Name: Fahim Anwar on His Character "Lance Cantstopolis"
Uploaded: 2024-02-28T20:44:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fahim Anwar on His Character "Lance Cantstopolis"' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fahim Anwar on His Character "Lance Cantstopolis"' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-28. Transcript available.

- The Joe Rogan experience.
- Like if it's leather, guys can get behind that.
- Right, but if a guy can really dance,
that shit's impressive.
- Yeah, but it has to be next level.
It has to be like Michael Jackson or Prince.
- Hmm, interesting.
- Like Lance?
- Or like Lance, yeah.
- Like Lance Kanstopoulos?
When's Lance coming back?
- You know?
- When's Lance coming back?
- Lance, yeah, I don't know.
- Fahim does a character on stage called Lance Kanstopoulos
and it was always a favorite of the comedy stories.
- Is he doing Lance tonight?
Is he doing Lance tonight tonight?
I think he irritated you.
- Well, nah, I mean it's fun.
- Like stop asking for Lance, I'm right here.
Fahim's right here, motherfucker.
- Like Lance is cannibalizing Fahim.
- It's like that movie, what was it?
The Dark Half, what was that book?
The Stephen King book?
Well, the writer, he's got like an evil writer in his brain
that writes all the hits and he comes to life.
- Well, I mean Lance is a part of me.
The thing is, I almost feel like Lance
is who I would be if I didn't have parents.
I swear to God, because my parents raised me a certain way
and even when I have thoughts and stuff,
there are so many gates before I kind of say what I say.
I'm careful sometimes and then Lance is just pure id
and it's dancing and it's candy and it's so fun.
Also as an artist too, just as a standup.
Because when I write jokes and shit, I'm like, it's intricate, you know?
Okay, what goes here, blah, blah, blah.
- Right.
- It's mentally taxing.
- Right.
- But Lance, there's no jokes.
It's just, you show up, they play dance music.
And I'm going on to the comedy store where they've seen so much high-level,
cerebral,
great jokes and stuff.
And then they're like, "Lance can't stop all this."
Oh yeah, I hear Burt bringing Lance up.
"Lance can't stop all this."
- Like pure nonsense.
- No, amazing.
- I know, I know.
- Amazing.
- But it really sucks.
- Do you have the wig with you?
- I packed Lance.
- Lance is going on stage tonight.
- Oh shit.
- Lance is going on stage tonight.
- I just love the phrase, "I packed Lance."
- Lance is going on stage tonight.
- It's like I get mad if Duncan doesn't bring Little Hobo, like a worse Little
Hobo.
- So one time when Adam was still at the store, he was the manager there, I
went up earlier
in the night in the OR as me, and then my set's done and Whitney's running late.
And then Adam tracks me in the hallway, he grabs me by the shoulders and he
goes, "Whitney's
running late.
Get Lance."
So I'm like Superman.
So I go, I go into the trunk of my car and then, and then I, you know, I turned
to Lance.
So this is like three or four comics later and they, they bring, they go, "Who's
next?"
They go, "Lance."
The comic's like, "What the fuck?"
They go, "All right, Lance can't stop us."
Then I go, I go back up for the same audience, but I'm as Lance this time.
And I dance and shit.
And then I sit on the stool and I'm like, "You guys look strangely familiar."
So then I'm like, I do a 10 minute Lance set and then I see Whitney in the back
and then,
and then I'm like, "Lies and gentlemen, Whitney comics."
And so I, so I got them out of a pinch.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
But I've never done, I guess one other time I did do Lance on the same show,
like as Fahim.
Bro, Lance will become Dice.
Yeah.
I can see that.
Cause it's so much fun to do.
Do you know the Dice story?
So, no.
What was that?
Dice's name is Andrew Silverstein.
Right.
I know he was like a great impressionist and great actor, he still is.
And he used to go on stage and he used to do all these characters.
He used to do John Travolta.
He does an amazing John Travolta.
Right.
And then he would do this character called the Dice Man.
And then the Dice Man became him.
That's him doing Travolta.
What was it?
He's making fun of my car.
Let me tell you something.
This car is automatic, it's systematic, it's hydromatic, by Reese's lightning.
Reese's lightning.
Wow.
I would get from over there.
Just singing Elvis in front of Madison Square Garden.
I mean, how do you not love him?
And it's so good.
It's amazing.
He's amazing.
Dice is amazing.
But anyway, that became him.
Uh.
He became that character.
That's him.
This is it, man.
You're Lance.
This is my evolution.
You are Lance.
I was a caterpillar.
You are Lance.
This is my suggestion for your next special, after this one that you just did.
Yeah.
Half hour of you, short break, half hour of Lance.
So it's like Speaker Box and Love Below, like the OutKast album, like half this,
half that.
That's pretty great.
You leave the stage, the stage goes black for like three minutes.
Yo.
You fucking swap out clothes, put the wig on, hit yourself a little Dior.
Oh yeah.
What do they wear?
For the front row?
People that like to wear cologne.
What is Lance wear?
What is dudes who like to party and go to clubs?
Aqua Velva for sure.
A guy who goes to clubs.
A guy's like, "What's up girls?
What's that guy wearing?"
Oh yeah.
What's the...
Gold chains.
What's that guy wearing?
Jean jacket obviously.
Wife beater underneath.
Right.
What is the smell though?
Probably.
I typed in cheesy guy cologne and this bottle popped up all over.
Oh really into cologne man.
Jean Paul Gaultier.
When I was a kid I had Dracar Noir.
Oh that was a big one?
I heard of that.
All the guys, "Hey you gotta get Dracar.
Girls love it.
Smells good."
Do they?
