Name: The Possible Future of Brain Implants and Thought Crimes
Uploaded: 2024-02-15T18:31:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Possible Future of Brain Implants and Thought Crimes' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Possible Future of Brain Implants and Thought Crimes' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-15. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan Experience.
- I have a lot of bad thoughts, Joe.
- Yeah, I bet you do.
I bet you do when you're on those morning shows.
Imagine if you could get arrested for your thoughts.
Like, 'cause I think some things that I would never do.
- You gotta erase your browser mind thoughts, too.
- Yeah.
- Like erase your history.
- Could you imagine if you could,
if you had an impulse to just smash someone in the face,
but you were resisting it, you weren't gonna do it.
- Are you a good person if you're resisting it constantly?
- Uh, it depends on who you're talking to.
- Yeah.
- If you're the asshole all the time,
you're constantly getting in fights with people,
it might be you, but.
- We all know that person who's like,
"This fucking asshole."
I'm like, "Everyone's an asshole in your stories."
- But there's also times when some people need to be smacked.
And there's those, in those moments,
like imagine if you could get arrested
because you tested positive for a potential aggressive episode.
- It's like a COVID test, you get two lines.
- You're keeping your shit together,
but you're imagining, you're imagining just teeing off on this guy,
just smashing this dude.
- He could be a danger.
- Yeah, like, "Hey man, stop doing that."
But if you have that thought,
"I'm about to smash that guy."
De, de, de, de, de, de, a light goes off,
the cops come in and they arrest you.
And they arrest you because you had a potentially violent episode.
You hit red line.
- Your red flag. - Sam.
Sam, this is a serious thing.
You went to red line.
- But I didn't do anything. - But you might've.
- Yeah. - Or they'll tell you you were going to.
We know.
We have predictive technology here in Westworld.
- Predictive technology?
- Well, like, oh yeah, that movie Minority Report.
- Yes!
That seemed so impossible.
- Predicting murders though.
- Now it's like the World Economic Forum guy was saying
that they won't have to have elections in the future.
- Wow.
- That we will be able to predict with such precision
that we don't need elections. - Save a lot of money though.
- Did you see this story going around?
- What, British man acquitted over London, Spain flight bomb hoax?
- He texted and Snapchated to his friends,
"I'm on the way to blow up the plane.
I'm a member of the Taliban."
Then-- - Oh my God.
- The Spanish-- - As a joke?
- As a joke, he said to joke to his friends.
- That's a good bit. - And then two Spanish F-18s were scrambled to--
- Look how close the F-18 is to that other jet's wing.
- That's very close. - That's insane.
- He was just acquitted though because the judge was like,
"There's obviously no threat here."
But what was curious is how the message was found
because Snapchat's supposed to be encrypted.
And some people think it's because of the Wi-Fi network at the airport.
And the airport says, "That's not how it was."
And then the UK authorities said, "Where was it? Right here."
- So is this evidence of some new technology?
- I mean, as you guys were saying this stuff, that's why I brought it up.
- Do you think that's what they're-- What are you interpreting this as?
- They said that they have shared this.
"For unknown reasons, it was captured by the security mechanisms of England
when the plane was flying over French airspace."
- Yo! - Wow.
- Yo, that's crazy.
"The message was made in a strictly private environment
between the accused and his friends with whom he flew
through a private group to which only they have access.
So the accused could not even remotely assume that the joke he played on his
friends
could be intercepted or detected by British services,
nor by third parties other than his friends who received the message."
See, that's crazy because, like, sometimes you'll say wild shit to your friends
in a text message. - Yeah.
- For fun, you know?
And you're assuming, if I send you an iMessage,
you're assuming that that's encrypted.
- Yeah, I'm gonna stop telling my friends I'm gonna murder my girlfriend.
- You have to use Signal. - Gotta be careful.
- You have to use Signal for that.
- Today's the day, I'll say that.
- But I bet if you'd have used Signal, I bet they're looking through Signal,
too.
