing
I think you need to reassess
Wait wait wait
Where you are with this monkey
Watch this
It just bites him
Dude it could do that to your face
It would grab your nose
And you wouldn't be able to get it off your nose
It would rip your fucking nose clean up
Why isn't his head bleeding?
His head's not bleeding
Because that's what happens dude
It bleeds out of the part where there's skin left
Jim Brewer
There's no skin
You're looking at skull
You're looking at skull
Come on
Jim
All the things that bleed are now gone
That's the stuff that bleeds skin
So all the skin that is bleeding
Is the skin that's around it
It's bleeding into the fucking cracks
Where his scalp's been removed to his head
That's real as fuck
Alright
Maybe that's a new
I'm thinking that monkey might fuck you up
I think you have to really reassess what you think a monkey is
You can't treat a monkey like it's a little person
That's a way more ferocious powerful thing
You're looking at it proportionately
Because we think we're pretty big in compared to that monkey
So we're stronger
But we're not
We're just bigger
Alright so when I go for this fight for 40 million dollars
You're gonna be my trainer
I'm not training you for you to get killed
You're gonna get killed
You need years and you need to get on steroids immediately
What is the monkey type that bite that guy's head off?
Cause I think that's the same kind of monkey
In this corner
We gotta get you on the full USADA protocol
I'm gonna call me cocky
Whatever USADA says you can't take
We're gonna put you on it
I'm gonna have a cape
With a big monkey head on it
You're gonna look like Vitor Belfort in his prime
Just all trapped
Fuckin' jacked
And here comes the monkey
And he still might get killed by that monkey
We might have to train you for a decade
Does the monkey come in on a leash?
No, no, the monkey's free
The monkey's running
You're in a circular room
Train for a decade?
I would have to train you for a decade
Hmm
A full decade
We have to just to give you a chance
Just a chance to live
Really?
Uh huh
Yeah, I think so
Alright
I think you're dealing with a totally different thing
I think you think of it like it's like a little person
But it's not
It's not
It's way stronger
It's way stronger than a person
I would way rather fight
A hundred and fifty pound man
Than a thirty five pound monkey
Have I found a man
You're talking about a well trained man
Fifty pounds less man than me
I like my odds way more than I like my odds against a fucking monkey
Look at that thing
Those are serious fangs
Dude, it's too strong
You don't understand how strong it is
You think it's little so it can't be as strong as you
But it's as strong as you
Man stoned to death by monkeys in India
Stoned to death
They threw rocks at him
They hit him on the head chest and legs
They beat him to death with rocks
I'm a good pitcher Joe
I bet you are
Look if you had a weapon
I like you
If you got something
You could really fucking crack it with a baseball bat
I like you
But the thing is man
If you don't and that thing bites you
You're fucked
You're taking me out
If you got shorts on
Good luck son
It's gonna rip a giant chunk of your thigh out
Well these old rules will have to hash out
There's no rules with chimps bro
There's no rules with monkeys
No I'm saying like
What am I allowed to wear?
Oh
Shorts
Am I allowed to wear a little armor
A helmet
I'd be dressed like a knight
Am I allowed to wear a helmet
I would be dressed like a knight
Yeah but is that fair?
If I'm gonna fight a monkey
Fuck fair
Are you on team person or team monkey?
What's fair?
No I want team
You don't have to be crazy to fight a monkey in a fair fight
No you're right
So what kind of weapon can I bring?
The monkey's gonna cheat
The monkey's gonna cheat
There's no fair
This is gonna be a dirty fight
It's okay if I bring a bat
I want a gun
No no gun
I want a bat
No absolutely
We're proving
A hockey stick
Proving something
We're proving something
Human beings have figured this out
Bang
Shut the fuck up
You're gonna get in a fucking arm wrestling match with a gorilla?
I win
No
Boom
Shut the fuck up
I figured that out
Okay
No that's fair enough
Yeah you don't wanna be fighting
But fair entertainment value
But it just shows how weak we are
In comparison to what we think
Even strong people
What is this?