I have no idea.
Do you think some girl's like...
Dracar.
Nobody knows what the fuck he's doing.
Cool water was big in the 90's.
Cool water?
Oh yeah.
Oh Tommy was big for me growing up and then Polo Sport was a hot fragrance.
I used to do the Old Spice aftershave where you fucking splash it in your hands,
you sting
your face.
Ooh!
It's functional though too because if I don't do that and I shave with a razor
you'll get
ingrown.
Listen to you it's functional.
You just go back to be an engineer.
It's functional dude.
Just do Lance.
Yo it burned but they feel good you just fucking splashed it on your face.
Yeah that's what I'm saying.
You're like Kevin McAllister.
Dude I think Lance.
It's fun.
Like I'm bringing him back.
I've been doing it more at the store.
Would you do that though?
My idea for a special?
I would.
I'll produce it.
Oh yeah?
How about that?
Also because this is my third traditional special like I've done it.
You know what I mean?
Right.
So it's kind of you get bored and there's enough digital IP out there of me
doing straight
stand up.
Yeah.
But you can do both though.
That's the beauty of what you've got going on.
You could just do an entire Lance tour if you wanted to or an entire Fahim tour
if you want.
You do whatever you want.
I also had this idea too because like Lance just loves everything.
He thinks he can do everything.
He can be an actor.
He wants to be in action movies.
Right.
He wants to sing and do music.
So like I might want to do like where it's like a documentary of like Lance
putting out
an album and an EP.
So he like tours America doing like shitty venues but he has like three songs
on an album
and then the in-between of doing songs he's just like doing crowd work like
thank you for
supporting live music and everything and like how I came up with this song.
I was taking a shit at Chipotle and like just the chords came to me hit it you
know so it's
like half music half comedy.
Right.
That could be a fun different type of special to do.
Yeah.
I just love I love when someone busts out a character you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's a few things you don't see that much in stand-up anymore.
You don't see like a character.
Because it's scary you'll get shit on a lot.
When you're a young comic if you do something kind of non-traditional you can
get shit on.
So like luckily Lance happened after I was really established at the comedy
store.
No no no Lance is good.
It doesn't matter.
I know I know.
But even if you weren't established if you came in and just hit Lance.
Sure sure.
People would think oh my god this is hilarious.
But Lance was able to thrive because I already had the for real.
Lance is another person dude.
He is he is.
What is that Stephen King book?
He is.
Is it the dark half?
Lance was able to thrive because I was already beloved at the store.
Like I had earned their respect and stuff.
Right.
And so cause if you start killing with a character and no one knows who you are.
Right.
You're gonna get shit on by the like elders and stuff.
Like so it might not at the store.
Uh if it's it's a harder sell than if you have no history as a traditional
comic.
Yeah.
Like it seems like hacky or a trick.
So the fact that I can do straight.
But it's not if it's good.
The dark half.
Yeah.
Thad Beaumont a parasitic twin removed from inside his skull when he was 12.
What?
Since then it's become a critically acclaimed literary writer and a blockbuster
crime writer under the pseudonym George Stark who goes on a murderous rampage
when Thad kills him off.
Yeah that's.
Yeah that's.
Yeah that's the book.
Alright.
It's a crazy.
Crazy book.
I mean it's fun doing different character music stuff.
That's you bro.
Lance is inside of you.
I did a promo.
Can you pull it up cause I uploaded it.
You need to feed Lance.
I will feed Lance for sure.
Lance is gonna go on a murderous rampage.
This is gonna be sort of the way that Tonight Show thing was spoken into
existence.
Yeah.
This is the new.
This is the new thing.
Can you pull up.
I did a promo like a music video for my special.
It just reminded me of the music.
I think comics are open to anybody trying anything.
As long as it's really good.
But the problem.
We don't put that same scrutiny on someone trying stand up for the first time.
You know like when you see someone do it at open mic night you expect them to
suck.
It's just so fucking hard.
Yeah.
But if you see someone doing an open mic night and sucking as a character.
You're like you ain't never gonna make a bitch.
Right?
Can you turn it up?
What is this?
I have a special promo for new comedy special.
House Money.
Instead of doing a trailer for my special.
I'm like let me just do a music video.
So this kid McCone.
He directed it.
He does a lot of bad friend stuff too.
So we banged this out in a day.
You know what's disturbing?
That.
That.
That guy could be a very popular music artist.
That could be your third career.
Your third career.
I'm a British actor.
I'm a British actor.
Super emo.
Is so thick.
I'm a British actor.
I'm a British actor.
British emo songs.
I'm not kidding.
I was listening to Tears for Fears.
And I'm like this has to be my promo.
Bro.
If you go like way over the top.
Tears for Fears.
Like over to the next level of dismay.
So British.
Yeah.
Over the top.
So over the top.
You could be.
That's your next career.
That's your third career.
I'm just stacking careers today.
Yeah.
You're going to stack careers.
You're going to be a mock emo singer.
From the UK.
Somewhere where it never is sunny.
Scotland or some shit.
So on a lineup.
Who goes where?
Obviously I can't follow Lance.
So Lance closes up.
So it'd be me.
Lance has to close.
This guy opens.
Oh he opens.
This guy opens.
He opens with his corny songs.
Right.
Right.
You have these songs.
Everybody goes nuts.
Right.
Short break.
You come back as Fahim.
Talk some shit.
Short break.
I've heard like.
Yeah.
Lance.
Lance.
Lance.
Lance.
Like on the bleachers.
And then a spotlight.
The first one's probably a bad idea.
The singing's probably a bad idea.
Right, right, right.
But the other two are really good ideas.
Those are real.