I bet there is a scanning that's being done on all cell phone communication
looking for key target words that they think would be problematic.
- Well, think about how much of our freedom we're constantly giving away.
- Yeah. - When I fly, I don't wanna wait on a long line.
So I give them, you know, my iris, my fingerprint, all that stuff.
Now those lines are longer than the other lines, right?
So I'm like, "Oh, yeah, if I go to LaGuardia,
fucking pre-check and clear are the longest lines now."
- No shit. - Yeah, so...
- So sometimes you just fuck it and you go through the other one?
- Yeah, I take my shoes off again.
I'm going backward, but then there's gonna probably be a new line.
You gotta give them more, you dip your balls in the fucking thing.
You gotta give them the outline of your penis.
I gave you my penis, you gotta let me cut.
- Well, you have to have the update and the chip.
- Do you have your update? You can fly if you have your update.
- Did you update your dick? - Your brain, did you update your brain?
- We only have your flaccid penis. We need a hard penis.
- If you have the brain chip, we'll let you pass through.
You don't ever have to worry about identification ever again.
- I thought of a new wrinkle for that.
They can let you update right there at the airport
with some janky terminal that's probably hacked.
Or you could do it at home like everybody else
would probably be doing it when you update.
- Yep. - Update from a safe place.
- Update from a safe place. - But you forgot.
Or you could do it here. It's like a subway terminal.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
It'll get to the point where you'll just have an account
in your head and you won't have to pay for anything
with a credit card ever again.
It'll all be an account in your head,
but only through Central Bank Digital Currency.
If you subscribe to Central Bank Digital Currency,
we can iron out all the inequality
and all the problems of society today.
- They'll get us. - They'll get us.
They're going to get us with a chip in our head.
It's going to be awesome.
That's the problem.
You're going to put that chip and you go,
"God, why was I resisting this?
I was so stupid just 20 minutes ago."
I'm like, "Now I get it."
I mean, if you imagine, like,
you can only imagine being as intelligent as you are
on your best or worst days.
But could you imagine
being like a caveman, like an Australiapithecus,
like the early days, you know,
just barbaric life covered in hair.
And then somebody gives you something,
just a little shot or something,
and all of a sudden you can think like you.
You'd be like, "Whoa, I didn't realize how fucking dumb I was."
I think we're going to plug in and it's going to be so,
"Whoa, oh my God, this is so much better.
This is so much better.
This is so much better than regular brains."
We're just going to accept the fact that we have
access to information constantly.
You're seeing it all in your head.
That's just Adderall right now, I think.
Well, it's probably going to be better than Adderall.
Yeah.
It's probably going to be better.
If you could have something that stimulates various parts of your brain
to produce certain neurochemicals, if that's possible,
they're going to be able to do something where you can,
people that are paralyzed can use cursors
they can use their brain to figure out how to navigate computers.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's pretty, but again, it's intrusive, right?
I mean, it's your thoughts.
Right, but if you're a paralyzed person, it's a really good thing.
Yeah.
Like, it's way better to be able to do that than not.
That's true.
But once we start doing it too.
Yeah.
Sam, I know you're not paralyzed, but let me tell you the benefits of linking
up.
And you just start talking to your girlfriend.
It's going to be like Jehovah's Witnesses.
They're going to be banging on your door.
Thinking about linking up.
I mean, my cousin linked up.
He's never felt better.
You know, he signed a one-year lease.
You link up for one year.
You can't disconnect or they kill you.
It'll be like, it'll be like Ozempic.
You give the linked up people like a year to see how they do.
And then you're like, I might link up.
No, it'd be like military service.
If you're going to link up, you have to link up.
You have to commit to one year because you're contributing to the grid.
Yeah.
You're contributing to the grid of ideas if you link up.
So you have to keep it on for one year.
And most people don't take it off.
And if you do take it off, the parts where they screw it in, get infected.
Yeah, you're going to have to get a re-up.
You look weird.
You're like one of those weird people that just disconnected.
We're so close to something like that.