A six month old girl was being breastfed in her mother's lap
In a courtyard room in her home in a small village in North India
A population approximately 5,000
A macaque entered the room through an open door
And apparently without provocation snatched the infant from her
The monkey then proceeded to leap from the terrace to Terrace Holdings
The infant
Whoa
While being pursued by local residences
Wow
Dropped it
Whoa
The monkey eventually dropped it
That's crazy
Oh
Bro
Bro
Yeah
I'm telling you man you don't wanna fuck with a monkey
Alright
I think
I think it would shock you
I had a chimp on news radio once
And I don't even think that
I think that scene got cut from the final episode
Cause it was something that had to do with animals
So we had animals
And so we had this chimp on set
And I did not have a scene with the chimp
But I was there
So I got to like hold on to the chimp
And like hang out with it
Maybe I did have a scene with it
I don't remember
Whatever it was
This chimp was a baby
In a diaper
And it was so strong dude
It was hitting my back
Just playing
You know just tapping me
And I was like whoa
Yeah
There was one on SNL
And I got to go in the room
Baby
Or him
And he kept saying
Don't let him
Don't let him nip at you
Don't let him nip
And he left me alone for like 30 seconds
Oh my god
And all I remember is the skull
The skull is really hard
It was like a
It was like a coconut
Bro
That thing
Was very powerful
Dude they don't feel
And they were babies like you said
Yeah it's a baby
But it doesn't feel like
You think a baby should feel like
It feels like a super athlete
Like when you touch their muscles
Even though they're a baby
They're so jacked
Yeah
Like you feel their little muscles
You're like holy fuck man
You saw the no hair one right?
Yeah
I mean that is
That's what it is
That's just pure
Yeah
Natural
And the no hair one that you see
Like that one
If you think about
The amount of muscle that thing has
It's probably like 180 pounds
You gotta multiply that times like four
And that's how strong it is in terms of people
Right
It's a different thing
Even though it looks so impressive
Like if it was a dude
If it was a dude that was
But you wouldn't fear it
But you would fear it
No what I'm saying is
Well you know what I mean
I would fear it
But what I'm saying is
You would go
That guy is fucking jacked
I bet he's strong
Yes
Well take what you think about a guy
That looks like that
And multiply it times four
And that's how strong a chimp is
I guess
That's what's scary
Yeah no that's frightening
Alright
Convince me
I'm not gonna fight the monkey
No one can fight a chimp
But a monkey
You might have a chance
If you're a bad motherfucker
You know
If you're a good kickboxer
Like Khalil Roundtree
He might fuck up a little monkey
WAP
You know
Get him with some leg kicks
Yeah I think
WAP
Yeah
If the monkey doesn't understand defense
WAP
WAP
As long as you can keep it from
Biting your face
As long as you can keep it from
Just getting a hold of you
And biting a chunk out of you
Yeah
Thank you.

Joe Talks to Jim Breuer About People Fighting Monkeys

The Joe Rogan Experience
And then you gotta figure out how to sneak up on animals and just launch these
fuckin'
Feather-covered darts of death
And it's one of the greatest technological advantages of hunting that humans
had ever created
They created the ability to kill something that's really far away
A good archer can shoot something with a traditional bow 40, 50, 60 yards away
And a chimp can never figure that out
But if they did, we'd be fucked
They would just storm cities just shooting people for fun
They would 100% shoot you for fun
I agree
Oh, by the way, they'd eat your babies
There's been a lot of documented cases of chimpanzees eating human babies
Stealing human babies and eating them
Really?
Oh yeah, baboons too
Baboons have stolen babies and eaten them
It's a real problem
You ever seen that video of this little kid wearing a diaper
And they're out in the street
And this fuckin' monkey
Oh, and the monkey tried to steal him
Tried to steal the baby
Yeah, tried to steal the baby
Yeah, this monkey pulls up in like a motor scooter
And
That's right
Yeah, and grabs the baby
Like in a little alleyway
And tries to drag it off
Yeah
You have to chase the monkey to get the baby back
I remember that
Yo
Yo, that's pretty sick
That's Planet of the Apes right there
Imagine if he had a gun
He just bang bang bang
He just bang bang bang
If that monkey had a gun
Well it's a little kid in front of his parents
Yeah, ragdolls it
Like it's nobody's business
Tries to drag it off
Wow
And it's moving pretty fast too, man
With something that's way bigger than him
And this guy's even
He is
And he's used to it
Because look at this guy
He's not even running
He's just like
What country are they in?
It kind of looks like the monkey's actually being yanked back on a
Oh
You're right
Oh, wait a minute
Wait a minute
Play that again
You're right
You're right
Oh my god, it's a stunt
Watch
Right here
He's barely got leverage to do that
Yeah
How's he moving so fast?
And knowing that one arm
That guy starts pointing at
Oh
Yeah, you're right
But where
So there would be someone behind him with a cable attached to him?
Yeah
Wow
That's crazy
If that's true
Is there a harness on that monkey?
Do you see a harness or anything?
Not really
Boy, it does look like something's pulling him
Around his neck right there
Around his neck you can see something
Boy, it does seem like something
His neck goes this way
Did you see that somewhere?
Or did you just see that right now?
I vaguely remembered seeing something about it
But like I'm just seeing it right now
I was like what?
Yeah, look at
Look at
How's it moving?
Where's it getting the leverage to move that way?
Yeah, you're right
Look, it's getting dragged
Yeah
Because otherwise, how would it have the leverage to move that fast?
Look at the line
You could
Oh, you could see it
Yes, you could see it
Oh my god, it is
It's a cable
Dude, I fell for that too
But maybe that's how monkeys steal babies
Maybe they use monkeys to steal kids
Oh
That's even scarier, dude
Wow
Maybe they've trained monkeys to steal kids
Maybe that's what it is
And then we just watched it
Wow
Nah, the guys were there
Well, yeah
Or they're showing everyone how to do it
This is how we do it here
Listen, that's totally possible
Which is gonna show you how you should do it
Well, can we agree that people steal kids?
Oh yeah, 100%
Okay
So if that's true
Dude, I almost
You want some coffee?
I think it almost happened to me
If people are so evil that they would steal kids, which is real
Thank you
Then you don't think they would train monkeys to help them?
What are you crazy?
Of course they would
That's terrifying
Not only did your kid get stolen, your kid get stolen by a monkey
What's this one, Jeremy?
I mean, I was looking for proof and I found a different video of almost the
same thing happening
A monkey stealing a baby
This one's not on a leash
Oh, see now
These people ran away
And they ran away from the kid
Oh my god
That's real right there
Why did they run away?
They ran away from that baby?
That's so crazy
Is he trying to humble him?
And then the mom came by and the mom got the baby back
Look at him, he ain't letting go
Oh my god, he didn't want to let go of the baby
Wait, pull it back with his kids
Oh my god, that's crazy
Wow
That's crazy
Maybe it was a bunch of kids
Wait, now watch
Oh, it is his little kids
It's still that boy
Run around
Run back, fella
Save that fucking baby, pussy
Yeah, that was your sister
Ew, ew
Don't show me that again
Alright, but isn't that society?
What do you think?
How do you think you'd do if a monkey was trying to steal a baby?
You think you'd fuck up a monkey?
Oh, dude, I'd go for him
I'd start kicking hard
I know he'd come after me though, but I wouldn't
I'd be in it too late
He might tear my ass apart, but
No, if it was a chimp, I don't know
No, you can never be a chimp
If it was a chimp, I'd do a lot of this
You'd have no chance to get a chimp
And then I'd lie
But I wonder how much chance you'd have against a monkey
I'd lie and say, hey man, I tried to help
It's just, I couldn't get in there
Look, I was looking at that monkey
I was like, what would my strategy be?
Well, play it back
Can you play it back?
Yeah, let me see that again
Yeah, let me see that again
I think I'd go straight forward
If I had a face
Try to kick him in the head
The monkey that's on the stairs
I think I'm punting that monkey
I think I'm going to let that monkey feel it
Yeah, I say kick him really hard in the head
Yeah, I'm going to shin
I'm going to shin that monkey
Kick him good, right in his head
Mm-hmm
I'm going to
Or in his gut
Bam!
I'm going to power kick that monkey into another dimension
Yeah
But I'm going to be ready for that thing to bite my dick
Like, that's not like a little thing
That 35 pound animal or whatever the fuck it is
Has insane power
And it's fearless
It's fearless
Of these
So you've got to, right there you've got to smash that monkey
Fearless
You've got to smash that monkey
You've got to really put the boots to him
And he also knows
You don't have the power to fight
Well, what you've got to do really is grab him
Do look at him!
You grab him by his back legs if you can
Or his tail
You grab him
First of all you kick him as hard as you can
But if you do get in a scramble with him
Yeah
You try to pile drive him into the ground
That's what you try to do
You try to smash him into the ground as hard as you can
Mmm
Like that might be your only way out
It's going to be hard to do
Because he's going to recognize what you're doing
He's probably going to be able to twist and turn
And stop a lot of the force
But if you could figure out a way to slam that monkey into the ground
Over and over again repeatedly
I think you'd break it eventually
But he'd be biting the fuck out of you
That's a tough task
I'd go for the tail
He would be biting the fuck out of you
He would be jumping for your face
But
You've got to beat the shit out of that monkey
What about the tail?
The tail
The thing is it's going to turn around and bite you
It's going to grab you
The way they can move
If you stop moving
They move so much better than us
So you have to accept that this little thing is probably as strong as you
See I'm cocky right now
I'm coughing
I'm going to twirl
I think those 35 pound monkeys are as strong as you and me
I'll double hand them
How strong is
What is that?
A rhesus monkey?
What kind of monkey is that?
I don't know
I think I'd get fucked up
I think I might be able to kill it
But I think I'm getting fucked up along the way
I'm getting clawed at
It's clawing at my eyes
It's trying to bite my face
I don't think it would get to your face though
That monkey I don't think it would get to Joe Rogan's face
I'm being honest with you
You could be shocked at how fast and how strong a monkey is
And if you don't fucking move accordingly
If you don't stop it while it's happening
If you allow it to get a grip on you
You might be really fucked
It might get your jugular
Like there's a video of this guy
There's this old man
And he's sitting there on the ground
And this monkey climbs on him
And he's like sort of accepting that this monkey is on him
And this monkey decides to scalp him
So this monkey just clamps down on his head
And peels an enormous slice of skin off this guy's head
What size monkey is this?
A small monkey
A monkey like that monkey
Like what we just saw?
Exactly like that monkey
So what I'm trying to say is
I think you're in your head
Yes
You see here this guy
Look at this guy
So this is the same kind of monkey right?
Okay
This guy's sitting there
And watch this monkey
Oh shit
Oh
Oh
Dude
It just bit him
And took a giant chunk of his head off
So that's what I'm saying
This is what you're dealing with
Oh damn
Yeah
You are not dealing with
Wait a minute
Yeah
That's his head bro
Just bit into his head
And took an enormous chunk of his scalp off
Yeah
And you just saw it
This is the thing
I think you need to reassess
Wait wait wait
Where you are with this monkey
Watch this
It just bites him
Dude it could do that to your face
It would grab your nose
And you wouldn't be able to get it off your nose
It would rip your fucking nose clean up
Why isn't his head bleeding?
His head's not bleeding
Because that's what happens dude
It bleeds out of the part where there's skin left
Jim Brewer
There's no skin
You're looking at skull
You're looking at skull
Come on
Jim
All the things that bleed are now gone
That's the stuff that bleeds skin
So all the skin that is bleeding
Is the skin that's around it
It's bleeding into the fucking cracks
Where his scalp's been removed to his head
That's real as fuck
Alright
Maybe that's a new
I'm thinking that monkey might fuck you up
I think you have to really reassess what you think a monkey is
You can't treat a monkey like it's a little person
That's a way more ferocious powerful thing
You're looking at it proportionately
Because we think we're pretty big in compared to that monkey
So we're stronger
But we're not
We're just bigger
Alright so when I go for this fight for 40 million dollars
You're gonna be my trainer
I'm not training you for you to get killed
You're gonna get killed
You need years and you need to get on steroids immediately
What is the monkey type that bite that guy's head off?
Cause I think that's the same kind of monkey
In this corner
We gotta get you on the full USADA protocol
I'm gonna call me cocky
Whatever USADA says you can't take
We're gonna put you on it
I'm gonna have a cape
With a big monkey head on it
You're gonna look like Vitor Belfort in his prime
Just all trapped
Fuckin' jacked
And here comes the monkey
And he still might get killed by that monkey
We might have to train you for a decade
Does the monkey come in on a leash?
No, no, the monkey's free
The monkey's running
You're in a circular room
Train for a decade?
I would have to train you for a decade
Hmm
A full decade
We have to just to give you a chance
Just a chance to live
Really?
Uh huh
Yeah, I think so
Alright
I think you're dealing with a totally different thing
I think you think of it like it's like a little person
But it's not
It's not
It's way stronger
It's way stronger than a person
I would way rather fight
A hundred and fifty pound man
Than a thirty five pound monkey
Have I found a man
You're talking about a well trained man
Fifty pounds less man than me
I like my odds way more than I like my odds against a fucking monkey
Look at that thing
Those are serious fangs
Dude, it's too strong
You don't understand how strong it is
You think it's little so it can't be as strong as you
But it's as strong as you
Man stoned to death by monkeys in India
Stoned to death
They threw rocks at him
They hit him on the head chest and legs
They beat him to death with rocks
I'm a good pitcher Joe
I bet you are
Look if you had a weapon
I like you
If you got something
You could really fucking crack it with a baseball bat
I like you
But the thing is man
If you don't and that thing bites you
You're fucked
You'r